Tell A Friend Sponsored by Sutter Health

Most Smartest Mommy ITW (In The World)

Most Smartest Mommy ITW (In The World)
Tales from the Frontlines of Motherhood
About kellimwheeler


Member Since:
March 06, 2008
Last Signed In:
November 17, 2009
Blog Views:
3680
Send a Message Send To A Friend Sign Guestbook Add as a Friend

kellimwheeler - > Most Smartest Mommy ITW (In The World) -> A No Good Very Bad Mommy
A No Good Very Bad Mommy

Momservation for the day: It seems only fair to teach children about PMS at a young age so they know when to steer clear of Mommy.

 

               

 

I wasn’t a very good mommy this morning.

 

I was having a horrible, no good, very bad day thanks to my “monthly friend” being in town, and my poor son became the emotional equivalent of getting mowed down while trying to safely cross in the crosswalk. My daughter at least had the good sense to try not to cross PMS Mommy St. and in fact took a whole ‘nother route by hiding out in the bathroom until I was done running over unsuspecting pedestrians.

 

All my 9 year-old son wanted to do was make his lunch, eat his breakfast and get himself to school in time for his morning recess and favorite activity, soccer. He was proceeding in that direction right on time when along came the 7:37 a.m. Mean Mommy Express.

 

It all began when I started going through his Friday Folder, all the work he had done the previous week, so I could sign-off on it and he could return it to his teacher.

 

It was not his fault that I waited until the last minute to do this. And if I am being a reflective mother and am practicing what I preach (in this case it was yelling at him, “How are you going to get better if you don’t learn from your mistakes!”), I probably should have reviewed this material with him sometime during the weekend when I would’ve had his full attention and not when he was in a rush to get himself responsibly ready and to school on time.

 

So when I came across some tests with wrong answers even though I was sure he knew the material, I tried to go over it with him. I thought I saw a teachable moment. I thought I was being very helpful and supplementing his learning process. I enjoyed being able to use my teaching skills from my previous career to help my own child. And even when he got huffy and defensive about it, I thought I was doing a good job being patient, explaining why it’s important to review your work and correct your mistakes.

 

But then he hit me with his patronizing 3rd grade know-it-all standard reply I’m getting so sick of: “I know Mom.” It flipped my PMS switch.

 

“No, you don’t know!” I yelled at him. “If you did know, then you wouldn’t have made these mistakes!”

 

And then it went down hill from there. I went on an overemotional rant about learning from our mistakes, taking constructive criticism, and knowing when to listen and learn from people with the wisdom and experience.

 

And then I had one of those moments where I knew I was about to spew something hurtful out of my mouth, but I just could not stop myself. In my head I was saying, Don’t say it, don’t you say it!

 

Logan! You are too smart to be so stupid!”

 

Sh**. I said it.

 

Plus, in our house, my kids think The “S” Word is “stupid” – one of those bad words that will get your mouth washed out with soap. So the horrified look on my son’s face wasn’t just because I yelled something mean and hurtful at him (which was a totally uncalled for and a blatant overreaction), but I used foul language in the commission of this crime, doubling my sentence of shame.

 

I should’ve apologized right away, but I was still worked up and mad at what I perceived to be his ambivalence and stubbornness. Instead, I kept driving like a crazy, out-of-control fool, looking to run over someone else’s self-esteem.

 

“Whitney! Where are you? Why haven’t you gotten in here and eaten this breakfast yet?”

 

Poking her head from the safety of the bathroom, she darted to the table, inhaled her breakfast, then scooped up her school bag and zipped outside to grab her bike.

 

Logan dragged his wounded soul outside, grudgingly accepting my kiss on his cheek and routine wish to have a good day.

 

Instead of taking that opportunity to apologize I continued to blame him and his thick-headedness for the ugly turn of events.

 

It wouldn’t be until my mom called and I began to vent to her before the scenario unclouded in my thick-headed skull and I could see error of my ways and the emotional destruction I left behind.

 

So now here I sit waiting for Logan to get home, stewing in my own self-loathing, knowing I have taken myself out of the running for Mother of the Year. I am desperately hoping with an apology I can repair the tear in my son’s self-confidence and trust that his own mother wouldn’t intentionally hurt him.

 

I hope he understands you’re never too old to learn from your mistakes.

6 comments from 6 users

1

posted by MiaMama on Apr 27, 2009 at 01:52 PM
I love your honesty about what happened this morning (you are so real about it).  I hope he gets home soon so you don't have "stew in your self loathing" much longer!  It's weird that even as mom's with years of experience under our belts we still have to "learn from our mistakes".

Thanks for sharing Kelli!
posted by creatress on Apr 27, 2009 at 01:54 PM

Yikes! Bad morning. Yes, you should have looked over the work a time other than Monday morning... but I know I've been in the exact same spot MANY times! What kid doesn't enjoy starting their week off with a good lecture first thing in the morning? Oh yes, hindsight is a b*&%$.

On the other-hand. I think it is great to apologise and for your kids to see that EVERYONE messes up! Yes, even the "Most Smartest Mommy ITW" can goof once in a while. You're also a great mom to realize your mistake and want to fix it. I hope your day looks up.

posted by kellimwheeler on Apr 27, 2009 at 03:38 PM

Thanks for trying to prop me up ladies. I needed the support.

The boy just got home and I gave him a heartfelt apoplogy. Of course, he had already forgiven me, though I did not deserve such a light sentence. We hugged it out and I'm happy to have another day to be a better mommy tomorrow.

posted by hmoeckli on Apr 27, 2009 at 08:41 PM
This was a great, brutally honest blog. Thank you for sharing your not so shining moment. And I was really touched with how you apologized to your son. Millions of times when I was a kid I felt my parents were in the wrong (upon reflection, they really were) and they NEVER apologized.

I have had similar experiences with students of mine and it feels just awful. But all you can do is say you're sorry, mean it, and try to make the next interaction positive. :)
posted by wifemotherdaughtersister on Apr 27, 2009 at 08:51 PM
oh man that sounds brutal!  but i've heard that is the main difference with boys and girls.  that boys just shrug it off and move on, whereas girls will plot revenge and hold a grudge for ever!  glad it worked out alright for you!
posted by AmandaS on Apr 27, 2009 at 09:53 PM
This sounds so painful. I can see my future in this blog. I have what is known as a short fuse, particularly when I am hungry or tired. When my oldest is acting like a knucklehead, I find I get most frustrated with her when she (gasp) reminds me of myself. Kudos for you for taking responsibility, even if it was cold comfort, you did do the right thing. We all screw up and its better to be honest about it, learn from it, and drown yourself in some Ben and Jerry's. Hang in there. You get to go through it all again in approximately 22 days.
1

Leave a Comment
Ground Rules for posting comments:
  • No profanity or personal attacks.
  • Please comment on the subject of the blog post itself.
If you do not follow these rules we will remove your comment. Please keep it civil.

To protect users from spam, we need you to prove that you're a human being.
Please enter the text from the image at left.
Make my comment anonymous Show my user name with my comment