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Teeter Totter ~ Finding a Balance Between Me-Hood and Motherhood
Gender: female Date of Birth: January 01, 1973 Member Since: September 11, 2007 Last Signed In: November 20, 2009 Blog Views: 14722 Send To A Friend Sign Guestbook Add as a Friend
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Family Fight
Something rare happened in our house last night. We had a fight. Not my husband and myself, but all three of us. My son has his own blog which he uses as an on-line diary of sorts. He recently did a blog/review about a bad public singing performance. My husband read it and became really upset by it. He felt my son was being harsh and a “cyber bully” in regards to his extreme comments about this singer (who isn’t anyone in pop culture and was just trying her best.) Tears ensued and I was caught in the middle. I saw both points of view, but was really stunned to see my husband so upset. This topic had triggered a lot of emotion in him that I’ve never been witness to before. On the other hand, the person he was upset at was my son, and I didn’t agree with his reaction. It’s tough to be a mom stuck between a rock and a hard place. First I talked to my husband. Tried to see his point of view and tried to help him get some perspective on the situation. Then I talked to my son who, to my surprise, handled the whole thing really well. When my husband had calmed down, he came out and the THREE of us had a talk (family pow-wow time.) This time it went really well. My son saw his dad’s point of view and in the end edited his blog on his own accord. My husband regained his perspective, and now I think is even closer to our son. Me? I was still pissed about the whole thing and it took a while (and more talking with my husband 1:1) to calm down. Family drama sucks and I have a new appreciation for our logical tendencies. This morning finds me with eyes almost puffed shut from last night’s drama. Thank goodness it’s summer and our week of running to and fro doesn’t start till tomorrow. Anyone have any good “puff eye” remedies? The cold, damp washcloth didn’t do much to help. 11 comments from 5 users
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posted by
creatress
on Jul 1, 2009 at 01:33 PM
I totally agree with what you told your friend patiencengrace. It can be terrible when the other parent doesn't step in and stick up for the kid. It's your job as a parent to call a "spade" a "spade", no matter who that other person is. I hope your friend really heard you!
posted by
patiencengrace
on Jul 1, 2009 at 11:57 AM
Last night I ran into a friend in the grocery store who is at wit's end with the same issue - stuck between a husband and child who currently are NOT getting along. She has been sticking up for her husband no matter what because "That's what they say you should do." I told her to forget what "They" say!!! It's important to listen to both and stick up for whichever one is right. She'll lose her child's respect if she doesn't. Hey, no wonder as mothers we get such wide hips - we're pulled in opposite directions!
posted by
creatress
on Jun 30, 2009 at 08:51 PM
Fighting does suck, you're so right. It's been so long that I have a renewed sympathy now for my girlfriends when they go through the same thing. Good point about the soothing element of heat and the good smell. I didn't think of that. No wonder you're a teacher! So smart! posted by
hmoeckli
on Jun 30, 2009 at 05:16 PM
I think cool would work too; I just like how the warm ones feel and smell. I use mint too. Fighting sucks. Sorry pumpkin. :( posted by
creatress
on Jun 30, 2009 at 01:42 PM
Oh man, that would do me in. I HATE to fight! Add two kids and a full time job to that mix and you could just stick a fork in me. I feel for you girl!
posted by
AmandaS
on Jun 29, 2009 at 09:25 PM
I feel for you guys. We've had nothing but constant arguments in our house for the past 3 weeks. Its been awful. It is so exhausting to be in such an emotionally charged situation. Blech.Good luck with the rest of the week--its got to get better, right?
posted by
creatress
on Jun 29, 2009 at 07:42 PM
You're too kind hmoeckli! It was hard to not get too emotionally involved and to just help mediate and moderate them both. I could tell it was that kind of situation though. My husband really needed my perspective and help working it out and my son needed someone in his corner. It was indeed a tricky balancing act, but it all worked out in the end. That's one of the hardest parts of any relationship I think. Knowing what to do... when. It's interesting that warm tea bags would help with swelling more than cool ones? patiencengrace, you are so right about it being exhausting! I was pretty wiped out today. Thank goodness for my small to-do list. Yay! I've heard that about Prep H, but always been too scared to use it (what if I get it in my eye!!!) Thanks for the tip though. posted by
patiencengrace
on Jun 29, 2009 at 06:13 PM
Sounds like you all dealt with it beautifully though it's exhausting! My friend who is a pharmacist says Preparation H works on puffy eyes - that effect of shrinking tissue works up there as well as its original intention...
posted by
hmoeckli
on Jun 29, 2009 at 05:41 PM
Chamomile works great! Just make sure the tea bags aren't too hot. Ouch.I was very touched by your blog. I think it is great that you listened to both sides, and that you guys tackled this as a family. Often growing up, I felt my mom was out of line with me and that my dad always blindly took her side. I find it very admirable that you fully participated in the situation and worked collaboratively with your family. Sounds like it was a rough night, but I'm sure your cool head kept it from escalating. I hope today was a little more restful. posted by
creatress
on Jun 29, 2009 at 03:48 PM
Hi Lori. How strange that we all had drama last night. Ugh! I hope tonight is much better for us all. My eyes are indeed better, but far from normal. I'll try the tea bags for sure. Thanks for the tip! posted by
LoriA
on Jun 29, 2009 at 03:45 PM
Wow - is Mercury in retrograde or something? Last night brought our family major drama and tears, as well as our dear friends' family! Well, the day is nearly over. I hope by now your puffy eyes are beautiful again. Next time, try chamomile tea bags for the puffiness - I hear they work wonders. ;-)
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