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Kelli (Stay-at-home mom of Logan 8, and Whitney 7): Oh, I wish you could’ve seen my babies out on the soccer fields this last weekend! My mother’s heart was bursting with pride.
Jen (Dual-career mom of Jacob 5, and Caleb, 2): You didn’t also happen to be jumping around and screaming like a maniac did you?
Kelli: Let’s just say I like to be supportive of my kids. In a vocal, jump out of my chair, acrobatic sort of way.
Jen: Oh no. You’re one of those moms.
Kelli: Is there support group for that?
Jen: There should be. I got my first exposure to the world of competitive parents this weekend and I’m thinking someone, somewhere needs to start an intervention.
Waiting for Jake’s game to start I witnessed two parents screaming at their young daughter to "Get in the game! Get in position! Stop being lazy!" I was taken aback - I'd heard rumors of those types of competitive parents, but I couldn't believe they actually existed in recreational level soccer. For goodness sake, we're talking about 5 and 6 year olds!
Kelli: Okay, I’m not that bad. To hide my competitive streak and propensity for overzealousness, I won’t allow myself to just cheer for my own kid. I make a point of knowing all the kids on the team, their strengths, and making sure their names get positive screams of excitement as well.
Jen: This is Jake's second go round into recreational sports. Last year we did soccer, basketball, and tee-ball. It was all actually a huge success. The highlights of the season though being snacks and sno-cones after the game. But that’s as it should be at this age and this level.
Kelli: I agree. I think I just got swept up in the sign your kid up in-utero for preschool hysteria and before I knew it, I’m complaining about having to wait until my kids are four years old to sign them up for soccer.
Jen: I purposely held out on doing more organized sporting commitments this year. As parents, I think we are getting way too caught up in reliving our athletic fantasies in our children or pushing them too fast and too soon when we see a spark of potential. We need to just sit back, shut up, and enjoy the game.
Kelli: So you think video recording my children’s first and last games so they can see how they’ve improved might be a bit overkill?
Jen: Kelli, no matter what kind of positive spin you put on it, you are one of those parents.
Kelli: Help me Jen, I don’t want to be that person.
Jen: Let’s start with the basics. If you think you might sound a little obnoxious on the sidelines, then you probably are.
Kelli: So I should probably stop standing over the coach’s shoulder, yelling out helpful instructions during the game and recommending better positioning of players?
Jen: That, and it would also be in bad form to run onto the field to move your kid into their correct position.
Kelli: No more standing behind the goal, directing how to stop, trap, kick or throw the ball?
Jen: Leave it up to the teams on the field to be called for off-sides not you because you’ve barged onto the field again.
Kelli: So, I should be in my chair more than just when I stomp over to it, pouting about falling behind, and declaring I can’t bare to watch anymore…
Jen: Pretend you’re sitting on the visitor’s side and don’t do anything that would get you jumped.
Kelli: I’m getting it! Ask the kids if they are having fun instead of muttering about the “daisy pickers” needing to sign up for a different sport.
Jen: During breaks in the quarter praise them for what they’re doing right, no “helpful hints” about what they’re doing wrong.
Kelli: Being a positive role model in sportsmanship is just as important as all the skills practice you do in the backyard.
Jen: Exactly! I knew we could keep you from the dark side!
Kelli: Would it be okay if I still ran down the sidelines yelling, “Shoot! Shoot now!” when my kid gets near the goal?
Jen: Maybe you should offer to be an impartial side-line judge until you work the kinks out…
Kelli Wheeler is a
Jen Hall is a
Ten Tips for Staying Sane for the Game
- Remember it’s just a game. During the early years of recreational sports the more important skills are cooperation and teamwork, building self-confidence, learning to listen and follow instructions, and sharing camaraderie.
- Leave the coaching to the coaches. You should be there to positively support your child and to set a good example in sportsmanship.
- It’s Not Your Game. Rather than push your child to be the athlete you think they should be, go join your own sport and push yourself.
- Be a respectful cheerleader. It’s okay to cheer the team on and show your enthusiasm for the game. But don’t be obnoxious about it. Take a clue if people don’t like to sit next to you.
- Distract yourself. If it’s just too hard to stay calm, offer to be the line judge, score keeper, timer, or other impartial volunteer.
- Distance yourself. Sit on the visitor’s side if you think it will help reign in your rhetoric to sit in hostile territory.
- Look for the positive. Instead of getting frustrated about what’s going wrong, look for what’s going right. Praise signs of improvement.
- There’s no “I” in team. It’s not just your kid out there. Learn each player’s name and make a point of complimenting them on something they did well in the game too.
- Check your athletic ambitions at the door. Resist the temptation to steer your kids into your favorite sport, have them follow in your footsteps or sign them up for whatever everyone else is doing and let them find their own way.
- Have fun. Remember the point of recreational sports is to play and have fun and for the love of the game. Scholarship hopes and professional aspirations have no business in the formative years of children’s athletics.
