HomeHow many times have you promised yourself that you would do something you really wanted to do, either for yourself or your children, AS SOON AS you _________ (finished everyone's laundry, cleaned the bathrooms, paid all the bills, etc), only to find that at the end of the day you never quite got around to the desired activity? Does this sound familiar?
If it does, you may be suffering from "as soon as" syndrome, a common ailment among moms, especially those with perfectionist tendencies who don't feel like they should take time for the fun stuff until everything else is done.
There's nothing wrong with delayed gratification, of course, as long as the gratification part actually does happen at some point. The problem is when the to-do list ends up trumping everything else, so that the activities that would make you feel renewed and happy stay just out of reach, always in the near future but never now.
Here are some common examples of how you may be sabotaging your good intentions with "as soon as" logic:
• Your child asks you to play. You want to, and tell her you will, as soon as you've finished your e-mail, but your inbox is packed, you get distracted by an interesting article, and suddenly it's time to get lunch on the table.
• You're exhausted and really need a little nap while your baby sleeps. You intend to lay down as soon as you return three calls, but one of these takes half an hour, and the baby wakes up before you get any chance to rest.
• You've been wanting to spend an afternoon with a friend, and tell yourself that you'll call her to set this up as soon as you get the house all clean, but once you start your project you keep noticing more areas needing attention, and soon you've decided that there's just too much to do, so you'll have to call your friend another day.
And so it goes. Making time for yourself, and for the fun stuff, is extremely important; treat this special time with the same sense of importance that you give to the other people in your house, and your household chores. Some ideas:
• Use a timer - even a few minutes allotted to fun undertakings can make a big difference in your day.
• Try to create balance - alternate the "have-to" activities with the "want-to" ones, instead of focusing mainly on the "have-to's."
• Listen to yourself for "as soon as" phrases, especially when you're using them to put off something you want. If this is happening a lot, be sure you follow through and do the thing you want to do, once the "as soon as" obligation is fulfilled.
You'll feel better as a mom if you take the time to play, and you'll be a happier person if you indulge in the occasional nap or "me time." So make it happen... as soon as you finish reading this!
Your assignment: Pay attention over the next few days to things that fall onto your "as soon as" list, and figure out how to make time for some of them - NOW.
Ready to take the assignment? Want to talk about this? Share your ideas and thoughts at M.O.M. Balance forum.
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