SacMomsClub.com

Jen (Dual-career mom of Jacob 6, Caleb 3, and Abigail 9 weeks): Well, I've finally reached the last bastion of becoming a parent of a school-age kid. I'm officially in a carpool.

 

Kelli (Stay-at-home mom of Logan 9, and Whitney 8): I can’t believe you held out until now. School, soccer, baseball, swim team, playdates, gymnastics, music lessons, day camp, parties…how would we ever manage without carpool?

 

Jen: I couldn’t, especially as a working mom. I simply cannot be there after school every day and drive one every field trip. Part of me feels the ever-present guilt for not driving and part of me freaks out a little over not being the driver when my son's in the back seat.

 

Kelli: Trust me, you’ll get over that quick. I’ve considered trading in my giant SUV for a Smart Car just so I wouldn’t automatically be tagged for every field trip. I mean really, how many times can one person shepherd a half dozen kids through Effie Yeaw Nature Center in one academic lifetime?

 

Jen: Actually, I'm the one who reaps all the benefits of the carpool and none of the angst. A good friend took pity on me and kindly offered to drive Jake to and from a two-month series of weekly golf lessons. She picks him up from school and then takes him right to golf. How can I lose?

 

Kelli: Well, until you start reciprocating, you’re losing out on some good gossip.

 

Jen: And there is one of the down sides I’ve heard of about carpool.

Kelli: Oh, I know things about kids’ parents that I’m pretty sure they don’t want public. I’ve debated mentioning to the parents they should start policing themselves within earshot of their kids, but then again, sometimes ignorance is bliss.

 

Jen: Plus, I’m sure what comes around goes around.

 

Kelli: I know for a fact it does. It’s been reported that thanks to my daughter there’s a car full of kids and one driver who know my sleepwear of choice.

 

Jen: Although letting out family secrets might be a downside of backseat conversations, tuning in to the chatter can also be a huge side benefit too. One of my girlfriends clued me in on the benefits of eavesdropping in on the backseat. You get a fly-on-the-wall perspective into the kids’ social life.

 

She said it’s a really strange phenomenon that when kids get really involved in conversations they suddenly forget there’s a parent with listening capabilities in the front seat. Apparently you get a lot of good scoop that way!

 

Kelli: It’s better than a soap opera. I know who’s in, who’s out, who got yelled at by the teacher, who’s not BFF’s anymore, who’s a cheater, who’s cute, who’s annoying. And it will all change by next week.

 

Jen: On a practical note, it can help you keep a pulse on what is going on in the classroom and help you identify any issues with kids that might arise. I'm not saying you should be nosy and report every possible miscue, but if you better understand the personalities of the kids your child associates with you can help them through the speed bumps of life.

 

Kelli: Carpool is definitely a love/hate relationship for me. I love the days I don’t drive and thanks to friends my life is a little more manageable that day. As a punctually challenged person trying to reform, carpool can be stressful on the days I drive trying to make sure we stay on time. The last thing I want to do is be late when I’m trying to help someone else out. It’s really not a favor to them if I show up late or can’t get their kids somewhere on time. 

 

Jen: Timing is everything - being on time, being late, calculating traffic, calculating the lateness or too-early arrivals of your carpool buddies, and the days your driving that pokey little puppy. When it works well it is a lifesaver.

 

Kelli: No doubt about it.

 

One of things I do love and other carpoolers have mentioned too, is getting to know my friends’ kids and my kids’ friends. By the end of a school-year it is amazing the growth and transformations you’ve witnessed in the backseat and the relationships that have been forged.

 

Jen: I can see that eventually - through necessity if not desire - carpooling will become a bigger part of my life. And from some of my Been-There-Done-That mom friends I know there are some pitfalls I will need to avoid!

Kelli: It is inevitable there will be fall-outs, dust-ups, fights, boy-girl cootie issues and some rides where you can’t wait to kick everyone out (including your own kids), but you are still dependent on the carpool.

 

There are also will be times you can’t wait for school, soccer, camp, or whatever to be over because the dynamic with the parents, for whatever reason, has become strained.

 

Your car will take a beating, your ears will take punishment, you will laugh, you will be brought to tears, and most of all you will thank all your carpool buddies and be eternally grateful on the days you don’t drive.

Jen: Exactly - it is a benefit that comes with some strings attached but aren't we all grateful for the carpool when it isn't our day to drive? 

Kelli: In the end, it’s all about helping each other out to make our lives a little easier and enjoying the journey. It feels good to be there for a friend and how can you not love seeing that cute cargo in the back – especially when one of them just announced that Mommy thinks it’s gross when she has to shave Daddy’s back. 

 

Kelli Wheeler is a Sacramento stay-at-home mom of two with the best seat in the house behind the driver’s wheel.

 

Jen Hall is a Sacramento dual-career mom of three who cranks her Jimmy Buffett CD really loud to drown out the cacophony of the backseat!

 

Tips for Keeping Carpool Rolling Smooth

 

1. Be on time. If people wanted their kid to be late, they could’ve driven themselves.
2. Have an extra booster seat. It cuts down on transfer time if there’s a seat already ready to go for those under 60 pounders. Save booster seats after your kids grow out of them or borrow one from a friend that no longer needs it.
3. Reinforce the rules. Kids need to know what the boundaries are and work better with structure. When kids get in the car do a quick, “Alright, everyone remember what my rules are?”
4. Practice the art of distraction. Be prepared with a favorite song on CD, a quick, fun game (ABC Game, License Plate Bingo, I Spy) or compelling question (What’s everyone’s favorite ice cream?) to distract and diffuse dust ups in the back seat.
5. Be Considerate.  Don't expect the carpool parent to go out of their way to make an extra pickup or to wait while you get your child dressed. Their time is as valuable as yours.
6. Safety First.  This should go without saying but when you have other children in the car, be especially careful about traffic rules. No speeding, no tailgating, no erratic lane changes. Imagine that the CHP is following your every move.
7. Choose your battles.  It is inevitable that your child will want to show off in front of their friends by being silly or otherwise. Allow them a little leeway here but talk to them before their friends get in the car or after they get dropped off about how it is still important to maintain your family's politeness rules, etc.
8. Respect the boundaries.  Be cautious about McDonald's or other food-related stopovers. Not all parents are on board with the cheeseburger as a snack routine. If you want to stop off for a treat, be sure to clear it with the child's parents first. (and if you want to bring an extra sundae home for the mom, well that is fine too).
9. Keep entertainment G-Rated. You may let your kids watch PG-13 DVD’s in the car or let them listen to explicit language music, but other parents may not. Keep it Disney or turn it off so you don’t expose other children to something that can violate their parents’ morals and values.
10. Enjoy the journey. Listen in, be a part of the fun, or just smile at them all as you watch them grow through your review mirror. Remember these times are fleeting and your cute little cargo will soon be grown and would rather walk than be seen with you.