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Jen (Dual-career mom of Jacob 6, and Caleb, 2): When did you first find out?

Kelli (Stay-at-home mom of Logan 9, and Whitney 7): When I was only five. I still remember the day my childhood innocence was ripped from my chest like a doctor doing surgery without anesthesia.

Jen: I was 9 and my 3rd grade teacher broke the news to the entire class after a classmate spilled the beans in front of us all. I thought my mom was going to strangle her when she found out.

Kelli: My parents felt they had no choice but to tell me because my older brother was on to them and they didn’t want us to be disappointed when Santa couldn’t afford a very merry Christmas.

Jen: No matter how you slice it’s a traumatic childhood experience when you’re initiated into the “non-believers” and find out there is no Santa Claus. 

Kelli: I’m hoping it’ll be a traumatic young-adult experience for my kids. They are solid believers still even though they’re starting to pick up on the non-believer buzz thanks to classmates, television and poorly garbed mall Santas.

Jen: We're in the golden age of Santa right now. I'm able to parry any questions with reasonable explanations and Jacob hasn't questioned me yet. Caleb has yet to enter the age of belief- he's still freaked out by seeing Santa in the malls.

Kelli: It definitely becomes more work to keep the dream alive once the kids get older. It’s important to me though to protect their innocence and simple view of the world for as long as possible – there’ll be plenty of time for them to deal with the realities and weight that comes with expanded knowledge.

Plus, I love being swept up in the magic of it all too, seeing Christmas through a child’s eyes again.

Jen: I know, and at the risk of sounding a little lame, there is a part of me that hopes that maybe there really is a Santa. You know that feeling you have when awakening on Christmas Day - there really is something special about the anticipation of that morning.

I like to try and perpetuate the magic by leaving a secret gift. It started a few years ago when I left a present under the tree - no name, no tag and wrapped in new wrapping paper. No one knew who it was from and I liked pretending maybe it was Santa.

Kelli: Excellent! We do the standards like leaving milk, cookies and carrots out (for the reindeer). I like to have the fireplace screen off the hearth and a sooty footprint on the floor so it looks like Santa was there. But I don’t like to go too far because then it gets harder to explain any inconsistencies.

I still remember my brother noticing Santa’s handwriting looking awfully similar to Mom’s. I’ve heard stories of kids wanting to know how Santa had the same wrapping paper as them (that’s why I don’t wrap Santa gifts), or why Dad had the instruction manual when Santa made it in his shop.

Jen: Yeah, I have a friend that nibbles the carrots and leaves them on the lawn and another who writes in special glitter ink. I think it’s fun, but sometimes it’s hard enough just to get the toys assembled and under the tree.

What I find interesting are the competing Santa traditions that come when you combine two households. My husband, Justin, and I have yet to solve the big Santa wrapping debate. In my house, the tradition was to have all the Santa presents come unwrapped while in Justin's, a big pile of presents was left under the tree. Our disagreement this year was around whether or not to wrap the Santa gifts in different wrapping paper. It's chaos!

Kelli: What we parents need is a universal system for keeping our children believers as long as possible. It’s hard to keep the story straight without the kids picking up on other family’s Santa traditions that don’t match their beliefs.

For example, a mom friend of mine told me Logan told her son there was no Santa. I was appalled! First, I had no idea Logan didn’t believe and then on top of that would ruin it for someone else. But then she clarified, “What he actually told my son was that the mall Santas weren’t real. They were Santa helpers.”

Unfortunately, her son still thought every Santa he saw was the real one while we had moved on to the Santa helper theory to explain obvious frauds and multiple sightings. So, since our kids spend a lot of time together we synchronized our stories to smooth out any future bumps in the road to believing.

Jen: It does get tricky. On top of all the traditions in place to perpetuate the myth, parents need to deal with hearing things from older kids, the mean spirited “ruiners,” or trying to explain why Santa doesn’t bring the less fortunate the things they want. You do get to the point where you don't want to flat out lie to your child. And of course there are the other religious traditions that don't have a "Santa Claus." That's always interesting to explain as well.

Kelli: The best system I came across was from my friend Traci. In her house you have to “believe to receive” and no one wants to find out the hard way what happens if you don’t. I just think it’s a nice bridge for kids who suspect the truth but aren’t ready to step over to the other side yet.

Shoot, I think it’s a great philosophy for adults too, because Santa is just a physical representation of the giving spirit of Christmas.

Jen: It is important not to go too overboard on the good list/bad list too. Because if you do, you might end up with a six-year old son who is convinced that he won't receive any presents this year because he is on the bad list.

I decided to take down a notch the "you better watch out” mantra after that night.  Now, I'm focusing on the thinking about other people’s aspect of Christmas and how much fun it is to pick out gifts for others. In other words, instilling the joy of giving not just receiving.

Kelli: I'm all about the joy of giving. My husband got a fast lesson in that the year I took care of everyone’s stocking, including my husband’s but he didn’t get any surprises for my stocking. With my lip dragging on the ground, my husband scrambled to find a present that would fit in my stocking.

Now that he knows I’m a believer, Santa has a tendency to leave very nice jewelry in my stocking to make up for that year he had forsaken me.

Jen: Santa can't go wrong with a little bit of sparkly in a stocking! One size fits all.

Kelli Wheeler is a Sacramento stay-at-home mom of two excited to see what Santa put in her stocking Christmas morning.

Jen Hall is a Sacramento dual-career mom of two deciding whether or not to go the "reindeer food" route this Christmas or to just stick to the milk and cookies routine.

Common Myths and Truths about Santa

1. Santa is magic. That’s how he can get around the world in one night, arrive inside houses with no fireplaces and be spotted in multiple locations and malls.
2. Santa has helpers. Santa is so busy he has Santa look-alike helpers collecting lists of what children would like for Christmas.
3. You never know when the “real” Santa will show up. Instead of trying to guess which Santa is real or not, just know you could always be talking/seeing The Big Guy himself.
4. Santa will overlook a few naughties. Just like Mom and Dad, Santa knows kids make mistakes and gives them room to grow and learn.
5. Santa gets your letters. Even if something happens with the letter like it comes back in the mail or you find Mom or Dad forgot to mail it, Santa always knows you took the time to write it.
6. Santa likes to change up his snacks. Not everyone leaves milk and cookies and he enjoys other treats like peanut butter sandwiches or even a glass of Scotch.  
7. Santa knows what you want. If the kids don’t write a letter or don’t make it to see Santa about town, because he magically knows who’s naughty and nice, he also knows what they want.
8. Santa knows your family’s traditions. Comparing notes with other children the kids might find Santa does things a little differently at each house. He’s just remembering how he did it for each child’s mom and dad and enjoys doing it the same for their children.
9. Santa should never be used as a threat. Santa is not a discipline tool. He leaves rewards and consequences up to Mom and Dad.
10. Gotta believe to receive. You never outgrow the magic of Christmas. It is always in your heart and how you choose to celebrate it is what makes it special.