HomeHow good of a listener are you? For busy, multitasking moms, listening is one skill that's often quite a challenge - especially when it comes to their kids.
After only a short period of hearing a child talk about the adventures of her stuffed animal, for instance, or about Barney's shape of the day, many moms' minds start to wander. It can be hard to stay focused on conversations about which you would have no interest whatsoever if the speaker wasn't your own child. Also, some children talk almost unceasingly throughout the day, which makes listening even more difficult.
However, if a child is sharing something he deems important, he will very quickly sense when he's being tuned out. Even very young kids can tell whether or not you're paying full attention, and will respond accordingly.
How do you become a better listener? Here are some ideas:
• Keep your radar up for "feeling" words. When a child mentions an emotion, what she's sharing is probably significant; she's no longer making observations, but talking about herself.
• If you can, stop your other activities for a minute, get down on your child's level, and look him in the eye when he talks. It's easier to focus if you aren't doing something else at the same time.
• It helps just to be aware of your tendency to get distracted. When your mind starts to wander, bring it back to the here and now. It may take some effort, but this is a skill you can improve with practice.
• Ask your child a question, and then don't say a word until she's done answering. Don't interrupt, interpret or comment - just let her talk. It's harder than it sounds!
• If you have a child who talks nonstop, cut yourself some slack - it's almost impossible for most moms to listen ALL the time. Any efforts you make at active listening will help your child to feel more acknowledged and heard.
Your assignment: Observe your listening skills this week, and implement one positive change - try to interrupt less, or stay more focused, or find times to set aside everything else and look your child in the eye as he talks to you.
Ready to take the assignment? Want to talk about this? Share your ideas and thoughts.
Want to read more from Karen Harvey's M.O.M. Balance column? Click here.
