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This post is mostly for my friends and family since it is just mostly about me. As some of you may or may not know, a week ago Sunday, I woke up in the middle of the night with severe joint pain in both hands that ended up keeping me awake on and off for the remainder of what night I had left. It was a little better during the next day but by Monday night, I could no longer bend my fingers, especially on my left hand, my hands were so swollen that my ring was cutting off the blood supply to my fingers and I was miserable. That warranted a trip to my Dr's office. By the time that I arrived on Tues afternoon at the Dr's, the pain had expanded to include my toes which I could hardly move, my ankles, my shoulders and upper arms and my neck. I was miserable. My Dr said that my hand joints were extremely swollen and fluid filled especially my ring finger. I was sent home with lab work and Vicodin. When Wed rolled around I was scared, I could no longer change my babies diaper, I could not cover myself in bed, I even needed help getting dressed. So a call to my Dr and I was now put on Steroids because my body was no longer working....I was scared and in some of the worst pain of my life.

Skip to tonight...my lab work is back and it is very probable that I have an immune mediated disease. High on the list is Lupus...It is scary being only 28 and thinking that you have a disease or something wrong with you that shouldn't be. My body is fighting itself in someway. So I called my Uncle who is also a Dr to see what he thought. He said for now, don't panic. Since it is only been a week and half it could still be a virus but it could also be a hundred other things. Concerning is that when I reduce the amount of steroids, the pain comes back. One of the blood tests called an ANA was done a few months back when I went to a specialist and since then it was rechecked and it has increased which is a big warning flag for immune mediated disease. Also my sed rate was up which means that I have inflammation in my body. Next step... to see a rheumotologist.  So now it is a waiting game. For those of you who know me, you know that I think the worst. I want to be able to watch my kids grow...even though I am almost positive it wont be that serious I am still scared. So...to my friends and family I want to apologize in advance. If I seem a little distant, moody etc please don't take it personal. I am just worried and painful. I have good days and bad. I am frequently tired due to my pain meds. The steroids give me headaches and I am just trying to deal and hope for the best. Please don't be afraid to talk to me about it. I love all of you and I just wanted to give an explanation.  I will keep you posted.

Yesterday we were trying to decide what  to take our two kids 15 months and almost 4 to do...it was a nice day outside so we decided to take them to the Nimbus fish hatchery since they both love fish and when I was a kid, I loved that place. You can feed all of the baby fish and watch the big huge salmon jump the ladder trying to get back to spawn. When we arrived we went and got some fish food and Kaitlyn and Julie had a blast feeding all of the babies. Then we heard that the fish ladder was open(since they don't announce anymore when it is) so we rushed over there in anticipation of seeing hundreds of big fish trying to make its way to the top. Except something was wrong....instead of hundreds of fish we only saw a few. There was no long line of fish at the bottom like there usually is of a massive sea of fish waiting to enter the ladder. In fact, there was hardly any fish at all....

Disappointed, I asked the man who was working there if he was sure that the ladder was open. He said that the gate was for sure open, there are just not any fish. No one knows why...some say it is global warming, others say that the weather has been to hot, still some others speculate that pollution is causing a huge drop in the fish population. I couldn't believe it...as a kid, I remember many many years of being amazed at these huge fish jumping up the ladder returning to the place that they were born...now they are vanishing away. My children's kids may never be able to see this site at the rate.  If the salmon population becomes rare, then the whole food chain gets messed up...so it got me to thinking, how can I change this and make a difference? How can I educate my young children and get them to understand how very important this is. The older I get,  the more I try to help out the environment, because all to often around me I see things getting worse. I try to buy organic whenever I can, it is not only better for my family, but better for the environment. No chemicals, it keeps local farmers in business and it is better for your body. We try to change our light bulbs to energy saving ones, we buy biodegradable baby wipes. We try to plant new trees, but what else can be done. My oldest daughter brings a bag when we go on a walk to pick up garbage that people have dropped all around he neighborhood. But one person cant make a difference. It takes a whole bunch of people. I think so many people take for-granted the state of the world and think that everything will be okay forever. At this rate I am scared about how the world is going to be when my daughters grow up....and to think it all started with a trip to see the fish....what do you think?????