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Jen (Dual career mom of Jacob, 5, and Caleb, 2):  I LOVE this time of year. The seasons changing, the air becoming crisper, trips to Apple Hill, football season….I could go on and on!

Kelli (Stay-at-home mom of Logan 8, and Whitney, 7):  Yes, that’s all great, but since you’ve just started the back to school routine, you’re missing the biggest sign of fall: the annual search for volunteers.

Jen: I know! I can’t wait to jump in and start volunteering at Jacob’s school. I’m so excited…wait, are you laughing at me?

Kelli:  That’s why we veteran moms love you wide-eyed and bushy-tailed new kindergarten moms. You’re easy pickings.

Jen: Is this about to become a BTDT (been there done that) lesson?

Kelli:   Let me guess. You’ve already signed up to be room parent, field trip coordinator, and next week’s snack mom, plus you’re seriously considering that offer to join the Hospitality Committee and be a committee chair for the annual school auction.

Jen:   Whoa. Is my naïve exuberance that obvious?

Kelli: Like shooting fish in a barrel my friend.

Jen: Well, is it so wrong to want to be involved?

Kelli: Of course not! But make sure you’re volunteering for altruistic reasons and not out of guilt or inability to say no. I’ve seen many dual career moms volunteer for intensive committees out of guilt over being unavailable in the classroom and end up being quickly overextended. The flip side is the overburdened stay-at-home moms who don’t want to say no but continue to get tapped because it’s assumed they have more time on their hands.

Jen: Okay, so maybe I came out of the gates a little strong, but I think that’s better than wanting to help but being unfamiliar with the process or feeling left out because of inexperience.  

Kelli: It can be overwhelming and hard to jump in some times, but be careful what you wish for. Once you are tagged as willing volunteer, I’ve found people keep going back to the same well.

Jen: And I’d like to throw out the reminder that there are probably a lot of people who would do more if they were asked. Don’t just assume because someone has a full-time job that they aren’t willing or able to help out. It’s nice to feel included.

Kelli: Good point. For me personally, I’ve backed down off my gung-ho volunteering over the last few years and have focused on where I can make the biggest impact with my skill set and what I enjoy. As a former teacher, I enjoy making room in my busy schedule to step back in the classroom again and help my fellow comrades in the trenches.

Jen: Actually, I was tempted to assume a lot of responsibilities in my excitement to begin this school chapter of my kids’ lives, but a level head did prevail. I’m trying to get the lay of the land this year and just be a “worker bee” while I get to know the various ways to help out.

Kelli: That’s smart. I’m not trying to discourage volunteering, just not to burn too bright so quickly only to flame out. Your kids will be in school for a long time and doing what you’re doing will lead to a more positive experience with volunteering and willingness to stay involved over the years.

This also goes in conjunction with learning to say NO.

Jen:  The bane of all women...having to say NO.  I guess the sooner we learn to say it, the better.

Kelli:  I’ve heard NO is the new YES…

Kelli Wheeler is a Sacramento stay at home mom of two who said NO to the Auction Committee, but YES to the Staff Appreciation Week Committee.

Jen Hall is a Sacramento dual career mom of two who is enjoying being a willing volunteer at her son's new school.

Ten Ways to Avoid Being a Volunteer Martyr

1. If you’re a chair of a committee, make an effort to get fresh blood and new ideas to mix with those who’ve “been there, done that.” You’re only as good as your committee, so go after those good people.
2. Get a protégé. Have an understudy who can learn from you and take over for the next year.
3. Step away from the perfectionist issues. Let the little things go.
4. Pair up and co-chair with someone whose skills compliment yours. It lessens the burden and you may find you make a better team than if you were on your own.
5. Don’t be afraid to say NO if you can’t do it. But if you commit to something, then do it and do it well.
6. What are your skills? Don’t be afraid to let them shine. Why let someone else reinvent the wheel if you can contribute your experience? Plus, you’ll have the satisfaction of doing something you are good at or enjoy.  
7. Don’t forget your volunteering contributions when it’s time to update your resume! Coordinating an auction or other event that raises several thousand dollars is a valuable asset.
8. Start small. Get the lay of the land, know the players, and learn the gig from the bottom. Make your mistakes on a smaller scale and reap great experience for an opportunity to step up.
9. Make sure you have your priorities and goals in order. If you know where your priorities lie, you’ll find it easier to say no to those things that conflict.
10. Delegate. If you think it’ll be done better if you do it yourself then go start your own company. Nobody likes a dictator and people volunteer their valuable time to help for a worthy cause, not to be micromanaged and marginalized.