SacMomsClub.com

larger view

Do you ever find yourself wishing that the road to parenthood came with a map? Or better yet, a guide book? That when you were given that little bundle of joy, you were also handed a book just for them? “Welcome to the world, here is everything you need to know to be the best parent to this child.” How great would that be. All their likes, dislikes, learning styles, interests, potential, weaknesses, all in black and white.

It feels to me like just when I think I know man cub better than anyone else on the planet, he goes and changes on me. “He hates cheese!” “More cheese please!” “He’s a visual learner.” “I learn best by hearing it.” Honestly, if there’s one thing parenthood has taught me its to role with the punches. Not easy for an organization loving predictability monster like myself.

Lucky for me however, man cub does indeed roll with the punches (while I stand there stubbornly and get it right in the smacker.) Heck, he doesn’t just roll with the punches, he bends like a willow tree, or the dude from the Matrix dodging bullets. In fact, he is my new Guru when it comes to going with the flow. I think he gets it from his father. Living in a house with two such willow trees is very good for me (the stubborn oak.)

As I grow, mature and learn, I’m slowing becoming ok with not knowing what’s around every bend. Because just when I think I do, it’s a mirage, or it changes before my eyes. Chasing perfection and thinking you have control over things is like grabbing at smoke. Parenting is not only an adventure, but if you’re open to the experience, a mirror as well. Your kid will always give it to you straight, “You smell bad mommy!” Twist your heart around their finger, “I’m the luckiest boy in the world to have a mom like you!” And open your eyes to beauty and wonder, “That cloud looks like a pony!” No one can make me laugh as hard, worry so much or cry a river. I think a lot of that joy comes from not knowing what’s going to happen next? Who needs that map after all, I’ll just hold his hand and jump on the ride next to him.

larger view

My son never really enjoyed Trick or Treating, but that cut off age seemed to come all too fast for me. Halloween is my favorite time of year, it always has been, but once my son became a teen, I found myself struggling to find ideas and alternative ways to celebrate other than going door to door begging for candy. Let’s face it, nothing is more irritating than a “way too old kid” showing up at your door (hours after all the REAL trick or treaters are home and in bed.) I refused to have my kid be one of them. Though in Davis at least this age of trick or treat acceptability seems to go up every year.

Besides making decorations and having him help me decorate the house, pass out candy and invite friends over, here are a few other local traditions we’ve enjoyed to celebrate the season with older kids.

~Corn Mazes

There are quite a few in our area. This year we explored the one at Dave’s Pumpkin Patch in West Sacramento. My son loved it, and it wasn’t so huge that I was uncomfortable letting him try to navigate it solo while we sipped cider on a hay bale nearby.

~Old Sacramento Cemetery

I’ve always loved this beautiful cemetery. It’s a great place to take the family for a weekend pic nic and see some living, errr, dead history. Many original settlers of California are buried right here. For Halloween they put on a night time lantern tour. Tickets are $25 per person and they usually sell out months in advance. That doesn’t mean you can’t take a visit for free and enjoy the spooky, yet lovely atmosphere!  

~Pumpkin Carving Contest

Show off your creative skills with a family pumpkin carving (or for littler ones, decorating) contest. This is actually how my husband and I met, and is still an annual family tradition. Get a small prize for the winner (and a little something for the attempt if you have more than 1 child.)

~Sacramento Governers Mansion Tour

Special Halloween tours are available. The prices are VERY reasonable. A great creepy mansion, perfect for some Halloween exploration. 
 

~Movie & Treat

For me, nothing can top a homemade treat and old time spooky movie. Involve the family in the treat part! Toss some cider in a big pot and warm it up with a cinnamon stick for each mug. Make some hot apple pie, caramel apples, or caramel corn to enjoy with the movie. Sure to make the most sullen teen grin, even if it is “Family Time.”

~Play a Creepy Game

There are many games out there on the market with a Halloween vibe. We love the card game Frog Juice, and the board game 13 Dead End Drive. This is also something they can do with friends, if mom and dad just aren’t “cool enough” anymore. (Personally, I just don’t offer it up like a choice and he’s smiling by the end of it.)

larger view

My biggest fear is failure. What keeps me up awake at night isn’t the boogieman, or the threat of poverty, no… its thinking that I’ve let everyone down. The fear of letting myself down. Whenever I start to succeed at something and gain compliments, I freeze. If my husband starts to rave about how proud he is of me and how wonderful I’m doing in school, and in life, I honestly don’t know what to say. Part of me pulls back, almost as if just the words being spoken out loud will unleash some evil luck that will trip me up. Silly, I know.

Success scares me. “Having it all,” makes me sweat. Keeping all the balls in the air and not dropping one; school, family, work, teaching, writing, exercising, makes me afraid. I feel in order to be truly safe, I have to be a screw up. I also realize and acknowledge just how little this makes any sense.

I think part of the problem must be the well-established pattern in my youth of not having good things work out for me. Feeling so hopeful and optimistic, then having those hopes dashed. I think it must also partly be a defense mechanism. “Don’t get too excited cause you know you’ll screw it up in the end!” The major problem with that kind of negative self-talk is that you usually end up doing a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. Drop out of school, break up with that guy, blow your budget… you get the idea.

Actually taking control of my life, keeping my head high and thoughts positive and taking care of me feels nearly impossible. I’d much rather busy myself with my family and friends and what they need from me. I’m a better friend to others than I am to myself. I’m a better mother to man cub and wife to my husband than I am partner/nurturer to myself.

Every day I still wake up with that fear of “What will I screw up today? How will I fail?” But I’m working on it. Just by putting one foot in front of the other and taking it one day at a time will get me where I need to go. I just can’t look at the big picture and not freak out just yet. Maybe tomorrow?

larger view

As I grow older (and a little wiser), I realize how vital it is to have your own sacred time and space. Giving yourself that space to just breathe, grow, collect your thoughts, reach out and do what you need to do mentally to re-balance yourself is crucial to your well being and mental health.

Some do it in groups; in a church, synagogue, or mosque. Others do it in private. Snatching a few moments to welcome with sun with some yoga or scribble some thoughts in a journal. Still others enjoy multi-tasking; taking a bath, walking your dogs (or the baby), breathing in the fresh scent of fall. It doesn’t matter how you do it, what’s crucial is that you do it!

Since coming home from my retreat the other weekend, I’ve been making the time to find my sacred space. Most days I wake up earlier than I used to, light some candles and write in my journal. Other mornings I’ll do a quick sketch or watercolor. Sometimes a brisk dog walk or sweaty workout at the gym fills the bill. It’s really whatever works for you.

I can’t remember the last time I thoughtfully took time for myself like this. Rather than focusing 100% on the needs of others (or my ever growing to-do list), I’ve managed to eek out some precious time for myself. I’m the better for it and so is my family.

What about you? What do you do to find your sacred space?

The image of this lovely necklace was taken from Etsy.com artist “Hint.” Click here to check out her other beautiful, spiritual items.

larger view

The other week I visited some friends of mine and their newborn son. He was only two weeks old when I showed up bearing gifts for the family and it was so much fun to be around a baby that fresh and new once more. Of course, they looked like your typical new parents. Matching luggage under each eye, but that silly glow of love and adoration around them like sunshine, keeping them going on zero sleep.

The baby lay on their floor atop a hand-made blanket while both parents just hovered like a pair of eagles guarding an egg. Just sitting next to him, hunched over, staring; as if they still can’t believe that he’s their son. It was just too precious.

I joined Dad when Jr. made it known that it was time for a diaper change, and saw something that really impressed me. Lying on the changing table was a hairdryer, on its side, propped upon a stack of towels. Dad turned the hairdryer on low with medium heat and aimed it at Jr.’s fanny before taking off his diaper. When the diaper was off, nice warm air hit his tush, helping to keep him comfortable and dry. The “white noise” of the hairdryer also helped keep the baby calm.

“WOW!” I gushed. “What a brilliant idea! Do you mind if I share this on my blog?” “Not at all” was all the pooped Papa could get out. I will say, that was the first time I didn’t see a baby cry the whole time I was there (including the diaper change.) One great tip for new parents from one sleepy Daddy. I will always be impressed at the genus of parents to problem solve.

larger view

I’ve made no secret of battling my weight ever since I’ve been a member of SacMomsClub. I’ve swung back and forth for as long as I can remember between loving myself, regardless of my size (don’t get me wrong, it’s a good thing) and being fed up with myself and all the weight.

I was watching Biggest Loser the other day and they actually had some advice that I liked. Everyone was out to eat and one of the trainers said, “Why do you want to lose weight?” The large woman replied, “Because I owe it to myself.” To my surprise the trainer said, “NO! You need to have an actual reason! If you go out to eat and really want to eat that dessert, or drink and all you have to hold onto is that you OWE it to yourself, you’re going to eat or drink that thing. If you have an actual, tangible temptation, then you need a tangible reason NOT to!” I really liked that. I liked it so much in fact, that I made my own “20 reasons why” list, then got my butt to the gym.

I don’t know how many of you read Free to Be You and Me growing up, but being a child of the 70’s, it was like mothers milk to me. In particular I’ve been remembering the story of Atalanta. What a great name. You can click here to read the story, but if you’re short on time, I’ll give you the nutshell. Strong, independent woman who loves to run. Father (king) wants her to marry. She sais she’ll marry whoever can win her in a footrace. A man she likes ends up tying her. In this version (as opposed to the classical Greek Mythological original), they part as friends. The point is, I remember listening to the record and reading the book and really feeling her joy for running. I’m trying to tap into that joy at the gym and be more like Atalanta.

Having my fresh vegetables delivered to my door once a week is also helpful. Yesterday I had so many of them, I really didn’t know what to do! I cleaned them all, chopped them, drizzled a little olive oil and tossed them in the oven to roast. Last night we had them over penne pasta and WOW! What a brilliant idea!

My husband and I are actually working on our weight together. Something that should make this trip much easier. He was very proud of me yesterday, but more importantly (and like Atalanta), I was proud of myself.

Here’s my 20 reason’s WHY, if you care to read them.

Why

(lose weight)

larger view larger view

I had the wonderful opportunity this past weekend to run away to Zepher Cover in Lake Tahoe for a women’s spiritual retreat. Let me tell you what a luscious, luxurious gift time is to a frazzled mom. No computers, no TV, no kids, no cooking, no “to-do” lists for two days. It was a precious gift.

I stayed in a cabin, literally hanging over the lake, with three other women who were complete strangers. There were only 17 women on the retreat and we alternated between having time to do anything we wanted with discussions and gathering together. I had five hours on Saturday to do anything I wanted in a breath-takingingly beautiful location. Can you imagine? I actually had the time to ask myself “What do I want to do?” Not “What do I HAVE to do?” Or “What do I NEED to do?” But “What do I WANT to do?” Wow.

I walked around the lovely grounds, enjoyed the nature, did art, wrote in my journal, got to know some of the other women and ate great food that I didn’t cook. I gazed at the stars, took pictures of whatever I felt like and even started a great book. Yes, I missed my husband and man cub (even my dogs by Sunday morning), but I absorbed every second of it. Driving home yesterday I thanked the stars that I had the strength to “cut loose” from my daily grind and was braved enough to trust other people and just do it.

The main thing I took away from this weekend is how precious time is and how to make more of it for myself. I am a big “doer” (like most moms I know) and hit the ground running all day, every day from the second I wake up. This morning however, after dropping man cub at school, I took my coffee out of the patio, put on my fuzziest slippers, grabbed my journal and just enjoyed an hour of the beautiful morning. I didn’t allow myself to get on-line till I had appreciated the day, wrote down some thoughts and felt ready. I can’t tell you what a difference that one little act made on my attitude, temperament and feelings heading into another busy week.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend too. Enjoy the beauty in the day today.

larger view

When I read a recent article addressing the controversy surrounding the new Ralph Lauren ad, in which a model has been so over photo shopped that her head is bigger than her waist, I wasn’t shocked. Nor was I stunned to read the publishing editor of Shape magazine talk with ease (and no regret) on how published photos of her finishing a marathon were photo shopped to make her thighs look “thinner” as she thought they were unacceptably big. Nor was I stunned to learn that both Oil of Olay and L’Oreal have photo shopped already beautiful women into mannequin like plasticity. Oil of Olay airbrushed Twiggy to look wrinkle-free and L’Oreal “lightened” Beyonce’s skin. No, what shocks me about all these now very common acts of violating women’s images is that it’s deemed a “common practice.” I could go on for days with the list of magazine covers, advertisements and other media images that are so far removed from the “truth” of what the woman really looks like that it’s ridiculous. To save space, I’ll climb up on my soap box instead.

What kind of a world are we making for our daughters (and future daughter’s-in-law) where this is ok? Where you can pick up a Women’s Health and Fitness style magazine to see the woman on the cover looking nothing like any REAL woman could ever look thanks to technology? Open any women’s magazine and you will find a beauty product ad. Now look way down at the very bottom in size .01 font and you will see a lovely little disclaimer. Welcome to the world of un-attainable results and beauty.

So, I ask. What are we going to do about it? How will we protect our children from these unrealistic standards and expectations? Here’s what I plan to personally do… boycott. I refuse to play this game, to participate in any way in letting these companies know that I agree with their tactics. Any business that uses photo shopped women into an inch of their glossy skinned lives to push any product is a product I will no longer buy. So long Shape magazine, toodeloo Oil of Olay. Money talks and I want mine to support industries with honor. (Like Dove, click here to see a great, short video on the topic.)

What about you? What do you think personally about all of this?

Image taken from article here.

larger view

A lot of people I know have a hard time getting rid of clothes. Letting go of old things. I think this is just part of human nature. We’re made to hunt, gather, horde, shore up, hunker down and plan. When we try to go against that nature by “de-cluttering, purging, clearing out, tossing out and giving away, we may hit some road blocks.

I have a system. As well as it works for me, It’s far from perfect. Every fall and late spring I go through my “tub.” It’s a big plastic tub above my closet full of “out of season items.” Today I tossed in my swim suits (except for my gym one), pool covers, sun dresses and other “summer items” (along with an unused dryer sheet to keep everything smelling nice.) I dug out of the tub my sweaters, hats, gloves, ear muffs and other winter items. This may seem a little premature for Sacramento weather, but I’m going up to Tahoe for the weekend and expect to freeze in my little cabin at night!

As I transition the summer for winter I make 4 piles. Keep (and wash), donate to SPCA (they recycle fabrics they can’t re-sell) and consignment. Those in good enough shape to take down to my local consignment store and (hopefully) make a little side-money. The fourth pile is where I start to have problems. The fourth pile are items I really love, can’t wear in public (stains, holes), but am not ready to part with. These go in my “lounge” drawer where they’re resigned to a life of hair dye, yard work and tub bleaching. This is where I have a hard time letting go of some old things.

As I finally caved in today and said “goodbye” to some old, ratty items (due to my drawer not being able to close) I eyed an avocado green and pumpkin orange floral shirt hanging on my husband’s side of the closet (that I’ve never even seen him wear.) I wonder if all men have a harder time letting go of clothes than women, or just my boys?

larger view

Fall is my favorite time of year. Forgetting for a moment the abundance of comfort food that begs to be cooked, the crisp chill in the air, the lingering smell of smoke outside, I love it for all the crafts that beg to be made with your family! Who doesn’t look forward to carving out pumpkins, making Halloween (or fall) decorations or coming up with costumes for the kids (or yourself)? There may be some winter holiday scrooges around, but I have yet to meet a fall scrooge!

In an effort to honestly stick to the ol’ family budget (thank you again furloughs!) I’m swearing off any store-bought Halloween decorations. If you’ve been following my blog though the years, you’ll know that this is really nothing new with me. I always love coming up with some kind of activity for man cub and I to do together to get the house ready for Halloween. To also get you “in the spirit,” here’s a few suggestions…

- Gather beautiful fall leaves and foliage on a walk around your neighborhood. Cut out a big “O” from an old cereal box (or other cardboard you may have around the house.) Tie and glue your findings to make your own special fall wreath for the front door!

- Paint some spooky tombstones for the front yard by cutting up an old box, using craft of acrylic paint (50cents a color if you don’t already have some), sponge brushes from the dollar store, maybe even some dead leaves leftover from your wreath or old moss from your yard. I like to also get some wooden dowels (also from the dollar tree), tape them on the bottom with duck tape and plunk them into the front yard.

- Skip pumpkin carving with the little ones and let them paint away with any leftover acrylic paint (from the tombstone project?) Just spread out newspapers and let them go to town. Being allowed to paint on a bumpy round surface is also excellent for their fine motor skill development! (Who knew having fun was good for you?)

- Fold those big white trash bags up into a rectangle and cut it up (like you would a paper snowflake) to make a big spider web! I saw something similar at Target for $9. More fun to make your own AND cheaper!

- Use styrofoam shapes (from the dollar tree) to make your own giant bugs! You can use felt and glue, or acrylic paint. Even stickers will work (as long as mom pins them down when the kids are all done.)

Get creative and have fun.

Have any other ideas to share?

larger view

That aromatic scent of fresh baked bread. There’s nothing quite like it. As soon as the weather turns crisp, it seems to be all I can think about. Bread straight from the oven.

Baking your own bread from scratch can actually be a money saver AND terribly therapeutic at the same time. There’s something wonderful and primal about digging your hands into gooey dough and kneading it on a flour board. Like knitting, I find baking bread to be a magical act that connects me to generations of women before like a thin silk ribbon running down my family tree.

Now don’t get me wrong, this is only something I do once or twice a year. Enjoy it or not, we all know just how busy the life of a woman is and it doesn’t often leave 4 hours free to make bread from scratch. The great thing about bread though is that the actual time spent on it is pretty little (as it needs to sit often), which leaves you time to do things WHILE you make it (something I love.)

I was fortunate enough to participate in an herb harvest at the UC Davis Good Life Garden last week, and the first thing that came to my mind to make with all these beautiful herbs was some rustic herb bread. I actually made 4 different flavors of loaves (all with the same base) and each one came out amazing. The recipe I’m sharing here was man cub's favorite.

For the record, I don’t own a bread maker (or a mixer for that matter), so if I can do this… you can too! Happy baking! Your great-grandmother would be so proud.

Basil – Pink Sea Salt Crust Bread

(makes 4  5X9 loaves)

Ingredients:

1 cup lukewarm water

1 cup buttermilk (room temp.)

¼ cup olive oil

5-6 cups bread flower (I like mixing ½ unbleached white, ½ whole wheat bread flour)

½ cup sugar

2 large eggs (beaten)

1 tbsp. white salt

3 tbsp. flake pink sea salt (or other gourmet salt)

1 bunch fresh basil

4 tsp. instant yeast

Need:

5X9 loaf pans (4 of them)

Cutting board (or pastry board)

Measuring cups & spoons

Plastic wrap

Bowel

Oven

1)      Mix together water, buttermilk and oil. Add 1 ½ cups of flour and mix with a wooden spoon till smooth.

2)      Add sugar and eggs, stir together till smooth.

3)      Mix in the white salt and yeast. Allow to sit uncovered for 15min.

4)      Add the flour ½ cup at a time, stirring slowly till the dough becomes hard to mix.

5)      Turn out on a floured board (or put in mixer with bread hook) and kneed for 10 more minutes, adding small amounts of flour if till the dough is no longer sticky.

6)      Pick the leaves off the basil and give a rough chop (or cut them with herb snips.)

7)      Kneed the basil into the dough.

8)      Place dough into a lightly oiled bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and let set in a warm spot for 1 hour.

9)      Pour dough out onto a lightly floured board and cut into 4 loaves. Shape dough into greased 5x9 loaf pans. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise for another 60min.

10)  Preheat oven to 375.

11)  Brush the tops of the loaves with olive oil and sprinkle evenly with pink sea salt.

12)  Bake at 375 for 30min (when you tap on the bottom of the pan it should sound hollow.)

13)  Remove from pans and let cool. Freeze any loafs you won’t be eating right away for later!