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Jen (Dual-career mom of Jacob 5, and Caleb, 2): Jacob's really into Halloween this year and wanted to hear a scary story. I considered retelling his toilet training experiences but decided it was probably too scary. So, I let him watch Poltergeist instead.

Kelli (Stay-at-home mom of Logan 8, and Whitney 7):  Projectile vomit onscreen, projectile poop in real life – I agree, Poltergeist is waaay more tame.

 

Jen: Seriously though - do you remember those years? I know it was 5 or 6 years since you've last dealt with the immediate need to potty at the most inopportune times (i.e. checkout at Costco after you've spent 20 minutes in line), but I have to believe they left an indelible impression on your mind.
 
Kelli: Burned on my brain like the smell of an overloaded Diaper Genie.

 
Jen: I have to think toilet training a toddler is one of those universal experiences that ties us DCM and SAHM’s together.

 

Kelli: If you haven’t spent a good portion of time in bathroom stalls at Target, Costco, the grocery store and a really grimy gas station bathroom on a road trip, you haven’t earned your mom card yet.

 

Jen:  Right, if you haven't memorized the entire layout of Arden Fair Mall in terms of bathroom distance, then you haven't toilet trained a toddler.

Kelli: You know potty training isn't going well if you're bribing your child to pee in their diaper this one time so you can just hurry up and get out of the grocery store.

 

Jen: You let them run around naked at an outdoor function because you forgot to bring a change of clothes.

Kelli: You have a celebration planned and special shopping trip for the day you get to trade out the diaper bag for a real purse again.

 

Jen: You don't panic at the thought of a four hour plane ride because you’ve packed 4 changes of clothes, 8 pairs of training pants and forbidden any sorts of liquids for 8 hours before your trip.
 
Kelli: You find you still carry around a pair of Bob the Builder underpants in your purse a year after toilet training success, just in case.

 

Jen: Seriously though, when you’re in the midst of the potty training experience it seems like it’s never going to happen. I have these irrational fears that my kid will be wearing Pull-Ups on graduation day.

Kelli: You have to tap into what motivates them. For my son, he loved going to Toys R Us and trying out all the bikes. So, when he was nearly trained but needed that extra incentive to go an entire day with no accidents, I promised him we’d go to Toys R Us and he could ride all the bikes for as long as he wanted.

Jen: Did it work?

Kelli: It did. I was prepared to do it every day if I needed to, but that one day was all he needed. It was all Bob the Builders from that day forward.

 

Jen: Potty training was and is probably one of my toughest challenges as a working mother. At work, things for the most part are under your control and you know what to expect from your day. But, as the mother of a toddler I learned the hard way that you cannot always schedule things like toilet training. And it’s hard to hand it over to a day care provider and hope for the same consistency at home.

 

Kelli: I get that. Being home with the kids I knew I had the luxury of not going anywhere if I knew we were really going to focus on toilet training that day. Or that I knew my child’s routine and rhythms and could time my day for potty training success.  

 

Jen: Back when Jacob was little he needed to be ready in order to start his new preschool and the daycare he was in at the time didn't really "do" potty training. I had to hope the training we were doing at home would be continued independently at daycare. He would do great on the weekends and then I'd turn him over on Monday and it would be a disaster.

 

Finally, we decided to just wait on the whole potty training thing. I called the school and they got him in the "toddler class." But when he did start school a few weeks later, his teacher told me she thought he was ready for toilet training and was willing to bump him up to the bigger class. Five days later he was totally trained and a load of stress was taken off my plate.

Kelli: It seems you did better at home with your training than you realized.

 

Jen: We did, but the lesson I learned was not too push it. I don't want to make it into a battle of wills (YOU MUST GO NOW!) because all that does is turn toilet training into a control issue. That's a sure way to send your kid into therapy.
 
Kelli: Right. You have to wait for signs that they’re ready. For my son, it was him wanting to try peeing in the toilet standing up like Daddy. For my daughter it was easier because she wanted to be like her big brother and so she just started putting herself on the potty and making poo-poo pushing faces.

 

Jen: Well, Caleb is ready, but I do think there are times when you make the sacrifices for the greater good. We just took a trip to Disneyland and I didn’t think it would really be the happiest place on earth if I spent my entire time scouting out the closest bathroom.

 

Kelli: Smart move. We missed what we thought would be one of the highlights of a Christmas Disneyland trip – the “snow” at the light parade, because my daughter thought she had to go to the bathroom. I have never been so tempted to tell her, “Go ahead and just pee in your Pull-ups,” but she had been keeping herself clean and dry and I didn’t want to set her back. That whole sacrifice for the greater good thing.

 

Jen: Well, now that we’re back, we’ll be starting in earnest now. I figure if I stay relaxed about it, we should have him potty trained by the time he goes off to college.

 

Kelli: Oh, I think by Prom for sure…

 

Kelli Wheeler is a Sacramento stay-at-home mom of two who believes there is no shame in bribery and had both her kids potty trained before they were two. 

 

Jen Hall is a Sacramento dual-career mom of two who did not train her kids before age two and was perfectly happy toting around diapers. She did feel slightly ashamed at mommy groups though...

 

Tips for Successful Potty Training

1. There’s no shame in bribery. Figure out what motivates them and use it shamelessly.
2. Be consistent. You will have to respond to every “cry wolf” of potty and spend way too much time in bathrooms, but it will pay off.
3. Pay attention to body rhythms. Figure out if they are morning poopers or after lunch pee-ers. Teach your child to recognize they’re potty routine.
4. Don’t push. If you try to start but your child still shows no interest or success, then wait a little longer. You can’t force them to fit your time table of success and it’ll just make both of you miserable.
5. Calm their fears. Many times it is the fear of the toilet or worry over punishment for accidents that keep kids from taking that next step. Educate them on the safety of toilets and reassure them accidents will happen and are okay.
6. Make a success chart. Kids will like the interactiveness of charting their own success and the positive reinforcement, plus they love stickers. Attention spans are short though, so make goals timely to a toddler (break it down to a day rather than a week).
7. Hit the books. Get easy reader books from the local library or book store about potty training (like It’s Potty Time - for Boys or Girls-, Target, that makes flushing sounds and a chart in the back).
8. Look for signs of readiness. If they can verbalize the need to go to the bathroom, show interest in being a big boy or girl, want to peepee like Daddy or wear princess underwear, these are all good signs they’re ready to give toilet training a whirl.
9. Sing silly songs. It sounds silly, but children respond to music and routines. Surprisingly, having a silly potty song you made up can encourage them to go as the sit or be a clue they need to go if they start singing it.
10. Be flexible. You’ll probably have to start and stop a few times if your child loses interest or isn’t meeting with success. Or you may just have to keep that diaper on because the daily situation isn’t going to be conducive to potty training. Just be ready to go with the flow and not get too frustrated – we don’t know anyone who started college in diapers.