HomeTeeter Totter ~ Finding a Balance Between Me-Hood and Motherhood
Gender: female Date of Birth: January 01, 1973 Member Since: September 11, 2007 Last Signed In: September 05, 2008 Blog Views: 6870 Send To A Friend Sign Guestbook Add as a Friend
Those Three Little Words
Out of My Comfort Zone Make It All Better Color Is Your Friend Hey Bandwagon! Wait Up! I hate my dog I love Post Secret Hobby Show and Tell Ready…. Set…. A Farewell to Summer September 07 October 07 November 07 December 07 January 08 February 08 March 08 April 08 May 08 June 08 July 08 August 08 September 08 Teeter Totter Finding a Balance Between "Me-Hood" and "Motherhood" In this blog I'll be covering as wide a variety of subjects as the duties of a real mom in today's culture. From raising special needs children, family vacations, marriage, relationships, sex, cooking, local to-do, school (both for you and the children), working, hiring a daycare provider, arts and crafts, decorating, holidays, to well... EVERYTHING! No holding back. 
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I have but one regret; so far, in the way I’ve raised my son… Food. I wish I would have been more educated on how important it is to eat local, organic, “slow” food. My own zeal for the greasy joint has dribbled onto my son since the time of his first Happy Meal (younger than I’d like to publicly announce.) I did switch to all organic milk by the time he was four years old, and from there bought what other organic foods that didn’t break the bank. I became educated about factory farming about three years ago, and since have attempted to make the majority of our meat purchases from smaller, free-range, grass fed, hormone-free farms. However, I NEVER thought about how important it is to eat local until recently. I’ve been reading a great book on the subject called Animal, Vegetable, Miracle that’s teaching me the importance of eating more local whole foods. Yesterday I learned about the Slow Foods movement (also very interesting and again, makes a lot of sense). I’ve also been watching Big Ideas for a Small Planet (on the Sundance channel). Now yes, I live in At Costco last weekend they had two different tomatoes. Once I looked, one group was from Ok, now I’m sounding preachy. My point is that I feel I let my son down nutritionally, but it’s never too late. My husband and I are currently in the works of hammering out a “FAST FOOD FREE” plan for our family. Yup, I’m getting off the crack. Just the thought of it freaks me out, but it would be the right thing to do. I also quit caving in and buying my son Pizza Pockets about a month ago. See! Never too late! You know how much kids change from day to day. One day your little toddler will want to do everything himself (or herself, I have a son… so forgive me if I say he here). Or want to play “alone” rather than with you? Well, I’m learning that with a teen it is that feeling times a million. I seriously never know who I will wake up to each and every morning. The son who adores me, gives me hugs and kisses, wants to snuggle and watch I Love Lucy? The kid who has a million friends and a million things to do? The kid who thinks life is so hard and tragic and just wants to lurk in his dark room with a sweater on? The kid who won’t want to help with anything and will complain about everything, or the one who will be so helpful without a word that you’ll spend all day singing his praises? It is a serious toss up. Ever since breaking up with his latest girlfriend, my son has been great! Sweet, kind, helpful, affectionate, thoughtful. It’s like he only has a set amount of these qualities and if he’s dating someone, then they get them. If he’s free, then they come my way. In a way, it makes life interesting and also makes me appreciate the “good son” more than I would if I had him every day (sad, but true). Is it this way with teenage girls as well? If you are ever lost in a snow storm, I’m the one you want with you. Stuck on a rock in the middle of white water rapids? Been there! Had your arm bit off by a bear? I’d fasten you a tourniquet out of my skirt (just like in the movies) and keep you calm till help came. In short, I’m a great person to have around in an emergency. I always have been. As I age however, I’ve noticed there’s an exception to this rule. If I’M the one hurt and it involves blood. No blood? I’m a trouper. Blood, I lose it big time. Case in point… Yesterday I decided my son really needed a haircut. The salon that does it the way he likes is really expensive, so I sit him on the patio and do it myself. Something I’ve done a million times by now. I’m cutting away (almost done thank goodness) when a fly buzzes around my head. In one swift non-thinking-at-all reaction I swat it away… with my right hand… the one holding the scissors! I dragged the scissors across my face and cut my right eye. I don’t freak out (yet) because I don’t want my son to freak. I was so shocked that I didn’t make a sound. I tell him I’ll be right back. In the bathroom all I see is my eye full of blood. I take out my contac lense. Grab a towel to apply pressure and go back outside to calmly tell my son that we’re done and I cut myself, but I’m ok (not knowing if I am or not). I tell him to take a bath and get the hair off. As soon as he’s in the bathroom, I call my husband sobbing. I know it’s not bad enough for a 911 call, but it’s bad enough to get checked out and I can’t drive with one eye! I’m sobbing so hard that he can’t understand me and only hears “cut eye”. YIKES! By the time he gets home I’ve calmed down quite a bit. I have ice on it and have called our Dr (yes, they can see me). I’m starting to feel like maybe I’ve over reacted. At the Dr’s office I’m very much starting to feel like I’ve over reacted. I have two cuts, one on my nose and one on my eye lid (where my lashes are). Nothing IN my eye at all. When the Dr asks if I’ve been crying, I actually tell her to “shut up” because I’m so embarrassed. As the evening wears on, my sobbing freak out just makes me feel worse. How can I be so calm and cool with everything else, but turn into a two year old who thinks they put their eye out when its just a little cut?! I’m not that person!!! Or… I didn’t think I was! So, here’s what I learned… ~My husband is the best. He came to my rescue fast AND took me out to lunch after my appointment. Not ONCE did he tell me I might have over-reacted. ~I’m vain. My first thought was “CRUD! I hope I don’t have to wear an eye patch till it heals!” (While I’m cupping my bleeding eye). ~I’m REALLY vain. I have a BBQ to go to tonight and I can’t wear makeup for 3 days. I’m not happy about it. ~My son is useless. He didn’t notice I got hurt at all and didn’t ask if I’m ok when I got back from the Dr. He heart felt-fully apologized for this later, but I was pretty irritated at the time. ~I’m a wuss. I think of myself as a stoic do-it-all mom, but deep inside, I’m a total wuss. “I’m just going to check my e-mail real quick.” 1 Hour later… “Where did the time go?”
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know where I’d be without it. Without my computer I wouldn’t have met many of the friends I have, know how to make banana bread, or get to the last mom coffee we had. I rely on it for the weather, movie times and to stay connected with loved ones. For me personally it’s also my main source of income as well as education (as I’ll be taking an on-line class for the first time this Fall). I also am aware of just how much it pulls me out of my “real life” and into its own world. This is something I’m working on. Rather than spending an hour reading friend’s blogs, I really should make more of an effort on dinner, or better yet! Do some –gasp- art! I call myself an artist and yet I couldn’t tell you the last time I just sat down and did something for the sheer pleasure of it. Not good. How about you? Do you notice that your computer sucks more of your time away than you’d like? What would you rather spend some more time on instead of checking your e-mail ten times a day (like I do)? While pondering the un-attainable concept of attempting to keep the scales of my life in balance, I was struck with an epiphany. Women don’t need video games. Know why? Because our whole lives are one big Zelda quest, one huge Tetris (make everything fit), one big magic show. We multi task on waves that men couldn’t even fathom! For example… My son will often ask me “What are you thinking of right now.” I will say… “What we’re having for dinner and did I take meat out of the freezer and do we have enough groceries to last till payday (day after tomorrow) and we have 20minutes before piano so you have to feed the dogs and take out the trash right when we get home then grandma is coming over tomorrow so I have to vacuum the house, clean the bathroom, oh! Then there’s my Etsy store, I need to update that and the sale I made, have to mail that to the post office and.. hey! Those jeans are looking a little short on you and your shoes look small too, we need to budget in for new clothes for you soon…” Ok, you get the drift. My son just looks at me with a blank stare and says “You have boring thoughts.” That’s it. Not “WOW MOM!! You’re AMAZING!! Look at all you do in a day and don’t get paid for! You work so hard for our family! I would lose my mind if I had to occupy 100% of my brain with such mundane thoughts!!” Nope… I’m boring. You know what though! Who else will think it, do it, make it happen, notice it needs done, but me? Certainly not the men in my house! Oh yeah, I can kick video game butt anytime I want (if only one had the time for such things!). Heck, with the power of my mom brain I don’t even think I need a controller! PRELUDE ~ I’ve often wondered what it would be like to be my son for a day. To get inside his head and walk in his shoes. With that in mind, I asked my 14 ½ yo “Man Cub” to guest blog for me today. I hope you enjoy! ~Creatress Well, hi my name is Fallon the son of Antoinette (aka Creatress). So today I’m going to do a guest blog. So good for you, you get to listen to me whine today. Anyways life is a teenager is pretty fudged up (yes I am aware that you can’t use slang terms on this sight), and confusing. My social life is very strange. My best friend Andrew is a sociopath whose goal in life is to create a portal to feudal So on that happy note, I’m probably going to spend the day lurking inside my room, watching TV and playing video games. I am grounded from the computer also so that blows monkey chunks. Anyways I am also diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. For you people who have no idea what I’m talking about, Aspergers Syndrome is basically High-Functioning Autism. For those of you who STILL have no idea what your talking about, look it up on Wikipedia. So life with Aspergers Syndrome is really f-ed up, I probably see the world in a completely different way than most other people, due to my alternate state of mind, I also suffer from Low Upper Body Muscle Tone, making me physically not as nearly as strong as other teenagers. On top of that I have a stutter as well, it also drives me crazy. Well, if your kid goes to Holmes Jr. High in Before buying our quiet little We have bad neighbors. Sadly, they weren’t there when they moved in and bought the place. Oh no, back then (seven years ago now), we had a wonderful family that we adored. This family soon moved to Her strung out, druggie, unemployed, non-school attending son, and many many many of his friends soon took over and wrecked the place. We soon had the police on speed dial and filed complaints till we were blue in the face. Eventually a meth-lab bust and child protective services intervention and removal of a young child proved to even be too much for the owner/mother to bear and she kicked her son and his friends out. We breathed a sigh of relief and assumed our worries were over. She didn't sell the house though. A few years went by with not the best people living there, but hey, even the Manson family would be a dream come true after what we had been through. A few months ago however, the son moved back. He was very quiet for a while (and my husband had a very frank talk with the owner/mother). We thought maybe he had grown up a little (he has to be in his early 30’s now and was gone for about two years). It sounded like he quit the band and we held out hope that things had changed. They managed to change our minds on the 4th of July. HUGE party, drunk people, screaming kids, bongo drums and the piece de resistance… a gang fight outside with people talking about guns and punching cars parked on the streets. Three cop cars later, we’re back in the same boat. Despite these neighbors from hell, the rest of the neighborhood isn’t that bad. Most of us know each other and actually care that our kids are safe. Me? I just wish that house would burn to the ground (not touching anyone else’s house of course and with no one inside). This woman is evil and will not sale, or kick her kids out. What would you do if these were your neighbors? All advice is welcome... I'm still angry and not sleeping well from worry. Ever notice how many people try to use “guilt” as a motivator? What is it mom said? "Eat your peas, there are starving kids in Guilt is everywhere and all around us. People and our society use it as a form of communication willy-nilly. Yes, willy-nilly. Without care or thought. It’s manipulative and wrong, but we’re all guilty at one point or another (see how even the very word is so sneaky to pop right up there!) “Ugh, this big box sure is heavy!” (You), “Here honey, let me get that for you” (Him). Oh come on! I know we’ve all pulled this one before! Isn’t it easier to just ask? Yup, and guilt free. I’ve noticed something interesting as I age. I’m becoming guilt proof and I love it. As I mature I’m finding that I really don’t have to do something out of guilt. I can say no! If they don’t like it, that’s their problem to deal with, not mine. Steering clear of guilt takes a lot of practice. Fortunately, my husband is a master of this and has taught me well. Once you get the hang of it, it really is quite liberating. Like walking through a sheer curtain and watching people inside it still tangle up, attempting to draw you back in. You just stand back and say “No thanks!” The next time you feel like you’re doing something out of guilt, take a step back and think. If it is only out of guilt that you are about to give your time, money, energy, efforts, whatever… re-asses. Don’t do it. Just say NO to guilt!
...Even around sharp objects. –sigh- not an easy task for any parent. With my own son, I do let him grow and learn and make those leaps of faith, but my grandmother is inside my head screaming the whole time. My case in point... This weekend my 14 ½ year old wanted to make home made French fries to go with our 4th of July meal. Yes, hot oil, sharp knives, I couldn’t breathe from the moment he said “French Fries.” “Don’t you mean oven baked fries?” I hopefully asked. Nope, from scratch fried in a pan. Uuuuuggghh. Then I remembered all the things I was doing and cooking at his age and caved. Ok, make your fries. He’s been cooking for a long time now and knows how to use a knife. Still, you have to use a BIG one to cut potatoes. The peeling went well (of course), but when that big knife came out, I thought I’d faint. I showed him how to hold the potato down with a fork to keep your fingers far away, but he didn’t like that method. With every “shunk” of the knife through the potato, a flying finger went through my head. As soon as the logical side of my brain knew he had the hang of it and how to cut them into the right size pieces, I left the kitchen. I couldn’t take being in there with him and not screaming “YOU’RE GOING TO CUT A FINGER OFF!!!” Of course, he didn’t, the fries came out beautiful. I was super impressed. He did get a grease burn though. “SEE!” Screamed the inner grandmother in my head. “I KNEW HE’D GET HURT!” I smeared Vaseline on it (you don’t put water on a grease burn) and told him “Now… you are a chef! Your first burn.” He took it like a big man, not a sioux chef. His fries were so delicious. My inner grandmother is quiet for now, bloated on fries. Letting go never gets any easier. In 2007 I met a wonderful fellow mother, Melody (also on this site), whose son happens to suffer from Type 1 Diabetes. Since then I’ve learned a lot about juvenile diabetes and am happy to do what I can to help her son and others like him when I can. Every year the JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) puts on a walk in Melody also has an Etsy shop set up to help raise funds for the JDRF foundation. What a great way to help fight juvenile diabetes! Shopping! This is a great cause and there are many ways to help. Once you see a young child having to inject themselves with insulin, you understand why this is an important cause. Here’s more of Melody’s story: “Hey Everyone! As you all know, our son, Christian, was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the age of 11 and has been managing this disease with great difficulty ever since. The key term is managing. There is currently no cure for type 1 diabetes. It, like rheumatoid arthritis, and lupus, is an autoimmune disease. There is a tremendous amount of hope for a cure in some of the studies that are out now (especially with stem cells) and I feel that cure is obtainable with further funding for research and trials. That's where we come in. We are the walkers, which means, we are the ones who have to ask others for pledges, which I admit, can be awkward, but when it's more than just a fundraiser for a social club, people are more willing to help out. I have faith in that. It's time again to walk for the cure! I won't stop walking until there's one, so please join me so I won't get bored on my journey, no matter how long (or short!) it might be. This year's walk will be on October 5, 2008 departing, once again, from the Capitol steps. I would love your company.” Once a year my grandparents make the nail biting trip down from Brookings Last week they were down, which means it’s family time! My grandmother (like a lot of yours here) LOVES to shop. She doesn’t drive, doesn’t like to spend money, but LOVES to shop. This all means that… 1) I always drive, and 2) We only go to thrift stores. Now I love a good deal as much as the next tight wad and I actually don’t mind thrift stores… but after my sixth in one day, the smell was getting to me just a little. Ok, a lot. I would whine more, but truth is I scored some great items, including a Prada bag, so I’m shutting up now. I actually had a good time! I’ve learned through the years to leave my opinions at the door. Shut up and drive (as the voice in my head says). We never talk about politics or religion, so the day runs smooth. Celebrity gossip is often the topic of choice. If I try to actually talk about anything I do, their eyes glaze over (even though they sweetly still nod like they get it). If you don’t work a 9-5 job at a place they’ve heard of… it’s just too confusing. My aunt threw a great family party on Saturday. People I hadn’t seen in years were there. There’s nothing like a group of family to make you realize things about yourself. Here’s what I learned after a week with my family. ~I adore my husband and would rather spend time with him over anyone else in the world. My aunt is #2 on that list. My son is around #38 (kidding! Kindove). ~I am a control freak. I think I was a little in denial about this. I have to make an actual effort NOT to be so around other control freaks so they can take a turn being controlling. This is very draining for me after a while. Like holding a large weight above your head all day. I don’t like it. ~I have NOTHING in common with my older generation (grandparents). NOTHING! ~I don’t like wig shopping or seeing my grandmother without her wig. Don’t ask. ~DNA is amazing. How can all the women in our family laugh the same way at the same time or say the same thing at the same time? This fascinates me. ~A 14 ½ year old can annoy you as much as any two year old. Interesting! ~A 14 ½ year old can spend $20 in two seconds while you ponder a $5 decision for an hour. ~It takes two teenage boys five minutes in a swimming pool until one of them gets hurt. ~The video game Rock Band can be played through two songs until it becomes really annoying. Especially with someone under the age of 10 on vocals. ~It doesn’t matter if your Sony Cybershot lands on a carpet. Dropping it will still break it (my new one is on its way… pink to match my phone). ~I can drink white wine ALL day. As long as I have 1 glass of water between glasses, I won’t get too drunk. Good to know! ~A movie can cause motion sickness till you puke. Never knew that before! ~We may not know the names of the streets, but my family can get you ANYWHERE in the I love my family very much and honestly had a great week. It felt really good to just be home and enjoy my own little family again though. I don’t think I’m driving for a week now! The pictures are durning the week. My son licking the cake batter bowl. Short red hair is my aunt, long red hair is her daughter, guy w/ glasses blowing up a huge beach ball is my husband (what a sport!), me and my husband together, older man is grandad, older blonde woman is my Nana. Then everyone playing Rock Band. |
