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I did something this week that I never thought I’d do. I started my son on a prescription of Paxil.

Yes, I too used to snub my nose at people who “medicated their children.” Who “took the easy way out.” It’s so easy to pass judgment when it’s not your own kid you see grappling with an issue bigger than them and losing every day.

My son has anxiety. Not the typical teenage induced distress; but the kind that sends you into a full-blown panic attack caused by a neuro-chemical imbalance. No amount of deep breathing, walking, yoga, therapy or positive self talk would make it go away or even get better. Quite the contrary, it was getting worse every day.

We went in to see our primary care doctor on Monday. She’s known man cub since he was six years old and he’s very comfortable talking with her. He talked to her alone for a bit, then I talked to her alone. She told us that she’s very comfortable prescribing him the lowest dose of Paxil to try. That it’s safer than anything else on the market and she thinks it will be a very helpful tool for man cub. She's had other teenage patients with Aspergers Syndrome and anxiety that its been very helpful for. She said that when teens with anxiety this severe get older, you need to start considering the dangers of “self medicating” and intervene. She told me that if he happened to be in a situation where he had an alcoholic drink and noticed that he felt “better” (and it may even help his stutter) then you have the recipe for disaster. I couldn’t agree more and it was that point right there that made up my mind.

His first dose was yesterday morning. I can honestly say I already see a difference (even though it should take up to a month to work.) His stuttering was a little better and he was MUCH more social and conversational. He had some things "go wrong" where normally he would freeze up, hit himself and shake. Instead he TOLD ME what it was and that he needed help! Wait... let me say that again... he didn't freak out AND he asked for help! WOW. He also woke up this morning all on his own, eager to tell us about a good dream he had (never happened before. Ever!) 1 day!

After reading a lot more about Serotonin dysregulation in Autism and Aspergers, I think we did the right thing. I didn't know that Serotonin also helps regulate Melatonin (needed for sleep. A supplement he's been taking since summer.) It's all really interesting. Of course I have my eyes and ears peeled for any side effects, but I feel really confident that we did the right thing. I really wrestled with this decision, so peace of mind is a wonderful gift to have right now.

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Something I struggle with (and I’m guessing I’m not alone here) is the quick change hat act that us mothers have to do on a sometimes minute to minute basis. Your kids need you! Get the mom hat on. Partner needs you… where’s the devoted wife (or partner) hat? Business? Find your work o’holic hat. House disgusting and company on the way? Martha Stewart hat. Sometimes all these quick hat changes leave me with a major headache. How about you? I don’t even know where I put my “me” hat. I think I last saw it around Mothers Day.

Well, I decided to give myself a few days off of this vaudevillian quick change act. In two weeks I’ll be spending the weekend in Tahoe on a women’s retreat. Locked away in a cabin in the woods for two glorious days, alone with my “me” hat. No wife hat, mother hat, employee hat, etc… Just me, myself and I. After wearing my “Dr. Mom” hat all last week, it can’t come soon enough!

This will be the second time I’ve been on a women’s retreat. The first time was about ten years ago. I found it to be a much needed break from life and in the end, made me a much better woman under all those hats.

How do you recharge? Find your own “me” hat? Or do you?

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I sent man cub off to school this morning with a strongly suspected sinus infection brought on by allergies. He told me Monday morning about eye pain he was having since Friday and I got him into our optometrist that same day. The Dr. told me it was severe allergies and that his sinuses are pressing on his ocular nerve. Poor kid! I got him on some decongestants and pain pills, rested him up and sent him on his way. But a little voice whispered in my ear, “What if the Dr. was wrong and it’s really swine flu? Lethargy, headache, runny nose…” Sure enough those are symptoms of H1N1.

Now I KNOW its allergies. I’m 100% sure that his sinuses have nothing to do with the H1N1 virus. He’s always had terrible allergies that flare up in the fall and spring. What annoys me most is that thanks to media paranoia, I’m second guessing my mothering instincts. The whole “What if I’m wrong” is a place even the best mothers hate to go.

To help keep some other mothers sane, I did a little research on the subject. Here’s to hoping ALL our children are safe and healthy.

-The second there’s a fever you should stay home for 24hours after the fever is gone (or keep said child home.)

-The CDC says warning signs in children that warrant immediate medical attention include fast breathing or trouble breathing; bluish or gray skin color; not drinking enough fluids; severe or persistent vomiting; not waking up or interacting; a child so irritable that he does not want to be held; and flulike symptoms that improve but then return with fever and a worse cough.

-Warning signs in adults include difficulty breathing or chest pain, purple or blue discoloration of the lips, vomiting and inability to keep liquids down, and signs of dehydration, such as feeling dizzy when standing or being unable to urinate.

-Make sure you read up on the vaccine before deciding if it’s right for you and your family. Be aware of side effects, or any past vaccine reactions. http://www.flu.gov/individu...

-People with Asthma should consider a vaccination. Those just recovering from a respiratory condition (like an infection), may want to pass.

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Ok, that’s not true. Exercise is good for everyone… yes, yes… that’s true enough. Then WHY do I hate it so much? Why would I rather sit on the couch and knit than get my butt to the gym and in the pool? Is it the draining sensation of being around other people? Fear of judgment? Or perhaps my utter hatred of heat and being hot?

Yes, I do feel better (much better actually) after I exercise. Yes, I understand its value and worth. Not just physically, but mentally too. I actually have ample time for once to get myself to gym and swim, take a class, or get on one of the machines. I would even go so far as to say I LIKE my gym… so what’s my problem!?

I’m not really sure, but I’d love to hear some feedback, tips, tricks, motivators and just what works for you in general when it comes to putting one foot in front of the other to exercise. I’ll be walking a 5K with friends to support Juvenile Diabetes Research and would love not to embarrass myself TOO bad.

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Did you know that 93% of all human communication is non-verbal? That means we read each other’s facial gestures, body language and scent. Just think of what that would mean if you lacked the ability to read non-verbal communication? Do you think that would affect your empathy level? Friendships? Relationships? Work? Now add in the factor that every time you speak, you have 50 pieces of gum in your mouth. Sometimes the gum is really hot, sometimes it’s so cold it burns you. Now you have a really great idea of what it’s like to be on the Autism Spectrum.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my son is amazing. Despite the fact that he stutters terribly when he speaks AND has high functioning Autism, he doesn’t let it get in his way. He struggles to communicate verbally with others and every social interaction is taxing and draining. He’s never let that stand in his way. Me? I think I would have given up and learned to use American Sign Language by now, just so I could make things easier for myself. Or perhaps a small computer that I could just type into and it would do all my talking for me. Not my son. He’s out there everyday, struggling to verbally communicate with the world around him.

When other people finish his sentences for him, he just smiles and nods (even though he told me it drives him crazy!) When friends call him and want to “hang out” and he says “no,” inside I know it’s just because he’s exhausted from participating in the world all day and he has no energy left for others. I know every time he opens his mouth to speak it’s like climbing a sheer mountain cliff with no ropes. Yet every minute of every day, he does it. He is the bravest person I know.

Do you ever have the feeling that you get more support from strangers than your own family? Nothing made this hunch ring true for me more than when I had my son. No one in my family had ever breast fed, in fact, my proud proclamation of my intent on doing so wasn’t exactly met with the whole hearted support I had anticipated. In fact, what I heard were words like, “But! You’ll RUIN your breasts!” “That’s SOOO old fashioned!” “Why would you WANT to do that?!” It wouldn’t be the first time I’d hit the “unsupportive family” roadblock where parenting was concerned.

Having your proclamations fall on deaf or unsupportive ears is one reason why “Parenting Groups” (such as this one), are so vital. Ever notice how you can join pretty much any kind of parenting group on any kind of topic in Sacramento? Raising a special needs child? There’s a group for every disorder and disease. Single lesbian parent? Yep, there’s a group for that. Grandparents raising grandchildren while the parents are in jail or rehab? Yup, gotcha covered. Personally I think this kind of “stranger support” is beyond amazing. Forming your own safe group of people who can listen to each other and help each other is a survival skill that we still need.

Thanks for being my “stranger support” and giving me back some confidence in people to do the right thing after my political rant. How have strangers supported you?

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Now, I’m not one to climb up on a soap box too often, but I heard something on NPR this morning that was so shocking, it caused me physical chest pain. The Sacramento Board of Supervisors is looking at cutting funding to our local Child Protection Services Agency by 85%. They want to lay off almost 200 workers. Let me repeat that, the agency in charge of investigating and protecting the children of Sacramento will be taking an 85% budget hit. Can you imagine the repercussions of such a decision?

Aghast, I ran home to investigate further. It turns out CPS isn’t the only agency under the budget axe. All local health and social services are being carved up. Here’s just the tip of the iceberg:

Among the cuts proposed:

• Closing the South City Health Center two days a week. The clinic is one of two county clinics operating fulltime.

• Eliminating 50 of the 100 beds at the Mental Health Treatment Center and shutting its crisis unit. The treatment center is the main county-run psychiatric hospital.

• Closing Gibson Ranch Regional Park to the public.

• Shedding hundreds of jobs, including almost 200 positions in the Child Protective Services Department, which works to protect abused and neglected children.

They are also talking about firing a massive number of city workers who are unionized only to hire most of them back on at part time. A way to avoid union retaliation AND cut hours.

How have we come to this? What kind of a world are we making for our children? A place where even their very safety is at risk? Their education has already been cut past the bone, now we’re willing to put them in physical harm as well? What I heard and read has made me sick. I don’t know where to turn, who to blame, what to write, who to scream at. I want to grab our capital building and shake those Hummer driving fat cats senseless. How could our beloved Sacramento come to this, and what can we do about it?

You can read the full article at http://www.sacbee.com/gover...

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Does this sound familiar at all? “That ALWAYS happens to me!?”  or “I just knew it wouldn’t work out right!” or even “I knew I couldn’t count on that person/share that secret/get my hopes up…” This kind of dialogue is what I like to call catastrophist thinking. It’s when you’re not surprised when the worst happens because you live your life expecting things to go wrong. Personally, I consider it much different from being a pessimist. A pessimist (to me) is someone who is resigned to the assumption that nothing good will ever happen, they will never get what they want, etc… They are defeated and don’t expect anything. A catastrophist usually hopes for the best, even wants it! But when the worst happens, they aren’t surprised by it. They expect the worst, but hope for the best. The problem comes when you start generalizing. “I knew the plumber would be late because repair people are never on time.” That’s a generalization. “I knew they’d be out of my size because clothes I like are impossible to find!” Another generalization.

Like pessimism, being a catastrophist is not only unpleasant, but it can affect every facit of your life. How would I know? Because I’m a catastrophist. I’ve lived hoping for the best, but bracing for the worst. And yes, it is a very draining way to go about your life. Not only do I brace for the worst, but I also brace for the fact that it will all be up to me in the end to make any situation right, so I’d better be prepared. See where the draining part comes in? If things I had left up to other people ever went according to plan, I was pleasantly surprised. Of course, the fact that my negative assumptions were constantly reinforced, didn’t exactly help change my way of thinking.

So, what did? Open communication. Yup, it’s as easy as that. Of course it also helps if the other person really listens. I also had to learn to slow down, and be a little more patient and understanding as well. Just because I would have corrected the problem in 5minutes doesn’t mean everyone would. I was assuming that just because it was important to me, it was important to everyone (and of course I thought that without ever TELLING anyone how important it was.) I learned that as soon as I started using words like “I need…” and “This is really important to me…” rather than just assuming they would know that, people listened and (better yet) responded.

Confused? I’ll give you a simple example. My husband spends time every Saturday and Sunday morning playing on the computer with his friends. I was starting to feel like he was spending a lot of time doing this (simply because I’d been getting up earlier and earlier.) I wanted some of that morning time alone with him. The second I started to have that internal dialog where I was saying things like “He ALWAYS plays with his friends and ignores me!” I knew I had to say something to him about it. I also knew this wasn’t the case. That I was generalizing and being a catastrophist. I talked to him about it as soon as it was a good time. He not only understood, but agreed and we hit a compromise. On Sunday he’d play less, then spend 1:1 time with me. Problem solved!

It’s not easy to change your way of thinking and even harder to change the way you react to things, but I’m noticing this is one change that’s worth the effort.

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What’s on my mind most today is what many people are remembering. The 8^th anniversary of the World Trade Towers catastrophe. Looking back on that day I remember it so well. I had dropped my son off at school when the news came on the radio of the first attack. I rushed home, turned on my TV and sat in horror for hours. My sister-in-law was the only other person I knew who would be home, so I called her right away. We talked very little and mostly just found comfort in knowing another person we cared for was right there on the phone as we watched. We both witnessed the second tower being hit, then both cascading to the ground in silent horror. I remember feeling so helpless. I lit candles for those who had died, counted my blessing and checked in with my son’s school to make sure they weren’t closing down before dashing off to donate blood.

What hit me the hardest was when the Sacramento Bee published a special issue a few days later with a head-shot style photograph of everyone who had passed. Like a tragic yearbook we poured over each picture. Seeing each face, one by one, really brought home the suddenness with which their lives were cut off. Then, we came to a picture of a father who had died. In the photo he not only looked so alive, but he was blowing bubbles from an old-fashioned bubble wand. My son, who had been looking over my shoulder at the pictures at the time, started to cry, and so did we.

Today is of course a time to remember those who died so needlessly and out of anger gone awry, but (on a lighter note), it’s also the second anniversary of my being on SacMomsClub. Perhaps I joined and started my blog to take my mind of what occurred on this day? Perhaps I knew I needed a distraction, or some grain of joviality to mark the date? Regardless, I do want to thank you for all your comments and support over the years. I honestly enjoy writing my blog every time I sit at the computer and feel a real connection to you here through cyberspace.

Thanks for having me and for continuing to read my rants/tips/comments/reviews and blatherings. Do something nice for yourself today and those you love.

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Did you know that the #1 topic couples fight about is money? Anyone in a relationship most likely isn’t very shocked by that little statistic. Over the last 17 years, my husband and I have had more than our share of arguments caused by money. The thing I find most interesting is that no matter how much you have, you’ll still fight about it! Maybe less often, but the topic will still raise its ugly head once and awhile.

Can’t you just picture a rich couple going at it? “Was that private jet really necessary for your girl’s night out in Paris? Why couldn’t you all just fly first class like the rest of us? What!? Is first class not good enough for you anymore?” “Honey, I told you before… It was cheaper for us all to hire a private jet rather than us all booking first class tickets! Once you add in the cost to check our purchases on the trip home, we saved a bundle! You’re just being cheap, as always!” Hahaha.

Most of the time we’ll fight over “fun money” (I think he spends too much of it) and the budget, (he thinks I can’t stick to one.) Sound familiar? I must confess that I always also get a little defensive when talking about money with my man as I don’t make nearly as much as he does (like 99% less.)

Through the years we’ve both grown and learned some very important tips to keeping harmony in the house, especially when it comes to money. I hope they can help you ward off some blow-ups of your own.

~Go over any and all budgets TOGETHER. You both need to know what’s going out and what’s coming in (a big mistake couples make is putting 1 person in charge of this part.)

~Talk about your future financial plans together. I’m not just talking about college. Agree on what to spend for holidays, and add in money to save for special trips together. Make a list of these and keep it where you can see it. I like to break it up into “Now,” “Soon” and “Future.” This will help you both save money on impulse spending and know what your financial priorities are.

~If you’re upset about something he said/did/spent, don’t “let it go.” It will just raise its ugly head in the future and have grown. Address it then and there, but do it in a way that doesn’t put him on his automatic guard.

~Be respectful. Listen to each other. Compromise. If he wants to spend $120 renting a pay-per-view fight and you really want to get your hair dyed at the salon, but can’t afford both, maybe you can work it out? Could he go in with some friends on the fight and each pay 1/4 th of the fee? Could you go to a beauty college for the dye job instead of an expensive salon? There’s always a solution to every problem. Communication is the key.

~Don’t talk about money in the bedroom. Seriously! Keep it in a neutral area. Keep the bedroom as a stress-free sanctuary for you both where no “discussions” take place that could take a turn or cause tension.

~Bring the family into the discussion. We’ve gone over our “family budget” with our son since he was about 10 years old. This is the part of the budget we decide on as a family. This will not only help teach your children about budgeting and finances early, but will give them a feeling of control and power in the decision making. Would they rather go see the new movie that just came out, or go out to dinner? Congratulations! You just taught your child to prioritize financially!

(Check out mancubquotes on Twitter.com)

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Everyone I’ve met thinks that their kid is the funniest, smartest kid with the quickest wit on the planet. I’m no exception to that rule (of course.) So much so that I finally caved and started a Twitter Feed. It’s all about (drum roll please…) man cub quotes. In fact, that’s the name. See, my son does crack me up every day, but he really can go on (and on… and on…) I’m having fun reducing his moments down to their core and tweeting them a few times a day. I think he’s pretty dang clever, but then again, I AM his mom.

Follow Man Cub Quotes on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mancubqu...

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Everyone has been affected by furloughs and the weak economy. From our homes not being worth what we paid for them to the high price of gas, it seems everyone I know is struggling to make ends meet (myself included.) Here are some ways that I recently re-assessed our spending and squeezed more “blood out of a stone” as the old saying goes! I thought it might be helpful to share.

~ I buy my gas as often as possible at discount places like Costco.

~When shopping at Costco I know what’s a good deal and what isn’t. I pretty much avoid the frozen food isle, except for butter and eggs.

~ I’m using coupons from the Sunday Bee (just saved $4 on my razor refills at Target yesterday alone!)

~ We all pack our lunches. No “hot lunch” at school and my husband comes home for lunch.

~ We cancelled our cable TV.

~ We have a budget and a financial plan every month.

~ We prioritize financially.

~ I cut out “extras” like the lavender laundry soap I used to love and use just on sheets and towels. Now everything gets Tide from Costco.

~ I’m getting my hair colored at Fredrico’s Beauty Institute rather than an expensive salon. All services for the month of September are ½ off their already low price.

~ I quit getting my nails done and am doing them myself.

~ I found some great bargains at our local SPCA thrift shop, and was lucky enough to be there on ½ off day!

~ I bring my own canvas shopping bags with me to the store. Although it doesn’t sound like much at the time, it can add up to about $300 per year (if you use 4 bags a week.)

~ Take another look at all your bills, are you getting the best deals? (Insurance, phone, cable, etc…) Yes, it’s a hassle… but you’ll most likely have your efforts rewarded with big savings!

~ Raise your deductible on your auto insurance. If you’re a good driver, raising your deductable from $500 to $1000 per incident can save you big bucks over time. Just make sure you have enough in the savings to cover it in case you ever do need it.

~ Make it yourself! Plan your meals ahead to eat out less. Making a French Bread Pizza for dinner will be healthier, not take much time and cost much less than getting takeout.

~ Re-negotiate your contracts. Health clubs are hurting right now. It’s a great time to re-negotiate your contract. Many will give you a huge discount if you pay for a block of time up-front.

My motto isn’t deprivation, its prioritization and planning. Gone are the days of “impulse” purchasing. Now I ask myself if it’s REALLY a good deal (aka: the best I can find), how bad I need it, can it wait till later and make sure I have a financial plan. I also make sure I don’t feel “cheated” because that’s where the trouble can start in. If I start to feel deprived, I’ll just get moody AND not stick to my plan. Like any good diet, you have to know your limits and give yourself some slack.

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I’d been aware of various farms and companies that would send you box’s of produce and fruits for some time now (of course! I live in Davis!) I always had an excuse why I didn’t have the time to research it further. Last week I ran out of excuses and got my Google finger ready.

After talking to many people and looking around at different farms and companies, I finally decided to choose the popular Farm Fresh to You. It wasn’t just the home delivery that sold me (many other companies make you come to a central drop-off location), nor the mind-boggling choices. It wasn’t the fact that a simple box starts at UNDER $30, nor the wonder that I could do it all on-line and with a credit card. Nope, in the end what sold me was the fact that it was all locally grown, organic, seasonal produce. It’s like opening your door one morning and the farming fairies dropped off a gift just for you!

Our first box came yesterday. It was bursting with heirloom tomatoes, the best orange and red cherry tomatoes that my family had ever had, fresh romaine lettuce, green grapes, ruby strawberries, basil and a cucumber so big, I wasn’t sure if it was a cucumber or a squash! Did I mention you can also request NOT to get certain things if you don’t like them? I could spend hours at a wonderful farmers market and never get such a bargain (without the need to leave the house.)

I cannot sing their praises enough, and like all lifestyle tweaks, I wish I would have done it ages ago. If it is something you’d like to also try for your family, mention code 1516 and you will get $5 off your first delivery.