http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135 Last night was a 9th grade event at man-cub’s school. In Davis, Jr High is 7th-9th grade and High School is 10th-12th. This means that he was “big man on campus” for a whole year. What a big campus it was too!   I ran into an old mom-friend I hadn’t seen in a while. She told me “It’s been a long time since I saw man-cub.” My immediate un-thinking reply was, “Me too! I lost him a few years ago to be replaced by a moody man I don’t know!” At the time, I assumed it was the stress of the evening and the fact that I really don’t enjoy those large school events. Upon reflection however, I think it was one of those rare moments where you just speak the truth; Out loud and proud. Where even your ears don’t recognize that you’re the one who just said what you said.   Truth is, I miss my son. I miss him terribly! He was my sweet little-guy, a mama’s boy from the day he was born. Of course I don’t want my son to regress into this little boy, and yes, I’m thrilled at the man he’s growing into… but he’s just that… a man. My little man-cub isn’t here anymore, and it really does feel like a loss. Like I just woke up one day and the baby I’d adored and nurtured was replaced by someone else. Someone tall, smart, self sufficient (some days), social, smelly and who doesn’t NEED me like little man-cub did.   I always said I’d be one of those parents who sang all the way home from dropping her kid off at college and who would re-configure his room the second he was out of the house (no living shrine here!) Now I’m not so sure. Of course I have my own life, and don’t chase my son around the house trying to wipe his nose for him, but I feel a sense of loss that surprises me. I miss who he WAS and I didn’t expect that to happen. Last night was a 9th grade event at man-cub’s school. In Davis, Jr High is 7th-9th grade and High School is 10th-12th. This means that he was “big man on campus” for a whole year. What a big campus it was too!   I ran into an old mom-friend I hadn’t seen in a while. She told me “It’s been a long time since I saw man-cub.” My immediate un-thinking reply was, “Me too! I lost him a few years ago to be replaced by a moody man I don’t know!” At the time, I assumed it was the stress of the evening and the fact that I really don’t enjoy those large school events. Upon reflection however, I think it was one of those rare moments where you just speak the truth; Out loud and proud. Where even your ears don’t recognize that you’re the one who just said what you said.   Truth is, I miss my son. I miss him terribly! He was my sweet little-guy, a mama’s boy from the day he was born. Of course I don’t want my son to regress into this little boy, and yes, I’m thrilled at the man he’s growing into… but he’s just that… a man. My little man-cub isn’t here anymore, and it really does feel like a loss. Like I just woke up one day and the baby I’d adored and nurtured was replaced by someone else. Someone tall, smart, self sufficient (some days), social, smelly and who doesn’t NEED me like little man-cub did.   I always said I’d be one of those parents who sang all the way home from dropping her kid off at college and who would re-configure his room the second he was out of the house (no living shrine here!) Now I’m not so sure. Of course I have my own life, and don’t chase my son around the house trying to wipe his nose for him, but I feel a sense of loss that surprises me. I miss who he WAS and I didn’t expect that to happen. en-us Sometimes do you just gaze at him and wonder how this man went from a tiny armful to a man?  My daughter graduated from high school last weekend. For her party I did a slide show of her life, from the time she fit on my lap from hip to knee to now that she's a 5'10" woman.  From training wheels to driving a car and wishing for a big diesel truck of her own to pull a horse trailer.  From riding on Daddy's shoulders to wearing stiletto heels.  A woman.  A wonderful, gloriously gracious woman.  When did this happen?  (Not that I changed a bit in those photos....) http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135/#c_84553 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135/#c_84553 Sometimes do you just gaze at him and wonder how this man went from a tiny armful to a man?  My daughter graduated from high school last weekend. For her party I did a slide show of her life, from the time she fit on my lap from hip to knee to now that she's a 5'10" woman.  From training wheels to driving a car and wishing for a big diesel truck of her own to pull a horse trailer.  From riding on Daddy's shoulders to wearing stiletto heels.  A woman.  A wonderful, gloriously gracious woman.  When did this happen?  (Not that I changed a bit in those photos....) Doesn't it feel like it just happened overnight? I often think of him on my lap from "hip to knee" like you said. Each foot fitting in my hand. Now he's a size 13 shoe. Wow! Congratulations to your daughter. It's a big deal to gradute HS and move on to an adult life. How are you feeling? Sounds like we're in a similar boat. http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135/#c_84554 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135/#c_84554 Doesn't it feel like it just happened overnight? I often think of him on my lap from "hip to knee" like you said. Each foot fitting in my hand. Now he's a size 13 shoe. Wow! Congratulations to your daughter. It's a big deal to gradute HS and move on to an adult life. How are you feeling? Sounds like we're in a similar boat. I see kids grow up every year in my job as a high school teacher, and it's so exciting and so emotional at the same time. I know when Em grows up, I'm going to be a big pile of mush. Congrats on reaching these huge milestones in your children's lives! :) http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135/#c_84556 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135/#c_84556 I see kids grow up every year in my job as a high school teacher, and it's so exciting and so emotional at the same time. I know when Em grows up, I'm going to be a big pile of mush. Congrats on reaching these huge milestones in your children's lives! :) It seems like yesterday that I was despairing she would ever learn how to put her underwear on instead of often having the waist bagging around one leg and a leg hole tightly around her toddler waist... I'm excited that it's all turning out just like it's supposed to.  We raise them carefully, then they step away to live their own separate lives.   People tell me, "Mom, let go!" assuming I want to hang on to her longer.  But she's going to college just an hour and-a-half away so she gets to be out of the house, but close enough to run home for weekends when she wants.  She's planning to earn a four year nursing degree - hoping to be a Pediatric ICU nurse.    Most of mothers' lives are spent doing what our children need or want and I've almost forgotten what kind of things I like to do.   So, I'll definitely be crying when we drive away from the college campus but I'm looking forward to this next chapter of life. http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135/#c_84559 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135/#c_84559 It seems like yesterday that I was despairing she would ever learn how to put her underwear on instead of often having the waist bagging around one leg and a leg hole tightly around her toddler waist... I'm excited that it's all turning out just like it's supposed to.  We raise them carefully, then they step away to live their own separate lives.   People tell me, "Mom, let go!" assuming I want to hang on to her longer.  But she's going to college just an hour and-a-half away so she gets to be out of the house, but close enough to run home for weekends when she wants.  She's planning to earn a four year nursing degree - hoping to be a Pediatric ICU nurse.    Most of mothers' lives are spent doing what our children need or want and I've almost forgotten what kind of things I like to do.   So, I'll definitely be crying when we drive away from the college campus but I'm looking forward to this next chapter of life. patiencengrace, I think that's where I've been really lucky and really careful. Having a special needs kid has made me even more aware that if I allow it, motherhood could 100% take over who I am. I've seen it happen to many women, and I swore it wouldn't happen to me. So far.... so good! Not that I'm saying that's what you did (don't get me wrong.) But I didn't want that sudden shock of "He's gone... now what?" Like plunging into ice water. I don't do well with shock (had enough for 1 life thanks) and wanted a smoother transition for myself. Plus there was a lot I gave up, or didn't get to do having a child younger in life, so now the older he gets, the more I get to go back and do those things. Good luck to your daughter! What an amazing career choice. She must have a huge heart. hmoeckli, you make a good point about watching kids grow from the teachers desk. Just seeing my son's yearbook and how much they grew from the beginning of the year, to now, is really amazing. Your kids are lucky to have you, even if it's only for 1 year. http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135/#c_84560 http://www.sacmomsclub.com/home/Blog/creatress/10135/#c_84560 patiencengrace, I think that's where I've been really lucky and really careful. Having a special needs kid has made me even more aware that if I allow it, motherhood could 100% take over who I am. I've seen it happen to many women, and I swore it wouldn't happen to me. So far.... so good! Not that I'm saying that's what you did (don't get me wrong.) But I didn't want that sudden shock of "He's gone... now what?" Like plunging into ice water. I don't do well with shock (had enough for 1 life thanks) and wanted a smoother transition for myself. Plus there was a lot I gave up, or didn't get to do having a child younger in life, so now the older he gets, the more I get to go back and do those things. Good luck to your daughter! What an amazing career choice. She must have a huge heart. hmoeckli, you make a good point about watching kids grow from the teachers desk. Just seeing my son's yearbook and how much they grew from the beginning of the year, to now, is really amazing. Your kids are lucky to have you, even if it's only for 1 year.