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I remember once upon a time, a little boy who wouldn’t argue with everything I say. Who would actually look for my approval. Who would WANT to help me out and spend time with me. That child is gone and has been replaced by a lazy, rude, defiant man.

Ok, I don’t feel that way ALL the time (yet), but today, I do! He was just arguing with me about EVERYTHING this morning and I got so cranky. It’s always over something stupid too.

Me “It’s Huck Finn day and your teacher said everyone HAS to dress up. Here’s a bandana for you and dad’s shirt."

Him “I don’t want to wear that. She said a button down shirt is fine.”

Me “They didn’t have black jeans back then, at least wear your blue ones.”

Him “The blue ones are too hard to get off and on.”

Me “That’s because you don’t unzip and unbutton them. HOW LAZY CAN YOU BE!” (Starting to get shrill now)

Him “I’m wearing the black ones.”

Me “Get the cup and napkin off the table to bring” (They were supposed to bring their own cup for lemonade and a napkin/dish rag as a plate.)

Him “I don’t need it! I’ll use a paper towel from the bathrooms and I brought a Vitamin water.”

Me “How very Pioneer of you!” YOUR TEACHER SAID TO BRING THEM! I PUT THEM OUT ON THE TABLE FOR YOU! PUT THEM IN YOUR BAG!!!"

Him “I DON’T WANT TO! I DON’T NEED THEM!’

Me “FINE! THAT’S JUST FINE!!! I DON’T CARE!!!! GET AN F IN SOCIAL STUDIES THEN!!! I’M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU!!!"  

I managed to calm down and explain why I was frustrated with him. He said he understood, so I felt a little better.

As he got out of the car, he asked me if he had anything on his face. I said “Come here... YES! You have handsome all over” and then I kissed him. He giggled like a five year old and jumped out of the car.

I hope to God that those silly moments don’t evaporate completely. They’re what I live for between the bursts of teenage attitude!

No Spoilers, read on with confidence!

It was worth it. All the hype, the waiting in line for an hour, fighting for our two little seats, the $4 water, all worth it. Yes, I got to see Sex and the City last night! I laughed, I cried (twice actually), I held my pee the whole movie (couldn’t miss a second). It was great!

My aunt and I started the evening off with an indulgent meal at Mimi’s Café (our favorite local joint) and headed straight over to Century to catch the premier. The tickets locked in my grasp like Charlie holding his golden ticket, I wasn’t going to let a stray breeze blow away my dreams of being among the chosen few to catch this blockbuster! We arrived an hour early, and it was a good thing too. There was already a huge line. I’d say 90% women, but a few (older) men in the mix. Everyone looked beautiful and were sporting their own SATC style to show their love of the series. I, of course was wearing my own Carrie in Paris inspired necklace.

We were lucky enough to land the last two really good seats in the packed house. Good thing we skipped that trip to Target and headed straight over to the theater! A quick welcome announcement was shouted and we were off. Back to visit Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte. It was thrill I haven’t felt in a long time.

As much as I adored the film, I did have a few issues.

1) "Gaining 15lbs makes you FAT!" I hate that they went in that direction.

2) The fashion could have been better. My expectations were very high and I felt a lot of it was a let down. A lot of 80's inspired looks (in my opinion.)

3) Not enough jewelry. With the exception of Samantha (who never disappoints), everyone else was pretty bland in that department. The shoes however didn't disappoint!

4) The main focus was Carrie & Big and Miranda & Steve. I would have liked to have seen more of the other couples in action (like on the show). Also, not enough of Stanly.

5) Apparently with enough money you can leave your children anytime, anywhere and live your life like you did before you were married. Right? I said RIGHT?!

6) Owning your own business (or having a powerful career) means you spend whatever you want and leave town as often as you can to hang out with your friends and you never have to actually work. We all know that one to be true!

7) “Those women who have nothing better to do than stay home with their kids must have invented parents dressing up for Halloween.” –Miranda.

HUH?!? Nice SAHM slap. Didn’t care for that.

The movie really did put SEX back in SATC with many explicit sex scenes. Skip taking the teens to see this one! It’s for adults only in my opinion.

The plot was indeed predictable, but the characters are so endearing you forgive it. There’s something for every woman to relate to in the movie (and the show). I really liked how each woman had in some way lost a little bit of who she was, or compromised herself and then came back into her own (in the film).

I’m curious to hear what others thought?

My new Hamilton Beach juicer arrived and I was eager to try it out this morning. I plunged into the fruit bowl on the table head on and decimated anything juicy in my path. Oranges, pears, kiwi, grapefruit… even a banana didn’t stand a chance against my juicer. I poured a large frothy glass for my family and awaited their verdict.

“This looks like swamp juice”, my son helpfully offered. “You know, from Degobah in Star Wars.” Hmmm, it was a little green. “It’s from the kiwi” I reassured. “There are no vegetables in it, promise!” “It’s all frothy and weird” he states. I give him a straw and plop some ice cubes in. “It’s STILL frothy!” He’s actually whining at this point.

I honestly thought he’d love it! I thought it was rather like a fruit Julius myself (and liked the froth!) “Look!” my son exclaims, “When you blow in it, it’s JUST like the swamp on Degobah!” I hate to say it, but he was right. It did look like swamp juice.

(Check how healthy I'm trying to be! Those are BRAZIL nuts next to my "swamp juice".)

I think it must be such a different experience to have your baby young versus waiting till you’re more established in life.

I had my son at 21. Very young, but old for my family. I was reminiscing last weekend with the family about how very different our lives are now that he’s older. We go out to eat when we want, have two nice cars, own our home and are pretty typical. When our son was a baby however, that was a different story. Getting to go through McDonalds for dinner was a big deal and usually meant digging through the couch and car for change. We rented a tiny apartment and didn’t have any pets. We had one car that my husband usually had to take to work every day (when he wasn’t lucky enough to carpool), which left me at home with a baby and no car.

All of these things make our every day life success that much sweeter. I think about those trips to McDonalds whenever we have a nice meal. I think about looking for sales at Target, or buying second hand clothes for the baby when we take him to Macy’s men’s department. I think about fighting over the new shoes I bought the baby (because they cost money) when we take our teen to the Vans store. I think about bagging my own food with the baby on my hip at Pack N' Save (or as I called it back then, Pack N' Slave), when I shop at Nuggett market.

Having overcome hardships as a family, and now being able to enjoy what we’ve worked for, makes it that much sweeter. The big down side of having a child at a young age however is college. Words that strike fear into any parents heart. We’ve made it clear to our son that he’d better get great grades, go for a scholarship and we’ll help him out where we can. "Student loans" isn’t a bad word, and there’s nothing wrong with working a bit while you’re in school, but I do wish we had enough put aside to pay 100%. Well, we still have four years! You never know.

The picture is my husband and son at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, seven years ago.

Last night was one of those very rare moments where I got to have some social time with a girlfriend. Don’t be jealous now, but Amanda (from SacMomsClub) and I got to not only hit the Coach outlet (I’m still fantasizing about the new bag she got), but we ALSO got to have dinner together. Yup, at a restaurant… just the two of us! It felt like Mothers Day part II.

During dinner we were talking (of course) about relationships and the fine balance, or, give and take you have to do to make them work well. This seems to be especially difficult when it comes to time out with your friends.

Speaking for myself, I get the majority of my social needs filled with clubs, community service and spurts of exercise (tennis and walking). I’m pretty active with our local Unitarian Universalist church and am on two committees there. I also belong to the Sacramento Craft Mafia, and am one of their officers. Between the two, this means I usually have one evening meeting a week to attend that is business, but also social for me. To get to go out with a friend and just relax (without and agenda in front of me), was a rare treat indeed.

When my husband and I were first together however, this was a huge issue for us. He had a lot of friends who all had common interests and would want to indulge in them quite often. I in turn, often felt “stuck at home with the baby.” None of my friends at the time had children, and as we all know, that can be quite difficult. There was resentment and concern over money and all that entails.

Now days, my husband seems to get most of his social need filled through on-line gaming with his friends on the weekends. He’s very respectful about keeping a time limit on it so it doesn’t cut into our “family time” too much. I, in turn, try to do the same. It’s a constant balancing act however.

I do feel strongly that it’s important to be a good social example to your children. For them to see you go out and enjoy your friends, as well as meet your friends and be around you socializing, is as necessary as their ABC’s. Without this example, well… I’ve seen first hand what can happen. It can be very difficult for them to be social creatures. Especially in this technologically heavy age, face-to-face friend time is a must.

I was raised in an extremely social house. My parents had friends from many different cultures, and I was expected to be social as well. In turn, this taught me how to flourish and fit in to almost any social situation. (An invaluable tool). It also broadened my cultural horizons more than any other child I knew at the time. I grew up to have a great appreciation for all races, sexual orientations and cultural traditions different from my own. What a great gift to give your children!

So, if you feel you don’t have the time or energy to be social, or have people over, just think about what a great gift you’re giving your children by exposing them to adult socialization. Suck it up and have some friends over. At least, that’s my advice.

The pictures are of my and my friend at my last craft show (w/ my face painted!) AND Amanda and I at the 5K together

As a kid, I would start the summer countdown right after Christmas. Marking each day off my calendar with big red sharpie X’s. Once I left school, I didn’t think I’d have that same sensation, counting down till summer.

Now, that sharpie is out once again. I can’t WAIT for summer! The smell of chlorine coming off the pool, lazy days of summer (since I won’t be teaching), a big family party at my aunts house, meat grilling on the BBQ... need I say more?

Ok, the whole Sacramento Heat thing isn’t so great, but you just make running from your air conditioned house, to your air conditioned car to the pool, or an air conditioned shop an art! You can tell a Sacramento native, they can hustle out of the heat like no ones business.

The last two summers we’ve sent our son to IDTech camp. This summer however we decided to just let him relax with his friends. We’ll swim, see movies, sleep in… did I mention that I can’t wait?

Sixteen school days left for my son. Nine days left till I’m finished teaching. Now where’s that big red Sharpie?

Every year my husband takes a trip out of state with his best friend to a gaming convention. Yes, they’re both big nerds. Not Poker, we’re talking live action roll playing games, tote all your special rare cards and little men in a case with you kind of games. (I can smell the dorkiness from here.) Usually this trip lasts five days. Last summer, when my husband was gone, my son and I were pretty bored. So, when talk came around to him going again this summer, I told him not unless I get to take our son to Disneyland.

I LOVE Disneyland. You know the kind of person… They run screaming through the gates, taking pictures of everything… you think “Ok lady, calm down, it’s just a theme park!” Yeah, you’re saying that about me. We haven’t been there in three years and that’s just unacceptable to me! Since my son is now 14 ½ and is already hitting the age of not wanting to do anything in public with me, I thought it would be a fun last hurrah teen trip before I go the way of the Sesame Street Plushy.

Then… Nana butted in. My grandparents live a full days drive away in Oregon. Not somewhere nice, or close in Oregon, but the tip of Oregon that butts up against the North Pole. THAT far. It’s an ugly, sucky drive and we’ve only made it once in the three years they’ve lived there. Something she loves to bring up at every opportunity. (And yes, they did move there by choice. And yes, she did know about our Disney plans.)

Every summer my grandparents make the insane drive down to Sacramento to see us and my aunt for a few weeks. This summer my Nana wants to take my son back home with them for a few days. Shockingly enough, my son was game for this plan. (They treat him like royalty and he’s not stupid.) Plus, they do live near a beautiful beach (the whole reason they moved there in the first place). But I digress…

They want to take my son back with them, then I would come down in a few days time and the four of us would spend a few days together. Then my son and I would make the trek back home (with wolves nipping at our heels). Here’s the catch:

Problem #1) Safety. My grandparents have a very old car and my grandpa is also very old. I’m not excited about the thought of my only child being in the car with them on that far a road trip.

Problem #2) Chang of Plans. My husband’s friend can’t go on their trip together this year. Our backup plan was a FAMILY trip to Disneyland.

Problem #3) Cost. With the cost of gas, this trip to Oregon would REPLACE the trip to Disneyland. Even if I were to cut the visit short, just drive down, grab him and come back, that would be the cost of our plane tickets to LA.

See my issue? It’s Nana or Mickey, I can’t have both.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my grandparents. They are coming down for two weeks though. It’s not like we won’t get to see them! If however, I choose Disneyland over this extended family time, I will be seen as the worlds worst grandchild who picked Mickey over Nana (in my Nana’s eyes, and no, I’m not exaggerating).

My husband said “Why not just take them to Disneyland!?” Did I mention they’re old? They don’t like rides, or heat, or walking, or spending money, or flying? The only thing they do like, is us.

What do you all think? Input would be great. Should I blow off my grandparents, evil granddaughter thoughts be damned and savor this trip with my son? Or, should I suck it up and do what I know will make the two people who have always been there for me so happy (before they die). Ugh! I hate being in these positions.

By the way, if it were you all asking my opinion. I’d say go Disneyland! Hahaha.

When my son was little, one of his favorite books was "Addies's Bad Day." We used to read it to him over and over. It's become a bit of a family reference joke. I'm having a bad day, so of course it sprang to mind.

You know how it goes; it's just one of those days where nothing is going right... at all! My son is home sick for the second day in a row (about when I start to lose my nurturing side and wish for him to be back at school), a quick repair on our AC has dragged out two days now and a ton of money (and I do horrible in the heat), I got a poopy e-mail about a new teaching gig I thought I had lined up... but now not. Ugh, don't you hate that! I kindove knew in the back of my mind it wouldn't work out, but I was hoping I was wrong.

I'm just feeling hot, frustrated, tired, headachy and blech. I'm having a bad day.

You know what always helps me though? Coming here and reading what you all are up to. The meet ups, bunko, Sex in the City excitement, happy Mothers Day stories... just the excitement in general. I'm surprisingly attached to you all.

Now I hope that repair guy gets our AC back up and running. I'm melting into a pile of face paint!

When I was little I would always ask, “Why is there a Mothers Day and Fathers Day and no Kids Day?” I would always get the same answer. “EVERY DAY is KIDS DAY!” As a mother, I have had my own child give me the same question. I always gave the same answer. “Every day is kids day!” So true.

I am pretty surprised however, to be hearing reports from my mother friends saying that their own Mothers Day not only fell short, but kindove sucked. Now what in the world is up with that? When did Mothers Day become get a card and some flowers day (if that)? I mean, isn’t the whole point of the day to let the mothers in your life know how much you appreciate them and what they mean to you? Do you mean ten seconds of thought? Hmmm, I don’t think so.

It makes me very sad to hear things like “No, I didn’t get anything, there’s nothing I really need.” Or, “No, we didn’t do anything, we stayed home and I worked in the yard.” SAY WHAT?!?! I’m sorry, but your family should have their knees too bruised from being down on them rubbing your feet to even consider gardening. No gift?!? I don’t think so. I don’t care if you had to save your pennies for a year and make something out of items you found in the yard, this Mama’s getting a gift!

Sound harsh? Not really. I know I go above and beyond for my family, (including on their special days) and I expect the same consideration. Everyone likes to feel loved and special. I put not treating your Mama to a good Mothers Day in the same category as not hearing “I love you” from your partner anymore, because “You already know it, so why do I have to say it all the time?” We all know the answer to that one is, “YOU DO!!” “SAY IT!”

So to all you Moms out there who got short-changed on Mothers Day, I say take yourselves out. Buy yourself something really nice, and then talk to your partner about it. Let them know that the next time they don’t treat you right on your special day, it’ll cost them MUCH MORE than if they would have taken the time to plan something. Oh yeah, Mama doesn’t put up with that kind of nonsense.

My own Mothers Day was wonderful by the way. We had an amazing adventure in the Marin Headlands. My boys couldn’t have been any better to me and I felt like a pampered queen last night. I’m also looking forward to treating my man right on Fathers Day. Know why? Cause when Mama’s happy, EVERYONE’S HAPPY!

Usually for Mothers Day my family and I head down to the Whole Earth Festival in Davis. It's an interesting experience if you've never been (tie dye is warmly welcome and don't expect to find any meat in your lunch), but this year I wanted something different.

Growing up in the Sacramento area I was introduced to the Marin Headlands during a field trip in sixth grade. Thank you private school! We took a bus up and stayed a week in the old military bunkers. It was love at first sight for me and I began dragging my family up soon after that.

Sadly, I haven't been in so long that I've NEVER been there with my husband, and never taken my son! I know, bad mother! So this year I decided I wanted to pack a pic nic lunch, load the sweaters, blankies and lunch in the car and visit an old love with my family. If you've never been, it really is a sight to behold. I found all kinds of wonderful maps and information on the State park website.

I also treated myself to an at-home day of beauty today (with a quick blogging break). Facial, hair dye, body scrub, lotion, the works. I plan on doing my nails tonight (the beautiful fiberglass ones went the way of the trash when I started face painting. -sigh!) Of course it would be nicer to be at a spa, but I'm happy just to have the time to spend on myself for a change!

I will be thinking of all the wonderful moms here and wishing you all a very Happy Mothers Day!

No, not the one with the hammer and nails. The one you carry in your heart and mind to help you through your day?

I participated in a wonderful workshop this past Sunday that talked about the spirit, body connection. How if one isn’t in balance, the other isn’t either. The thing I took away from it was that all your worries, stress, fear, obstacles, and other time and energy suckers are much smaller than you think they are. When you focus instead on your “tool box” (my words here, no theirs), you will see just how easy it is to send those blocks running.

Think of it like this. What makes you happy? Makes you laugh? What are you good at? What do you know? What are good feelings you have? Here are some of mine to show you.

~My family

~Humor

~Friends

~Hugs

~Art

~Photography

~Coffee

~Writing

They are all things that not only bring me joy, but relieve my stress. So, they are “tools” in my “tool box.” I told my son after the workshop “You’re a tool!” He laughed when I told him what I meant.

Another useful tool is to pay attention to what stress and worry do to you physically. For me personally, my chest gets tight and I get a headache. Try to notice this when it happens. Make an effort to either do something from your tool box, or re-focus on something from it. A happy family memory, etc. You should notice the difference right away.

I hope this helps you relax a little!

At 6:00AM this past Saturday, my alarm rudely interrupted my blissful sleep to let me know it was time to get up, and get ready for the American River Parkway 5K run. Two hours later I found myself meeting fellow SacMomsClub mom AmandaS., live and in-person. We had chatted about the race ahead of time and she even offered to let me park my car at her place, rather than fight my way for a spot there. It was so wonderful to meet yet another cool mom from the site and her two beautiful girls. To be chauffeured by her tall, handsome husband in their beautiful new car also gave me pep in my step for the 5K.

Unlike myself, Amanda had been walking and training on the trails for a while now. I knew as soon as we hit the event that I would be like a cement block around her cute running shoes and drag that girl down with me. In spite of my many suggestions that she leave me in the dust, she refused and we held tight the whole time.

We lined up to start the race and my heart was pounding. Amanda looked like she’d been running for years in athletic garb. We started off at a good pace, pounding the trail and breaking away from some of the pack. Amanda was so funny and interesting that I was more interested in hearing about her than in making good time. She kept a great pace and I tried to keep up with her as best I could. About ½ a mile in, I was really regretting that my only “training” had been walking my dogs around the block. Amanda rooted me on as my face quickly turned red and my breathing sounded like I smoke a pack a day. In short, I was pathetic. I checked out our competition; Grandmothers, children, pregnant women, women pushing strollers. My eyes landed on a “mature” woman in red and her adult daughter. I told Amanda “I’m not going to let them beat me!” and hustled it up a bit more.

Halfway through I saw a little dip in the road. I told Amanda “Let’s jog a little!” My father-in-law had suggested this technique. Amanda said that she heard you were supposed to jog for two minutes, and then walk for five. “I’ll settle for jogging for 30seconds and walking for five!” I told her. We did just that from crack in the path to crack in the path. On the fourth time we were jogging, I felt my bad knee slip out of its socket a little (in spite of my pro-knee brace). I stopped the running right away. At this point we were closing in on the finish line (about .5 miles to go). I insisted Amanda break away from me and jog the rest of the way. I couldn’t take holding her back and ruining her time for one more second. She finally agreed and looked like she’d been running for years as she sprinted off toward the finish line. I was soon passed by a man in a chili pepper suit handing out coupons and a five year old, and I came to fully realize the extent of my pathetic shape. The crowd was amazing! Music was playing, people were cheering! Encouraged by this support (and refusing to be licked by a chili pepper), I sucked it up and gingerly jogged the last .1 mile.

I finished 180^th with an official time of 46.28. That’s 46minutes and 28seconds. My personal best! Amanda finished 176^th with an official time of 45.46! That’s out of 232 people. Hey! I wasn’t last! I’ll take it.

After the race we hung out at the SacMomsClub booth and enjoyed gabbing away. We looked for fellow SacMomsClub mom blahblahblah at the ½ marathon finish line, but didn’t see her. I can’t wait to hear how she did, as it was her first half marathon! She’s been training like crazy.

As we were watching the other “real” runners come into finish, I was struck by what a unique cultural experience it is. People’s family and friends were there, strangers taking pictures, signs, balloons, flowers, music… It was a giant celebration of a physical accomplishment. I felt like a big faker being there. Like an Anthropologist studying a mysterious culture. I swore to myself that I would work much harder to train next time.

Amanda and I then took off and had a well-earned cup of coffee together. I honestly felt like I had known her for years and could have easily spent the entire day at the coffee shop with her. This is what I love about SacMomsClub! Without it, I wouldn’t have entered the 5K, met Amanda or jogged at all! I told Amanda that without her, I’m sure I would have finished last, or at least had passed the hour mark.

Next year, I want to do the ½ marathon and get a medal (everyone who ran/walked the ½ got one). Jewelry is always a big incentive for me!

Mothers Day is a little bit of a rough time for me. All the flowers, bright pink cards, moms with their kids. Not because I’ve had the loss of a child (I can’t even fathom that experience), or because I don’t get appreciated or spoiled by my family (because I do), but because I’m estranged from my own mother.

Unlike my father (I never feel that way around Father’s Day), this estrangement was my choice. When you grow up with an abusive parent, and then one day become a parent yourself, you have a choice to make. Do I allow this sick person around my child? It took me a while, but my answer was no. Fortunately for me, my mother also lives in another country, so that does make my choice a little easier. As a life-long victim of this person however, there is always a tinge of guilt, especially around this time of year.

Fortunately for me, I have a very loving family who supports and understands my choices. I also have a family who lets me know that Mothers Day is about ME!!! Not the mother I never had, or wished she could have been. I also know that I’m not alone in my feelings and experiences (like childbirth), and that it’s the good AND the bad who make me who I am today. And you know what? I like me, so I’ll keep them all.

All these affirmations don’t stop the sting when I see happy adult women with their mothers. Or hear friends moan about yet another shopping trip with their mothers. It doesn’t quell the yearning in my chest when I see things like “what are you getting your mom for Mother’s Day?” I am blessed however with grandparents who did their best to step in and fill those big shoes. I also have an aunt who is part big sister, part mother to me and always there for me unconditionally. Of course I also have my devoted man and wonderful son. So what the heck am I moaning about?

Because Mothers Day is coming. And as wonderful as these people are and as blessed as I am to have them in my life, they're not my mother.