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Kelli (Stay-at-home mom of Logan 9, and Whitney 7): So, are you ready to join the world of pink, overpriced American Girl dolls and Jonas Brothers mania with the upcoming birth of your first girl?

Jen (Dual-career mom of Jacob 6, and Caleb, 2): Actually, I’m not. I worry, will my daughter be the worst dressed kid on the playground and blame me for it in later therapy sessions? Do I have to do bows? I’m hoping, at the very least, the baby's naturally trendy aunt will step in with some advice!

Kelli: I guess you could say I have some good experience with one of each gender, but my kids continue to defy stereotypes just to keep things interesting.

Jen: That’s what I hope for and why I’ve been reading Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited Daughter by Dr. Barbara Mackoff. I know how to do boys, but I have a feeling raising a girl is going to be a whole new ballgame. As a reformed tomboy and mother of boys, I just can’t see myself pushing dolls, dresses and everything pink.

Kelli: Unless, of course, that’s what she inherently loves.

When Whitney was born she inherited Logan’s infant toys which were mainly gender neutral. Then she started playing with his toddler toys which were more boys specific – tools, cars, trains. She enjoyed these, so it never occurred to me to go out and buy “girl” toys. Then someone gave her a baby doll for her first Christmas and it was love at first sight. It was all babies, dress-up and playing mommy after that – it was just who she was.

Jen: I understand that. As much as Jake loves his sports, he is an introspective and sensitive guy. From an early age I knew, despite Daddy (and Mommy) throwing a Notre Dame jersey on him and putting a football in his hand, it is entirely possible Jake could grow up and take over the Peace Corps.

Kelli: Yeah, I’ve got me one of those too. The girls love my boy because he’s in touch with his feminine side – very sweet and compassionate. But he’s still the man with the boys because he’s a super star on the soccer field.

Of course, I can still make plenty of safe generalizations though. Like, you know you are the parent of a boy when wearing the same pair of socks all week just makes good sense.

 
Jen: …when trains, tractors, and other motorized vehicles can offer hours of entertainment just by watching them.

Kelli: …wrestling over the remote is a prerequisite for turning on the TV.

Jen: You can encourage a boy to get anything done by either turning it into a race or by offering to time them in breaking a new record.

Kelli: …pushing another boy or tackling him to the ground is bonding.

Jen: …any joke involving a bodily function is automatically funny. Especially if said bodily function makes noise and emits odor.

Kelli: Actually, I think that one is a kid thing. I haven’t found a kid yet that doesn’t think farts are funny.

Jen: How about: boys think someone else’s toy always looks more interesting?

Kelli: Nope. Universally a kid issue.

Here’s a few girl pointers for you. You know you’re a parent of a girl when going out of the house without something cute/fluffy/pink/with butterflies/with hearts/with flowers/or the word “princess” on or in your possession is unthinkable.

…you’re not worth talking to if you can’t name a Jonas Brother.

…nothing beats a pair of ruby red sparkly shoes.

…Miley Cyrus isn’t just a singer, she’s a religion.

Jen: I think I’ve got one – sharing and trading clothes with your friends is as important as breathing.

Kelli: See! You’re going to be fine with this girl thing. Just one word of warning – love it or hate it, pink is unavoidable.

Jen: So, when I vacuum up Lego pieces and Polly Pocket accessories I shouldn’t over think the stereotypical implications and just suck it up?

Kelli: Literally, yes.

Jen: Figuratively, I think it’s a huge mistake to put your child in a box and expect them to live up to the requirements of that box. As parents, it is important for us to allow our children to develop in an environment with an open mind.

If your boy wants to carry around a doll, then don't flip out. Allow him to show his sensitive side. If your daughter wants to dress in blue, wear pants, and play with trucks, then allow her to do so without any judgment or pleas to wear a dress.

Kelli: Of course, there will be times when boys will be boys and girls will be girls, but the best times are when they are free to be who they want to be.

That’s how I ended up with a girl who likes to ride dirt bikes and a boy who likes to snuggle with his collection of stuffed kitties. It’s also the same girl who belted out her best Hannah Montana in the school talent show and boy who built his own bike jumps with a tool belt strapped on like his dad.

Jen: I, myself, have boys who will line up and tackle each other in the living room and then a minute later demand cuddle time with mommy.

Hopefully, one day, I’ll also have a girl who will be completely comfortable with whoever she is and not worry if she plays with a football she is any less a girl. At the same time, my hope is she feels completely comfortable in her clothes - whether they be frilly and lacy dresses or dirty old jeans.

Kelli: So forget boy vs. girl – unconditional love sees no gender.

Jen: And Lego or Polly Pocket, they’ll both make you cuss like a sailor when you step on them in bare feet…

Kelli Wheeler is a Sacramento stay-at-home mom of two cooking with her son in the kitchen and building forts in the backyard with her daughter. 

Jen Hall is a Sacramento dual-career mom of two having serious panic attacks about her inability to shop and coordinate outfits.

Tips for Avoiding Gender Stereotypes

• First of all avoid passing stereotypical statements. That is you should be very careful while talking about child’s gender. A statement like "Boys shouldn’t cry" or "A girl is not supposed to act like this" may result in unhealthy gender stereotypes.
• Let your child play with the things he likes to. If a boy wants to play with dolls let him play with them. If a girl wants to play toy cars or trucks let her play. Don’t make comments like "Boys shouldn’t play with dolls" or "Girls shouldn’t play with trucks".
• Help your child in doing the things he/she wants to do. Don’t worry about what the other people think. If your daughter wants to join karate classes or participate in sports encourage her in doing so. If your son wants to join dance class don’t stop him worrying what others will think.
• Let your child dress up in a way he/she wants. Don’t pass comments like "Girls should always be well dressed" or "Girls should not make their clothes dirty". Let your child wear the color that he/she wants to. Don’t say, "Pink color is meant for girls and boys shouldn’t wear it".
• Avoid giving gender stereotypical gifts to your child. Most of the parents do that. They buy a doll for their daughter and a bat for their son. These gifts are not bad but they result in developing gender stereotypes. Therefore you can buy a gift that is suitable for both a girl and a boy.
• Don’t be overprotective about your girls and don’t over pamper them. If they want to go out alone let them go. If they are crying from frustration, don’t hug them or feel sorry for them. Instead you can push them a little harder telling them that they are capable of more.
• Don’t emphasize on the physical appearance of your daughter. Instead, you can emphasis on her skills, talents and abilities. Talk with her about what she can do rather than how beautiful she looks in her pink dress.
• What a child watches or hears also matters. So be aware of the things he/she is watching or hearing. On television, there are a lots of gender stereotyped messages that can convey negative messages to them. Talk to them about what they are watching and hearing.

Source: Buzzle.com - By Gayatri Haldankar Published: 4/7/2008