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Making time for couple time

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Making time for couple time
By: Kelli Wheeler and Jen Hall

Topics: Tale of Two Mommies, couple time
Anonymous user Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:18:08 PDT
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tale of two mommies
 

Kelli (SAHM of Logan, 8, and Whitney, 7): Previously on A Tale of Two Mommies, the SAHM had just gotten back from a whirlwind vacation with the kids (say this in your head with your best movie trailer voice)...

tale of two mommies
 

Jen (DCM of Jacob, 5, and Caleb, 2): Umm, I believe it was a trip. Vacation had once again, just slipped her grasp.

K: You're right. So there she was, ready to commiserate with her DCM buddy who also had just gotten back from a vacation. But, wait! She didn't look exhausted and frazzled. In fact, she looked tanned, relaxed and had this peculiar upward tilt to her mouth.

J: That would be the smile of a peaceful, serene, satisfied happiness achieved by a couple leaving the kids at home and making time for couple time.

K: Jealousy, hear me roar.

J: You know, I was really proud of my husband and I for making that time together happen. It's so easy to let the couple side of a relationship slide in favor of the kids.

K: In the Caribbean no less! I'm just happy if we make it to Dos Coyotes and a movie once a month.

J: It's true. Normally, a date night for us falls to the bottom of the list of things to do. We don't intend it to be that way, but at the end of a long day - both of us working - when you've been nice to everyone else, the stresses of the job, coming home to cranky kids and catering to the demands of a household, you just have nothing left.

Who has the energy to do more?

K: Who wants to do more? After spending the day orchestrating a symphony of organized chaos of running the kids to and from school, practices, friends' houses, laundry, cleaning, meal preparations, and errands, my husband begins to look like one more person who wants something from me when I ain't got nothin' left to give.

J: It's easy to let the kids and family life as a whole consume you. But then you're stepping into the danger zone. If you neglect the couple relationship that started you on this family journey, you will be knocking your family off balance.

K: I agree. Marriage and family is a balance. The most important thing you can give your kids besides love and nurturing - is a stable, loving environment. It's a job that takes Herculean effort to balance once the chaos of family life is added to the mix of couple time, but isn't it worth the effort? We can't forget the love a husband and wife have for each is the main ingredient in the family mix.

J: I also believe the relationship you have with your spouse/significant other is the most important one for your kids. Don't make the mistake of always putting the kids first. You HAVE to make time for yourself and you have to make time as a couple. This goes if you are a single parent too. It is easy to get caught up in your kids' life, but it is important for you to do something that is just for YOU.

K: And when I do that I find myself less stressed, happier, re-energized and that carries over as a benefit to my family. I think it makes me a better wife and mother when I am able to have that couple time AND when I take time for myself too.

J: Exactly. You need to at least get away, no kids, for one night a year. More if you are lucky enough to have family or friends who are willing to watch those darling children for a night or more.

K: Oh, I make my own luck, sister. A few years ago I made it a point to go out on one Date Night a month. If I couldn't get family to watch the kids, I would shell out for a sitter and consider it just as important as an expense as keeping my car tuned up. I'm keeping my marriage tuned-up.

J: In that case, we're zipping around in a Ferrari after our tropical get-away. That time with my husband was much needed coming off these early years of parenthood. We remembered why we got married and found we still had things to talk about. It's amazing how much more fun I am when I'm not constantly chasing after a toddler!

My poor mother though, I think she's still recovering from aiding and abetting me and my hubby's reconnection.

K: Well, me and Hubby don't need to go across country for a good night that ends in Hide the Coconuts, I just need to make sure I get it on the calendar like I would for any of the kids events.

J: Nothing like a game of Hide the Coconuts to turn that frown upside down...

Kelli Wheeler is a Sacramento mother of two and stay-at-home mom who is paying her dad in home cooked meals to watch the kids for an upcoming Date Night.

Jen Hall is a Sacramento mother of two and dual-career mom who is already planning her next get-away vacation with her honey.

Jazz Up That Date Night

Feeling Lucky? Scratch that itch for Vegas just twenty minutes from downtown in Lincoln at Thunder Valley Casino. Not a gambler? The seafood buffet at the Feast Buffet on Friday and Saturday nights for $25 per person hits the jackpot with a huge and delicious variety that's always a winner.

As American as Apple Pie. What better way to enjoy a splendid Sacramento summer evening than with a River Cats game? You can bring a blanket and cozy up on Homerun Hill for less than a movie ticket or splurge for sweet seats behind home plate, but bring a sweatshirt in case that Delta Breeze kicks in. There's also fireworks after every Saturday evening game.

The Midtown Scene. Take advantage of the many great restaurants and bars within walking distance of each other in Midtown. Hit Ink on N St.for aps, Paraguary's on 28th St. for dinner, a little pool at the Blue Cue at 27th and J and take a cab home. Or try Zocalo on Capitol Avenue for some drinks and people watching, Aioli Bodega Espanola at 18th and L for European faire, and dancing at Sky Bar Café at 15th St. or Club 21 on 21st St. Select your favorites and mark your own route.

Rolling on the River. We've got a river, why not dine on it? Try the new Scott's Seafood location at the Le Rivage Hotel. If you're feeling a little more high energy, The Crab Shack is a fun dine with great crab. Or try river theatre with Suspects Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre aboard the permanently docked Delta King also located on Front St.

Couples Night Out. Want to feel youthful again? Grab some friends, make a group reservation at a hot spot like Mason's on 15th St. followed up with dancing at the young and hip Empire on R St. If lower key is your style, drop in on a neighborhood bars like the Pine Cove Tavern in Midtown on 29th St. or The Long Shot (in my neighborhood at Arden and Eastern), that has Kareoke on Friday and/or Saturday nights. Designate a driver and take it over making wonderful fools of yourselves -- don't forget to take the Polaroid camera for instant evidence and laughs.

Get Sporty. If you're feeling playful, pick up a bucket of KFC and some beers and go Glow bowling at Country Club Lanes at Watt and Ely Camino, or go Indoor Kart racing at RPM in Rancho Cordova off Bradshaw Rd. Still need more of an adrenaline rush? Try rock climbing at Rocknasium in Davis with more than 8,000 feet of climable terrain. Actually, you might want to save the greasy food and tipsy drinks for afterward...

Got Culture? Every Second Saturday of the month join art lovers for a stroll of Downtown and Midtown galleries offering food, beverage and even music in their celebration of Sacramento art. Visit sacramento-second-saturday.org for a map and details.

And the Band Played On. Mix great local bands with the great outdoors and you get the Downtown Partnership's free outdoor concert series. Enjoy Friday summer evenings at Cesar Chavez Plaza at 10th and J Sts. listening to favorite bands like Beer Dawgs and Alkali Flats. Feeling a little edgier - visit The Boardwalk on Greenback Lane where great new bands are discovered and big name acts like Chris Doughtry have played.

Want to read more Tale of Two Mommies columns? Click here.

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