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On Monday man cub and I took a day trip to the San Francisco Academy of Sciences. We left Davis at about 9:20AM and got there in 90minutes. I was really impressed with the lack of traffic and how easy MapQuest got us there. Anyone who’s been to Golden Gate Park will tell you that it can be very tricky to find, as the gates are often closed leading from one entry to another. Once there we also found the museum parking garage with ease, simply following the signage. We also happened to get the very last spot in the garage. It was looking to be our lucky day!

I pre-bought our tickets on-line and found that you pick them up from a very difficult to use machine in front of the museum (where you can also buy them right from the machine.) It was a cumbersome process that was magnified by the fact that there are no restrooms outside the museum (like at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.) Once ticketed, searched and inside the line for the tiny restroom was huge. One of my biggest complaints with the museum on a whole is the lack of appropriate bathrooms. Every line was long and the restrooms themselves were tiny. You got to know people VERY well once inside and I don’t envy any family traveling there with small children, or babies. Be prepared to wait a long time and to be smashed once you’re in.

The layout of the new museum was very strange and did not have good flow. The maps are little postcard size pieces of paper that only state the obvious w/o providing any really useful information (like where each restaurant is!) Even though we were there on a weekday, the place was packed and there was a wait for every single thing we saw.

I don’t wish to make this a 10page blog, so here are
the highlights:

-The Albino alligator was GREAT!

-The Planetarium show (the largest all digital show in the world) was worth the wait. Just get your passes as soon as you arrive or you risk not getting in.

-Lunch at the Moss Room was wonderful, and so were the private restrooms provided for the guests. (If you’re eating there, make reservations as soon as you arrive.)

-The museums overall focus on planet/animal health extends to the foods and beverages they serve there.

-The architecture and “living roof” were beautiful (as was the welcome break and fresh air while viewing them.)

-The children’s learning library upstairs with many things to touch, do and look at.

-The bats and giant orb spiders in the huge rainforest dome.

Now, the low-lights:

-The rainforest dome exhibit caused my son to have a full-blown panic attack. It was hot, noisy, crowded, smelly and too much to see all at once. You’re also on a catwalk 4 stories up. Also, you have to go all the way to the top to get out. There is no easy escape if this happens (which I’m thinking is pretty common.) I’d also be concerned if your child has asthma.

-Money. We spent over $200 between toll, parking, tickets and lunch JUST for the two of us. A little steep (but we did eat in the best restaurant.)

-People. Mobs of people everywhere. For food, bathrooms and to see anything there was a wait.

-Staff. Unlike the Monterey Bay Aquarium, staff was hard to find. There were signs and posters telling us how much they care about the environment, but all the education felt very automated to me (like no will call and getting your tickets from a machine.) Like all they REALLY wanted was your money.

-Accessibility. Although I saw many people there in wheelchairs, I personally felt it was a very handicapped (or small child) unfriendly place to visit. There were many stairs and it seemed as if each elevator took you somewhere different and were very far apart. Some parts of the museum had zero access for wheelchairs (like the “living roof”), although the elevator got you almost there (why stop a few feet short?)

-Noise. I did see some acoustic tiles that I assume are meant to attempt at helping cut down the noise? If so, they didn’t work. That place was LOUD!

-Organization. No one tells you to get your planetarium tickets as soon as you arrive, so if you didn’t see it on the website, you’re out of luck. No one tells you to make restaurant reservations (or where the restaurant IS), so again, you’re out of luck if you don’t know. All the lines we were in were pretty chaotic and very few had a system of any kind. It was more of a mob “first come first serve” which I hate and find really off-putting to families.

-COST! I didn’t see anything in the store not made in China for under $100. Doesn’t that directly contradict their “message?”

-Dead animals. Of course, these were around when I was a kid too. But seeing a skinned “Little Bear” on the wall of the children’s library was really creepy (Mother Bear was downstairs.) There were also many dead butterflies in the rainforest.

So, glad we went… won’t go again. I think for the same money we could have driven to Monterey and hit the aquarium again instead.

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Like some bad sci-fi movie I can almost hear the seconds of summer slipping away. Leisurely mornings of sleeping in will soon be a thing of the past for both man cub and I. Soon he’ll be starting (gasp!) 10^th grade! It still shocks me that I could possibly be the mother of a 10^th grade man cub who’s taller than I am now… but that’s another post.

Today we’re off to the city (aka: San Francisco) to the California Academy of Sciences. They completed a massive remodel a few years back (something I just found out), and I’m really looking forward to seeing it once more. Growing up in the Sacramento area, I have good memories of heading there many a time with both my family and on school field trips. This will only be man cub's second time there and I’m sure we’ll have a great day.

Summer is whizzing by. I decided to take this day trip after asking man cub what he still wanted to do this summer that he hasn’t done yet…

-Learned to do his own laundry (check)

-Stayed up all night at a sleepover (check)

-Went out of state on a camping trip (check)

-Ate tons of BBQ (check)

-Drank soda till he barfed (check)

-Played video games and hung out with friends (check)

-Did plenty of summer reading (check)

Man cub said the only thing left that he wanted to do was go to Monterey. Usually the two of us take a summer overnight trip there together (as it is both our favorite place.) This year however I knew we just couldn’t swing it financially after my husband and I did our vow renewal in Tahoe. So, I asked him “What do you like about Monterey the most. Is it the museum, or the beach?” He said the aquarium, so I told him I would take him to the Steinhart Aquarium instead. Problem solved.

I hope your summer is also going well. I’ll let you all know how the museum was, along with my take on the latest Harry Potter flick this week.

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In just 7 hours man cub will be heading off to a birthday slumber party. Apparently this is something boys still do well into their 20’s. To show the mom my gratitude, I just baked some vanilla bean shortbread cookies. I figure she can hide in her bedroom and wolf them down while a pack teenage boys run wild through her home (really, it's the least I could do.)

In just 7 hours my son will be put to the test with how much caffeine to drink while mom’s not around. Last year it ended badly. I think it took him at least three days to come off the caffeine rush. This year, I had him do some research on the affects of caffeine in the futile hope that he’ll make smarter choices. Images of a beer funnel full of foam with “GO GO” being chanted in five short years race through my mind.

In just 7 hours my man and I will get to have the coveted “Date Night.” We’re toying with the radical idea of just staying home, firing up the BBQ and watching an old movie. Note to self: don’t eat till you feel sick (I really don’t know where man cub gets his overindulging tendencies!)

In 7 hours we won’t walk the dogs (even though we said we would), man cub won’t brush his teeth (even though he said he would), the friend’s mother will swear this is the last birthday party sleepover she ever hosts at her house (but she’ll do it again next year) and summer will be that much richer and closer to being over.

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We received the results of man cub’s neuropsych evaluation last week. All three of us drove over to the medical offices where only a few weeks back I found myself camped out in their lobby while man cub underwent a long series of tests. The Dr. who worked with man cub was really wonderful and knew enough to establish a strong rapport with him right away. This was our first complete assessment ever done outside the school system. It was worth every second.

The results showed great improvement since past tests (or maybe they were just more thorough?) His weaknesses weren’t as weak as we thought, but his strengths also weren’t quite as strong as we thought. Interestingly enough he also had strengths and weaknesses across the board; short term memory, auditory processing, math, impusivity, visual learning and dexterity. Organization, impusivity and fine motor coordination were his three big weaknesses while reading, reading comprehension and vocabulary were his main strengths. The Dr. also gave us very clear cut modifications to add into his IEP (Individual Education Plan) with school. Overall, he’s a great kid and very bright (all of that I already knew of course.)

One thing came up that did surprise us, his anxiety is an issue. The Dr. actually feels that man cub’s stutter could be partially exacerbated, or even caused by anxiety. We have another follow up appointment tomorrow with the original pediatric neurologist to further go over the results and hear recommendations for the next course of action.

Most likely we will develop a “game plan” to address the anxiety, review the suggested school modifications (all simple changes like extended time for tests and such) and discuss plans to get him into a teen social group through the MIND Institute (where maybe he’ll even meet a girl with Aspergers Syndrome!)

I’m really glad we had all these tests done. Man cub handled the whole thing really beautifully and is old and mature enough to really be a full participator in his future planning. I’ve also noticed he’s taking a much more proactive role in educating others on what he can and can’t do and why. No whether or not they listen, is always another story.

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Many parents and teachers I know consider rewarding a wanted behavior or task to be a form of “bribery.” I couldn’t disagree more. According to the dictionary “bribery” actually means: make illegal payments to in exchange for favors or influence; "This judge can be bought."  Or, payment made to a person in a position of trust to corrupt his judgment. Not quite the same thing as rewarding your child for peeing in the toilet by giving them an M&M.

Three things happen before you get any behavior of any kind.
(step 1)First you have the situation, factor or other influence
(step 2)Next you have the behavior.
(step 3)Lastly the outcome.
We ALL have motivations. It could be a paycheck, your families happiness or even as simple as that cup of Starbucks on the way to a long meeting. Well, kids are no different. The trick to effective parenting (or teaching for that matter) is to know what motivates the child.

My son isn’t like most children in that the majority of his motivations are internal. Time alone, access to music, etc… mean much more to him than a sucker. Therefore, I realized I was going about his “to-do” list all wrong. I wrote in the past how “nagging” (or as I like to call it… “Prompting”) him wasn’t working and was just causing us both stress. Turns out verbal prompting is the least affective way to get someone to do something anyway! I needed to tap into his motivation to alter his behavior (step 2) to get the outcome I wanted (step 3). His motivation? iTunes. Yup… music.

I also realized that I wasn’t breaking down what I wanted and when enough for him to handle. I was leaving his list too open-ended by not adding time constraints. For now I make him a daily “to-do” list first thing in the morning, including time when I want each thing done (allowing at least 3 hours for each task.) I’m very clear and to the point. I also make sure the list is realistic and allows for plenty of “down time” in between tasks (it is summer after all.) If my son completes one full to-do list, then he gets to buy a new song off iTunes (one of his FAVORITE things to do.)

I feel like Hermione from Harry Potter who just found a long-lost spell of success. So far things are going beautifully. The other wonderful part of this system is that I don’t have to be home for it to work! No verbal prompts at all, he just has his list. After a few weeks of success I will sit down with man cub and have him make his own list so that he will be totally self sufficient in the end. Like any good teacher, I will also slowly wean the motivations away until getting the job done will be its own motivation.

I hope those of you who are teachers, or have older kids, find this blog helpful! Just think of it as the M&M “pee jar” and chart, but for older kids.

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Well, not really...

Last week we moved the TV out of our bedroom for the first time in years. When we were first together we had one 1,000lb set sans remotes in our living room with a VCR. No cable, no frills. Somehow down the line we ended up with a big one in our bedroom (with full cable of course) and another in the living room. Recently however, we cancelled all our cable (and are so glad we did.) and I also decided I wanted that mammoth set out of our bedroom.

Sure, she was great when you were sick and just wanted to slab out in bed and vegetate on old black and white movies. The other times however, she was more like an evil succubus, luring us in with good programming and the ease of watching it in bed. Forget about talking, reading, snuggling or *ahem* “other” nocturnal activities. By the time our shows would be over, it was time to hit snooze.

What a shocker that as soon as we moved it out of our bedroom, we found ourselves talking more, spending more “real” time together and sleeping great! I won’t get too crass but yes, I’ve been getting in some exercise as well. Why we didn’t do this years ago, I’ll never know. I think we just bought into the whole TV culture that you NEED the TV to relax. There’s some strange kind of fear that we won’t know what to do with ourselves once you turn it off or *gasp* MOVE it! I would never let my son have a TV in his room, so why did I have one in mine for so long?

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One of my favorite things about man cub is his sense of humor. He has made me laugh every day since he was born. Ok, maybe not EVERY day… but close enough.

Like all good teenagers, man cub spends large amounts of time on YouTube. Whenever he comes across something really funny that he think’s I’ll like, he just has to share it with me. Since most of you have children too young for YouTube, I thought it would be fun to pass along the smiles.
Just click and start laughing!

Clean Ones

Eddie Izzard-Cake or Death Lego

Sleep Running Dog

Budweiser commercial-Jaws

Kitty Cat Dance

Diet Coke + Mentos

Charlie bit my finger - again !

I Pinch

Evolution of Dance

Light Swearing

Mother's Day

Strongbad Theme Park

Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager #1

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Last Friday my husband and I hopped in the car and drove to Lake Tahoe to elope. We had planned this only a few days before and felt like a couple of giddy teenagers as the music blasted and the car curved its way out of state. Man-cub had been gone all week in Wyoming with his grandparents and my husband had the entire week off. We decided a wedding vow renewal was the perfect capper for our week alone.

We had arranged to have it officiated and were saying our vows on a cliff overlooking Emerald Bay (a common spot for just such an occasion I’m sure.) It ended up being lovely and my husband even surprised me with a little band of diamonds and sapphires to remember the day. Blue sapphires because I was wearing white and blue (also traditional… “something blue.”) It was an amazing day. So amazing in fact that I’m having a hard time re-adjusting to my “normal” life.

It seems like whenever we go crazy and spend a lot of time and/or money together, I just don’t want to stop. Like a junkie searching for a rush, I want every day to be as wonderful. To not think about money, or responsibilities. To eat out at every meal and have “alone time” every night. Sadly, the real world isn’t like that (at least not for me) and I’m finding myself mourning that rush of time and money spent.

Does this ever happen to you? Do you have a hard time reigning yourself back in once you’ve let loose?

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Every mom knows just how difficult it is to manage and balance parenting and a relationship. Keeping a good relationship with your mate requires time, energy, good communication and the ability to stay awake after the kids go to bed once in a while. Not things that go hand-in-hand with mothering. Add working to the mix, and you could have a recipe for a troubled relationship.

My husband and I have been together for about 17 years now. We’ve been married for 14 years (15 in October) and have for sure had our “more than a rough patch” moments. About three years ago we had a very bad “rough patch” and got into couples counseling. Thankfully we were able to work through our issues and in fact-renewed our wedding vows in Half Moon Bay. It was just the two of us, at sunset in a beautiful forest. Perfect.

I always thought that renewing your wedding vows was pretty silly. That cheesy slice of romance that you would snigger at just as you would a drive through wedding done by Elvis in Vegas. Good for some people, but not for me. My mind changed about that however when I really felt we needed a symbolic “fresh start.” Well, after a tough few weeks, we decided we were actually game to do it again! Yes, call me cheesy all you like; I think it’s romantic (besides, Seal and Heidi Klum do it every year.)

Tomorrow we’re off to Emerald Bay in Tahoe to have our wedding vows renewed. This time we’re having it officiated, again at sunset (and we’ll have pictures too!) I’m really excited about it and looking forward to another “fresh start.” For a little “wedding gift” we got new bedding and one of those net canopies over our bed. A busy mom has to be able to squeeze in some romance, even if it’s just a trip to Bed Bath and Beyond.

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This past Saturday was man-cubs family graduation party. He’ll be moving onto high school next year and we both needed a little transition celebration for surviving the hell that is known as “Junior High School.” My aunt, uncle, cousin, her fiancé, mother and father-in law all came bearing gifts, and hearty appetites for my husband’s amazing pulled BBQ pork sandwiches. We played games, chatted and watched man-cub open all his presies (he’s obviously the youngest in both our families as he was spoiled rotten and showered with gifts.) It was wonderful to all get together (at OUR house for a change) in honor of man-cub and how he’s more man than cub now.

That night man-cub left with my in-laws for a week-long trip to Wyoming. I had a similar trip around his age with my own grandparents and it was amazing. I’m excited to hear all the stories he’ll have to share about his adventures when he returns. Don’t think I’m just sitting around the house missing him however. My quick-thinking husband took the week off work so we can have our own little vacation time.

Yesterday he took me out to a lazy Sunday brunch and we saw “The Hangover.” I didn’t quite realize how long it’s been since we’ve had real time away from man-cub, or how even having a supposed “self supporting teen” can consume your day. It was strange. Strange and wonderful. Just being able to not get dressed to go from the bedroom to the bathroom in our own home was an exciting and new experience. Not having to worry if he ate, be back to pick him up, call in to check on him, anticipate what he’ll want/need is a real vacation.

Don’t hate me, but today we’re off to the new Red Hawk Casino in Placerville. Just think of it this way… after 6 hours in a waiting room last week while man-cub had his assessment from the pediatric developmental neuropsychologist, I’m entitled to a little fun “me” time.

Enjoy the pictures from the party!

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One drawback to living in a “Melting Pot” society is our lack of clear-cut customs. Many cultures have their own rituals and ways of celebrating the many transitions in the life of a child, especially when that child transitions from “kid” to “young adult.”

As a young woman my mother took my best friend and me out for a “period party” fancy dinner. At the time, I was a little embarrassed about it, but enjoyed getting the gift of a new outfit. I did feel important, and enjoyed how my parents viewed me in our family had shifted upon this physical sign of blossoming womanhood. Many cultures have even more powerful customs when it comes to young men. They may have a Bar Mitzvah and welcome young men into their religious culture, or some have their ears pierced by the tribe elders.

I’ve always tried to honor my child and recognize his transitions as he grew into a man. Turning from 12 to 13 (an “official” teenager) was a big deal. Leaving 6^th grade and going onto Jr. High School was a big deal (and when he got his first cell phone.) Now that he’s leaving Jr. High School and transitioning to High School (in Davis this happens after 9^th grade), I wanted to throw him a family party.

Since he didn’t really “graduate” yet, but it is a big deal, I decided to just call it a “Hooray for Man-Cub” party. Saying “goodbye” to youth and “hello” to young-adult hood. We’re keeping it just family and man-cub got to pick the menu. We got him some very “adult” gifts. A beautiful black leather laptop bag (at his new school each student is assigned their own laptop) and a special necklace that I commissioned my sister-in-law to make for him.

We’ll have a nice dinner on our patio this Saturday, and all spend time with man-cub and honor him. I think it will be a very special day for him and am very glad we’re marking this transition with a celebration.

What are some transitions in your culture, or that you enjoyed when you were growing up? Are you planning on continuing them with your child?

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I’m sitting in the waiting room of the Developmental Pediatric Neuro Psychologist; Waiting for three hours while she assesses my son. He’ll undergo a battery of different tests to get a clear picture of how his brain works, what he’s good at and what he’s not so good at. Then there are the things that his brain just won’t be able to do at all. I wonder what they’ll be. It’s important to know your weaknesses, so you can use your strengths to balance them out. To know what you’re good at… and not so good at is an important road map in life.

Fortunately, my son loves these tests. He’s a very logical kind of kid and just as interested to see how his own brain works. I think he views them as levels in a video game and is always excited to push the bar and see how far he can go in each assessment. The DPNP (please don’t make me spell it out each time!) is very kind and good with him. I have a good feeling about the whole assessment and am very glad that we’re having it done.

If I could go back in time and change choices I made and people I trusted when it came to my son’s education and development, I would without hesitation. The school district was shockingly un-supportive, un-prepared and un-educated when it came to children like my son. If they were fully-disabled, they were wonderful. But for higher functioning children, they were lost. Too often I assumed they knew what was best when it came to his interventions and education and well… I have 10 years of wasted speech therapy with over 20 different therapists to prove that they didn’t.

I try not to focus too much on the past however. I savor each day and do my best to prepare him for his future; hopefully a future that includes a road map to help him through the unknown.