HomeWith Father's Day just past, this is a great time to think about your partner and the relationship the two of you have.
What do you expect from the man in your life? What does he expect of you? These are broad questions that are important enough to spend some time pondering. Ideally, you should both understand what the other needs and expects. Once you've figured this out, you can work together to set realistic expectations. This knowledge can also help avoid resentment - particularly if one of you has unmet expectations which haven't been addressed.
These are some possible questions to ask each other:
What do I expect (and/or want or need) from you...
• as a parent to our children?
• around the house?
• sexually?
• to emotionally support me?
• financially?
What do I believe my responsibilities are in these areas?
What changes would I like to see us make?
Try to make time to sit down and have this discussion when you know you'll be free from distractions. Talk about yourself ("I feel..." or "I need..." or "I expect..."); when a sentence starts with "You..." it's much more likely to sound like a criticism. Agree to take turns listening to each other without interruption, judgments or defensiveness. It's hard for many people to talk about what they need, and even more difficult if they're worried about being judged or about making the other person angry. For some couples, writing answers to questions is easier than giving answers out loud, and can make sharing more comfortable.
It can be easy, especially after being together for several years, to become apathetic about your relationship. You might take each other for granted, or assume that the other person should already know what you need. But if you feel like your partner isn't meeting your needs, perhaps he feels the same way. Taking the time to listen to each other and begin a dialogue is a great way to start turning things around.
Your assignment: Look for opportunities to share your needs and expectations with your partner, and to find out what he needs from you right now. Even if you get along well, and communicate openly, there's always more to learn. Make the time to sit down together and have a good conversation this week.
Ready to take the assignment? Want to talk about this? Share your ideas and thoughts at M.O.M. Balance forum.
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