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I hesitate to post this blog because it reveals what an ingrate I am. My husband gently pointed ouy that I’m waaaay over thinking this, but I can’t help myself.  I expect (and probably deserve) to get flogged with a wet noodle for this, but here is my story (confession) for today.

My mother-in-law has raised two children of her own as well as many foster babies. She has more varied experience than I’ll ever have. I respect this as well as appreciate her selflessness. My mother-in-law generously offered to take our daughter to her home for the day AND have me over for dinner when I was ready to pick up my daughter. An actual honest-to-God day off! I shamelessly pounced on the opportunity. I want to be clear in that I have no problem with her sitting with our daughter. I couldn’t leave her in better, more caring hands. But in the past, this was done in our home and for only a couple of hours or so. This was the first time that our daughter was going to her house for the day. So there I stood in our driveway with that flippity feeling in my stomach as she drove away with my baby.

Here’s my problem (INGRATE ALERT!), dilemma, what have you. I don't look so good here.  I have our daughter on a schedule. I follow the Babywise system of Feeding time/Wake time/Nap Time, with parental assessment for flexibility of said schedule. When our daughter is on this schedule, she does really well, therefore I do really well. The problem happens when communicating my expectations of this schedule to someone else as this becomes subject to interpretation.  What is “heard” is colored by the other party’s experience.   Anyway, I wrote down the schedule along with the amount of formula to be fed at feeding time (just like the zoo only less raw). Since I’m whining, it’s not hard to guess that what I wanted wasn’t what happened.

 I haven’t had to give my daughter snacks between meals since implementing the schedule. My daughter has trained me to respond to her signals. If it’s around the scheduled feeding time, then obviously the fist chewing and lip smacking mean that she’s hungry. But she has no concept of “enough”. She’ll take a ten ounce bottle and drink it all if it’s offered. The result of that is A LOT of vomit. It’s my job to determine “enough” for her. At this time, four ounces is enough for each feeding. During the wake time phase, she’ll smack and suck on her fists, but she’s not hungry. This is where my experience prevails. She sucks her fists because they're (ahem) handy and she smacks when she is copying my mouth movements when I talk to her which I do a lot during wake time.  But of course, she’ll take a bottle any time it’s offered, hungry or not. She’s no dummy. She learned that from me. I didn’t get overweight by turning down a snack opportunity.

So, I find it hard to justify my consternation that my instructions (dictate?) weren’t followed. But, if a baby is hungry, you feed it (duh!). My daughter appeared hungry, so Grandma fed her. This is an absolutely reasonable response to how she interpreted the signals. No harm done, but it takes a day to get my daughter back on my revered schedule. I have to remind myself that this is no big deal in the grand scheme of the universe. If it were really that critical or important, then I should have clarified my expectations.  I actually think that my ego is causing the conflict. I battle with my respect for her experiences while wanting to be acknowledged and respected for my own experience, limited as it is. I have a difficult time asserting confidence in my stance. Then, I worry that I’ll never get another day off if I don’t stifle my control freak nature. My husband says that I’m being waaaay to anal about this.  And he’s totally right.  Yeesh! I get so sick of myself!

How do I convey my issue of her feeding my daughter snacks off schedule without coming across as ungrateful or disdainful of her experience?  I don’t.

That’s not to say that I won’t try to be more clear the next time (if I’m lucky to get a next time) by better explaining what I have in mind. The snacks weren’t given to defy my parenting method. The snacks were given because signals were given and interpreted. The BIG SIN (extra feeding, big whoop) was done out of good intent.  For all I know, maybe my daughter is going through a growth spurt and actually does need the extra snacks. I wasn’t there (I was running amok at the bookstore on my DAY OFF!), so how do I really know?

This is where my inexperience as a first time mother undermines my confidence in what I think I’m trying to accomplish. Fortunately, I’ll see the pediatrician tomorrow. I’ll add to my list the question of the appropriate amount of formula for her height and build. There has to be a chart. There’s always a chart. But even that is subject to interpretive flexibility. So, flexibility and open, clear communication will be my best friend. Motherhood. Honestly one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. There’s so much more to learn than just the care and maintenance of a baby.