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Exhaustion and theological questions
An excellent read for those grieving the loss of a child My first Mother's Day without my son A Mother's Greatest Loss April 08 May 08 June 08 July 08 August 08 September 08 October 08 November 08 
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My first Mother's Day without my son
There have been many "firsts" for me over the last 9 1/2 months since my son died. The day he should have left for college, the Parent's Weekend we should have attended, the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas, a new year, his 19th birthday, the birthdays of my other son, my husband and I, Spring break when he should have come home from college, Easter,etc, etc. And now here I am facing Mother's Day with one of my children deceased. Thank God I still have one child. I feel so bad for parents who lose their only child. This is hard enough. Facing this Mother's Day has made me realize how difficult this holiday must be for the many women who wanted children but were never able to have them. My best friend is one of those. Another long time friend who never married or had children and is now in her early 50's emailed me just this morning to say she was thinking of me on Mother's Day because it has always been such a hard day for her. When we are mothers with intact families, we don't realize how much others who never had that blessing are hurting. I will do my best to be grateful for the 18 1/2 years we had with Ryan and to be grateful for what I have left - Ross, a wonderful husband and many people who love me. But it will be a bittersweet day for sure. 8 comments from 7 users
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posted by
girl4agreenerworld
on May 8, 2008 at 03:50 PM
posted by
hmoeckli
on May 8, 2008 at 06:37 PM
You speak about your pain and loss in a powerful and wise way. My thoughts will be with you during this difficult time. I wish the best for you and your family.
posted by
anangelinurpocket
on May 9, 2008 at 10:15 PM
this will be my 4th mothers day without my first born son, its a strange tiem - half wanting to grieve half wanting to enjoy the memories but in all ever thankful for the 17 1/2 years of tiem with a wonderful human being posted by
ldickerson
on May 10, 2008 at 08:07 AM
Thank you for your post and for planting hope that with time, the hurt will soften and the memories will be sweet rather than stabbing. I feel similarly in that I am thankful to have had 18 1/2 years with my own wonderful human being. I just miss him so much. Right now, the grief over losing him overtakes the gratitude in having had him. I hope with time that changes. Happy Mother' s Day to you. posted by
tneibold
on May 10, 2008 at 06:08 PM
Thank you for posting, I am also going through my first mother's day without one of my sons. My younger son committed suicide just 11 weeks 5 days 6 hours and 38 minutes ago. It's still hard to stop counting. He was just 15 years and 2 months old. I spent most of last night going through his pictures and crying over several of the gifts he had made me for Mother's days past. I know his pain is over and he is in a better place, but nothing will be the same without him. We're doing our best to look forward, but there are definitely times that are tougher than others. I sincerly feel for anyone who has lost someone close to them, it changes your life. The goal is to remember the good times and to appreciate those around us. We take so many things for granted each day.. and then it's too late to make up for that. My older son said we have to remember the dead but live for the living. Sometimes we need reminders to appreciate how precious life is. Prayers and Love to all. posted by
kellimwheeler
on May 12, 2008 at 11:55 AM
Linda, My heart aches for this cruelest of firsts for you this year. Just yesterday, on Mother's Day, an 18 year-old friend of my niece's died after hitting his head in a fight at a Giant's game. For us mothers, all we could think was, "How horrible that those two days will be forever connected for her." But after reading your blog I realized those dates would be interchangable in grief no matter if they happened on the same day or not. Again, I am inspired by your strength -- of thinking of others in their own grief and so poignantly communicating your connection. My prayers, Kelli posted by
ldickerson
on May 12, 2008 at 12:06 PM
thank you for your prayers, Kelli. My heart aches for the family of that 18 year old who died from the fight at the Giants' game. My husband grew up with a family who lost their 12 year old in a motorcycle accident on Mother's Day almost 50 years ago. I now think of that mother, who is now either really old or dead, in a new way. Losing your child on Mother's Day would be awful. Thanks for your post.
posted by
Mama26
on May 13, 2008 at 12:28 AM
tneibold- i saw this was your first post and i jus wanted to welcome you to the site. i joined here shortly after my mom comitted suicide this Dec 31, to have an outlet (writing) for my grief. it has been a positive thing for me, in a sea of stiffling negativity and pain. I'm so sorry and offer my condolences to you and your family. It was such a poinient thing your son said about remembering the dead but live for the living, it really struck a cord with me. Thanks for sharing. Idickerson- thank you for your post as well, and reminding all of us to count our blessings with a humble heart, it sounds so cliche but we must to move forward. im right behind you!
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The first Mother's Day will be a tough one for you undoubtedly. How wonderful of you to think of others who are grieving in a different, yet somewhat similar way. Again, I will keep you in my prayers.