SacMomsClub.com

i must admit this country bumpkin has become quite the city slicker.  whenever my family would come to visit me in whatever city i happened to live in, i would have to drive.  when i first moved to the city, i had no car so i had to walk, ride bike or take the bus.  therefore i have become very comfortable in city traffic, and the always dreaded parallel parking.( sacramento is a piece of cake by the way!)
 this comfort and confidence has carried over to the mom version of me, with bicycle trailer in tow and all.  i can bob through traffic, weave around knocked over garbage cans, come to a screaching halt at a crazy person wandering across the road, look at the scenery while dodging pot holes and safely make a left turn into traffic all the while a little toddler happily taking it all in.
the one thing i cannot deal with? 
arriving at my destination in my own pool of sweat.
there is nothing fabulous about that.
oh sure i have my army sized surplus of black shirts to hide the sweat, i have my under tank top on to absorb the first layer of sweat, but seriously, how do you make a grand entrance with your foundation streaked down your face? 
drive you say.  yes.  but i love my bike.  it's fabulous.  it makes people smile, and it makes me happy.  luckily for me, the cooler fall weather is upon us, and i must get in all the bike riding that i can before the rain starts.  then i will be driving everywhere. so until i dust off my car keys, i will be happily pedaling around town with a little girl most likely slumped over asleep in her trailer, taking it all in, covered in sweat and loving every minute of it.

first of all i would like to thank sacmomsclub for the prize of the $250 spa package.  thank you is not enough!  to be totally honest when i first found out that i won it, my immediate response was that they should give it to someone else.  then i thought about it and realized that i was being nuts.  so i took that sucker.

 but let me explain. 

when my daughter was 4 months old, i found out that my dad died very suddenly at the age of 65.  he was far away from home and he was alone.  we will never really know how, why, or any of the details about why he died.  we can only guess.  he died 1 week before meeting his only granddaughter for the first time.  seeing him at his wake was the first time in over 2 years that i had seen him myself.  since my own wedding in 2004.  i was a sahm like we had always planned, which i am thankful for, but i think that really set the stage for the next 2 years of misery.

  while at home i discovered my own personal axis of evil.
 day time talk shows, totino's party pizzas and see's candies. 

i went from bad to worse and pulled my marrage, my health, my self,my house, and all of my relationships down with me.  i as a person ceased to exist.  i was a shell of a person.  now i would like to clarify that at no time was i a bad mother.  i have always tended to her every need. i was just doing the minimun to simply exist.  i haven't waxed my eyebrows in three years.  i have had two haircuts (one was because i let my hair get so incredibaly ratty that it HAD to be cut out), my feet will need a table saw to get in order,  i have gone days, yes days without brushing my teeth.  the ultimate self abuse was through self neglect. 

i did many things to deal with the birth of my daughter,  the death of my father, the anguish of my mother, the stress of my marrage, the bomb that literally exploded in my life.  and eventually all of those things have come into place. 

so why does this have to do with going to a spa?  because i need it.  because the past 2 years have shown me that there is no such thing as rock bottom. 

i am still wearing my nursing bras.  i havent nursed in a YEAR and a HALF!!!!!  they pretty much are straps laying ontop of my shoulders.  while i was in the pits of my depression, we were in orange county visiting the in-laws.  (like salt on a wound!)  my ratty flip flops broke, so we went to mervyns to get me another pair.  i intentionally found the ugliest, cheapest pair of shoes in the store and bought those.  why?  because that's what i was.  i hated myself, i hated what i had allowed myself to become and in no way was i going to reward myself with something nice. 

now to now.  i'm much better.  i hiked up my big girl panties and have said ENOUGH!  i am getting myself back.  or at least finding a version of myself that i like.  so with that i am using this wonderful $250 spa certificate to be my ultimate motivation to better myself.  i have until december 26th to use it, and by all that's beautiful and green on this earth i will be the best, happiest person to get her eyebrows waxed.  i am determined to slim down, get healthy and take care of myself.  i want to be a good example to my daughter.  i never want her to think of herself as i have of myself. 

so again thank you to sacmomsclub for something that has a huge impact on me.  really this is something that i am very excited about.  not only to feel good, but to be get my act together! 

about a month ago i decided to get serious about fitting into my skinny jeans.  well as serious as i can be when i just polished off a big piece of carrot cake..  but still it's time.  i've been dedicated to going on long, fast walks every morning, and to be honest, it's starting to pay off.  nothing drastic just yet, but i can tell a difference, and that feels really good.

 today as i was in a very strange position between my car and the next, trying to get my daughter into her car seat without hitting her head on the car door, i realized that just doing everyday mommy things are definately a great workout.

 you squat 100 times a day, bend over to pick up the same toys 100 times a day, reach as high as you can to get that certain bowl off the tip top shelf, you hoist a 30 pound kid onto your hip to cross the parking lot, you lunge and dive to catch the glass of milk from falling onto the floor, you sprint across the room to stop her from picking up the cat by his tail.

 how is that not a great workout?

so i think no matter what your size, caloric intake, workout routine, or what that wretched bmi scale says, we got muscle.  buried somewhere in there.  

since the birth of my daughter 2 1/2 years ago i have lived in this small mommy bubble.  the places i go are during the day so mostly i am surrounded by other sahm's and old ladies.  this i like, no rush, and no reason to wear make-up.  well with the recent visit of my mother, (translation- a free reliable babysitter) i slowly emerged back into mainstream society.  and since her departure, i have been going on a walk every morning.  these are a few things that i have realized since my slow, sometimes reluctant attempt to blend in with the normal world.:

unless you are at a mommy playgroup, food stained, pit stained, mystery stained clothes are generally frowned upon

even though you are a pedestrian pushing a stroller with a child clearly in it, crossing at a crosswalk still can be very dangerous

leafblowers are very nice.  they wait till you are safely past then resume blowing.

not all people with dogs are nice.  nor are their dogs.

strangers don't want to hear about your kid

elderly people doing streches in the park are very cute

people give you funny looks when  you excuse yourself "to go potty"


as i shed my mommy image (and weight) i know that the world today is a little different than the world i left in 2006.  but hopefully i am still spry enough to adapt and go with the flow. 

the past three weeks only come once,  maybe twice a year.  thankfully.  i totally 100% love my mother but life is very different when she is here.  she is slow.  i'm not talking slow, i'm talking sssllllooooowwwww.  and always wanting to go somewhere.

my child is 2 and 1/2 and chasing her is like chasing the wind.  only successful if it's in a totally contained environment, with no exits to slip through.

on average i spend about $75 a month on gas.  i don't drive very much, and never once the sun goes down.  i know i sound like i'm 87, but in fact i'm a homebody. 

with this strange trio, these past few weeks have turned my life upside-down.  not only have i ventured into corners of sacramento that i never would have on my own, i have even left the sacramento area altogether.  this coming from a gal who doesn't even venture out into the suburbs, preferably not even past numbered streets in sacramento. 

the three of us have eaten in restaurants, attempted shopping in stores, have frolicked in the ocean and have nibbled on corn dogs and a yard of lemonade at a county fair.  ( i don't know where i just know the local phone numbers were not 916)

so if you see a threesome with a toddler leading the way, running at a giggly speed, a frantic mother trying to chase her and maintain a shred of class, and a grandmother waaayyyyy in the back saying hello to strangers, that is us.  we are probably on our way to another destination where inevitably baby and i will end up waiting in the car for sweet, slow and totally happy to be here grammie.

yesterday was a full day.  baby slept in, then she wasn't awake 5 minutes before husband calls and was frantic.  he forgot a very important piece of equipment for his job.  so in our pj's we jump in the car and go.  it was earlier than i have been on the road on a long long time.

we get home with just enough time left for me to  get baby dressed, fed and entertained while i myself hack away at the grime that has building up on me for...a few days.

we hop on our bike and bike trailer and downtown we head.  i hate wind.  no good has ever come out of wind.  i was pedaling as hard as i could just to stay upright against my ruthless enemy.  with me cursing at the wind, sweating, grunting and wobbling all over the bike lanes, i got plenty of confused glances. 

the coffee date went much better.  my toddler played with her  new toddler friend,  the sweet little em.   they did toddler things, run, scream, laugh, color, and learn about sharing. 

back on our wheels to go home.  which went much much smoother.  i think my cursing into the air helped.

then npr.  insight.  me on the radio.  i was nervous, but my day had kept me occupied.  being in the building was a very surreal experience. as i was waiting to be taken back i was looking at the pictures of all the voices i have come to recognize and, honestly developed a crush on some. 

 walking back through to the green room was a totally exciting experience.  i was seeing the inner workings of something that i love and have so much respect for.  there's where donna apadone sits!  an ira glass poster!  the cpr janitor!  i love you all!!!

luckily there were two other people in my segment so i didn't have to do all the talking for my 20 minutes.  waiting in the green room, my nerves were getting the best of me.  all of the other guests waiting for their segment were chatting, laughing, totally at ease.  then there's me in the corner, sweating like hog, nervously picking at my nails, shaking my foot.  why did i do this?  maybe if i weren't such a fan i wouldn't care so much.  i mean if i were to go on a radio  station that i've never listened to , then i wouldn't care right?

we get ushered in.  there he is.  jeffery callison.  with the sexy scottish accent.  not only am i hearing such a familiar voice, that voice is looking at me!  he starts talking and i can actually feel my body seperating.  cool, funny, impressive me has left the building!  all thats left sitting there is a sweaty, acne ridden nervous wreck. 

he talks with me first.  i can't breath let alone talk.  let alone talk in an npr way.  words are coming out of my mouth, i recognize them as words i have used before, but i can't control them.  i can't breath.  he's still looking at me.  am i under a heat lamp?  breath!  let your breath out!    then on to the next guest.  ahhhhh. let me catch up with myself.  oh crap i have to pay attention to what is going on with the two other guys because he's going to include me too!    the chatting goes on, i collect myself.  i am slowly melting back into my body.  now i can watch the other guys squirm.  oops back to me, now's your chance to prove to the world that you are npr worthy. 

it's over.  it's over?  but i just got warmed up!  the staff comes out of the booth, great job, great job.  it's over?  can we do it again?  i don't want to shake his hand because mine is a disgusting pool of sweat.  ah i'm touching the voice.  the scottish voice.  bye bye. 

i call my husband
did you listen?
 to what?
 me on npr! 
oh that was today?
 nice. 

later in the day i got to listen to the show over the capradio.org website.  huh.  ok.  not so bad.  i actually was speaking english.  alright, i feel better.  wow now i feel good!   i feel like someone fabulous!

then i see baby eating her boogers.  back to realty.  but for the rest of the evening i have a slight sway in my step. 

 

this will indeed rub some people the wrong way.  but i ask you to look at it differently, then proceed to still be offended.

i am not a republican.  i am not a christian.  i am not a conservative.  but in 7 months i will miss george w. bush.

he has been a great role model for many people and youngsters in this country.  what???  you say.  i know, let me explain.

 he has so clearly proven that one does not need to be a good speaker to be the highest leader of this country.  that opens a door for so many people who don't understand basic english skills.  i think that is why he developed his education program, is to make sure more people were on his level. how generous.  he didn't want to feel better than the people in his country. 

he has so strongly shown that one does not have to bow to peer pressure when it comes to making important decisions.  all you simply have to do is do what YOU want.  this gives great hope for my toddler.  she is the president of our house.

he has so kindly shown the american people to not ever get comfortable with your financial situation, so he forced us to live more cheaply.  if we were rolling in money would we walk and bike and get such a great work out?

and by allowing only the elite to have access to quality healthcare, would so many people learn the old fashioned "grin and bear it" theory?  no.  they wouldn't  learn to be tough and live through the pain. 

and those same tough people, getting such a great cardio by not being lazy driving a car, would they not have the wonderful opportunity to travel the world?  and exercise their great 2nd ammendment right to bear arms?  (so what if the target of their american civil right just happens to be an innocent civilian with a family? )

and for god's sake what other president is such rich fodder for comedy?  he is so funny!  just hearing his voice with that texan drawl, makes me smile.  his outrageous jokes, his painfully funny pronunciations, and mostly that look he gives when he knows he's busted. 

i will miss you.  you have given me 8 great years of emotions that no one else could have given me.  well actaully 7- the first year i was so mad i was pretending to be a korean tourist. 

i am a prime example of a trend that is sweepng the nation.  when hot girls become moms.
 my legs have gone from toned and waxed to pale and unshaven.  my hair has seen more ponytail days than ever before.  my clothes have migrated from trendy to clearance sweatpants from target.  i have gone from turning heads into turning 1lb of hamburger into something edible. 

incidence #1:
 at the park, my daughter and i had the place to ourselves.  that is until a crackhead  came along and decided to make the swings his stage for his rants and vocal talents.  i ignored him, emitting my best momma bear  "don't come near my cub or i WILL hurt you" look.  then he said something that i needed the most.  he said that my daughter was beautiful, just like me.  i melted.  even if it came from a man who claimed to have invented the automobile.

incidence #2:
i was driving along folsom blvd. in the right lane.  a monster truck was driving alongside of me on my left.  i hear the passenger say "dang you're right!  she is hot!" oh my god.  if he only knew.  if he only knew that a lifetime ago i most likely would have given him the finger, but that hearing his crude compliment made me sit up a little straighter and my face light up.   

so to some i've still got it.  and maybe even to me too.

i grew up in a land very different than here.  a land where catsup is considered spicy and cheddar cheese is looked at as "ethnic".  i grew up in a small farm town of 500 people in minnesota.  a town called wanamingo.  we were not on the affluent side and my mother amazingly fed 5 mouths on 1lb of hamburger and whatever else she had on hand.  so something like central air conditioning was totally out of the question.  we endured the heat and humidity for three months and had many sleepless nights restless from the unyielding thick summer air.   shirts drenched in sweat and frizzy hair was as common as teenagers driving their tractors around town. 

then i moved to sacramento.  every house i have lived in for the past 8 years has had central air conditioning.  it is something that i have quickly grown to love.  in fact going back to my mothers in wanamingo is very well, hot and sticky.  her and i have an understanding that every june, july and august she comes here, instead of me going there and constantly complaining about everything. 

last night at the beginning of the hottest weekend of the year, our ac unit decided to protest the demands of such a weekend.  it pooped out on us.  so now my husband is working very hard to get it up and running again.  god speed. 

at first i said many four letter words about the coming weekend without my air conditioning.    then i thought "hey this is nothing!  i've been through much worse for the first 17 years of my life".  that was this morning when things had not yet begun to heat up.  the four letter words are once again  rearing their ugly heads and my flip flop literally flew off my foot from the sweat on my feet.  i may have to do the unthinkable.  go to the mall.  that way i can cool off and have an excuse to eat panda express for lunch.  mmmmmmm panda.

today i did something monumental.  i gathered an entire mountain of clothes that i just had to accept that i will never fit into again.  i decided to sell them.  my most favorite t-shirts, sexy shirts, tank tops, beloved shoes, sexy pj's, all of it i finally decided to part with.  i get to the crossroads, wait about 30 minutes ( a lifetime with a wiggly toddler) and waited.  i thought ok, maybe at best i'll get $40.  i steal glances and see my pre baby life being seperated into two piles, memories flashing with each shirt i see.   then she calls me up to the counter and all of the clothes are back in the bag!!  "i didn't find anything today, the clothes are just a little too old for us"  take it in.  the clothes are too old for us.  so not only are they clothes that i will never squeeze into, but even if i DID, i would be a fashion has been.  i don't even remember the drive home, i was so stunned.  i mean it's not like i came in with 1999 strapped to my back and said hey these high heel sneakers are awesome!  give me top dollar for them!  
at least my earrings and lipgloss will never go out of style right?????