SacMomsClub.com

larger view

My name is *Creatress and I am a fast food addict. I love the stuff. Taco Bell, Burger King, Jimboys… Mmmm I could eat it three times a day. Of course I don’t, in fact I rarely treat myself anymore.

A little over a month ago my husband was diagnosed with high blood pressure and high cholesterol. We had been making changes to our diet for the better for well over a year now, but that trip to the Dr’s office made us take things to the next level. No more junk food, rare healthy homemade desserts instead of store bought, no more red meat (down from rarely) and no butter EVER! It’s been tough, but his blood pressure is under control now and he’s lost a surprising amount of weight. Me? I’m about the same and I’m missing my fast food like mad.

Today I was craving Taco Bell badly. I told myself I was going to get a project that I was having a hard time completing done, and then treat myself with a “run for the border.” I finished my project and hopped in my car with thoughts of nothing other than hot nacho cheese sauce. At the stop light right before Taco Bell however I came to my senses. I realized all the crap I was about to feed my body and had second thoughts. I then saw a Subway right across the street from the Taco Bell I was almost at, and the light popped on above my head (or maybe it was just the traffic light turning green.)

Rather than give into the call of the crap, I turned right and went to Subway instead. A sandwich loaded with veges and a diet soda later I was patting myself on the back and feeling a lot better about my choice.

Change isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. I can look myself AND my husband in the eye tonight and know I didn’t cheat on our healthy plan. Plus the Subway still felt like a treat.

(My name isn’t REALLY Creatress, but you all may think you read the wrong blog if I put my real name.)

larger view larger view

I grew up in a home where pets came and went. They were treated as annoyances by my parents, but something they felt every kid should have (especially an only child), though I never had too much of a bond with any of them.

When my son turned four, I badly wanted to get him a cat. I loved cats most of all and found them to be a great “starter pet” for younger children. After much convincing, we got our first cat. She was an orange and white tabby that we adopted from a local SPCA pet fair. She was older at the time (at least three or four) and it was obvious that the other families were there for the cute kittens.

When my son was seven, we relocated back to Davis. I always knew that when we bought a house, I wanted to get a dog. At this point we had two cats and a small tank with fish (a gift for my son’s first birthday. I thought the sound from the bubbles would help him sleep better, and give him something relaxing to watch while in bed. It worked!) Talking my husband into a dog was a little tougher than the cats, or fish. Finally he caved, and we took a trip to the animal shelter in Woodland to “just look.” Now how anyone can “just look” at a shelter is beyond me, because we left with our new doggie, Snack (yes, her real name.) Our son wasn’t too sure about his new “sister” and it took a while to warm up to her. She was older (about 3 years old) and loved him from the start. Man-cub came around and she’s a great addition to our family.

Our pack was happy for a few years, and then I went through the baby craze. If you haven’t had this happen yet, you’re lucky. It’s when against all odds, sanity and reason your body SCREAMS for a baby. Since a baby was obviously out of the question, I went to the animal shelter and adopted the first puppy I saw. Let me just say that a puppy, for all intents and purposes, IS a baby. It worked like a charm. I haven’t wanted a baby since and we had a great new girl dog to add to our pack. So why get pets? Why put the time, money, love and energy into “raising” animals as well as kids?

For me it was for:

-Unconditional love for my own little man-cub

-To teach the responsibility and rewards of caring for another living thing.

-To keep us all active (walking, bathing, playing, brushing)

-Sense of safety and security when my son is home alone.

-To help keep my son’s stress and depression in check (there’s nothing like petting a dog or getting “doggie kisses!”)

-To give my son a sense of companionship when he didn’t want other children over (very common with children on the Autism Spectrum.)

My pets kept their end of the deal and we can’t imagine our life without them. Yes, they’re expensive. Yes, they bark at all the wrong moments. Yes, my son loves them and they’ve done wonders for him developmentally. Personally they helped me fill that lingering maternal urge from only having one child, without actually having more children. I also can feel good knowing we gave so many animals such a loving home and a new lease on life.

A pet may not be the right move for you and your family, but I can’t imagine our pack any other way.

The big yellow dog in the picture is "Snack." She's a lab hound mix. The little one is my full-grown puppy (now almost 4yo) named "Sweetie." My boys call her "Toad" more than Sweetie however.

For more on pets, check out SacPaws.com.

larger view

I found out last night that there is a secret Oscar lover in our house… my 15yo man-cub. I had vaguely remembered getting yelled at last year by not setting the TiVo to get them, and I kindove recall the year before that man-cub coming up with the idea of us eating take-and-bake pizza and ice cream for our own little party. Last night I understood the full impact of his feeling for that golden man when I started fast forwarding through the more minor awards. He actually shrieked at me (I didn’t really know he could still do that) and grabbed the remote from my hands.

It turns out my little (ok, big) man-cub has a desire to one day walk across that stage and get his own 100lb statue. Not for being a leading man, not even for best supporting actor, director or screen writer. He wants to be a sound editor. How’s that for a specific field! When best sound editor and musical score came on last night he had a look on his face that I would imagine in the same one that graced any budding talent as they watch a special night. Then he turns to me and says “This is as special a night as New Years Eve!” “Uhhhh, ohhhkay.” I manage to stutter out. How could I have had no clue this was such a big deal to him?

I find I am constantly learning new things about my budding young man. Just like the day I brought him home from the hospital. He changes daily and I’m thrilled, proud and excited to see what he’ll become when he’s a man. And next year, I told him he could have an Oscar party.

larger view

I was watching one of my favorite TV shows yesterday with my husband, The Office. Onto the screen walks one of the characters, Phyllis wearing… my sweater. I recognized it instantly and sucked in my breath with horror. Phyllis is the butt of many jokes on the show. She isn’t very attractive and is the biggest women. To see my sweater on her… on TV was horrific. I’m not sure which was worst, having my fears that this cozy sweater was really ugly confirmed or knowing that I must be as fat at Phyllis. I’m off to burn that sweater now. Good thing it’s raining.

larger view

Every once in a while my husband will do something amazing. He will totally shock me, take me off guard and know exactly what I need. I have to admit, that the longer we’re together, the more frequently this happens (lucky me.)

These last few months have been really difficult for me. I’m processing some yuck from my past and it’s going slow and painful. My husband picked up on that, and the fact that we haven’t had a vacation alone in… hmmm… I honestly can’t remember! So, he’s been busily planning away behind my back.

All I’ve known for weeks was that he’s had a surprise for me that isn’t happening till March. I assumed it was something small. A local dinner out at my favorite place or a trip to a local casino, something fun and out of the ordinary, but not too over-the-top.

Something I may have mentioned in the past is that both my husband and I are horrid at keeping surprises from each other. We’ve both managed to do this exactly one time. This also goes for gifts… we ALWAYS can’t wait for the special day and give in early. In keeping with tradition, I was able to weasel out of my husband what he’s been up to last night.

He’s taking me to Vegas in two weeks for a mid-week romantic escape. We’re flying in on a Wednesday morning and coming home Friday night. He already made all the reservations, bought us tickets to see Wayne Newton, made the dinner arrangements and has his mother in place to stay with man-cub at our house while we gone. My gut reaction was to think he was lying, tell him to shut up, and nearly shove him off the bed (a la’ Elaine from Seinfeld.) Once it sank in that he had actually planned all this, on his own, just to surprise me… well… I couldn’t have felt more loved.

I’m not sharing this to brag (ok, maybe a little), but as a ray of hope for those with little ones still needing your every second of the day.

I remember when actually sitting down at the table, just us, and eating was amazing and as romantic as the days got for us. Relationships are hard, and so is raising a family. It takes time, effort, dedication and sacrifice. The good news is, that they aren’t little forever. You will have each other back and grow as a couple into an even better relationship than you ever had before. And yes, perhaps your partner too will evolve into a mind-reader who spoils you.

larger view

Night sweats, spinning thoughts, nightmares, insomnia… all of these and more plague busy mothers of today’s society. What’s a sleepless mama to do? Everyone knows that without a good nights sleep you risk your health and sanity during the daytime hours. I’ve had sleep problems my whole life, so I think I can safely share some tips that have helped me though the years.

Problem? Busy Brain

We’ve all had it happen. You lay it bed, your eyes wide open and all you can think of are busy thoughts. I’ve personally found many ways to help this night horror.

1) Journal before bed (or blog). Clearing your mind of all worries and anything you’re currently thinking of really does help! You can even keep a small notebook by your bed. The old saying “Sleep on it” really does work. Jot it down and think soothing, calming thoughts instead.

2) Try a sound machine. Find a noise you like and that relaxes you (or a cd). The ocean? Even a simple bedside fan can do wonders. During the winter, just point it at the wall.

3) Watch your caffeine. Caffeine could be the culprit. Cut out all caffeine except your morning cup. Even decaf coffee has some trace amounts of caffeine in it. Try to stick with water past noon.

Problem? Full Bladder

You’ll be just about to go to sleep and that feeling will strike. You have to go… This is a dance that can go on all night long.

1) Don’t drink tea at night. You may think you’re doing yourself a favor with that mug of Sleepy Time Tea, when in fact most tea will actually make you have to urinate more than you normally would.

2) Cut out drinks a few hours before bed. Keep some emergency water on-hand, but don’t drink it unless you really need to.

3) Try some deep relaxation techniques as you drift off to sleep. Stress could be keeping your abdominal muscles tight, constricting your bladder through the night. Start with the top of your head and work your way down your body with your eyes closed. I like to imagine my body is a big pile of sailor knots (big rope all tangled up) and as I work my way down my body I’m un-tying and un-tangling the knots. (This mediation also works really great for menstrual cramps.)

Problem? Not Tired

You lay in bed just staring at the ceiling, counting dots or wood knots. You flip your pillow, take the blankets off and on and you just can’t get to sleep.

1) Get up. Just laying there rarely works. Get up and do something soothing. Have some warm milk with honey in it (skip the cocoa, it has caffeine and tea can make you pee!) Watch a boring documentary. Listen to some quiet music till you fill sleepy. Don’t get up and start being productive.

2) Take a warm bubble bath. Soak a little bit. Put a warm cloth on your eyes. A heating pad in bed on your tummy may also help. Those eye wraps with lavender that you place in the microwave for a few moments may also be helpful. Anything with the scent of lavender will help you relax. Just don’t light any lavender candles!

3) If insomnia is a real problem for you, you may want to consider some natural remedies (of course, check with your Dr. first to make sure they’re safe and won’t interact with any medication you’re on.) Kava Root is among those herbs that is said to help (and I’ve had success with it personally.) It’s also helpful for anxiety.

4) Get enough exercise during the day. For those of us chasing around toddles, or nursing, I don’t think that’s an issue.

Problem? Nightmares

Plagued by reoccurring images of failing as a parent or a traumatic event from when you were a child? Both are very common for mothers.

1) Work out those fears by talking to friends. Hearing from others what a good mother you are (even if you already know it) will help push those negative thoughts out of your mind.

2) Think of all the good things you do as a parent, or good memories from your own childhood right before sleeping. Don’t allow your thoughts to linger on anything negative. That trip to Disneyland? Taking your child to the park? Laughing together as a family? These are all ingredients for sweet dreams.

3) If your nightmares progress into night sweats, night terrors or panic attacks… Talk to a professional about it. Especially if you had any abuse in your past. Don’t just hope it will “go away.” In the meantime, close your eyes and focus on what is disturbing you. With your eyes closed, move them rapidly from left to right. Picture yourself now as an adult dealing with the disturbing image. Your body should relax quickly and your heart rate should slow down. Continue until you feel more “in-charge” of the situation and some relief.

~ I am not a medical professional (nor do I play one on TV), and none of my tips are meant to replace the advice of one. They are based on my own experiences, research and what has worked for me personally in the past. Sweet Dreams! ~

larger view

Romance and love take on new forms when you’re with someone for years. As a teenager romance meant flowers, notes in class and phone calls late at night. Now it means he takes our son to school two days a week so I don’t have to.

Romance for women (at least in my opinion) means showing that you care for the person and are thinking of them.

My own husband shows this by:

-Opening my car door for me every single time.

-Opening store doors for me every single time.

-Doing the dishes after I cook.

-Showing how grateful he is that I do his laundry by putting his own clean clothes away.

-E-mailing or calling me while at work every day.

-Calling to tell me he’s almost home.

-Asking about my day.

-Not giving up if he thinks there’s something wrong (especially if I don’t want to talk about it.)

-Encouraging me to have fun time with my girlfriends.

-Agreeing to pizza if it’s obvious I’m just not in the mood to cook.

-Leaving me a little love note if I missed him at lunch.

-BBQing for us during the summer.

-Coming along with me to family functions (when he’d rather be home.)

-Supporting me 100% in all my creative endeavors.

-Paying for me to go back to school.

-Giving me back rubs every night.

-Goes into stores with me that he doesn’t like.

-Is fast in stores he likes and I don’t like.

-Not taking it personally if I snap at him once in a while.

-Calling me on it if it does hurt his feelings.

-Watches “Real Housewives” with me.

-Lets the dogs out early in the morning while I sleep.

-Doesn’t mind when I have “Wookie Legs”

-Being a wonderful father and a man our son can admire and aspire to be.

Now, he does get his fair share of the romantic thoughts back as well. Too bad not all men know that the more they do for us, the more we WANT to do for them and make them just as happy. It’s a wonderful cycle that feels great once you get in-sync with each other. My husband is smart to know that intimacy and romance is 90% mental with women. The happier we are, the more we want to make them happy too!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

larger view

My husband has been away on a business trip this week and once again I find myself in awe of single mothers. How they can work full time, support themselves and their child(ren), plus the house, shopping, cooking, homework, ear lender, night tucker, mother and father is beyond my comprehension. Being without my husband this week has been like trying to paint with my toes…Hard.

I thought I would feel more liberated. I thought I would have urges to eat badly (well, ok I did do that a little bit), hang out with my friends, and do things I don’t do when he’s around. I realized however that what I do when he’s around is hang out with him… something I really enjoy and miss.

What was nice this week was being on my own clock (as much as a mother can be.) I didn’t realize before quite how much time I spend every day anticipating my husband’s needs. Doing laundry, dishes, shopping, cooking, planning… it’s all to make his day easier (since he works full time and I don’t.) This week however we went to the store to only get what we needed that night and the next… we ate when we were hungry and I didn’t sweat it if that was later, or early. I went to bed when I was tired and watched TV till I didn’t want to anymore (an old Cary Grant movie called Holiday that I very much enjoyed.)

I’ve missed him every day however and the loneliness I feel isn’t filled by Pillsbury Orange Rolls or time with Cary Grant. I can honestly say that I don’t miss being single at all, but will hold onto my renewed respect and admiration for anyone who gets the job done for herself and her family regardless of having a partner to help share the load or not.

larger view

This economy is scary. Mom and Pop shops are folding like cards in the wind; people are losing their jobs, homes and futures. I worry more every day about what kind of a world we will be living in come another year or two. Teachers being laid off (again), schools closing… the wheels of our giant industry of a country are grinding to a halt. What’s a worried mom to do? What we do best, cut corners.

I put my worry in my wallet and made some major changes this year. Here’s what’s been working for me:

-Shop for new insurance. Make sure you’re getting the best deal around! I just switched this month from Esurance to Teachers and will save about $300 this year (just for auto.) And no, a talking lizard didn’t make me to it.

-Quit buying bottled water. Last year I got a Brita pitcher and 100% quit buying bottled water for my family. In that 1 year we saved 1,200 bottles (even if we did recycle, that’s a TON of them!) and $600.00. That’s just from bottled water!

-Shop local and with a list. Menu planning not only forces you to eat healthy; it allows you to shop with a list. Buying local also helps your local economy, and gets you fresher foods.

-Freeze and save. I’ve recently started doubling recipes for things that will save well. This will ensure we eat them as leftovers (especially for lunches) and have something fast and healthy on-hand so we won’t be tempted by fast food. If you’re going through the trouble to shop for it, and cook it… it’s no trouble to just make it double!

-Treat less. A treat isn’t a treat if you have it all the time. If you went to Starbucks every single day, would it still taste as good and decedent? No… It would no longer be a “treat.” To save money and keep something “special” you need to not indulge all the time.

-Plan as a family. Sit down together and make a list of what you want to spend your money on. What’s important to you as a family? A vacation? Paying off debt? Gifts for others on special days? An big anniversary party? New car? College? Write it ALL down and keep it out where you can see it. The next time you want to splurge on an impulse buy, think about how that will affect your list.

-Re-asses. We’re going to be cutting our cable this year. This will save us $100 a month. We hardly watch it and will keep Netflix, so this may be something worth thinking about for your family as well.

-Go low-tech. Do you need/use your cell phones? Is there a cheaper plan out there? If you need to replace something electronic, check into a refurbished model. It’s a great way to save bucks (my camera was a refurbished Sony that I got off their website. I saved about $70 by buying refurbished.)

Feel free to share your own tips!

larger view

There are those moments that as a parent you will dread, fear and cannot avoid. They are the times you make a huge parenting mistake. It happens to us all, even to the best of us.

Over the holidays I supervised as my son made an Amazon.com wish list. These are great and a wonderful way for family to know what he wants and doesn’t already have. There was a graphic novel that I had heard of and its writer/creator also made a popular alternative kids cartoon for Nickelodeon. So when I saw this graphic novel on my son’s wish list, I really didn’t give it a second thought. It had no warning label, no “for mature audiences only,” nothing that would give it away as being what is was, intended for adults (though the title is a bit of a clue.)

My aunt bought this graphic novel for my son as a birthday gift and he got it last week. She gave it to him while we were at her home visiting for the superbowl. I should have listened better. I should have investigated more. He came and told me what he was reading about, but I know he’s prone to exaggeration and a tad on the dramatic side (don’t know WHERE that comes from!) so I kindove blew him off. I know! I’m horrid!

He’s been fixating on this book all week and I sat down last night to read it. Thank GOODNESS I did because what I found really shocked me! It was so beyond anything anyone would think was appropriate for a young teenager to read. I’m not one for censorship, but there is an age and time when things are ok. This was not ok for my (barely) 15year old to be reading. I felt horrible. "Why didn’t I check it out more before it went on his wish list? Why didn’t I read it sooner? Why didn’t I at least flip through it in the week he had it? Why didn’t I listen better to what he was telling me?" In short, I felt like a failure of a mother.

The book went away and we had a talk. I explained that it is still his book, but that he’s too young and it’s not good food for his brain. I told him I may as well give him a joint and bottle of Vodka to enjoy with the book (to put it in perspective) and that I’m really sorry I didn’t catch it sooner. I asked if there was anything he wanted to talk about that he had read and was he ok. You could tell he thought I was totally over-reacting, but respected my concern and decision to give it back on the day he leaves for college.

I told him this morning it’s a good thing he loves to watch old I Love Lucy re-runs so much! I think that it was a good base to protect his brain from the acid I let him read. Oh, and the name of the graphic novel? Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Yup, I’m the worst mom EVER!

(And yeah, I did write a review for it on Amazon.com warning parents that it's just for adults.)

larger view

One of my goals for 2009 was to keep in closer touch with my friends. I was fortunate enough to make some really wonderful new friends in 08, and my older friends have yet to write me off due to neglect. Thanks to Facebook, I’ve even been reconnecting with some old-old friends. We’re talking back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was in high school.

I met up with my best friend from my high school days this morning for coffee. We were thick as thieves back in the day… but life happens and I haven’t seen her in about 13years. It was the strangest experience. She seriously didn’t look like she’d aged a day. She was exactly as I remembered and so was our chemistry. Those 13years slid away into nothingness and it felt like we’d never lost touch.

My high school years weren’t the best and I was a little worried that seeing her again would bring back some negative associations, but that wasn’t the case. Only the warm feelings, friendship and love remained while everything modern and present stayed the same. It was quite wonderful.

She’s been married for some time now and like me, has only one child. We have a lot in common and I really enjoyed spending time with her. Taking the time, making the effort and meeting up with her, reminded me of how important it is to savor all the people in our lives. Those relationships are worth finding time for and holding onto. The next time you find yourself wanting to cancel on a friend or just not able to find the time or extra energy, make the extra effort and you’ll be glad you did. Nothing can take the weight of motherhood and the world off your shoulders (if only for a moment) than a quick coffee with a friend, old or new.

(The photo is of a new friend from 08. Amanda on her birthday)

larger view

This weather has me nuts. I don’t know if I should go outside and start planting… dig my summer clothes out of the massive Tupperware bin they’ve been hiding in for the last few months… or keep knitting scarves and tell myself it just won’t last. I mean, it’s early February for goodness sakes. So how can it be in the high 70’s out and feel like May for days on end? Just what is going on this year with our weather?

All this hot and cold, dark and bright is really playing on my moods. I find myself needing a schedule and routine and not really knowing just what I’m supposed to be doing on the weekends. Dying Easter eggs? Nope, not yet. Shopping for Easter basket goodies? Uh huh. School’s almost out, right? Nope, only halfway done. Even my roses are confused.

I’m really not sure if it’s due to global warming or what, but I do know that I’ve never seen such a strange, dry winter in the Sacramento area before. It’s a little unsettling. I miss Winter.