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Kelli (Stay-at-home mom of Logan 8, and Whitney 7): I did it! I survived my child’s birthday weekend no worse for wear. Did you survive yours?
Jen (Dual-career mom of Jacob 5, and Caleb, 2): I'm slightly crazed. Not only did we have the big birthday party this weekend, but the after soccer birthday cupcakes, the school party cupcakes, the family party, taking Jake out to dinner on his actual birthday party, and of course, the weekend in Disneyland where we celebrated Jake's birthday along with another family and their daughter.
Kelli: And I thought I did it big or go home! When did birthday parties become such big productions that it almost becomes necessary to hire
Jen: I don't know, but I've already sworn to myself that I would downsize next year. After baking and frosting 96 cupcakes (including those interesting ice cream cone cupcakes) I'm throwing in the towel. And my cupcake pan.
Kelli: This is the first year I haven’t tracked down the biggest, funnest, newest, most coolest inflatable bouncy slidey thingy and invited anyone my kids have ever been friends with to their parties. I think sanity and reason might finally be within my sights.
Jen: Can you let me know when you see it so I can jump on board?
Kelli: You think I would’ve gotten a clue I might be going a bit too far on the birthday front when Whitney, at age 3, informed her brother it wasn’t his birthday yet because, “It’s not your birthday until there’s a big, giant, bouncy slide in the back yard!”
Jen: The little tyke does have a point!
Kelli: I think it all begins with that first child and wanting to give them the best of everything that sets the wheels of insanity in motion.
You should have seen all the preparations, decorations and people I invited to my son’s first birthday and I think all he really wanted was a nap. Although, he did really enjoy a rather large cardboard box one of his presents came in.
Jen: For me, I'm all about finding the party locations where they do all the work for you. The last two parties for Jake have been at locations where they have party people on staff (John's Incredible Pizza and the Folsom Sports Complex). It worked out pretty well, but I admit to some nostalgia about our simple parties at
Kelli: You think I would’ve learned a lesson in restraint after planning my first birthday party, but they only got bigger and more elaborate after that. My kids couldn’t even articulate who they wanted at their parties, let alone remember any of it, but darn if they weren’t going to have a two-story inflatable slide and bounce house combo to celebrate their birthday!
Jen: The thing that gets me is how many toys they get at their party - it's wonderful and a little unreal at the same time! It makes me think about less fortunate children and what kind of expectations are we setting in our children?
Kelli: It’s true. I think I would’ve come to the conclusion that less is more sooner if I weren’t taking my children to similar extravagant birthday parties. They’ve been to parties with pony rides, bounce houses, magicians, piñatas, face painters, petting zoo, full-size candy bar goodie bags, dessert bar, sno-cone, popcorn and cotton candy machines – and one time, almost all those combined!
Jen: So how do we stop the madness?
Kelli: I think my “ah-ha” moment came when I realized my children were having so many kids at their parties that they had gifts in their closest they never opened right up until their next birthday.
So we sat down and had a talk about donating to those less fortunate, the simple things in life we need to be happy, and why Mommy let it get so out of control.
Jen: I've often thought about doing a donation or something at the parties, but the Emily Post in me grimaces at even suggesting someone bring a gift. I'm uncomfortable with assuming someone would bring a present even though I know they most likely will. And we have such generous friends who really do like to give the children a gift they want and will play with.
I think, for us, this is the last year for such a large party. Or even parties on multiple weekends.
Kelli: Well, whatever the solution is, for me it was such a relief to know I hadn’t set my children on a permanent course of spoiled excess. They were perfectly happy celebrating their birthdays this year with just a few friends, a sleep-over and a homemade cake.
Jen: It's about finding a happy medium, I think. You want to make memories, but not overwhelm your child or yourself. And remember, it’s the little things that truly count and make a difference. The free birthday sombrero at Chevy's can be just enough to make your child's day a special one - you don't need to skywrite their name in the clouds!
Kelli: So, I like to consider myself a reformed birthday madness mom. I’ve finally realized my kids are happy with traditional birthday celebrations. Things like waking up to someone singing you happy birthday, a “Happy Birthday” call from Daddy before they go to school, a soda in their lunch instead of water, their favorite meal for dinner, homemade cake with extra chocolate frosting, and opening presents with grandparents watching.
Jen: Anything more than that is just icing on the birthday cake.
Kelli Wheeler is a Sacramento stay-at-home mom of two who donates extra birthday supplies, favors and at least one unwanted present to www.projectbirthday.org.
Jen Hall is a
Fun Birthday Ideas Minus the Madness
1. F is for First Birthday and Family. Make a big deal about your child's first birthday but think about keeping it just family. Too big a crowd becomes overwhelming, little ones have short attention spans not suitable for elaborate birthdays, and there'll be plenty more birthdays to go big or go home.
2. Leave it to the professionals. All-in-one party places like an inflatable fun houses, bowling alleys and skating rinks set it up, clean it up and entertain usually for the same amount (or less!) than you'd spend doing it all yourself at home.
3. Less is actually more. If you're going to do the bounce house, then forget the cotton candy machine and sno-cone maker. Kids are easy to please and having one fun extravagance is usually enough.
4. Spread the wealth. If you're having over 20 kids to the party, that's a lot of gifts for one child. Consider having guests bring a present for a homeless child to donate or make a donation to St. Jude's Hospital for kids (or other favorite charity benefiting children) in your child's name.
5. Big isn't necessarily better. An intimate party with favorite friends lets everyone get time with the birthday child, can take pressure off your child to try to include everyone, and can allow for a more specialized event without breaking the bank.
6. It's about them- not you. Remember that your child's birthday should not be an excuse for you to show off - it needs to be about your child.
7. Take advantage of our park system. Check out your local park district and see what options there are for holding it at the park. The play equipment and tables are already there and you don’t have to worry about cleaning your house.
8. Flicks and fun. Let your child take a few friends to a movie and then treat the kids to ice cream or other fun post movie snack.
9. A special trip. Make the destination the gift. A Giants game in
10. It’s the little things that count. Don’t discount simple things to make the birthday girl or boy feel special – like letting them pick their favorite meal for dinner; a special surprise in their lunch; balloons in their room when they wake up; letting them make their own birthday cake. Or give the gift of one-on-one time like a shopping trip, movie or dinner date together.
