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After a nice long chat with my grandmother this morning, I was thinking about being a wife/mother in the 1950’s. I was pondering how different it must have been compared to the lives of busy moms today. They didn’t have to lecture their children to keep their text’s to a minimum for the cell phone bill, monitor their MySpace page, set up web blockers, check show ratings on the TiVo, review/preview the latest video games for violence…. The list goes on and on. It made me think how all this technology really ads to a parents work load. We need a radar more sophisticated than the latest model GPS to keep on top of it all!

Was life really any easier back then? Chores and cooking took much longer, as did errands (as a lot of women back then didn’t even drive, like my grandmother.) There were still the dangers of today; Alcohol, peer pressures, drugs, smoking, gangs… You still had to know what your children were up to and who they were with. Back then of course there were also “bad” adults. Teachers who hit, predators at church and next door, now days you know who these people are with five minutes on the computer.

Mothers back then dealt with the stress very differently as well; Social clubs, afternoon martini, valum, shopping sprees. They didn’t have a SacMomsClub for support, or even a gym or 5K to work off the stress. They were bred to suck it up and move along with your life in pearls, heels and a smile.

So why the nostalgia? Why is that age seen as a “golden age” for “family values?” I personally don’t think it was any better then, just more repressed. We as mothers and woman of today have much more freedom and opportunities. Even though my grandmother loved photography, her job was the house and kids. She was never free to grow as a person and explore her interests, much less make a career of any of them. Once you were married, that was pretty much it! Your life goal was accomplished as soon as you had your first child. Nope, I wouldn’t want to live that life.

So why are some of my favorite shows I Love Lucy, Bewitched and The Addams Family? I’m really not sure. I think I enjoy the glossy plasticity of that era. The bubble ideals of it. How life should be, or should have been, not what it really is, or was. In my real life, I’d much rather play Wii with the boys than cook a beautiful roast for my man and his boss. I’d rather blog about my life than meet with the ladies art league and plan an event. I’d rather paint faces all day than chase after my son with a handkerchief for his allergies. Yup, I’m a modern mom alright! And very proud of my mulit-tasking abilities and grateful for my many freedoms and opportunities.

(The picture is of my "Nana" doing what she loves. Taking pictures!)

I come from a family of marathon runners. I’m not talking hobby runners either; I’m talking “watch your back buddy or my medals will whap you as I leave you in the dust!!!” It may not be what you think though. When I say “I come from,” what I’m really talking about are my in-laws.

Since my own biological family is so small and scattered, I consider all of my in-laws to be MY family (luckily for me, they seem to feel the same). I don’t have a father, so my father-in-law and grandfather fit the bill nicely (with a little husband thrown in for spoiling). I’m an only child, so my two sister-in-laws have always included me and treated me like one of the girls. I’m blessed to have them all. (Anyway, back to my point!)

Both of my sisters (in-law), mother (in-law) and father (in-law) run marathons. They win medals, make great time and travel far and wide to do so. They oooh and awww over GPS running trackers you wear on your wrist and commiserate over the mid-marathon trips to the bathroom. This is all a very foreign land to me. However, over the last two years I have been walking a 5K now and then. To my family I’m sure that’s the equivalent of me talking gibberish to them while they converse in Latin. “Awww, how cute! She walks a 5K!” (Not really something they have said, just my insecurities talking.)

When I mentioned to my father-in-law yesterday that I was walking the American River Parkway 5K on May 3^rd, his ears perked up. He asked me questions about it and then asked what I thought my time would be. “Uhhhh (didn’t cross my mind!) Three hours?” He laughed, then looked at me with confusion when I didn’t laugh back. “Noooo!” He said, “That’s not good for an O’Neill!” “Make it 50min!” As soon as he said that I remembered that my husband and I had walked the 5K, Run to feed the Hungry, two years ago in about 55min. “Ok,” I said. “I’ll do my best!”

Since that conversation I sent him the website and he sent me an encouraging e-mail back. “Go for 40min!” Now, I’ve been without a dad (both parents for that matter), for so very long that I actually forgot what it’s like to have a parent push and root for you. You know what? I liked it! “See if you can run a little, and then walk a little,” he suggested. I had stumbled into his world. A world of running and that triggered something parental in him toward me. More curious than that (as it is the first time it’s happened), was that I actually welcomed it! I liked it! I felt good, and I want to make him proud and actually get a good time. Something I never would have imagined caring about before.

So, now I’m walking around my block with the “Eye of the Tiger” playing in my head. I guess I could whip out the iPod, but I’m old fashioned. I got my new walking shoes on and will make my father (in-law) proud of me next weekend. Hopefully I’ll also have some of you to walk/jog with me along the way.

I just got back from painting about 300 faces in 3 hours at Fairy Tale Town for SacMomsClub. I'm POOPED! But it was wonderful. I had such a great time. I'm only sad I couldn't chat with the moms from here who showed up, young-in's in tow for a day of fun.

I hope you all had a great time. Now who's up for a mom coffee!? ME! ME! ME!

(http://creatressdesignsface... my new spot for face painting info!)

In spite of all the books out on pregnancy and raising a child, I had many a shock when raising my own. There were quite a few occurrences that were never listed in these books, and that none of my friends went through, or shared with me. In my continuing efforts to help other moms survive parent-hood, I’m going to share them with you here. Hope they shock, amuse and help you!

~You have never REALLY had to go to the bathroom like you do when you’re pregnant. Who let the marching band play on your bladder? Keep close to a restroom at all times.

~Adult teeth can come in BEHIND baby teeth. I never knew (nor heard of this) and it freaked me out when it happened to my son. The baby teeth will eventually get pushed out and it’s no big deal. Just looks odd.

~Tear ducts have to open after the baby is born. My son’s tear ducts didn’t open for a year. Hellllooo pink eye!

~A warm bath can relax your baby so much that they poop in the bath. And yes, this can happen over, and over and over.

~If your baby/child is constantly gassy, they most likely have a food allergy or intolerance.

~Contrary to popular myth, people crave what they’re allergic to. So if you think “he can’t be allergic to cheese, it’s all he wants to eat!” You may be wrong.

~ Teeth can bruise. A blunt trauma can turn your teeth purple. Not fun. Go to the DDS if it happens.

~A baby playing with the computer CAN delete files

~When a toddler tells you he/she has to go potty, it may already be too late

~A messy home and quick dinner are worth a happy relationship and laughing children (aka. The house can wait. Enjoy your family)

~Never go in a hot tub (or take a hot bath) after a sunburn. The burn will turn to water blisters.

~A planters wart on the bottom of a foot can take up to a year to go away (in spite of your and your dr’s efforts). It’s better to just keep socks on as much as possible.

There’s just a few to get you started. I bet you all have your own gems to share, so consider this your written invitation!

My name is Creatress and I’m a quitter. Or at least I used to be. I used to not just be a quitter, but I was QUEEN of all quitters! I quit college, quit a new job every few months, quit a relationship every few weeks… if you could quit it, I’d throw in the towel. My talents have always been in starting things. Meeting new people (not a problem), starting a business (any day of the week), beginning a book (from back to front actually, my favorite way), but seeing things through to the end (or even just maintaining them) was downright painful!

What I didn’t know is that this is classic ADHD behavior. Since taking medication for my ADHD (about eight months now), I am no longer a quitter. It is however, still difficult for me. Case in point, the company I’ve been teaching children’s art through this year. It’s been a struggle, and when a conflict became apparent, my gut reaction was to quit. I knew however that it would be best for the children if I stayed out the school year and live up to my verbal agreement. So, I stayed. Even though it’s hard, even though I don’t want to, I do it and enjoy my time with them.

When I am teaching and I see a child want to quit and give up because something is “too hard” I try my best to help them through to the end. When my son wants to quit things, I cringe inside. I pray that my years as a quitter didn’t leave a bad impression on him.

My newfound tenacity makes me feel like I am finally an adult. I not only begin things, but I can bring them to their fruition as well. I will never understand when people talk about ruts, or how hard it is to change something (because that’s my forte!), but I will forever commiserate with people who want to quit.

My son and I were driving home from Sacramento the other day and he asked me an interesting question (most of our great conversations take place in the car). “Mom, did you ever think I’d turn out the way I am today?” I was genuinely shocked. My honest answer was “no.”

I explained to him that he is much braver that I ever thought he would be. “WHAT?” He said. “How?” “When you were much younger,” I explained, “you were lost in your head a lot.”

Children on the Autism Spectrum have this in common. They withdraw mentally into their own world. Each child is different, but for us I would say he used to live half the time in his own world and half in ours. The time he spent in his own would fluxuate depending on his stress levels and environment. When submerged in his own world his imagination would explode. Colors, music, scenarios, anything he can think up comes to life in his head. His fingers flick, he makes noises and/or hums his own musical score to go along with what he’s experiencing in there. Most theraputic strategies for children on the Autism Spectrum are targeted at pulling them out of this world and back into ours. At giving them the tools to function in our world, and not just visit. For this to work however, the child has to WANT to be here. Let’s face it, if you and I could just flip a mental switch and REALLY be gone from this world, why would you not do that as often as you could?

To leave that safe womb-like state only to be attacked by loud noises, strong smells, bright colors, tight clothes, stress and expectations… THAT is bravery (ok, I’m feeling all teary eyed now).

As I explained all this to my son I could see (even with my eyes on the road) that it was the very first time he had thought of himself like that. As being BRAVE for leaving his own world and joining ours. More and more, year by year he’s emerged from his own safe mind to struggle his way into our world. Not only struggle, but succeed! He has many friends, is doing beautifully in school, is kind and thoughtful, he’s becoming a wonderful man. To accomplish all those things while pushing yourself to stay anchored in the here and now and not slip back into your own head is an amazing feat. One he did all on his own. I told him that even though I helped by giving him the tools (advocacy, therapy, love, understanding), it is something I couldn’t do FOR him. HE’S the one who did it in the end.

He really started to shine at that point. He was realizing that he IS brave and just how far he’s come. So did I ever think he’d turn out like this? No… I wouldn’t let myself dare to dream that my life would ever be so wonderful, or that his would be too.

(Brace yourself for some sweeping sexist generalizations on my part today)

Men are ready for action anytime anywhere. (See! Told you!) Women however are complicated. I am no exception to that rule. Women need to be aroused physically and mentally. We need the right setting, timing, space and prep. We need some nice music, dim lights, a little romance, right ladies?

I was thinking about romance and getting in the mood the other day and realizing just how much it takes me to be in that space. Now that the weather is nice, I enjoy going out on our back patio and having a glass of wine with my husband (thank you nickle sale at BevMo!). I was thinking that I enjoy our back patio because I associate it with a relaxing, more adult social time. I hang out there with my friends (when the rare moment arrives that I invite them over), with my husband and alone. It’s my R&R space. This realization that I prefer that location when relaxing with my man made me realize that getting myself in that “frame of mind” requires a lot.

~Smell

I LOVE the smell of Obsession for men. When my man wears it, I go crazy.

~Location

Somewhere private, away from kids (or where kids frequently are). For example, our dining room isn’t romantic, no matter what I do. I associate it with games, family, homework, mail, bills, etc… I can’t focus on romance there.

~Setting

Candles lit (or dim lighting) is optimum.

~Sound

Music on is a MUST. Love music. Sing to me Berry (White), tell me what it’s all about! (hence today’s blog title.)

~Timing

This is a big one. It’s all about the timing. Kid gone, or in bed asleep is a must. I can’t relax with the kid around. Impossible, don’t even try. Night time is best. I seriously don't get the "first thing in the morning" concept.

SEE! Complicated!

When I first heard about blogging and bloggers, I had a few misconceptions. My original impression was that blogs are all about vanity and listening to yourself talk. The blogs I had read (that were not done by professional writers), seemed to me to be self-serving sites for narcissistic no-talents to vent. Boy was I wrong!

My mind started to change a few years back when a co-worker of mine at the time shared with us his new blog. It’s called Vanilla Garlic, and is mostly about his cooking experiments (sometimes gone wrong). It is also generously peppered with bits of his real life, and is craftily written. I realized that this is a very talented person who has to work a hard job to pay the bills, but found a way to use a blog to express himself and share his other talents with the world. I was impressed. It also showed me that a blog can be a tool, just as a brush, or whisk, or camera can be an artist tool; A tool to share your thoughts and ideas with the world-at-large in an in-your-face way that I admired. It’s YOURS! Just as a book you would write is yours, or a meal you would cook, or a song you would sing. I began to view blogging as an art form.

Like any other art form it should give the writer a sense of satisfaction and a–whew- moment of release when finished. The reader enjoying it should be an organic experience of the blog, not its main goal (as I originally thought).

Inspired by my friend, I quickly started my own blog, hosted by blogspot.com, that featured my thoughts and various creations. Then something interesting happened, people actually read it! Whenever I would get a comment, or some feedback, I was genuinely happy. So, even though my original intent wasn’t to please the reader, like a good meal, interesting photograph, or beautiful work of art, that was the outcome. It was a very fulfilling experience for me creatively.

Being of an artist temperament and a teaching mind, I also very much enjoy helping other people; Sharing what I have learned with others and giving advice and tips to my friends (when solicited or warranted). When I heard about the SacMomsClub, I felt it would be a good spot to start writing some more parenting/female focused blogs and sharing my thoughts on those topics with other local moms. I must say that I’ve found the experience here just as rewarding as if I had my own art show. Everyone here is so encouraging, open and supportive. It truly is its own little tribe of moms just trying to make each day the best they can.

So if you are thinking of starting your own blog, but just aren’t feeling confident enough, my advice is to just do it! Jump in and start writing. The ideas will come, and so will the readers. Everyone has their own voice, and I enjoy reading your thoughts very much. Your confidence will grow in time and what you get out of it as the writer will be even greater than the words you share with the world.

It doesn’t matter if it’s an extra groggy morning, recovering from a disappointment, an unexpected change in plans or for no reason, pushing through a hard time (aka-picking yourself up by your bootstraps) is difficult for us all.

Everyone I know has these moments where they struggle with their day, or a task. When this happens, it can be tough. Others who are fortunate enough to never have this sensation of weights tied around your body, respond to you in confusion, or even frustration. How could things suddenly feel hard, be hard, even impossible to do?

Of course there are many possible causes for this sensation. Low thyroid (or hypothyroidism), depression, ADD, Bipolar, hormone fluctuation, etc… but often there is no apparent cause. Our grandmothers may have called it a “rough patch” or “the blahs” and headed to bed. As any busy mother knows now days, we don’t have that luxury. So how do you “rub some dirt on it and get on with the game!” (as my husband’s old football coach would say.)

-Music. (Crank up your favorite song and shake that booty for a bit. The release of endorphins and getting your blood pumping will help right away!)

-Get out in the sun. (Not for long. A quick bask will do wonders for your spirits. Also, opening the windows in your house will help you feel “aired out” yourself.)

-Take a breath in, then exhale for longer than you inhaled. (This stimulates the relaxing part of your brain. It’s great for anxiety or panic attacks, but also helpful for overall blues.)

-Look at past accomplishments. (I like to look at old picture albums and see how far we’ve come as a family. All I’ve done in my life and how happy my guys are. It always cheers me up and makes me feel great!)

-Confide in an understanding friend. (Even if it’s just a quick “you go girl!” e-mail from a friend, this can do wonders for your spirit).

-Eat a healthy snack (like a handfull of almonds. Your brain could just be hungry!)

-Play with your animals. (If you have them. Dogs and cats especially are wonderful at lowering stress levels and anxiety when you pet and play with them.)

-Look the part. (Heading to a meeting you dread? Not in the mood for work or a party? Dress to the 9’s. Look stunning. The compliments will flow and when you see yourself looking good, you’ll feel good!)

-Just do it! (Often what you’re feeling is anxiety, stress and dread over a situation that doesn’t require it. If you just suck it up, push through it and “make it work,” you’ll soon be in the flow of life and forget all about your blues.)

I hope these tips will be helpful the next time you start to feel “off.” If you have the time and help, a good dose of Jane Austin in bed with a cup of coffee also does the trick!

With "new" Girls.

After reviewing my vacation pictures, I was pretty shocked at how, um… succumbing to gravity a particular part of my body looked. I didn’t think my bras were that bad! I mean, they’re under wire and everything! Apparently, being a 44DD means that I have to try a little harder to keep “the girls” where they need to be (especially as I age).

I’m not one to throw up my hands and show defeat. Upon returning home, I took my sad girls shopping. Thank goodness for Lane Bryant! Home of the voluptuous woman and a great place to find sturdy, sexy bras. I hustled on over and started shopping away.

I had an idea what size I thought I was, but tried a few different styles and sizes on just in case the weight loss had shrunk me. The whole experience was surreal. It really brought me back to my first time shopping for bras and reminded me that I need to take better care of myself. If I take the time to dye my hair, wear makeup, dress nice, why did I skip the super support that I need to look my best? Because a good bra is expensive, and I am very cheap with myself and my clothes. The only exception to this rule is purses and jewelry (don’t ask me why!)

Lucky for my cheap side, they were having a good sale, so the four I ended up with were pretty reasonable. Now something funny is happening. I’m not used to my own chest, at all! They are high and great and just where they should be, but I feel like I’m now ALL CHEST! Like they’re all anyone can see when I walk down the street. I mean, I knew they were large, but I feel like Dolly Parton! I’m adjusting and getting used to this “new” part of my body, but it feels much stranger than I anticipated.

Like a teenager lisping through their new braces, I’m smacking my “new” girls into plants when I garden, hitting them with my arms when I drive and just feeling they are “in the way.” Deep down I know this is silly and they look great. I’m just still adjusting.

Check out the “before” and “after” pictures in the same t-shirt. One on our vacation, and the other last week. BIG difference, eh? (No pun intended)

I was stretching out on my back patio this morning with the sun on my back as my dogs frolicked through the yard thinking “ok, now this is a GREAT way to start my day.” This thought led me to ponder the healthy changes I’ve made in my life and how much I genuinely enjoy them. Here are just a few…

~ Cooking healthy foods for my family. This morning I made little mini cheese-less quiches for breakfast. They were delicious, fast and healthy. Everyone loved them.

~ Being in the sun. This is something I used to HATE. I was always such a night lover. Now I find myself relaxing and enjoying the gentle heat of a spring sun. Feeling its warmth spread over my skin and soak my muscles is delightful.

~ Shopping at our farmers market. Davis has one of the best farmers markets in CA (in my opinion). Fresh organic goods as far as the eye can see. Our favorite things to buy there are brown rice (I know, I used to hate it too. I swear this rice tastes like butter though!) and double yolk eggs. My son still thrills every time he cracks one open. You have such an old-world feel and sense of community when you shop there that you just don’t get from even the best grocery store.

~ Playing doubles tennis with my friends on Fridays. I’m still not fit, nor skilled enough for a rousing singles game (beyond 5min long), but riding my bike to the courts and playing with my friends is a pleasure I look forward to every week. We’re all improving too!

~ Family walks. Taking family walks together, even if it’s just around the block is an evening ritual I would like to indulge in more often. There’s something so nice about moving while we chat and reconnect. Saying “Hi” to the neighbors and seeing the joy it brings our dogs is the utter definition of “simple pleasure.”

I gained a few pounds while on vacation in Vegas last week. Despite my prediction that all the walking we did would keep them at bay (curse you M&M store!) However, I was back on track this week and have already shed them. Yay! Now I hope to get even more serious and lose some more! I have a family party this summer with people who haven’t seen me for a year and I’d like to look my best. It’s good to have goals like that to help you stick to your regimen.

This popped into my head today, so I thought I’d share.

Things I’ve learned from my son:

-To love my body. After all, it made him! What a miracle.

-To savor each day and the gifts it holds. The beauty of a flower, or the sound of a song.

-Patience. Something I was lacking before, and have improved upon greatly!

-Advocacy. I am a fighting mother bear!

-Enjoy time alone with my man (something that would have been the norm otherwise!)

-How to eat healthier and take better care of myself (and all of us). I want to be around a long time!

-The importance of a good bra. After nursing, we all need at least one!

-That I’m beautiful (I must be, because people say he looks like me and I think he’s pretty handsome!)

-The best things in life ARE free! (Like hugs, kisses, and quality time)

-An enjoyment of nature. I never cared for it much before, but his love of it has rubbed off on me.

-That I’m a pretty good teacher. Something I never would have realized without him

-The pleasure of giving is greater than receiving (definitely not my philosophy pre-child).

-Unconditional love (though my husband helped with this one as well)

-Video game skills. I’m actually pretty good at them!

-To enjoy the morning. (I was a night-owl pre-child.)

-Breakfast is the most important meal of the day (absolutely for him. I still work on this one for me!)

-Coffee is the best drink on earth (I bet a lot of moms would agree with me on this one)

-The human body can hold an amazing amount of vomit (learned this one early on)

-Tobacco is a nightshade plant. Potatoes, tomatoes and peppers all also have nicotine in them (I recently learned this from a science report he did. Never knew that!)

-Gently chewing on other people is fun (don’t ask).

-If you feel like singing, sing! If you feel like dancing, dance! If it’s in public, who cares!

-There’s nothing to fear, but fear itself. If you can have a baby, you can do anything!

-Shots aren’t a big deal

-How to cut nails really well (and fast!)

-How to become organized and efficient

-How to get ready in 5min and look good

-That I like dogs much more than I ever thought I did.

-More about Neurology than the average neurologist.

That’s all I can think of right now. I’m sure the list would be endless if you gave me enough time!