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Teeter Totter ~ Finding a Balance Between Me-Hood and Motherhood
Gender: female Date of Birth: January 01, 1973 Member Since: September 11, 2007 Last Signed In: July 02, 2010 Blog Views: 18322 Send To A Friend Sign Guestbook Add as a Friend
All Good Things...
All Work and No Play… A Mighty Mama Winner? A "Thank You" Gift EVERYONE Will Love! Sex and the Sillies (2) Wake Up Call Free/Cheap Summer Ideas Family as Lab Rats Summer Plans? September 07 October 07 November 07 December 07 January 08 February 08 March 08 April 08 May 08 June 08 July 08 August 08 September 08 October 08 November 08 December 08 January 09 February 09 March 09 April 09 May 09 June 09 July 09 August 09 September 09 October 09 November 09 December 09 January 10 February 10 March 10 April 10 May 10 June 10 July 10 Teeter Totter Finding a Balance Between "Me-Hood" and "Motherhood" In this blog I'll be covering as wide a variety of subjects as the duties of a real mom in today's culture. From raising special needs children, family vacations, marriage, relationships, sex, cooking, local to-do, school (both for you and the children), working, hiring a daycare provider, arts and crafts, decorating, holidays, to well... EVERYTHING! No holding back. 
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All or Nothing
Does this sound familiar at all? “That ALWAYS happens to me!?” or “I just knew it wouldn’t work out right!” or even “I knew I couldn’t count on that person/share that secret/get my hopes up…” This kind of dialogue is what I like to call catastrophist thinking. It’s when you’re not surprised when the worst happens because you live your life expecting things to go wrong. Personally, I consider it much different from being a pessimist. A pessimist (to me) is someone who is resigned to the assumption that nothing good will ever happen, they will never get what they want, etc… They are defeated and don’t expect anything. A catastrophist usually hopes for the best, even wants it! But when the worst happens, they aren’t surprised by it. They expect the worst, but hope for the best. The problem comes when you start generalizing. “I knew the plumber would be late because repair people are never on time.” That’s a generalization. “I knew they’d be out of my size because clothes I like are impossible to find!” Another generalization. Like pessimism, being a catastrophist is not only unpleasant, but it can affect every facit of your life. How would I know? Because I’m a catastrophist. I’ve lived hoping for the best, but bracing for the worst. And yes, it is a very draining way to go about your life. Not only do I brace for the worst, but I also brace for the fact that it will all be up to me in the end to make any situation right, so I’d better be prepared. See where the draining part comes in? If things I had left up to other people ever went according to plan, I was pleasantly surprised. Of course, the fact that my negative assumptions were constantly reinforced, didn’t exactly help change my way of thinking. So, what did? Open communication. Yup, it’s as easy as that. Of course it also helps if the other person really listens. I also had to learn to slow down, and be a little more patient and understanding as well. Just because I would have corrected the problem in 5minutes doesn’t mean everyone would. I was assuming that just because it was important to me, it was important to everyone (and of course I thought that without ever TELLING anyone how important it was.) I learned that as soon as I started using words like “I need…” and “This is really important to me…” rather than just assuming they would know that, people listened and (better yet) responded. Confused? I’ll give you a simple example. My husband spends time every Saturday and Sunday morning playing on the computer with his friends. I was starting to feel like he was spending a lot of time doing this (simply because I’d been getting up earlier and earlier.) I wanted some of that morning time alone with him. The second I started to have that internal dialog where I was saying things like “He ALWAYS plays with his friends and ignores me!” I knew I had to say something to him about it. I also knew this wasn’t the case. That I was generalizing and being a catastrophist. I talked to him about it as soon as it was a good time. He not only understood, but agreed and we hit a compromise. On Sunday he’d play less, then spend 1:1 time with me. Problem solved! It’s not easy to change your way of thinking and even harder to change the way you react to things, but I’m noticing this is one change that’s worth the effort. 2 comments from 2 users
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posted by
creatress
on Sep 15, 2009 at 08:26 AM
I love people who are always growing, learning and exploring to improve themselves. YOU are one of those people! Glad you found it timely.
posted by
hmoeckli
on Sep 14, 2009 at 09:18 PM
At work we read an article that your blog reminded me of. It discussed the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. We so often make big statements about how things are when really we don't get to decide how things are, we get to decide how we'll respond to the world around us. I am also trying to focus on learning from failure (or even anything resembling failure.) I have found myself to be much more calm and proactive.Great blog!
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