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Yesterday was my son's 14th birthday. I honestly don't know where the time went. On one hand, it seems like he was just born a few years ago. I remember every moment as if it were just a few breaths away. On the other hand, I can't (and don't want to) remember a time in my life when he wasn't there. I feel the same way about my husband. Three souls who were destined to find each other in this crazy world and become a family.

My son was what I like to call, a "Surprise!" Meaning, we were only dating a few months when I got pregnant. I was in shock when I found out. We both were. Even though we really liked each other, my life was very complicated at the time and to say this would throw a wrench into my future plans was an understatement. Luckily, I firmly believe that all things happen for a reason, and so does my husband. That you may not understand why or how at the time, but in the future it will be for the good. So, we moved in together and committed ourselves to raising this baby.

We were married when our son was nine months old (I didn't want to get married while pregnant, or even marry just because of the baby). Those first few years were hard for us. Learning about each other, parenthood and our new roles. I stayed home with our son while my husband took our only car to work every day. It was pretty isolating and I was only 21.

I first thought something might be different about our baby from about the time he could pull up to all fours. He was exceptionally good and quiet. He also slept through the night from 2weeks old on. As soon as he could pull up to all fours however he would rock for hours. He would rock till he got blisters all over his feet. The doctors had no idea why and no suggestions. I thought to wrap his crib in a velvet blanket to cut the friction. That worked well, till he rocked so much he stripped the screws right out of the bed and it broke (not with him in it). Now of course I know that's a classic sign of Autism.

By age two he had self-taught himself to read and was obsessed with letters, numbers, sequences, foreign language and street signs. I was told that he was just very brilliant. I insisted that "yes, he is, but this also isn't normal, no matter how smart he is!" I was given the Dr. pat on the head, chuckle and sent on my way with the advice of "don't worry so much." He didn't like to walk (and did so very late), he talked, but in a parrot kindov way, not really for communication. He also loved to watch the same thing over and over and over (I know most kids do, but this was to the extreme). Again, all signs of Autism.

By age three he had developed a stutter that was severe enough to get us Speech Therapy through our local school district, even though he wasn't old enough to be enrolled. It was our first speech pathologist who first uttered the words "Autism Spectrum, Hyperlexia and Aspergers Syndrome" to me. I had no clue what she was talking about. She suggested I take him to a Pediatric Neurologist.. I did.

The neurologist was skeptical at first. Such a happy, good looking kid. What was I doing there? That was till my baby pointed at a bone chart in his examining room and said "Tibia" to the right bone. Then we started getting grilled.

After seeing a few different specialists, we were told our son had Aspergers Syndrome, or if you prefer the term PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified). Back then, Aspergers wasn't as heard of as it is now, and the school wouldn't give us services without considering our son Autistic. He had Autism. A form of very high functioning Autism, but Autism none the less. He was three years old when we found this out.

I began devouring all the information I could about Autism, Aspergers and PDD-NOS. The more I read, the more I felt like these people were in my house, watching us, and writing a book about our life. All the little things I had brought to our doctors attention for years. All the quirks and my concerns. ALL of them = Autism. Why had no one caught it? Why didn't they know? I was angry. I quickly became my son's champion; his expert. I attended training classes, IEP classes, CA State Special Education Law class, read countless books, joined local support groups, started my own playgroup for children on the spectrum, and kept that fierce mother bear instinct in me alive.

Now, at age 14 and coming to the end of the 8th grade school year, I'm happy to say that he's doing really well. He's fun, funny, interesting, brilliant and unique (also quite handsome if I do say so myself!). He has good friends and is quite social. He also still hums and finger flicks, but only at home and in private. He understands himself and his needs very well and also how important social interaction and appearance is. He is kind, generous and affectionate; I simply adore him. He's also the typical teenager in many ways.

He still has obsessive interests (and I do mean obsessive), but I'm convinced that they will be to his advantage when he's older. He's horribly dis-organized (though most teens are). Now it's not his Aspergers that's his hurdle in life, It's his stuttering.

When my son was younger, I was asked if I could give him a pill to make him "normal", would I? My reply was (and still is) no. His unique point of view of the world is a gift (not for all people, but for him it is). Sure, it's hard at times, but he is so special and has so much to offer the world. His Aspergers is a big part of who he is, and I wouldn't change who he is for anything.

I would, however, "fix" his stuttering if I could. That is his huge hurdle now. After 10 years of speech therapy he still stutters just as bad as when he was three (if not worse). We've done everything. Private therapy, emersion therapy, school therapy, we even dropped $6K at the beginning of Junior High to get him a Speech Easy device. A highly touted new “anti-stuttering” device that goes inside your ear like a hearing aide. It picks up your voice as you talk, alters the pitch, and you hear it in your ear like an echo (with only a nano second delay). The theory behind it is that people who stutter don't when they're talking along with other people. It did work, but the echo in his ear all the time was too much for his heightened senses (thanks to Aspergers) to take. It's been sitting in the box for a year now.

Ok, now I feel like I'm rambling, time to wrap it up.

It's been a really hard road. Re-defining myself from the learned, fierce mother bear into the parent of a typical teen has been even harder than learning to be an advocate. There are times where I still bear my fangs and want to protect him, but I think that's normal of any mother and their child(ren). It's all just going by so fast. I will definitely miss him when I don't see him every day, but I am very proud of the young man he is fast becoming. I think we did (and are doing) a good job and that he'll be alright. And that's really all any mother can hope for!