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Jen (Dual-career mom of Jacob 6, and Caleb, 2): Ah, the season of hope, joy and peace approaches.

Kelli (Stay-at-home mom of Logan 9, and Whitney 7):  Please don't tell me you actually experience peace in your house during the holidays. I'll throw my handmade wreath over your head.

Jen: Of course not! I just wanted to test you to make it seem like it was all nice and quiet at my home. In fact, the only peace we get is the 10 minutes of downtime between when the kiddies crash and we crawl into bed.

Kelli: Yeah, peace doesn't exist in our house either. But I try. In fact, every year I try to get things a little more under control. Some years it works, some years it doesn't. The balancing act becomes much more difficult too....just when you think you have it all together, Black Friday approaches!
 
Jen: I hear you. Sometimes it feels like the season of "gimme, gimme, gimme" instead of what it's really about. I think that's why I like that this season kicks off with Thanksgiving. A holiday that's all about food and thanks? How much better can you get?
 
Kelli: A holiday with food, thanks and egg nog?

I’ll be hitting the egg nog early this year because I’ve already started checking off everything I “need" to do or have committed myself to and it can become overwhelming. Especially with the two older kids and all of their activities.
 
Jen: I have to admit that I am stressed because my Christmas cards weren't out on the first of December. It's my goal every year but our Christmas picture got taken late this year...
 
Kelli: See, that's what I'm talking about. We put some of this stress on ourselves. There's no rule book that says you will be banished to the darkest corners of the universe because your cards weren't in the mail already. By the way, just ignore mine when it shows up in your mailbox tomorrow.

Jen: Yes, I admit I could lower my expectations. And, I really try to do so. But I also love celebrating and giving parties and getting together with friends. That's what the season is about - getting together with people. And as long as I don't go overboard on the preparations, it usually turns out ok. Or maybe I end up lying on my bed in the fetal position, but hey, whatever gets you through the day, right?
 
Kelli: If I let myself think about my entire "to-do" list I’d be committed while singing the 12 Days of Christmas nonstop. I've already got the day-to-day activities that don't let up and then add Christmas decorating, shopping, wrapping, baking, Christmas cards, party throwing or going, school plays, finding a free babysitter for Christmas parties…all while not losing sight of the meaning of Christmas and finding the joy in it instead of just feeling overwhelmed.
 
Jen: It's enough to make you go screaming for a nice quiet massage.
 
Kelli: Or parking yourself over the egg nog.
 
Jen: So what do you do to try and stay sane in the holiday season? I'll share my secrets if you share yours!
 
Kelli: I break it into manageable pieces and keep the kids involved. Their excitement and giddiness reminds me why I do all this. I don’t want them to remember Mommy’s Christmas Nervous Breakdown. I still cherish my own Christmas memories and traditions and it is the best gift I can give my kids over anything I could wrest away from a grandma at Target on Black Friday.

Jen: I totally agree. I think a lot of it comes from focusing on it not being about the gifts but about being with others, trying to find something that makes them happy, and doing a lot of the little things that make memories. Like sugar cookies, gingerbread houses, hot cider, and the other fun stuff about December.
 
Kelli: I give myself the first two weeks to prepare and the second two weeks to enjoy. I try to do one thing on my list each day to keep it manageable. Like get the tree one day. Decorate it another. Pick one room at a time to decorate. Bake sugar cookies with the kids, then when they’re at school finish the rest (or after they go to bed). Do Christmas cards while the kids do their homework. Christmas shop one store at a time. Have the kids help wrap, they love it.

Getting in the spirit helps too. I really immerse myself in the atmosphere of the holidays. Christmas music playing, fire in the fireplace, all the lights on as soon as it’s dark, the scent of the Christmas tree (or like my aunt, burn a “Christmas Tree” scent candle next to the artificial tree). Plus, the kids and I rent holiday movies or watch the Christmas specials on TV.

Of course, that behind the scenes stuff of making memories can sure suck the joy out of anyone, but I try to let things slide to survive the holidays.

Jen: You have to or you’ll find yourself yelling and screaming at your family that you will have a Merry (expletive deleted) Christmas with or without them before running to your room crying. That never happens to me!
 
Kelli: Me neither. Never. No door slam either.
 
Jen: So the biggest secret I have is that I always take one working day off in early December. I make it all about me which helps to make me a much more pleasant person to be around. The kids are in school or daycare so I don't have to worry about the expense of a sitter. I ignore my email and cell phone and just get my holiday shopping done. I wrap up the day with a manicure, or pedicure, or even a massage (if the budget allows). If things are tighter, I just sit at home enjoying the peace and quiet, turn on some Christmas carols and sip some hot chocolate. That usually does it for me.
 
Kelli: You got room on that couch an extra mug?

Kelli Wheeler is a Sacramento stay-at-home mom of two currently attending Overdecorators Anonymous meetings.

Jen Hall is a Sacramento dual-career mom of two hoping by the time this column is published she has received her Christmas cards from the photo company so she can stop stressing and start addressing!

What to Let Slide to Survive the Holidays

1. Entertainment/Gingerbread kits. Easy seasonal fun or distraction with everything you need in the box. 
2. Baking/Pre-made anything. Like sugar cookies or pie crusts. Spend more time on the fun part and less time on the frustrating part. 
3. Packed Schedule/Call a family time out. Reserve a day during the season that is just about you and your family to do something seasonal and fun. Decline any other commitments and spend the day at a family activity, such as ice skating, going to the park, or going to the movies.
4. Cleaning/Surface Clean.  Holiday visitors coming? Clorox wipes, turn the towels around and light a candle and your bathroom is ready. Hide piles and sort later. Stuff closets like a holiday turkey.

5. Perfection/Give up the reins. It doesn’t have to be a Martha Stewart Christmas. Let the kids help wrap and decorate. It may not be perfect but the memories will be.

6. Decorating/Downsize. Not every decoration needs to be put out every year and not every heirloom ornament needs to be hung.

7. Time/Pick something to sacrifice. If time becomes an issue have a back-up plan ready -- gift bags instead of wrapping each present. Store bought cookies instead of homemade. Bottles of wine instead of individually selected hostess gifts.

8. Survival/Take a break. Remember the old saying that if Mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Take care of yourself and give yourself some quiet time. See if a friend would be willing to trade off a night of babysitting with you so that you can both enjoy some quiet time.
9. Presents/ A true gift of the season. Skip Target and have your children spend an afternoon writing a note to their siblings about what they like about them the most. Save the lists and then present it to the children on Christmas day (or any other special holiday date during the season).