http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764 Mothers Day is a little bit of a rough time for me. All the flowers, bright pink cards, moms with their kids. Not because I’ve had the loss of a child (I can’t even fathom that experience), or because I don’t get appreciated or spoiled by my family (because I do), but because I’m estranged from my own mother.   Unlike my father (I never feel that way around Father’s Day), this estrangement was my choice. When you grow up with an abusive parent, and then one day become a parent yourself, you have a choice to make. Do I allow this sick person around my child? It took me a while, but my answer was no. Fortunately for me, my mother also lives in another country, so that does make my choice a little easier. As a life-long victim of this person however, there is always a tinge of guilt, especially around this time of year.   Fortunately for me, I have a very loving family who supports and understands my choices. I also have a family who lets me know that Mothers Day is about ME!!! Not the mother I never had, or wished she could have been. I also know that I’m not alone in my feelings and experiences (like childbirth), and that it’s the good AND the bad who make me who I am today. And you know what? I like me, so I’ll keep them all.   All these affirmations don’t stop the sting when I see happy adult women with their mothers. Or hear friends moan about yet another shopping trip with their mothers. It doesn’t quell the yearning in my chest when I see things like “what are you getting your mom for Mother’s Day?” I am blessed however with grandparents who did their best to step in and fill those big shoes. I also have an aunt who is part big sister, part mother to me and always there for me unconditionally. Of course I also have my devoted man and wonderful son. So what the heck am I moaning about?   Because Mothers Day is coming. And as wonderful as these people are and as blessed as I am to have them in my life, they're not my mother. Mothers Day is a little bit of a rough time for me. All the flowers, bright pink cards, moms with their kids. Not because I’ve had the loss of a child (I can’t even fathom that experience), or because I don’t get appreciated or spoiled by my family (because I do), but because I’m estranged from my own mother.   Unlike my father (I never feel that way around Father’s Day), this estrangement was my choice. When you grow up with an abusive parent, and then one day become a parent yourself, you have a choice to make. Do I allow this sick person around my child? It took me a while, but my answer was no. Fortunately for me, my mother also lives in another country, so that does make my choice a little easier. As a life-long victim of this person however, there is always a tinge of guilt, especially around this time of year.   Fortunately for me, I have a very loving family who supports and understands my choices. I also have a family who lets me know that Mothers Day is about ME!!! Not the mother I never had, or wished she could have been. I also know that I’m not alone in my feelings and experiences (like childbirth), and that it’s the good AND the bad who make me who I am today. And you know what? I like me, so I’ll keep them all.   All these affirmations don’t stop the sting when I see happy adult women with their mothers. Or hear friends moan about yet another shopping trip with their mothers. It doesn’t quell the yearning in my chest when I see things like “what are you getting your mom for Mother’s Day?” I am blessed however with grandparents who did their best to step in and fill those big shoes. I also have an aunt who is part big sister, part mother to me and always there for me unconditionally. Of course I also have my devoted man and wonderful son. So what the heck am I moaning about?   Because Mothers Day is coming. And as wonderful as these people are and as blessed as I am to have them in my life, they're not my mother. en-us i'm so sorry.  i understand that no matter how many loving people you are surrounded by and how much love they give you, it's just not going to fill that space of mother.  i think every child no matter what the experience or relationship always yearns for the love from their mother.  but you yourself are a great one and your son will never have that space to fill.  http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79815 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79815 i'm so sorry.  i understand that no matter how many loving people you are surrounded by and how much love they give you, it's just not going to fill that space of mother.  i think every child no matter what the experience or relationship always yearns for the love from their mother.  but you yourself are a great one and your son will never have that space to fill.  Your son is lucky to have such a wonderful mother like you.  You rock! http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79816 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79816 Your son is lucky to have such a wonderful mother like you.  You rock! You ladies always make my day. Thanks so much for the posts. It's not something I talk about much, but with Mothers Day around the corner, it was on my mind. On the plus side, I sent a nice watch to my "Nana" in Oregon. I think she'll be happy. And yes, I'll be so spoiled by my men that I won't have time to feel sad at all. http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79817 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79817 You ladies always make my day. Thanks so much for the posts. It's not something I talk about much, but with Mothers Day around the corner, it was on my mind. On the plus side, I sent a nice watch to my "Nana" in Oregon. I think she'll be happy. And yes, I'll be so spoiled by my men that I won't have time to feel sad at all. You seem like such a wonderful person I have to tell you from experience it is your mom that will suffer in the end by not having the relationship with you and your family.  Have a wonderful day with your guys!! http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79818 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79818 You seem like such a wonderful person I have to tell you from experience it is your mom that will suffer in the end by not having the relationship with you and your family.  Have a wonderful day with your guys!! Thanks suprizmom. You're too sweet. I hope you have a wonderful Mothers Day as well! http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79820 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79820 Thanks suprizmom. You're too sweet. I hope you have a wonderful Mothers Day as well! I am fortunate to have a wonderful mother that is still alive and kicking at 80. As a lifelong square dancer, she is in much better physical condition that I am! Maybe a little spacy but I figure at 80, she's allowed a touch of CRS Syndrome. Your welcome to borrow her for the day, Creatress. She has a heart big enough for all to share. http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79821 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79821 I am fortunate to have a wonderful mother that is still alive and kicking at 80. As a lifelong square dancer, she is in much better physical condition that I am! Maybe a little spacy but I figure at 80, she's allowed a touch of CRS Syndrome. Your welcome to borrow her for the day, Creatress. She has a heart big enough for all to share. Awww, you're so sweet. A life-long square dancer. I love it!!! How fortunate you are to have such a mom. http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79823 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79823 Awww, you're so sweet. A life-long square dancer. I love it!!! How fortunate you are to have such a mom. Hang in there, girl. Celebrate yourself on Mother's Day and let everyone spoil you a lot! You deserve it! http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79825 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79825 Hang in there, girl. Celebrate yourself on Mother's Day and let everyone spoil you a lot! You deserve it! I know exactly how you feel. with my mom ive dealt with severe mental illness, family estrangement and suicide. I feel that twinge whenever i'm out in public and see adults with their moms. or even my cousin and my aunt for that matter. seems like there is so much bittersweet in this life all we can do is live for and savor the sweet. thanks for the post, creatress. much love <3 <3 <3 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79828 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79828 I know exactly how you feel. with my mom ive dealt with severe mental illness, family estrangement and suicide. I feel that twinge whenever i'm out in public and see adults with their moms. or even my cousin and my aunt for that matter. seems like there is so much bittersweet in this life all we can do is live for and savor the sweet. thanks for the post, creatress. much love <3 <3 <3 That's just what I mean. I know I'm not alone in this. Thanks for sharing Mama26. Amanda, thanks for the kind words. We're going to kick some 5K butt tomorrow!!! WHOOOT!!! http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79830 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79830 That's just what I mean. I know I'm not alone in this. Thanks for sharing Mama26. Amanda, thanks for the kind words. We're going to kick some 5K butt tomorrow!!! WHOOOT!!! Creatress - before I forget - HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!  I won't be around and I know I'm going to forget to give you this greeting!  Also - you have completely given me something to think about.  My mother was estranged from her own mother and her mom passed away when my mother was in her late 20's just before she had me.  My mother always has a very hard time around Mother's Day, even though she tries very hard not to show it - I always notice.  I try to make it up to her and try to "keep her mind off things"... but you know - it's just not possible.  I believe this year may be a little different - for the better.  And I just wanted to say thank you for sharing that personal part of you.  You are such a special lady and I hope you let your "boys" try their hardest to fill that void next Sunday!  Again - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!! http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79845 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79845 Creatress - before I forget - HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!  I won't be around and I know I'm going to forget to give you this greeting!  Also - you have completely given me something to think about.  My mother was estranged from her own mother and her mom passed away when my mother was in her late 20's just before she had me.  My mother always has a very hard time around Mother's Day, even though she tries very hard not to show it - I always notice.  I try to make it up to her and try to "keep her mind off things"... but you know - it's just not possible.  I believe this year may be a little different - for the better.  And I just wanted to say thank you for sharing that personal part of you.  You are such a special lady and I hope you let your "boys" try their hardest to fill that void next Sunday!  Again - HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!! Thanks so much. That was so very sweet of you. I attended a workshop at church today that was shockingly helpful! I'm feeling much better about the whole thing today. Of course, you all helped too. Thanks for listening to me vent! http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79848 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/8764/#c_79848 Thanks so much. That was so very sweet of you. I attended a workshop at church today that was shockingly helpful! I'm feeling much better about the whole thing today. Of course, you all helped too. Thanks for listening to me vent!