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Jen (Dual-career mom of Jacob 6, and Caleb, 2): A New Year approaches - here's my chance for redemption and a shot at the 2009 Mother of the Year Award with some new resolutions.
Kelli (Stay-at-home mom of Logan 9, and Whitney 7): My first goal is not to say anything about being on my last nerve the first week.
Jen: Or the first day.
Kelli: Actually, having the kids back in school should up my odds dramatically.
Jen: So, let's give all of the moms, dads, and other faithful readers a clean slate on which to write their New Year's resolutions.
I'll throw mine out there – top of my resolution list is to stop yelling at my kids!
Kelli: Well, let’s try to keep them realistic…
Jen: Okay, so maybe just raising my voice once a day? Or maybe going into the bathroom and screaming silently into a towel?
Kelli: Whatever gets you through your day. For me, I send the kids through the back gate telling them, “Hey, why don’t you go see what Nana’s doing?”
But if I’m going to reinvent myself for a Mother of the Year Award this year I’m going to have to stick to some tough resolutions. Like:
- Quit using my old standard warning threat of “Knock it off or I’m going to beat you like a red-headed step-child.” It used to make the kids laugh diffusing a volatile situation, but hearing it repeated in jest to some of our lovely red-headed friends has made it not so funny anymore.
- Tone down the sarcasm. Like when the kids can see what I’m busily trying to accomplish but still ask me what I’m doing causing me to flippantly reply, “Milking a cow” or “Fishing for piranha.” This would also cover the 500th question of what’s for dinner and telling them, “Food.” (Followed by whines of “Seriously, Mom. What’s for dinner?” Answer: Good food.)
- Stop myself before I emotionally blackmail my children with anything that starts with the yelled phrase, “After all I do for you is it too much to ask…?”
Jen: Those are great - definitely a lot to live up to. One of my top resolutions is to make it through the last two months of the "terrible twos" and the first few months of "no sleep/new baby" with my sanity intact.
As my friend Wendy said to me recently, "I've been living in Toddlerland for the last five years and I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel." I just want to make it to that tunnel.
Kelli: Ah, I like your resolution style – no specifics just general parameters like “make it through.” Buys you a little wiggle room. Technically you can make it through that as a grouchy, snarling, sleep-deprived, wild-eyed lunatic quoting vintage mom standards like, “…because I said so!”
Jen: Hmm, hadn’t thought about that. Okay then, let's start with less grandiose ideas and keep it simple. Things more likely to be achieved.
Kelli: I’m with you there. I’m already getting cold sweats thinking about surviving motherhood with out a little sarcastic humor.
Jen: I think I’ll make mine to keep a clean car. And to stop drinking Coke (once and for all). And to lose the baby weight from baby #3 before baby #3 starts kindergarten.
Kelli: I need to quit feeling like I just gained five pounds if I don’t get a day’s exercise in. Also, resist the urge for one more game of Spider solitaire on the computer when I need to get things done.
Jen: I would resolve to keep a clean house but those who know me would find that impossible. Maybe a date night with my husband every two weeks? That might help with all around sanity!
Kelli: My big resolution is to stop micromanaging my kids and let them experience the consequences and rewards of their own decisions. It’s okay if they get cold because they didn’t want to wear a sweater, or if their clothes don’t match or their bed isn’t made just right.
Jen: I am also going to resolve to make sure I spend time with my children every day. I've decided that at the end of the day, when I am reflecting on the day's events, I should make sure I've at least spent down on my knees time playing with Jake and Caleb. The years are going by too fast.
Kelli: That’s a standing resolution for me. That’s why my favorite saying is Good mothers have sticky floors and dirty ovens but happy children.
Jen: Okay, so I’m feeling good about my shot a Mother of the Year.
Kelli: Not if I don’t beat you to it…
Kelli Wheeler is a
Jen Hall is a
Resolution Check List
- Make a list. To see your goals in front of you helps keep you on track.
- Start easy. Choose something you think you can find success with if you were to give it focus, some extra attention or commitment to change.
- Keep it realistic. Don't Martha Stewart yourself into the madhouse or think things will change immediately.
- Buddy up. If you are making an exercise goal, recruit some friends to help you along the path. You'll need their advice, encouragement, and maybe even a kick in the pants at times.
- Prioritize. Decide what your priorities are for the upcoming year and then spend time on those important goals, not things at the bottom of your list.
- Don’t go for an extreme make-over. Focus on one achievable and/or important goal.
- Recruit help. Involve the family in some achievable goals that will benefit everyone – like picking up your own things so Mom doesn’t get stuck with all the work.
- Be Zen about it. Make peace with yourself and who you have become. At the same time, don't give up on your goals. It's never too late to try a new hobby or a new career.
- Reward yourself. Positive reinforcement for a job well done works. If you’re going to be tough with yourself, don’t forget to reward your successes.
- Forget the resolutions. Just wake up each morning and decide to try to be the best person you can be no strings attached. If it doesn’t work out – there’s always tomorrow.
