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There is a saying that goes, “No acorn can grow in the shade of a mighty oak.” Whoever came up with that saying was not the parent of a special needs child. To be a parent, you have to be strong, full of love and wise. To be the parent of a special needs child you need to be twice as strong, twice as wise and just as full of love. I sometimes worried that as big and strong as I was, I was keeping my own little acorn in the shade and not allowing him to grow into his own. I need worry no longer.

Man cub has been attending his IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meetings for two years now. The one we had yesterday was his third. At first the idea of having him attend filled me with dread. “Would it ruin his self esteem? Would he think there’s something wrong with him and we’re all trying to make him normal? Would he be angry? Self conscious? Confused?” It turns out man cub’s best advocate and warrior wasn’t the person I always thought it was (me), it was actually man cub. If someone said something he didn’t agree with, he let them know. If he felt he needed a service that would help him and he wasn’t already getting it, he made the suggestion. He even went so far as to correct me! His own mother/champion when he felt I got something wrong. (I guess I am wrong sometimes?)

When he was younger, my husband and I would lay in bed and ride the pendulum of worry. Would he forever live with us, or turn out to be the next Bill Gates? Would he ever be able to get and keep a job, or would he be a world famous writer? It seems our expectations were all or nothing. I’m happy to report that since then we’ve mellowed out. I still have dreams of man cub excepting a Pulitzer, or getting his PhD in classical literature, but gone are the days of fearing he may never have a partner in life or live with us forever.

It turns out that when you plant that acorn under a mighty oak, that oak tree actually cares for it as long as it’s needed. Then, sooner than you think, that acorn has become a mighty oak of its own. It thrills me to see my son stand strong and tall and be that mighty oak that I never dared to hope he could one day be.

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So much of parenting just comes down to having faith. I have faith that my teenage man cub won’t look up porn when he’s home alone, because we’ve had that talk and he knows the reasons behind that rule. I have faith that if his friends make stupid choices when they’re out and away from adults, that he won’t follow the herd. I have faith that man cub will respect everyone till he’s given a good reason not to. I have faith that the movie I just let him watch will be appropriate and not give him bad dreams.

Daily I go out on a limb, trust him, putting my faith in him and to my constant joy, that faith is founded. How do you know when to do this? How much faith to give? When to take it back? When is the right time to just trust that your little bird is ok out of the nest? This doesn’t just happen when your child is a teenager either… Faith starts the second they’re born. It’s an un-spoken contract between you and your child. “You hold up your end of the deal, and I’ll hold up mine.” “When I put you down for a nap, you sleep! When I let you sleep over at a friend’s house, you use your manners. When the teacher tells you to stop talking and pay attention, you do that. When I tell you that a movie isn’t ok for you to watch, you don’t watch it at a friends house.”

Like all kids, man cub has had moments where he tested his boundaries, risked my wrath and ignored common sense. During these times I just remind myself what a good kid he is and that a big part of learning is screwing up. There are some things in life however that we need to learn and never screw up with; Sex, driving, saying “no” to drugs and other dangers just being a few. To those of you with tiny ones at home, these concerns may still seem far away. Let me assure you that they come knocking on your door WAY sooner than you’d like. All I can do is prepare as best I can, let him know that I have faith and educate him to make smart choices. Then convince myself that I did my job well, have faith that he’ll be fine and let go. Easier said than done!

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Why are those two little words so hard? I NEED a glass of water, I WANT those new earrings. I NEED sleep, I WANT a manicure. Just how and where do you draw the line between a want and a need? To complicate matters even more, a lot of it really depends on your culture.

In America, most of us NEED a car and gas to make it go. In other countries, you may just WANT a car (or not) and get along just fine without it. In America most of us also NEED our own space as an adult; our own house, apartment, etc. just for our family. In other countries, that may not be the case. In India, women NEED gold jewelry, it’s not a question of want. It’s such a huge part of their culture and financial savings that you have to have it.

In trying to keep to our budget I ask that want or need question about almost everything. Do we NEED cable TV? Nope? Then bye bye. Do we NEED fabric softener that smells like French lavender? Nope? Ok then. However, I’m finding there are some things that I only want, but have a reaction like I need them. Like those Kate Spade Gumdrop Stud earrings that called out my name this weekend. I called my husband to ask if I could treat myself. His question to me was “Do you NEED them?” Even though I felt the need deep down in the pit of my stomach, my brain kicked in and I had to answer “No. I don’t NEED them, I WANT them.” Then, like a two year old I felt a little teary knowing I would have to just walk away. This is not a month for wants.

Rather than fill my wants with material things, I’m trying to re-train myself to think of some needs AS wants. I WANT to go to the gym! (I say that to myself every day and sometimes I even believe it!) I WANT to eat healthy foods and cook nice meals for my family. I WANT to have a clean house… you get the idea. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. If not, then I try and find a little want that I CAN say “Yes” to. “I WANT a small mocha at Starbucks. I WANT a bubble bath and a piece of dark chocolate.”

For the record, I e-mailed my husband a link to the Kate Spade website and told him I NEED the earrings for either Christmas, or my birthday. I felt that was a fair compromise.

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What’s a family on furlough to do with the holidays around the corner? How can you cut a tight budget even tighter? These are questions I find myself asking these days, but I think I found an answer.

Along with making a lot of my gifts this year (baking goodies mostly), I’m going to forgo the splurge with man cub and my husband and instead start treasure hunting. No, not with a metal detector at the beach, but in our local area thrift stores.

If you’re like me, than the very word “thrift store” brings up a multitude of sensory memories. Dark, dirty, smelly, greasy… none of them pleasant. I’m happy to say however that the thrift stores of our childhood aren’t what you’ll find today. Besides saving a lot of money, most thrift stores also have a cause they give that money right back to. In our house, we call that “win-win.”

I’ll be keeping my eye out for a black trench coat that man-cub wants (and of course, trick it out a little once I get it), anything black and velvet for my cousin and perhaps a game or two for my husband. Here are a few of my favorite local thrift stores and why I think they kick Macy’s butt any day of the week.

(Please feel free to share your own favorite second hand store! The more tips, the merrier the season, and your wallet!)

1) Deseret Industries Thrift Store

3000 Auburn Blvd

Sacramento, CA 95821

(916) 482-1480

* This place is HUGE, clean, well lit and has everything. I adore how the clothes are organized by color. If I owned and ran a thrift store, it would look just like this. Prices range and I’ve never left here empty handed. Especially great place to find clothes.

2) Eco Thrift

7305 Greenback Ln

Citrus Heights, CA 95621-5530

(916) 729-8474

* This store is just as big as Deseret, but not quite a bright and clean. Some of the prices can be a little high (in my opinion), but it’s still worth the trip for the treasure you can find there. Like Desert, they carry a huge variety of items. They also lean towards the kitsch and collectable more than Desert.

3) Renaissance Fine Consignment

2362 Fair Oaks Blvd.

Sacramento, CA 95825

(916) 485-4911 

* The difference between a consignment store and a thrift store is that people donate items to a thrift store, but sale items (sharing the profit) with a consignment store. This is without a doubt the best consignment store EVER. We’re talking name brand only. Coach, Prada, Chanel, Jimmy Chu… all at a fraction of the cost.

4) SPCA Thrift Store

1517 E St

Sacramento, CA 95814

(916) 442-8118

* There’s more than 1 SPCA Thrift Store, but this one is the most centrally located. Call to check on special sales (they often have 50% off days), or bring grandma for the senior discount! A great place for toys, games and books.

5) Once Upon A Child

3186 Arden Way

Sacramento, CA 95825

(916) 488-8861

* A consignment chain with many locations (this is just one), it can be a GREAT place to not only find a bargain, but to make some holiday cash quick by selling your old baby items. I bought and sold many things back in the day to them and never had a complaint. Why buy new when your little one will be done with it in a few short months? Save the earth, and some bucks by going second hand.

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I was talking with a group of mothers this weekend who all have kids under six years old. They were sharing their concern with the new school standards and the lack of “play time.” I very much share that concern. What’s more important, that a Kindergartner knows how to write a full sentence, or that they know how to share? That they have the fine motor skills to cut with scissors, or can give you back correct change? According to state standards, social skills, gross and fine motor development take a backseat to “learning” by completion of "worksheets." Since when did kids stop learning through play?

This new attitude (or is it really new?) in the school system concerns me greatly. I like to think that after school, we make up for it by letting the kids play away the rest of the day… but we all know that’s not how it goes. They could go from school straight to other structured classes for MORE learning (who doesn’t want their kid to get ahead), tutoring, sports, theater… If they’re one of the lucky ones who actually just get free play time after school, what are the playing with?

I saw in the Target holiday toy insert this Sunday something that really surprised me. All of the typical “toys,” such as play dough, Lego, bikes and books were in the very back of the catalog. What was at the front were “toys” that kept kids glued to screens. Doll’s with USB ports (that one surprised me), video games and battery operated ride-on cars (who needs to learn to peddle?) filled the first few pages.

My concern is this; what kind of children are we raising? Ones who can only share feelings through Facebook and texting on their iPhones? Ones who can’t cut with scissors or wrap a gift till they’re 20? Ones who don’t know the concept of teamwork, compromise or sharing? Ones who never feel the strings of a guitar, taste home made play dough or learn what happens when you jump from the top of the slide rather than slide?

We’re encouraging perfection at the expense of actual learning. We’re replacing real life experiences with cyber generated ones. We’re letting our kid’s avatar live out what they should be doing in the real world. We’re spraying their little lives with Lysol and sticking a pre-made bow on top.

Play is important. Play is how children learn. Cooking, music, art, movement and sharing, are all vital to human development and are all considered to be actual food for the brain. Math can wait, sentence structure can be put off, but social skill development, expressive language and fine motor only have a small window of opportunity to be learned and enriched (neurologically speaking.) Make play a priority and you’re ensuring the future success and mental health of your child. What a great gift to give for the holidays! So skip the USB doll and go for the tub of play dough. Or better yet, make your own batch WITH your kid!

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A Christmas Carol has always been one of my favorite tales. Ghosts, redemption, salvation, lesson learned AND the holidays? What’s not to love? So when I had to stay out of my house all day yesterday (thanks plumbers), I decided to treat myself to a little escapism and go see Disney’s new A Christmas Carol.

Let me start my review by saying, I wish there was a rating between PG and PG-13, maybe PG-8? Like Coraline, this movie would qualify. There were many terrifying sequences and two children behind me were crying and begging to leave at the “door knocker” sequence; about 10minutes into the movie. Their parents conceded and the kids left. There’s also a lot of dialogue and character emphasis which would boor the very young. I didn’t see it in 3-D, although it was offered both ways at our theater. During the movie I found myself wondering if any child under 10 seeing it in 3-D actually made it to the end of the film.

The animation was wonderful, but I found myself comparing the larger characters in the film to bloated corpses. Perhaps that was just the general darker undertone of this particular version coming across? But I found it a little eerie. The sound quality and effects were also noticeably well done. The whole feel of the film reminded me of a cross between Shrek (the computer animation cutting-edge techniques) and Geri’s Game, the Pixar short about an old man playing chess with himself in the park.

The voice acting was very well done and I enjoyed the fact that each character looked quite a bit like its celebrity voice. Jim Carrey as Scrooge reminded me so much of his character Count Olaf in the Series of Unfortunate Events that I had to keep reminding myself Scrooge wasn’t after any orphans.

The main issue I had with the film was the total lack of diversity. Everyone is white and Christian. This is true of the story in general however and with the exception of Muppets A Christmas Carol, you will find this problem in every version.

I personally enjoy “darker” movies like, The Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline, so I’d have to say this is my new favorite version of A Christmas Carol. I didn’t think anyone could beat out Patrick Stewart in my holiday loving heart, so this is a compliment indeed.

If you do plan on taking smaller children to see A Christmas Carol, I have some suggestions.

1)      Watch the trailer together first, so they know a little about what to expect.

2)      Watch another version at home first (like Mickey’s a Christmas Carol), so again, they know what to expect, and have a lighter version for comparison.

3)      Know that it starts right off with the dead corpse of Jacob Marley.

4)      If you do decide to leave during the movie, don’t leave during a “scary” part. Wait till they see the resolution and its back to a happier part.

5)      Talk about it after. There’s a lot of good moral discussion to be had (like helping other people, feeling cranky, money, etc…)

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After the week of fun that I’ve had (can you feel my sarcasm?) I thought it would be nice to take a walk on the lighter side. The only thing worse than a streak of bad luck going on with your family, is suffering through this bad luck in a messy, dirty house. I feel like if your house is clean, at least you can actually relax and recover some of your lost energy.

I think I’ve spent a lot of hours over the years on cleaning, and have tried many a product. I always love hearing what works well for other people and why. Here’s a few of my “favorite things” that make my life just a little bit easier (and fresh smelling.)

1) Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. It took wine stains off my flat painted wall. Nuff said!

2) Dyson Vacuum. I have the pet hair model and really couldn’t live without it. It’s also very rewarding to be able to see all the gunk you get out of the floors (since its bag-less.)

3) Mrs. Myers Clean Day products. A little high on the price scale, but I find a little bit goes a long way. I love the lavender line. It smells like real French lavender, not chemical lavender.

4) Febreze Air Effects (linen & sky scent). Something about it just makes my house smell fresh (like some cheesy commercial.) It also reminds me of my aunt’s house and that makes my own home seem more comforting.

5) Arm & Hammer Baking Soda. I buy the giant bag at Costco and use a little with every wash as a fabric and water softener. Davis has horribly hard water and it not only helps out my clothes, but keeps my machine from getting build up.

6) J.R. Watkins Natural All Purpose Cleaner (lemon).  LOVE the smell and works really great! Great for all surfaces. (I got mine at Target.)

7) Purex 3 in 1 Laundry Sheets. One stop laundry, works out to be about ½ the cost per load at using liquid soap, dryer sheet and fabric softener. Costco had a great intro bundle last month.

8) SKYDD white mineral oil from IKEA. This is GREAT for cabinets, tables, cutting boards or other wood furniture that needs treatment once in a while. Cheap and works great! Safe around kids and pets as well.

9) Pumice stone. The all natural way to combat hard water deposits and stains. Perfect for toilet grime that just won’t come off with scrubbing brushes or chemicals. Just requires a little elbow grease.

10) Microfiber rags. These are wonderful for dusting. You’re also being eco friendly by using something you can toss in the wash and get many uses out of. I find just 1 will dust my whole house.

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We’ve had a bit of rain at our house lately. Not literal rain, but the bad-luck kind. Man cub is having some school struggles. Tenth grade is proving to be tougher that we’d hoped. He’s trying hard, but still sliding down into the pit of “bad grades.” Then there’s the house. Along with fixing up some dry rot on the side due to water damage (dang trees), we just found out that we need our whole main sewage line replaced. Now, if we lived in Sacramento, this wouldn’t be a big deal. The city would cover it. For the joy of living in Davis however, it’s all on us. All $9,000.00 of it. Yup, 9K. Yeah, that was my reaction too.

So WHILE trying to finish up school, teach art classes (that keep being cancelled because no one can afford such luxuries anymore), trying to help my son not flunk out of high school, we get to take out a loan just so we can flush the toilet. –sigh-

I SWEAR I’m trying to keep positive. We have our health, we have each other, we still have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. You know how when you stub your toe all you can think is “OW OW! MY TOE!” Well, I’m stubbed. All I can think is CRUD! THIS SUCKS!

Thanks for letting me rant a little. I actually do have a plan of action to survive this with only one stress induced fever blister.

1)      Go to the gym. Work out hard and enjoy a hot shower there.

2)      Keep your eye on the long-term. It is an investment in our home. It’s not going to bankrupt us to take out this loan. We’re just pre-spending our tax return now.

3)      YES! We all have our health, roof over our head and food. YAY!

4)      Breathe

5)      Man cub will be fine. There’s still two months till report cards and we’re all doing our best to help him recover from these academic adjustment bumps.

6)      Breathe

7)      It could ALWAYS be worse!