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Old Memories
Someone very close to me has just discovered that she is pregnant. While she is married, she and her husband are not ready for a baby and are probably going to terminate the pregnancy. They are very young and have only been married two months. She is a teacher, he is a student, and they have no health insurance. They are very responsible people, excluding, of course, one big recent choice, and hate the idea of not being prepared to raise a child.
I identify with their situation completely because two years ago this was me. My husband (we were not married at the time) and I discovered that we were pregnant and we were not prepared at all. We seriously considered an abortion and it was an awful time. When I finally decided that I could not go through with an abortion, I was wracked with guilt and fear. I was convinced that I had made a decision for my husband that he did not want. It was an awful time. Eventually, we both fell in love with our pregnancy. We got married and committed ourselves to a very different life than we had expected, a very beautiful life. Now, when my husband and I cuddle with our small girl in bed on weekend mornings, I'm filled with a searing joy. But the last two Novembers have been hard. It has been very difficult for me not to think of the pain I felt when I first got pregnant, the resentment towards my boyfriend and the embarrassment I felt over not being more careful. Last November, my daughter was five months old and I was suffering with depression. So it was a difficult time. Things are going well now, but I'm surprised by my emotions for my loved one's problem. She is much more convinced than I was that an abortion is the right choice and she seems sad, but relatively comfortable with her decision. However, I cannot shake my sadness today. 2 comments from 2 users
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posted by
creatress
on Nov 18, 2007 at 05:35 PM
posted by
ToscaSac
on Nov 20, 2007 at 12:06 PM
What I felt rising up in me when I realized I was pregnant and alone @ 20 with no college degree or even a drivers license was "You can do this it's been done before and life will bless you if you give of yourself to this innocent babe". And I needed to hear that in that moment because I was standing in the shower slumping over and falling apart emotionally thinking AAAHHHHHH this is crazy it is not what I planned I am all alone no no no. Well now that babe is 11 and the joyous center gem in the crown of my life. It hasn't been easy we might be wealthy but we aint rich ;> I just had to surrender to the process which if you read my blog area you can see is still challenging the heck out of me some days. Whatever your friend does try and just be there for her. But tell her she can join all of us here for support if she decides to take the leap of faith. We moms understand the stress and the pressure of little precious lives on marriages relationships and everything else in our lives and we are better together supporting each other through it all.
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I can relate.
I was 20 and my (now husband, then boyfriend) was 23. We had been dating only for a very short period of time and were VERY VERY surprised to get the news. We did the same as you. Talked about our choices for 20seconds before it was clear we both wanted the same thing. To keep our baby and make this work. I had my son just days after my 21st b-day. 13 married years later (and a lot of work), our story was a happy one. I'm sure not everyone is so lucky as us (in fact, I know it).
It's a hard very personal choice. One I couldn't have made alone. I pass no judgement on anyone in that situation.
I'm glad your story turned out as good as mine! :)