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It’s been two months now since we moved the TV out of our bedroom and cancelled our cable. The cable company finally got the idea we were serious and quit calling us. It was harder than dumping your high school boyfriend!

Any TV we watch now days comes through our Xbox 360. They carry certain TV shows the day after they air and you can purchase them for a very small price. For example, we were huge fans of Top Chef Masters that just finished up. Every week we would buy that weeks episode for about $1.75. That’s on the high end of TV shows, most range between 50cents to $2.00.

We also watch Netflix Live from our Xbox. This is included in the cost of our ultra cheap Netflix subscription and includes a huge library. My husband and I have been enjoying the old BBC show All Creatures Great and Small (based on the book), while man cub is devouring the BBC show Chef! I guess we have a British sense of humor? Then of course we still get our 2 Netflix at a time to watch on DVD whenever. They usually sit around for a month till we either finally watch them, or just throw our hands up and send them back.

All of these TV changes have meant:

~We watch WAY less TV.

~When we do watch, we almost always watch as a family.

~We’re all sleeping a lot better (not watching it as late into the night.)

~We’re saving about $85 a month!

If you’ve been pondering about going on a TV diet yourself, I will have to grab you by the shirt and yell GO FOR IT! I really wish we didn’t wait as long as we did. With the technology out there today, cutting your cable bill doesn’t mean you’ll never watch TV again. It will also save you real money in the end.

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Growing up I was a child who “marched to the beat of my own drummer” (according to all my teachers). As I grew, I enjoyed learning about other strong, sharp tongued women. Among them were Scarlet O’Hara, Lucille Ball and of course, Mae West. Though I was familiar with her many quick witted quotes, yesterday was the first time I saw her on the silver screen.

While watching Ms. West in “She Done Him Wrong.” My first thought (I’m embarrassed to say) was that she actually wasn’t all that attractive. My second thought was amazement at how she could possibly breathe under all those tight corsets! Girlfriend was at least a size 22, but they had her squashed down to a 4 at least. How she managed up those stairs without fainting I’ll never know. I also adored how she was dripping in Diamonds throughout the movie, which was packed to the brim with her famous one liners.

My favorite lines in the movie took place between the temptress Mae and an oh so young and hunky Cary Grant.

Cary Grant: “Haven’t you ever met a man who could make you happy?”

Mae West: “Sure I have… Lots of times!”

I also learned that the overused quote “Hey big boy, why don’tcha come up and see me sometime” was actually simply “Come up and see me… anytime.” Watching Mae West saunter across the screen, enchanting every man who came within her gaze, it was easy to understand how she wrapped everyone around her little diamond encrusted finger. I also realized how in the end, it always comes down to self confidence.

If you FEEL like you’re the hottest thing in the room, people respond to you as if you are. However, if you feel like you’re out of your element and not worthy, people will treat you that way too. It’s a form of self-fulfilling prophecy. She had charisma in spades to be sure, but so do a lot of other women I’m lucky enough to have known.

I suggest the next time you’re feeling under the weather, give one of her movies a watch. Find the inner “Mae West” in you! In the meantime, here are some of her great quotes to enjoy.

• I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

• When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad, I'm better.

• Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

• I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

• I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

• It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

• I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.

• When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

• Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.

• I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

• When women go wrong, men go right after them.

• There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.

• Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

• It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

• To err is human, but it feels divine.

• I've been rich and I've been poor. Believe me, rich is better.

• Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.

• I like my clothes to be tight enough to show I'm a woman, but loose enough to show I'm a lady.

• You're never too old to become younger.

• I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

• A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.

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Don’t you love it when you look back on your own childhood, then compare some event, development or happening in your own child’s life and think “WOW! Now THAT’S Progress!” (without any hint of sarcasm.)

After dropping man cub off this morning for his first day of 10^th grade, I was taking a little stroll down memory lane and I had one of those “WOW” moments. I was thinking back to my own childhood and how I always stood up for, and befriended the “underdog.” In my day that person would have had an accent, disability, been ethnic, or perhaps even just not as wealthy as some of the other kids. I would stand up for them against anything, befriend them and just treat them like a person. I had patience. It occurred to me that everywhere we go; people are patient with my son. He can be very hard to understand most times due to his stutter, add the fact that he rarely (if ever) looks you in the eye when talking to you and that makes for someone very hard to communicate with. People wait for him to finish what he’s saying… always, even if he’s just ordering at a restaurant. The waiter/waitress will lean in so as to hear him better, clarify when he’s done (if they didn’t understand something) and just be patient.

Even the children at school all these years have overall been really wonderful. Partly I credit the town we live in and their focus on diversity and inclusion. Partly I think people are just more educated and sensitive than they were when we were children. Smaller kids will always ask questions, “Why does he talk like that?!” But after a brief explanation of, “Everyone’s different! Some people are in wheelchairs, or have blue eyes, or cannot see. Others talk different.” They usual just accept it with an “Oh!” and move on. To me, that is something really wonderful.

Now if I can just teach him to be more patient with other people! Hah.

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Does it ever seem like your child has transformed overnight? Overnight they went from an infant, to a baby. Then again overnight they were transformed from a baby to a toddler. This has been the sequence of events for man cub for as long as I can remember. He would be a kid one day, and a tween the next. A tween one day, and a teenager the next. Any change in maturity and development along the way quite literally seems to take place overnight.

This entire summer I’ve been working on trying to have man cub be more responsible. To know what he needs to get done each day, and then (magically) to do it! NAG FREE! We’ve had our ups and downs, but in general, he made good progress. He was down to completing his morning “to-do” list without any reminders or interventions from me one day… then “POOF” the next day he didn’t even need/want a list. Overnight he (again, magically) transformed into a responsible young adult. A young man who knew what we expected of him, and did it! On his own! No questions asked!

About now you must be either thinking 1) “She’s making all this up! NO kid is  THAT responsible!” Or 2) “Yeah right, that’ll last 1 day!” I totally understand both your hesitation AND your skepticism. I agree with you that this most likely won’t be an every day occurrence, but I can tell that overnight, something shifted in my son. Something clicked in his brilliant mind and he realized, “If I get everything done, every day, right off the bat, she’ll never nag me again and I’ll have all this time to myself to do what I want! PLUS she’ll be so proud of me that I may even get some extra rewards!” At least I’m suspecting that’s what happened. Of course, we did praise him to the high heavens and reinforced this wonderful change in him as much as we could.

It’s been three days now and he’s keeping at it. School starts Wednesday for him, so that’ll be the big test. Will he stick with it and remember all his responsibilities? Or will the “old” man cub raise his lazy head once more to utter those words that strike fear into the hearts of all parents of teenagers “MEH!”

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Back to School Buns

It’s been a while since a posted a recipe here. This morning I made the most delicious cinnamon buns, that I think I’ll be nice enough to share them with you.

You’ll Need

1 loaf (1lb) Bridgeford Frozen Bread Dough

(or fresh made if you have the time and inclination)

2 tbsp. brown sugar

2 tbsp. regular sugar (I like the organic kind)

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 stick of butter

Parchment paper

Cookie sheet

~Preheat your oven to 350~

Step 1: Defrost the bread dough in the fridge overnight (or in your microwave.)

Step 2: Cut your dough into ½, then ½ again till you have a few pieces the side of your fist.

Step 3: Roll the dough between your hands to make a long snake shape about the size of a quarter around.

Step 4: Lay the “dough snake” down on a cutting board. Take the butter and smear in onto the “snake” while flattening it a little.

Step 5: Mix the sugars and cinnamon together in a cup.

Step 6: Sprinkle the sugar mixture down the center of your dough, leaving about ½ an inch at the end with none on it.

Step 7: At the end w/ the mixture, start to tightly roll it up. When you get to the end, give it a pinch to make sure it doesn’t come un-done when cooking.

Step 8: Rub the outside of the bun with butter, then cut in ½ (to make 2 rolls). If you like your rolls big (like the Cinnabon company), you can just leave it (but cook a little longer.)

Step 9: Repeat till you use all your dough.

Step 10: Place parchment paper on cookie sheet and place your rolls on to bake. Bake at 350 for 25min (30min if not cut in ½’s.)

Step 11: While still hot, carefully remove onto plate. Scrape caramel goo off parchment paper and smear onto buns. I flip mine upside down on the plate, so the flat side is showing.

ENJOY!!!

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Is there such a thing as too much information when it comes to a disability? I still don’t think so, but it’s something my subconscious has been mulling over these last few days. I’ve really enjoyed this summer with my son. His moods have been much more enjoyable than last year and I think we kept a nice balance between things he needed to do vs. things I wanted him to do. I have noticed however that he seems to be “lower functioning” than in the past. My interpretation of his level or “normalcy” (I really hate that word) could come from a few places.

One is that his communication with what he needs and wants is actually improving. Maybe in the past I didn’t know when he was “socialed out” as well as I do now because he wasn’t telling me verbally. Maybe I noticed him mentally and socially “shutting down” before, but didn’t know why. I consider it a wonderful thing that he can speak up about his needs and communicate them with those around him. Even if the people he’s communicating with don’t always understand (or misinterpret it as being rude.) This summer he’ll say “I’m done and need to leave,” or “I need some alone time.” All really great strides, but could have him come across as lower functioning.

Another thought of mine is that I’m more educated in the field of Autism now. Even if he isn’t verbalizing what’s going on internally, or what he needs, I know enough and have enough intuition to usually be able to tell. On one hand this is good because I can help him problem solve a situation and guide him in verbal communication. On the other hand I really do think it brings his disability more to the forefront of my mind. I for sure notice his lack of eye contact more than I have in the past. Same with his conversation skills.

Yes, he’s come such a long way, but this summer really made me think that he still is far from your “typical” teen. No, that’s not a bad thing, but yes, it does make life in general harder on him. Throw in the nearly constant stutter and it’s easy to see the challenges he’s going to have that are indeed life-long. All I can do is be here for him, help give him the tools to help himself and make sure his self-confidence stays as in-tact as possible. AND I’m planning on taking him to the see new movie “Adam,” a romantic comedy about a man with Aspergers Syndrome. The movie trailer looked wonderful.

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How many of us have ever said those words to ourselves in our head? If you’re one of the rare people, that I’ve never heard of, who don’t do negative self talk… WOW! What’s your secret?! If you’re like me and catch yourself from time to time giving yourself totally un-helpful negative feedback, then we need to catch up over a cup of coffee.

Negative self talk can be so automatic that you may not even be aware that you’re doing it. Here’s a scenario I was witness to recently that made me become more aware. My teacher (in an Autism Behaviors class) was trying desperately to get her power point slide show up and running on her laptop. First the projector wasn’t on, and then she kept getting error pop up messages. Finally she got the slide show open, but it wasn’t playing. Rather than lose her cool, or worse, start mumbling to herself thing like “Why didn’t I set this up sooner!? Why didn’t I do a run through? I’m so stupid!” She was saying positive things like, “Ok, got the projector on... good job!” and “Maybe I should try this? Ok, that seemed to help, way to go!” After she was finished (and had solved every problem), I just had to comment to her. “I loved hearing all your positive self talk while we were problem solving!” I gushed. She looked very surprised, like thinking negative thoughts had never even crossed her mind. “Thank you” was all she said.

Had I been in a similar situation I would have been cursing myself up the wazoo. I don’t know how much cursing it takes to get up the wazoo, but I would have given it my best shot. I would have felt stupid for not getting it right the first time, angry at myself for not being perfect and embarrassed that all my students were waiting. Wow! Revelation time!

Since then, I’ve been MUCH more aware of that “inner bully.” Here’s some tips that I keep in mind that really have been helpful.

1)      Would I say it to my kid? Then don’t say it to myself.

2)      Am I doing my best? Than realize that and keep the negative thoughts and feelings out of it.

3)      NO ONE is perfect. NO ONE. No one likes to be around someone who thinks that they are, or even someone who tries to be. Life is too short for that kind of stress.

4)      Does this situation warrant your reaction, or are you over-reacting and being a “catastrophist?”

5)      Think of the last thing you did that you were really proud of, or qualities about yourself that you really admire and like.

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One week left till school and I’m feeling like a mother bird trying to find the time to arrange the nest. Going back to school has its own dance and ritual in our house. Fresh school supplies, clean house, man cub’s room as nice as can be, all the things he loves to eat and drink stocked, ready and waiting in the fridge. Of course, we also do the “first day big breakfast!” It seems like only a few short years ago that I was having my own “first day big breakfast” (being way to excited and nervous to eat it of course.) A crisp Fall breeze in the air (because NO school started in August back then!) new outfit on and butterflies in my stomach.

I’m expecting these next three years to go smoother than the last three. Man cub is transitioning from the maw of hell (aka: Jr. High School) to a wonderful little project based learning charter school one block from our house. I want to sing and spin on our front lawn like Maria that he’s going to such a wonderful school and that (hopefully) the worst of his teen years are behind him.

This is also a time when I re-focus and re-dedicate my own energies. Check in with myself about where I’m going (educationally and professionally) and how I feel about where I am. I made a few changes recently. I dropped my other two blogs on blogspot.com. I just didn’t have the time and energy to maintain three blogs and felt that they were all suffering from a real lack of focus. I like the motto “Do it right or not at all” and decided to cut them off. Of course, I’ll be keeping this one for a very long time to come.

I’m also learning to slow down a little, use my time better and pay attention to what I want and need (then do my best to listen, just like I would do for man cub.) This is MUCH easier said than done, but I’m making progress. I’m prioritizing my “to-do” lists and forcing myself to just be ok if it doesn’t all get done right away. This has been really difficult, but beneficial for my physical and mental heath! I’m not sure our toilet would agree, but isn’t that one of the good things about having a teenager in the house?

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One question that crosses the parents of a teenager's mind is “When should they work?” The answer these days seems to be at a much older age than when I was young. At 15 ½  I had already been working for a full year. Granted, I was in a hurry to move out, grow up and all to do all the things that most of my peers were happy to delay. Even so, teenagers today seem to be in even less of a rush, as do their parents.

At 15, none of my son’s friends have had a job of any kind yet. Even though some are a year or two older! It seems like parents today better understand the importance of grades and education over rushing their children into the workforce. Also, children today seem much busier with sports, camps, lessons and other time-takers than when I was young. All of these forces seem to add up to young adults having their first jobs in college, some even later.

Personally, I see much to be learned and gained in a business environment, but fiercely agree that my son’s not ready. Next summer he’ll be 16 ½. Although not yet ready for a “summer job” I do think he’ll benefit from some “summer volunteering.” I think working for free (aka: volunteering) will give him the confidence he needs in that kind of environment before having the pressures of working for pay. It’s also good to learn how to contribute to your community in a volunteer position before exploring what you’d like to do to earn a paycheck! All important “life lessons” in my opinion.

How about you? When was your first job? How old were you? Do you think you’ll encourage your teenager to work? Or focus more on school and outside interests?

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His sweet sixteen is just around the corner. I remember getting my license as soon as possible at his age. Driving meant freedom. Getting away from my parents and going where I wanted, when I wanted. Luckily for me, man cub has never been in a rush to drive.

My father-in-law took him out driving once last summer. The whole “empty parking lot” tradition. This summer I’ve been letting him lean over me and steer on one strip of empty road in Davis. He’s building up his confidence and enjoying these little windows into the world of being a driver.

Of course, there were times (and still are) when I’m not sure if he’ll be able to drive. It requires the ability to focus on so many things all at once, and I have concerns (due to his Aspergers Syndrome.) I always thought that it would either come very easily to him and he’d be the best driver out on the road, or it would be difficult to impossible for him and he’d never drive. Surprisingly enough, I think I was wrong on both counts. As far as I can tell so far, he seems to be a pretty typical teenager, excited yet nervous, fumbling his way as best he can.

I’m planning on taking it slow with him and really don’t see him being first in line to get his license on his 16^th birthday. I’m hoping this is something he can focus on next summer and get plenty of practice with. One thing at a time and there are many other challenges and new adventures on the near horizon for him. New school, 10^th grade, homecoming! Luckily Davis is the kind of town where most kids wait till their senior year to get their license and no one seems to be in a hurry. You can walk anywhere in town, we have great buses and plenty of bike lanes and paths. None of his friends will have their license by the time they’re 16 either. The world sure has changed since I was a kid! But, that’s another blog…

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“What do you want to be when you grow up?” is (in my opinion) the stupidest thing you can ask a young person. Deciding what you want to do for a living/career is a huge, long undertaking that some of us adults never even figure out. So how could a six year old know? Why not just ask what you really want to know, “What are you interested in? What are you good at? What do you like?”

Here I am, a woman of 36, and I just recently figured out “what I want to be when I grow up.” My own son (now at 15 ½) changes the answer to that question every day. Just this week he decided another option to add to the list, an English scholar. His “summer fun” reading list so far has included three books by Dante and The Iliad of Homer. This is what he enjoys. He informed me that the “complete works of Shakespeare” (something I also read one summer as a teenager), is next on his to-read list.

Do I REALLY think he’ll become an English scholar? Nothing would surprise me with that kid. What I DO want from him however is to explore everything that interests him and everything he’s talented at.

How can a child know they want to grow up and find a cure for Type I Diabetes? Or be a transcriptionist for the superior court? There are as many jobs and careers out there as there are people. I only hope my son finds something that makes him happy. And yes, you’ll NEVER hear me ask your child what they want to be when they grow up. If I did however, I would hope their answer would be “Happy.”

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I miss Disneyland. There, I said it. I miss our week-long all-out vacations (that, we’ve had like three times… but still, a girl can dream.) It’s been about four years since we were there and it’s my favorite place to go in the world. I feel like such a brat for even thinking how much I miss it there and wish we could take a vacation.

We still have our jobs, house, car, wonderful kid, health… so many people don’t right now. Heck! I even was lucky enough to have a wonderful evening with four of my good “mommy friends” last night. So, why this wish to jump in a car and give Mickey a big hug? I blame mommyitis.

This summer has been really wonderful, but also full of real-life responsibilities and hardships. At Disneyland you can just forget it all and become a kid again. You’re not the “in charge” mom planning the carpool for the year, or even “healthy mom” making a lovely all organic dinner for your family. Heck no! You’re the squealing little 5 year old right next to your own 5 year old wanting to eat cotton candy for dinner and thinking a $100 stuffed animal sounds like something YOU can’t live without either! Disneyland shatters all reality (but I find it even more fun than Vegas.) Everyone’s happy, friendly and that place is just so darn… CLEAN!

Every once in a while I just get so tired of being responsible. Of dutifully checking off my to-do list with no end in sight. Of saving and spending money on annoying things like air conditioners and gas. I just want to throw in the towel and be a five year old again and run away to Disneyland. Maybe for Christmas we can swing it?

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After recently moving the TV out of my bedroom, I found a renewed appreciation for what a sanctuary that precious room in the house can be. A feeling I didn’t have every time I dared to step a toe into my son’s bedroom.

Think “teenage boy room” and a deluge of negative stereotyped images flood your mind. Dirty clothes strewn everywhere (but the hamper), that horrid smell that tells you there’s food around somewhere and a window that hasn’t been opened since the stone age, a thick layer of dust to inflict an asthma attack on the most fit person… you get the idea. All this and more summed up man cub’s bedroom. It was time for action.

A few days before we were to tackle this big project together I told him my plan. “It’s important to me that you have a relaxing place to go to now that you’re in high school. I want to re-do your room before school starts. I want to go through everything, move your bed, get rid of old stuff and clean the whole thing.” Of course, he gave the typical teenager boy answer… “WHY!?”

I’m not sure why men think that everything is always just fine. "Why change it? It doesn’t smell THAT bad after all? I don’t mind it" (which isn’t saying much.) I wouldn’t take no for an answer however and was a mom on a mission. Not to mention, these kinds of makeovers are something I genuinely really enjoy. Enjoy that is till our air conditioner decided to quit working the morning of the big day. Nothing like moving furniture in a house with no air (and no husband) to get the ol’ blood pumping! At least I got my exercise in.

I had man cub sit down with me and draw out a plan. Since he’s on the Autism spectrum this was also a great way to hands-on show him how to sequence and plan something like this. Along the way I also taught him how you plan a room from the biggest piece of furniture on down the line till you get to the pictures. He also learned all about drywall anchors, how to use a level and organization in general. I’m hoping he’ll at least be able to hang a poster solo in his college dorm someday.

Of course, I didn’t think to take before and after pictures till we were almost done. I never thought I could sweat so much in two days, but we got it done. Like most men, he didn’t really know what to do unless I gave him a very specific job, but things could have been much worse. Now he’s busily re-discovering books long forgotten and really enjoying his new sanctuary. It was worth every drop of sweat!