HomeHow consistent are you in your parenting? Do your children know what to expect from you in a given situation? If they misbehave, are your consequences the same each time? Are your morning and evening routines similar from day to day? Being consistent is an important component of both discipline and daily routines, without which your other efforts won't be as successful.
You know consistency matters, but do you actually put it into practice? Especially in matters of behavior and discipline, your children need to know that your responses will be the same over time. If your son throws food at the table, say, and one day you give him a time out, one day you laugh and dismiss the offense, and one day you yell, he has no idea what you really think, and how you expect him to act. All he knows is that he's getting a reaction of some kind.
Are you and your spouse consistent in your approach to different situations? For example, is one of you more likely to say yes to a particular request than the other? If your daughter knows that you won't let her have a snack right before dinner, but that Daddy will probably allow it, it's no mystery which of you she's going to ask.
Consistency can also make your morning and bedtime routines run more smoothly. If you have the same general routine each morning or evening, it's much easier for children to understand exactly what's expected of them. The younger they are, the more important this is - a two or three-year-old might not remember every individual task required to get ready in the morning, but it will be easier to remember a sequence (make bed, get dressed, put away pajamas, brush teeth and hair) if the series of actions is the same from day to day.
Without consistency, you can set yourself up for trouble. For instance, if you say you'll read one story before bed, but then occasionally agree to read a second, third or fourth one, your child learns not to accept just one, and will probably ask every night for more. If you want to make an exception, give the child a reason: "You got your pajamas on very quickly, so tonight we can read an extra story." Or set different criteria: "As soon as you're all ready for bed, we can read stories until 8:00." This lets the child have some control over the situation, but still keeps the routine consistent.
Here are some ideas for improving consistency:
• Keep rules and routines similar from day to day so your child knows what to expect (as much as possible).
• Talk with your partner to establish guidelines you both agree on. If you have one set of standards, your child gets consistent information, and can't play one parent against the other.
• Try to keep consequences the same for a given misbehavior.
• Remember that new behavior patterns and routines take time and repetition to establish; be patient, and expect for your child to test new boundaries before accepting them.
Your assignment: Look for routines or behaviors which could benefit from more consistency. Pick one of these, and make an effort to be more consistent this week.
Ready to take the assignment? Want to talk about this? Share your ideas and thoughts at M.O.M. Balance forum.
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