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When it comes to daily structure, there are two types of parents – those who love having their days (and their children’s) scheduled and planned, and those who prefer spontaneity. 

How much daily structure do you have in your household?  How much do you want?  And, of equal importance, how compatible is your need for structure with that of your child?  In parenting, the challenge comes in recognizing both your and your child’s needs, and reconciling preferences that don’t match.

If your own schedule requires structure (you have kids in school or a job to get to in the mornings, say), there may not be much choice in the matter.  The more freedom you have with your own time, however, the more you can let your child’s temperament be a deciding factor.  Some children do best with a set schedule – getting up, eating, napping and going to bed at the same time each day.  Others seem to have varying needs from day to day, and while you CAN schedule them, they’re happier if you don’t.

If you aren’t sure which category your child falls into, look at when he seems most content.  How much does it affect him when meals, naps and bedtimes vary?  Some children seem to thrive on predictability; these are the ones that typically wake up at the same time each day, or who only nap at a particular hour.  Other kids easily go with the flow, sleep when and where they need to, and eat whenever you feed them.

You can find experts who strongly advocate letting your children decide their own schedule (such as Dr. William Sears), and others who insist on parental scheduling (such as Gary Ezzo, M.A.); Ezzo’s book Baby Wise is one that mothers either love or hate, depending on their own parenting philosophies.  However, you will find not only support for each school of thought, but also stern warnings against making the “wrong choice,” sure to induce self-questioning and mommy guilt.  The best thing you can do is to make the scheduling decisions you feel are best for you and your child, and trust that they’re the right ones.

Here are some ideas, if you’re looking to evaluate your own household structure and schedules:

• Try different things for a period of time; what typically works for YOU?  If YOU really need structure, it may be more important to try and get your child on a regular schedule
• Evaluate your child’s behavior patterns when she’s well-rested; tiredness affects a child’s internal biological cues
• Recognize that every child is different in his need for structure – even siblings may be nothing alike
• Trust your own intuition and experience, and input from others whose parenting you respect and admire; no one else’s opinion matters

Whatever choices you make with love, compassion and your own knowledge of your child are ultimately the best ones.  Decide what degree of scheduling you feel best about, and know that there’s not just one right way to handle this issue.