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(warning-it's a long one!)

Over Spring Break I attended a lecture on Autism at the Sacramento, CA Sutter Hospital lead by Dr. Michael Chez. I had already been reading a wonderful book about college and students with Autism and Aspergers Syndrome and was eager to hear what the medical community had to say about the advances in Autism Research.

When my son was around 5years old we had been told that he was on the “Autism Spectrum.” That he had either PDD-NOS or Aspergers Syndrome. Both the school district, Occupational Therapists, Speech Therapists and the Pediatric Neurologist (who spent 10minutes with us) agreed on this. Since then any Psychological evaluations done for the benefit of getting my son services were conducted through the school. We only went “outside the system” for speech, sensory and occupational therapy. We trusted the school to know what was best academically. After hearing Dr. Chez speak and reading my book on college planning, I decided it was time to have my son re-assessed to better gather a clear plan for his future.

Our request to take him to Dr. Chez and his team at Sutter was denied, but our insurance did cover another wonderful specialist who was also a pediatric neurologist. I gathered my paperwork, typed up a diagnostic summary of my son’s 10years in the system and crossed our fingers. She was wonderful and really took her time with us. She spoke both to my son and to myself for quite a while.

About halfway in the appointment she turns to me and says “I have no doubt that your son is Autistic. Not Aspergers, not PDD-NOS, but Autistic.” I was pretty shocked. “Why is that?” I ask. “He has too many areas affected to have Aspergers Syndrome and his use of language is affected. His symptoms are too severe for PDD-NOS to be considered. That is only a diagnosis if the child doesn’t fit the Autism criteria, and your son fits it. There is no doubt in my mind that he’s High Functioning Autistic.” Both my son and I were floored.

The Dr. left the room to make some copies and I turn to my “man-cub.” “This doesn’t change anything” I tell him, “You are still the same person! It’s just a word.” “I know!” (with a teenage eye roll that tells me he isn’t phased in the slightest.) A rose by any other name still smells as sweet. This is true. Later that night I tell him (as he adores Lord of the Rings and I know this will sink in), “Was Aragorn still Aragorn when he was called Strider?” “YES!” said my son. “Was he still Aragorn when he was the King of Gondor?” “YES!” said my son. “Did those names change him or who he was in any way?” “NO!” (he’s got the picture.) “The same goes for you” I explain. "This is just a word to help your teachers know what you’re good at and what you need help with. It will help you with college and in your future. You don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to and it doesn’t change who you are.” (I think he got the point.)

Was I saying all of this to make him feel better? Or myself? Even though I don’t like to admit it, I was surprised. Of course it doesn’t change one thing about him, but is that really how others see him? Do I just know him so well and love him so much that I don’t see him the way other people do? Here was a woman, a trained professional highly regarded in her field. She’s seen countless children all across the Autism Spectrum (from non-verbal full Autistic to “eccentric” Aspergers) and she could tell so fast that he was Autistic. Is that what other people see too?

Our next step is a 4hour long appointment with a Pediatric Developmental Psychologist (say that 10x fast) for a full cognitive assessment. This will give us very specific areas of strengths and weaknesses to include in his school accommodations, and just to know for all our benefit. He also has a lot of sleeping issues that we’re trying to address (in an all-natural way.) If he doesn't respond to the natural treatments, he’ll have to go in for a EEG (sleepover study.)

I hope all of this information is more of a tool than a weight on his back. I hope he can learn to self advocate better and educate others. He’s not a label, he’s my unique, wonderful, strong, amazing kid. He’s not Autism, or Aspergers, those are just names for things he has a hard time with. He’s a unique wonder and I’m so happy he’s my son.

April is Autism Awareness month. If I haven’t bored you by now and you’re interested, here are some latest facts, statistics and information on Autism. (And for the record, I hate the stupid rainbow puzzle ribbon. UGH! My kid is not a puzzle to be put back into place. Can't they just pick a color like every other group?)

Autism is a Neurodevelopmental Disability / Neurobiological Disorder: There are variations in the way the brain develops. Nuro=brain/nervous system. Biological=affecting the organism.

-1:100 boys will be diagnosed with a form of Autism

-1:142 children will be diagnosed

-The ratio for Autism is 81.83% Male and 18.17% Female.

-22 genes are affected by autism and it may be hereditary.

-50% of children with Autism have some form of epilepsy

  (mostly at night).

-There is a lag between hearing/seeing and responding

  (so give them extra time to process if you’re talking to someone on the spectrum!)

-They often have Autoimmune Inflammation

  (food allergies, low immune system, etc…)

The shocking increase in Autism started in the early 80’s. From 1987-1998 Autism Diagnosis rose 273%. Other disabilities only saw a 35%-49% rise. Double checking the diagnosis through auditing and a lack of decrease in other disabilities discounts the “over-diagnosing” theory.

From 1987-2002 there was a 32% increase in “home living” situations for Autistic individuals and a 22% decrease in community care facilities. (YAY!)

Asian and Hispanic groups have had the highest increase of Autism over the last 15years (relative to the population.)  

Impaired areas are: verbal and non-verbal communication (including, odd or peculiar language or very advanced language for their age), social interaction difficulties (appropriate conversation, conversation initiation, understanding social rules), abnormal patterns of behavior (intense interests and hobbies, compulsive physical releases like rocking, finger flicking (aka: stimming).

Parts of the brain affected: Hippocampus & Amygdala (emotional regulation) Cerebellum (motor coordination) Brain Stem (brain/body communication) Neocortex – Frontal Lobe (executive function) Temporal Lobe (auditory processing.) Mirror Neurons (learning to do by watching) system dysfunction.

Social Cognitive Differences: Perspective taking skills (what others might know, or not know), Differences in Social Motivations (brain regions respond the same to both people and objects. The “pleasurable” properties are not the same when socializing.)

Lack of “Central Coherence” (The inability to draw together diverse information to come to a conclusion.)

*Sources – M.I.N.D Institute & S.T.A.N.D clinic. Both Sacramento, CA

2003-2009

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We’ve all had them. You get up in the morning and it’s all down-hill from there. Something is just “off” with your day and you’re just not sure how to fix it. I’m having one of those mornings this morning (complete with being locked out of the house.)

When these days happen I personally have a difficult time keeping optimistic and the urge to just crawl back into bed and call it a day is overwhelming. Especially after the 3^rd or so “bad thing” that happens in a row (before 9AM.) The coffee hasn’t kicked in yet and I just can’t readjust that fast!

Anyone have any tips? How you do bounce back from a rotten day?


Image from http://www.daszynski.org/vi...>Brad Daszynski

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No, I didn’t suddenly adopt twin girls… I’m talking about my “crew” of girlfriends! When I first starting poking around SacMomsClub (two years ago now), I knew no one. I wasn’t really looking for any new friends either, just enjoying the site in general. I was open to the idea of meeting some wonderful moms (as we all are) and liked the idea of helping other new moms meet each other, so I started organizing some coffee meet-ups for the site. I would put notices out on the “TALK” board about “Hey! Want to meet up Friday for coffee?” and see what came of it. Sometimes, I was alone with a book (which wasn’t time wasted in my opinion), but often at least a few other moms would show up.

Some I met at local events around the SacMomsClub booth, some I met while face painting at other events, or when I would have a table of jewelry during Second Saturday downtown. Over the last year, I’ve formed some surprisingly strong friendships from the ladies I’ve met here.

Amanda – You know her as AmandaS. We met at a coffee I set up for SacMomsClub and I knew I had to have her as a friend right away. Even though she is the busiest mom I’ve ever met, she always seems to find time for her friends. She’s also one of my favorite bloggers on the site.

Hillary – Aka: hmoeckli. I think we also met at a coffee (correct me if I’m wrong here!) The worlds best teacher and wonderful mama. She makes me laugh every time I’m with her. Wise beyond her years and always thought provoking, she's there with a quick witted e-mail reply anytime I need one.

Wifemotherdaughtersister – I’ve never heard her use her real name here, so I’ll stick with her user name. I met her while face painting for SacMomsClub at Fairy Tale Town last year. Always looking like she's fresh from a makeover show (aka-beautiful!), she’s full of advice and very level-headed. Every group needs someone like her to keep us all sane! She also needs to blog more, because I can’t get enough of them.

MiaMama – Again, not sure she’d want me to use her real name. We met at a Second Saturday event when she came to meet me (from the site) and check out my jewelry. Why this woman hasn’t started to blog yet, I’ll never know. Her responses always make me laugh, think, nod… Eccentric and charming, she is like a breath of cherry blossoms on the first day of Spring.

These are all amazing women who I wouldn’t know without SacMomsClub. We meet (in real life) as much as we can and enjoy being around each other. So if you’re feeling frustrated that you aren’t “networking” here as much as you like, cast your net out! Set up a coffee, play date, event and actually invite people from the site. You just may end up as lucky as I am with wonderful girls of your own.

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In my last post I was talking about what you do when you feel your life, routine, family, relationships, etc… are in a rut. I asked to hear tips before I would share some of my own.

Hmoeckli had some really outstanding suggestions in response:
•  Look for dinner down an aisle I don't regularly use or shop at a new store

•  Call up a friend to hang out

•  Google my lesson topic and see if anything cool and new comes up

•  Look through Em's old toys to see if there's anything fun we are ignoring

•  Give myself the night off, order a pizza, and have a carpet picnic with a movie

•  Sign up for a class

•  Join a really cool website geared for local Sacramento moms so that I can meet cool ladies to hang out with. :)

Becoming “too efficient” in your roles and in your life is something I struggle with often. First of all, it’s important to notice when you’re in a rut. Better late than never and it’s never too late to do something about it! Here’s what I suggest when that feeling hits.

~Delegate: You could be in a rut because you’re trying to do everything yourself. Women are natural leaders and wonderful at taking on any task that a sane man would balk at. However, “doing it all” isn’t really a good thing. Delegate responsibilities (just as you would at work!)

~Sneak Away Time: If you feel you have no one at home to delegate too, ask friends and family for help. Start a “babysitting co-op” with your friends so you can get some alone time. If you work full time and your child is in school or daycare, take a long lunch every now and then to do something fun just for you! I try and sneak away to a mid-day movie a few times a year alone. The world will not crumble without you there every second.

~Play: You’re being too efficient and need to play more. How do you play when there’s so much to do? Your “to-do” list is screaming at you and your rut wants your attention. Do whatever you have to do to ignore it all (turn on music, make some tea, pop in a favorite movie) and PLAY! Play a family game, play with the children and their toys, doodle some artwork, break out the play dough for some family fun. Just turn off the world and force yourself to play. I swear it’s like a mini vacation when you do!

~Listen: Not with your ears, but listen to your body and your emotions. What is it telling you? Are you happy? Tense? Stressed? Exhausted? Hungry? As mothers we are experts at taking care of everyone’s needs around us (kids, employees, family, business), but our own! We get so efficient at it that you can lose touch with what YOU need. Tune in and follow your instincts.

~Live in the NOW: I don’t know about you, but I live 99% in “what’s next!” I go so far as to not even enjoy my successes when they’re here, but instead live in a constant state of stressful anticipation. Like a catcher behind the home plate, I’m always waiting for the next pitch, even when the game is over! If you’re like me… STOP IT NOW! Life is way too fast and you’ll miss out on so much with this frame of mind. Savor what’s happening now.

Of course these tips don’t mean “run away to Vegas and become a showgirl!” What they mean is that even if you stay at home full-time, you are an efficient, effective full-time business woman. You plan, anticipate, calculate and get it done. This isn’t always the best way to get through life and can be the quickest way to get into a rut. Take 5… ask for help… be selfish once in a while… take the kids grocery shopping in their pajamas or old Halloween costumes, no one will die! Let the little things go and focus on the NOW. Make today matter for you and it will matter for your family.

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Have a fabulous “rut-free” weekend!

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I’ve talked about being a procrastinator before, and how I have a funny way of procrastinating. I’m a "productive procrastinator." This means that I will do anything and everything to feel super productive while 100% avoiding what I really need to do.

My “to-do” list this week is long and varied. Monday went really well and I was actually productive. Tuesday (yesterday) however, it all feel apart. Rather than tick the high priority items off my list, I decided that I just HAD to re-arrange all the shelving in the house (for the 100^th time). I told myself that it was bothering me and it’s a productive use of my time as we’re having a big family party for my son at our house in June. YES! JUNE! I did not need to spend 8hours moving furniture, cleaning and re-arranging yesterday! But that’s just what I did, and man am I sore today.

Yesterday wasn’t enough for me though. Today I have to spend time finishing what I began. This included going to the hardware store, having custom wood cut for my bookshelf (because I feel it needs more shelves) and am now painting said shelves black to match. I’m a time wasting pro!

Of course, my house will look better, be more organized and clean… but nothing on my list got ticked off yesterday or today. I should have been doing my art, homework and working out at the gym. Now I’m realizing that I self-sabotaged my plans and am running 2 days behind.

Do you do this too? Are you a productive procrastinator?

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I was having coffee with a girlfriend this morning (as us mothers of teenagers get to do now and then), when the topic of discipline and punishment came up. My friend is the mother of an 8yo girl who is in love with TV. The other day her daughter did something worth punishing and her husband came up with a pretty funny idea. For her punishment, she was forced to delete all of her shows off their TiVo (a digital recording device - DVR - that tapes shows for you.) My friend shared that her daughter was shattered to see all her Hannah Montana shows deleted and the lesson was learned.

All I could think was “WOW! Parenting sure has changed since I was a kid!” Gone are the days of threatening with a spanking or wielding a wooden spoon or “switch.” Now days it’s “I’m taking away your unlimited texting!” and “Don’t make me switch your computer back from DSL to dial-up!” How do you think our children will discipline their children? What’s in store for the future of discipline and punishment?

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This is what my son calls himself now. As he stated so eloquently yesterday “I’m your blogging progeny!”
–sigh- They grow so fast.

Yesterday I suggested my 15yo man-cub start his own blog. We were chatting in the car on the way home from Sacramento and he was commenting on the social pressures of being a teenager. I told him that I felt he was a wonderful writer, with a unique point of view and a lot to say. I then (gulp) suggested he start his own blog. He loved the idea and surprisingly relished the concept of some public input regarding his rants and points of view.

The title of his blog? Nallof’s Tower (of semi-misanthropic rants.) I had to look misanthropic up, he didn’t. Nallof is his name backwards. Pretty clever! I think this will be an interested experiment for him and I’m curious to see how long he sticks with it. He’s seen the enjoyment I get out of my own blogging and genuinely enjoys being the topic of conversation here. He even likes seeing his picture up on the homepage! Not many teenage boys would be into a public picture with their mom.

Me? I’m curious too. It will be a little window into his unique train of thought. I also personally think it’s a really viable blog idea; The life of a teen with high functioning Autism and what his life is like. He even plans on doing some movie reviews. And here I thought he’d want to spend his whole spring break on video games and sneaking soda. He never ceases to surprise me.

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As the parent of a teenager, I’m constantly looking for way to improve communication in our house. A new idea came to me early on Sunday morning and I ran with it. I made a list of fun questions (two pages worth), printed out a copy for each of us and had everyone answer them together.

First you just wrote down your own answer, but then as we went around sharing (taking turns because it’s not always about the teenager), we had to guess who would answer what for certain questions. It turned out to be a really fun, and surprising experience. We spent some time at the table JUST TALKING and learned something new about each other.

If you have a child who is neurologically differently abled (like Autism), these types of games are especially valuable. Not only will it give you a window into their way of thinking (which will be VERY different from yours), but it will also subtly reinforce social skills, communication, turn taking and “Theory of Mind.” Theory of Mind is “seeing someone else’s point of view;” Something that can be hard for even the highest functioning among us, but for sure will be a deficit for someone on the Autism Spectrum.

If you have an older child and think this sounds like a fun way to spend some family time… here are the questions I had my family answer.

If you could give 1 thing to the person on your right, what would it be?

 
What is your favorite holiday?

What is your favorite family vacation memory?

If you could change 1 thing you’ve done this year, what would it be?

If you could buy 1 thing for our house, what would it be?

What is your favorite TV show?

What is your ultimate dinner?

 If you could change 1 thing about yourself, what would it be?

Who is your BEST friend (family members don’t count.)?

What’s your least favorite chore?

What’s your favorite book?

Where is your favorite place to go, in Davis?

Where’s your favorite place to go in Sacramento?

What’s your favorite treat?

If you could compete in ANY Olympic sport, what would it be?

If you could have ANY job in the world, what would it be?

When you have friends come over, what is your favorite thing to do with them?

What would be the best gift you could get right now?

If you could no longer drive anywhere, how would you get around?

If 1 person HAD to come and live with us for forever, who would it be?

What is your favorite movie?

What is your favorite song?

Say 1 nice thing about the person to your left.

What is your favorite place to go in California?

What are you most looking forward to in the next 3months (may, june, july)

What’s your favorite thing about having pets?

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I’m not a religious person. I do however have a firm belief that everything happens for a reason. I’m not really sure how the two go together (or if they even do.) This all started for me with the series of coincidences that brought me my son.

A fight with a boyfriend… my (now husband) overhearing and asking me out that night… a friendship that evolved… birth control that failed… Well, we all know where that road leads. My son was a surprise gift and one I didn’t know I wanted till I found out I was pregnant. I firmly believe he was meant to be mine. I was destined to be his mother, to fight for him and help him grow, just as he was destined to be my son and help me grow as well. Now here I am, with a wonderful family and a good life.

I missed out on a lot of things having my son at the tender age of 21; college was just one of them. I never felt going back was very important to me, till my head kept hitting the ceiling of the corporate world and my restless nature would lead me from “job” to “job.” I decided three years ago that I would take a junior college class (just for fun) in American Sign Language. I’d never been a very good student, but had always wanted to learn ASL. After the success and thrill of that class, I kept exploring and learning, taking only a few at a time while both enjoying the process and wondering where this new road would take me. I managed to do very well in all my classes and now find myself halfway to an AA degree.

I’ve been pondering lately about my own personal future and where I’d like to see myself professionally. One thing keeps popping into my head over and over; Autism. I’ve always been a huge advocate for my son and consumed any bit of information I could get my hands on relating to the field. I also personally find it very fascinating and can easily see myself doing research for the benefit of children on the spectrum.

For now, I’m happy taking my 2-3 classes each semester, writing and teaching art to children. I do however believe that I was plunged into the world of Autism for a reason and am now peaking down that foggy road to see where it will take me.

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As my son got older I found myself wondering what he would enjoy in his Easter basket. He will always get a visit from the bunny in our house (and Santa for that matter) and I didn’t want to drop the ball just because he was maturing. Just what do you get a pre-teen or teenager for their basket? Here’s some ideas for you.

-Go with their hobby. Into Lord of the Rings? Twilight? Harry Potter? Purchase items along those lines. Ebay and Amazon are both great places for finding specific hobby items. Last year my son got a “One Ring” replica (Lord of the Rings) from Ebay in his basket. He still loves it.

-Go for a theme. Are they a reader? Gardener? Hiker? Love travel? Run with the theme. Seeds and garden tools for the green thumb. Artist supplies for the artist. Books or gift card for the reader (bookmarks, book plates, lap desk, etc…)

-Planning a summer trip? Get items that prepare for that. My son is going to Wyoming with his grandparents this summer. I plan on getting him some books and maps on Wyoming to help get him excited about the trip.

-Hygiene Help. One year I took my son to Bath and Body and let him sniff around and explore all their items. Once he picked a product he loved (it was an orange spice line for men), I went back when he wasn't with me and bought 1 of each thing with that smell. I also included a nice hair brush, and bath items. Pre-teens and teens can always use some hygiene help and nice items are pricey. Why not make them a gift!?

-Not just ANY candy! My son like strange candy. Candy from other countries are very popular at his school. I’m planning on hitting Cost Plus for unique items like “Happy Cola.” Japanese gummy sodas.

-Think “outside the basket.” Last year we went on a trip during Spring Break. Rather than fill another basket for my son, I got him a really cute new suitcase (from Ross) and put his goodies in that! He loved it and still uses it whenever we travel.

Good luck and have fun being the bunny!