SacMomsClub.com

Jen (Dual-career mom of Jacob 6, and Caleb, 3): Do you remember losing your first great love?
 
Kelli (Stay-at-home mom of Logan 9, and Whitney 7): Ah, yes. He moved on to college and left me behind in high school.

 
Jen: No, I'm talking even further back...your lovey, blankie, binky, thumb...whatever it was. Did you have a security item you clung to in order to help you navigate the trials of childhood?
 
Kelli: I do have a dirty little secret. I sucked my fingers until I was nine. My parents tried everything to wean me of it, but nothing worked. My great-grandmother would scold me in Spanish that I was going to make myself buck-toothed. Didn't care. My brother used to tease me I was going to walk down the aisle sucking my fingers. Didn't matter.

 

Jen: I was a blankie girl myself. Fondly referred to it as "he he." I think it’s still somewhere at home. I don't know that there is really anything wrong with having a little piece of childhood to hold onto.

 

Kelli: I don’t know. I think I might look a little silly sucking my fingers still at 38…

 
Jen: I have to admit, I was totally going to be a No Binky mom. No way was my child going to be using one. I was not going to be the mother who was scrounging around on the restaurant floor desperate to find the precious "bink." Lo and behold, one year later I was that mother crawling around on the floor.
 
Kelli: So that didn't work out for you, huh?
 
Jen: I learned to live with it. But I also decided when Jacob turned three enough was enough. We took all the binkies down to the Build-a-Bear Workshop and stuffed them all into "Binky Bear." After a few rough nights, he was sleeping soundly and wasn't looking for the binky again.
 
Kelli: What a great idea!  I have a girlfriend who tried something similar. They picked a day to stop, then collected all binkies and bottles and made a big deal out of giving them to another baby who really needed them.
 
Jen: I was fully prepared for another binky baby when Caleb came along. Ironically, he was not a binky lover.  However, he is a thumb sucker. Plus, he has two blankies - "bear blankie" and "blue blankie." He automatically reaches for his blankie and his thumb as soon as he gets home from preschool.

 

His dentist tells me he’s ok now, but he should stop sucking his thumb by age 4 or 5 in order to limit any long term damage.  And just how should I do that?

 

Kelli: Fingers and thumbs are a little more challenging to transition away from than binkies, bottles and sippy cups you can take away.

 

As a reformed finger sucker, I can't even tell you when exactly I stopped. I just know it wasn't anything that anyone said or did. I just finally got to an age and level of self-awareness where it was more work to hide it than the enjoyment I got from it. And then one day, those comforting little fingers just didn't do it for me anymore.  

Jen: I do think the more you attention you focus on breaking the habit, the more the child can use it as a control mechanism. Caleb's thumb sucking doesn't really bother me - except for the fact it might cause him to need an inordinate amount of orthodontic work down the road. THAT bothers me.

 

Kelli: There are some things I consider no harm, no foul. My son and daughter both have special blankets (B's as they call them). It brings them comfort and security and they sleep with them no matter where they go. 

 

I've reassured them there's absolutely nothing wrong with that and they can have their B’s packed in their suitcases when they head off on their honeymoon if it still brings them happiness.

 

Jen: So you didn’t have any problems with your kids and binkies?

 

Kelli: No, just bottles and sippy cups.

 

I have to admit though, the transition wasn’t difficult. I was committed to consistency and I had the gift of time as a SAHM.

 

Jen: Consistency can be a tough challenge when your child's in daycare.

 

Kelli: I agree. So here’s another thing that worked for me. When Logan was about to turn one, I told him, no more bottle. It's a rule.  Kids can't have bottles after one year.  He bought into it just because I told him it was a rule. Plus, most kids want to be big kids. So I also said, “You don't need a bottle for formula anymore. You're a big boy now and you get to drink milk from a sippy cup!”

 

Then when he got too big for sippy cups I told him the “rule” was no more after three years old. I told him he was now big enough to drink from a big boy cup and wasn’t he lucky.

 

Each transition I made a big deal out of taking him to Target to pick out first, what sippy cup he wanted, then later, what cup and dinnerware set he wanted. I also immediately got rid of all bottles and sippy cups so there wasn't a temptation to go back.

 

Jen: It all comes back to consistency. Consistency is the keys to happy children. That's definitely what I have learned. Make it impossible for you or your child to go back once you've decided against it.

 

Kelli: Here's what I can add from experience. Positive reinforcement for success is the only way to handle it. Punishing, teasing and degrading is uncalled for and even if it gets you your desired results, you'll have left residual damage behind. 

 

If there is true harm from a sucking/dependency habit, like teeth decay, inhibiting speech development, or social ostracism it needs to be handled in a way that validates your child’s need for it, but gives them a replacement comfort and security.

 

Jen: I will admit, I was tempted to slice Binky Bear open the first night and give Jacob one of the binkies. But I'm glad I didn't and a few rough nights were a small price to pay in the long run. I’ just not sure how we are going to take the thumb away from Caleb, but I guess he'll just be like you and stop in his own sweet time.

Kelli: Even though, right now, it may seem like you're going to be the only parent of a child accepting their high school diploma with a thumb (or binky) in their mouth -- have faith. There have been countless numbers who have gone before you, and so far, it has never been documented. 

 

Kelli Wheeler is a Sacramento stay-at-home mother of two who, amazingly, required no orthodontia despite some pretty good years of finger sucking.

 

Jennifer Hall is a Sacramento dual-career mom of two wondering what security item baby number 3 will choose!

 

 

Information and Tips for Transitioning Away from Pacifiers

Ravinder Khaira, M.D.

Sutter Health pediatrician

 

• Using a pacifier after 9-12 months is unnecessary and has become a habit. It’s time to transition your child off of it.
• Once upper teeth come in, dental damage can occur with continued use of a pacifier.
• The vacuum created with prolonged sucking (like sleeping with it at night) can force air into the ear canal and be a source of infection.
• Cold turkey works. It’s better to deal with the repercussion for a few days than drag it out.
• Positive reinforcement is the best tool. Don’t scold or punish for relapses.
• For an older child that has developed object permanence – seeking out something they’ve become familiar or comfortable with – try to find a substitute like a blanket or teddy bear.
• Consistency is key. Your best success will be if you stay committed and firm.
• Out of sight, out of mind. Get rid of all pacifiers, searching for stashes and ditching back-ups.
• These same strategies can be used with weaning from bottles, “sippy cups,” and to some degree, thumb or finger sucking.