HomeHere's a topic near and not-so-dear to most moms - GUILT!! Especially when it comes to taking time away from the children, the guilt kicks in for many moms. You can probably recite tons of reasons why you shouldn't take time for yourself: there's laundry to fold, you ought to be playing with the kids, you should do something more productive, the dishes aren't done, you haven't vacuumed, _____ . Sometimes the reasons are valid, but many times they aren't... and it's important to distinguish the legitimate reasons from the self-made excuses.
When you think about your own Mommy Guilt, ask yourself what specific messages - like the ones above - are behind it. For example, if you're considering an evening out, you might say something to yourself along the lines of: "I should stay home with the family and get more things done," or "I shouldn't ask my husband to watch the kids, since he's tired from work," or "I can't afford to go out."
Once you pinpoint the underlying message, you can then ask yourself where this message is coming from. Is someone TELLING you that you should stay home? Is there REALLY something more productive you need to be doing at 7pm? Is your husband ASKING you not to go out? Is your budget THAT tight?
As often as not, it's we ourselves who create these negative messages, and then accept them as fact. If you can step back and look at specifically WHY you're feeling guilty, it's a lot easier to get the perspective you need to decide if your reasons are valid or not. In the example above, financial concerns, especially, may be right on the mark, or maybe your husband really has had an unusually bad day, and the right decision is to stay home. But maybe your reasons are nothing more than Mommy Guilt excuses, and the best answer is to take a little time for yourself.
Sometimes you can attribute thoughts to others that aren't theirs at all. Perhaps you're way overdue for a haircut, or just have a bunch of errands to do, yet you feel guilty asking a friend to watch your baby for an hour because you think you'll be a burden to her. Your friend, on the other hand, would love to help you out (and get a baby fix), but never gets the chance because you've already made her decision for her.
Once you start to distinguish real concerns from Mommy Guilt, it then becomes easier to step away from the guilt altogether, and give yourself a break here and there.
Your assignment: Look for times when you find yourself making excuses for NOT asking others for help, or NOT taking time for yourself. Step back and look at the messages you're giving yourself, to see which are real and which are just Mommy Guilt. Once you can tell the two apart, try to let go of the unnecessary guilt - this will make life easier for you and for those around you.
Ready to take the assignment? Want to talk about this? Share your ideas and thoughts at M.O.M. Balance forum .
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