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While planning a graduation party for my son, I was thinking back to how far he’s come these 15years and what a huge roll I’ve had to play in that. People always tell me “If it weren’t for you, man-cub would never be where he is today.” I brush it off with a smile and know that’s not exactly true. Of course many people have helped mold him and teach him, loved him and cared for him… not just me. I will take credit however for trusting my intuition and finding answers when I just knew something was up.

I knew my son was different almost from birth. He cried very little, slept through the night at two weeks (and took a 4hour nap every day) and as soon as he was old enough to get on all fours, he would rock. Rock endlessly. Rock till he gave himself blisters and stripped the screws right out of his crib. I tried to talk to our pediatrician and find answers. I knew this wasn’t “normal” and something was going on. I was given no answers, a pat on the head, told I worry too much and to just go home and enjoy my baby. Of course I enjoyed him! Suspecting something was different didn’t mean I wanted an exchange for goodness sake. What I did want was an explanation. What was going on and why did I have to wrap my baby’s (new) crib in velvet to cut down the friction so he wouldn’t give himself blisters from all the rocking!

Now of course I know that’s a 100% classic sign of Autism. What I want to know (and never did find out) is why our pediatrician didn’t know that! None of them did. Every symptom I would bring up with concern at our checkups was a classic symptom of Autism. It wasn’t until my son was 3 ½ and in speech therapy for his stutter that the word finally came up (from his speech therapist of all people.) I took him to a pediatric neurologist where he was diagnosed “PDD-NOS.” This means “Pervasive Developmental Disorder” (aka: He’s somewhere on the Autism Spectrum, but too verbal to really be full Autistic.) “Not Otherwise Specified” (aka: They don’t know.) I felt angry. Angry that the medical system still had no answers for me. Angry that I had been talking to blank faces and deaf ears for 3 ½ years. Angry at the countless specialists who told me “He’s just brilliant and gifted! Why are you worrying about it?!” Angry at my husband who agreed with them and thought I was just “Looking for something wrong.”

Fast forward now 12 years, countless sessions of Speech Therapy, Sensory Integration Therapy, Occupational Therapy, IEP meetings, and more money than I care to think about and you will see my son… “Man-Cub” for who I always saw him as. Brilliant, handsome, funny, clever, kind, and unique. No, there’s nothing “wrong” with him, but yes, his weaknesses and challenges have a name. Call it PDD-NOS, High Functioning Autism or Aspergers Syndrome, all it means is that he sees the world a little different than the rest of us. Some things (like non verbal communication) will be difficult for him for the rest of his life. Other things (like creative writing) will come naturally and be a tool for him. I will also agree that without me “knowing” something was up and challenging the medical and educational system, he would be labeled full Autistic. I would have lost him to his own world in his head and it would have been too late to do anything about it by the time the “professionals” all played catch-up.

My point is this, if you suspect for one second that there is something going on with your child that may require further investigation, or early intervention, run with it. Don’t second guess yourself, don’t brush yourself off and most importantly, don’t listen to the people telling you that you’re inventing things to worry about (even if that person is your partner.) Mama knows when there’s something up and no medical professional in the world can replace a mother’s intuition.