HomeTeacher by day, Mommy by night
Teacher by day, Mommy by night
Juggling the demands (and insanity) of being a high school teacher, a wife, and a mother to a toddler
Member Since: October 28, 2007 Last Signed In: November 16, 2008 Blog Views: 3243 Send To A Friend Sign Guestbook Add as a Friend
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Choose Your Attitude
I learned an important lesson this weekend, and that is one has 100% control over her attitude. I learned this lesson because I had a BAD attitude about traveling to the Bay Area to visit my mom, and lo and behold...I had a rather poopy time. Of course, the whole trip wasn't bad because there were moments where I forgot my need to be Poopy Polly and I relaxed and enjoyed myself.
Here's how a more positive attitude would have improved my situation. Thursday My mother insists on us going out to a Farmer's Market and out to dinner. The music at the Farmer's market is awful yodeling, my daughter dumps ice water all over herself, and my mom told me she'd pay and then she sees the bill and backs out. We go back to her place and I'm frazzled and irritated. How An Improved Attitude Would Have Helped (Remix) I could have focused on the following: Em had her fill of free fruit at the market, we turned my sister's sweater into a make-shift dress for Em while her pants were drying, my mom did pay for part of the meal, and we did get home in time to watch So You Think You Can Dance. Friday As I am trying to workout with a DVD in the morning, my mom starts making breakfast for Em, which is great. Then, she gets a phone call from a guy, she goes into her room, and ignores Em and breakfast for a 1/2 hour. I stop my DVD for a bit, make Em breakfast, and then start working out again. My mom eventually comes out and seems a little annoyed that I made something for Em to eat. Whatever. That evening, we are having dinner at my sister's and my mom gets on the phone with the same guy, ignores us, and talks to him for almost an hour. At this point I want to go home. Remix I could have paid attention to the following: I often have to stop working out in the morning to help Em and it's no big deal, I said nothing to my mother to change her behavior so it's no wonder her behavior doesn't change, and Em was having such a good time with her aunt and uncle that she didn't care. Saturday I decide to go with my sister and brother-in-law to play "Slosh Ball" with their softball team. Justin stays at my mom's with Em, and I'm kind of out of my element. As soon as we get there, we can tell most of the people there are way more serious that we are. Those of us who are not as serious end up playing kick ball and drinking Bud Lite (Yum...not!). Eventually Justin and Em show up and he is not happy. Em didn't nap, and he is cranky. We decide to leave because I'm tired of hearing the "F" bomb and some guy lights up a joint right there in the park. I'm a little upset because my sister wants to stay, and I don't know why she'd pick them over me. Remix Noticing the following could have improved my attitude: I did have a lot of fun playing kick ball, Justin's mood improved once we got away from all the noise and jocks, we got to hang out at my mom's and watch the Olympics. Eventually, my sister and brother-in-law came over to my mom's and we had a great time hanging out, watching t.v., and eating candy. I relaxed. Today we left my mom's after breakfast. Everyone seemed to be in a kind of funky, cranky place, and I was feeling wiped out, so I wasn't much better. But I was happy to be heading home. It was a relatively short trip, but it felt much longer than three days. I missed my house, my cats, my quiet, private time during Em's nap. There are things that are very frustrating to me about my family, but I'm sure I frustrate them also. I probably need to arrange a time to talk to my mom about some of the issues that came up. But if I'm completely honest, I headed into this weekend with a somewhat bad attitude. I think I've just been enjoying spending time at home with my family that I didn't want to leave our home and deal with larger family issues. Well, I won't really have that problem once grad school starts. Pretty much every Saturday I'll be in class. I imagine I will definitely not be up for traveling on my one day off. 5 comments from 4 users
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posted by
creatress
on Aug 11, 2008 at 07:08 AM
posted by
wifemotherdaughtersister
on Aug 11, 2008 at 07:53 AM
oh man!! i've said it before and i'll say it again. i love my family much more when they are 2000 miles away. your story reminds me of that mantra. i'm very impressed with your optimism!
posted by
hmoeckli
on Aug 11, 2008 at 08:36 AM
Thanks ladies, for the kind comments. I actually thought about this blog a bit before I posted. I didn't just want to whine about my family and I knew that I had some culpability in the situation.To answer your question, Creatress, I have some unresolved issues with my mom that have to do with her not quite being as attentive to my daughter as I hoped she would. Also, I resent her because she whines that we don't spend enough time with her and that she's always alone; however, when we do spend time, she's not really focused on her family. posted by
creatress
on Aug 11, 2008 at 06:11 PM
It's interesting how we all can have visions of a family in our head that our own family will never live up to (in fact, they'll fall very far from it). I've for sure had my own share of HUGE issues with my own family and in-laws. You just communicate and adjust your expectations and point of view. You're not alone girl!
posted by
munchkinsmom
on Aug 12, 2008 at 09:30 AM
Great blog! Yep, mind over matter makes a difference (although I know from experience that it's really hard to do the remixed version when you're in the thick of it!! Especially where family is concerned!)
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GREAT blog girl! Love it.
I think the things you talked about are really common "self fulfilling prophecies." Indeed, if you think you'll have a bad time, you most likely will. I think the changes you suggested for next time, or what could have improved the situation are really spot-on. I do think you should talk to your mom when the time is right so if it happens again all you need to do is say "this is what I was talking about" and hopefully she'll get it.
Yes, family dynamics are so complicated. They're worth it though.
Why were you in a poopy mood to begin with?