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My brother and his wife have a wonderful six year old son. They are great parents and are providing him with a loving, nurturing and supportive home. For whatever reason, however, even with the help of fertility drugs, they were unable to conceive for a second time.  After much consideration, they decided to adopt. They went through the interview process, paperwork, classes, screenings and other necessary steps.  Once approved, they were put on a waiting list. They had been on the list for over 18 months until the silence was broken. On a recent Thursday evening, the adoption agency called to say that a woman had just given birth to a baby girl and they had been selected to be the parents. They could meet their new baby on Sunday.

Thrilled beyond words, they prepared steadily for three days. Putting up the crib, buying diapers and most significantly, opening their hearts, minds and emotions to the thought of welcoming a baby girl into their lives.  

Sunday rolled around and they drove for over four hours to the hospital. (they live in a different state). On the way to the hospital, they called immediate family members to spread the good word. My brother's voice was filled with excitement and anticipation. Something that they had wanted for so long was about to become a reality. Unfortunately, the story doesn't have a happy ending for them. By the time they arrived at the hospital, they were greeted by the representative from the adoption agency. She had a grim look on her face. Apparently there was a breakdown in communication and the birth mother changed her mind on Saturday and decided to keep her baby.

She absolutely has the right to change her mind. I'm convinced it must be one of the hardest decisions a woman will ever have to make. I just felt so badly for my brother and his family. Although they were only notified four days earlier, it was long enough for them to become completely in love with the idea of raising another child. It would be unfair to describe the woman's background, situation and financial means in this blog, because it does not make her feelings for her child any less significant. But it is hard knowing that my brother and his wife would have been able to provide everything this baby could want or need as evidence by their son.

When I spoke to my brother, he described it as a "heart wrenching" experience which is a very strong word for him to use considering that he is a pretty happy-go-lucky guy. I share their heartache with them, but they are also very aware and appreciative for the many blessings they have. If it's meant to be, it will be.

For about a year, Jake and Abi (his "girlfriend" from preschool) made a promise to get married when they turn five. According to Jake, they were going to get married at preschool with all of their friends and teachers present to witness the joyous occasion... except me. I was not invited. Isn't he a little young to already have issues with his mother?

One day while picking her up from preschool, Abi's mom overheard the young couple talking and Jake said " I can't marry you anymore because I'm gonna marry my mama," Wow. I went from not being invited to the wedding to being the bride.  I was flattered. Must be the new moisturizer I'm using.

This afternoon I was looking through some photos and stumbled across some from my wedding. (8 years ago in November aggh!) Jake has seen our wedding pictures before so I shared it with him. Thinking that he would say that I looked like a princess (because he's said that before and uh, ya, I did look like a princess thankyouverymuch) I was surprised, yet amused by his reaction. He took the picture from my hand, his eyes as wide as saucers, looked at me, looked back at the picture and finally exclaimed, "You're married?!!".  It was as if a light bulb had just gone off in his head and he had just discovered a deep dark secret that I was keeping from him.

I explained that I married Daddy. He leaned on the bed, threw his head back and in disgust said, " fine".  I asked, 'is this because you wanted to marry me?" He shook his  head yes. I couldn't help but smile and just give him a big hug. Let's hope he always thinks this highly of me...at least I'll have a shot at getting invited to his real wedding.

My husband has two. My sister has four. My brother in-law has half a sleeve and my other brother in-law is trying to remove his. Yes, I'm referring to tattoos. I actually think that tattoos are interesting to look at, but perhaps what's more interesting is the reason why people get them. Some are sentimental, some are symbolic and some just because.  It seems like in mid-town and downtown Sacramento there are tattoo parlors on every corner. I often wonder how they can all stay in business, but then you look around and you can see why. They're everywhere! On arms, legs, necks, backs, ankles and I'm sure on some private areas only for select people to see. I've seen some that are truly works of art, beautifully done. I've seen others that appear quite tacky and others that make me wonder, WTF were you thinking?! However, you won't find one on me...but perhaps that may change.

For the longest time, when the topic of tattoos would come up in conversation , I would definitively say, "No, I don't want one. I wouldn't know what to get." Well, I'm changing my tune. I'm actually considering it... well, kindof, maybe considering it.  I really haven't mentioned this to anyone other than my husband. I'm sure that most people that know me would be surprised that I'm contemplating this. It's certainly nothing unique, but perhaps I'm not the "type". (whatever the "type" is.) I still don't know exactly what to get, but it would be something involving my kids, my family.  Perhaps something designed to include their initials or birthdates. Hubby thinks I would regret getting one. We'll see. So until I make up my mind, I'll continue to enjoy the wide range of art walking around Sacramento.

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It's hard to believe that it's already been one year. Happy birthday sweet Baby Girl. 

After my miscarriage, I didn't want to worry about getting pregnant. I didn't want to "try" and I didn't want to be concerned with when the "right time" was. After about eight weeks, on a hunch, I took a pregnancy test and sure enough, it was positive. I was excited, but guarded.

The first two trips to the Dr's office were dismal as she could not detect a heartbeat. Infact, after the second visit, she suggested it could be an ectopic pregnancy, so off we went to take a more intensive ultrasound. But much to our joy, although very faint, the grainy screen picked up your heartbeat.  At that moment, for the amount of worrying we had already done, hubby said it's gotta be a girl. And he was right.

We've spent the last year watching you grow and develop. You love to give hugs, play shy and bury your face in my shoulder and laugh at your big brother's silly antics. Instead of first learning to crawl, you preferred to roll from your back to your belly to get from point A to point B. You enjoy playing the xylophone, listening to music and going for rides in the stroller.  Your hair, however, is a good indication at what a unique and special little girl you are. For the first several months, you literally had a mohawk (or faux hawk). From the front to back, it stood straight up. Recently, it's taken on a new twist. The front lays down, but the back still stands tall. It's quite the conversation starter as even strangers in the grocery store like to comment on it. I love it. It's what makes you, you.

So as your birthday draws to a close, I look forward to another year of firsts. Happy birthday sweet Baby Girl. You make us so proud.