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After the week of fun that I’ve had (can you feel my sarcasm?) I thought it would be nice to take a walk on the lighter side. The only thing worse than a streak of bad luck going on with your family, is suffering through this bad luck in a messy, dirty house. I feel like if your house is clean, at least you can actually relax and recover some of your lost energy.

I think I’ve spent a lot of hours over the years on cleaning, and have tried many a product. I always love hearing what works well for other people and why. Here’s a few of my “favorite things” that make my life just a little bit easier (and fresh smelling.)

1) Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. It took wine stains off my flat painted wall. Nuff said!

2) Dyson Vacuum. I have the pet hair model and really couldn’t live without it. It’s also very rewarding to be able to see all the gunk you get out of the floors (since its bag-less.)

3) Mrs. Myers Clean Day products. A little high on the price scale, but I find a little bit goes a long way. I love the lavender line. It smells like real French lavender, not chemical lavender.

4) Febreze Air Effects (linen & sky scent). Something about it just makes my house smell fresh (like some cheesy commercial.) It also reminds me of my aunt’s house and that makes my own home seem more comforting.

5) Arm & Hammer Baking Soda. I buy the giant bag at Costco and use a little with every wash as a fabric and water softener. Davis has horribly hard water and it not only helps out my clothes, but keeps my machine from getting build up.

6) J.R. Watkins Natural All Purpose Cleaner (lemon).  LOVE the smell and works really great! Great for all surfaces. (I got mine at Target.)

7) Purex 3 in 1 Laundry Sheets. One stop laundry, works out to be about ½ the cost per load at using liquid soap, dryer sheet and fabric softener. Costco had a great intro bundle last month.

8) SKYDD white mineral oil from IKEA. This is GREAT for cabinets, tables, cutting boards or other wood furniture that needs treatment once in a while. Cheap and works great! Safe around kids and pets as well.

9) Pumice stone. The all natural way to combat hard water deposits and stains. Perfect for toilet grime that just won’t come off with scrubbing brushes or chemicals. Just requires a little elbow grease.

10) Microfiber rags. These are wonderful for dusting. You’re also being eco friendly by using something you can toss in the wash and get many uses out of. I find just 1 will dust my whole house.

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We’ve had a bit of rain at our house lately. Not literal rain, but the bad-luck kind. Man cub is having some school struggles. Tenth grade is proving to be tougher that we’d hoped. He’s trying hard, but still sliding down into the pit of “bad grades.” Then there’s the house. Along with fixing up some dry rot on the side due to water damage (dang trees), we just found out that we need our whole main sewage line replaced. Now, if we lived in Sacramento, this wouldn’t be a big deal. The city would cover it. For the joy of living in Davis however, it’s all on us. All $9,000.00 of it. Yup, 9K. Yeah, that was my reaction too.

So WHILE trying to finish up school, teach art classes (that keep being cancelled because no one can afford such luxuries anymore), trying to help my son not flunk out of high school, we get to take out a loan just so we can flush the toilet. –sigh-

I SWEAR I’m trying to keep positive. We have our health, we have each other, we still have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. You know how when you stub your toe all you can think is “OW OW! MY TOE!” Well, I’m stubbed. All I can think is CRUD! THIS SUCKS!

Thanks for letting me rant a little. I actually do have a plan of action to survive this with only one stress induced fever blister.

1)      Go to the gym. Work out hard and enjoy a hot shower there.

2)      Keep your eye on the long-term. It is an investment in our home. It’s not going to bankrupt us to take out this loan. We’re just pre-spending our tax return now.

3)      YES! We all have our health, roof over our head and food. YAY!

4)      Breathe

5)      Man cub will be fine. There’s still two months till report cards and we’re all doing our best to help him recover from these academic adjustment bumps.

6)      Breathe

7)      It could ALWAYS be worse!

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Do you ever find yourself wishing that the road to parenthood came with a map? Or better yet, a guide book? That when you were given that little bundle of joy, you were also handed a book just for them? “Welcome to the world, here is everything you need to know to be the best parent to this child.” How great would that be. All their likes, dislikes, learning styles, interests, potential, weaknesses, all in black and white.

It feels to me like just when I think I know man cub better than anyone else on the planet, he goes and changes on me. “He hates cheese!” “More cheese please!” “He’s a visual learner.” “I learn best by hearing it.” Honestly, if there’s one thing parenthood has taught me its to role with the punches. Not easy for an organization loving predictability monster like myself.

Lucky for me however, man cub does indeed roll with the punches (while I stand there stubbornly and get it right in the smacker.) Heck, he doesn’t just roll with the punches, he bends like a willow tree, or the dude from the Matrix dodging bullets. In fact, he is my new Guru when it comes to going with the flow. I think he gets it from his father. Living in a house with two such willow trees is very good for me (the stubborn oak.)

As I grow, mature and learn, I’m slowing becoming ok with not knowing what’s around every bend. Because just when I think I do, it’s a mirage, or it changes before my eyes. Chasing perfection and thinking you have control over things is like grabbing at smoke. Parenting is not only an adventure, but if you’re open to the experience, a mirror as well. Your kid will always give it to you straight, “You smell bad mommy!” Twist your heart around their finger, “I’m the luckiest boy in the world to have a mom like you!” And open your eyes to beauty and wonder, “That cloud looks like a pony!” No one can make me laugh as hard, worry so much or cry a river. I think a lot of that joy comes from not knowing what’s going to happen next? Who needs that map after all, I’ll just hold his hand and jump on the ride next to him.

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My son never really enjoyed Trick or Treating, but that cut off age seemed to come all too fast for me. Halloween is my favorite time of year, it always has been, but once my son became a teen, I found myself struggling to find ideas and alternative ways to celebrate other than going door to door begging for candy. Let’s face it, nothing is more irritating than a “way too old kid” showing up at your door (hours after all the REAL trick or treaters are home and in bed.) I refused to have my kid be one of them. Though in Davis at least this age of trick or treat acceptability seems to go up every year.

Besides making decorations and having him help me decorate the house, pass out candy and invite friends over, here are a few other local traditions we’ve enjoyed to celebrate the season with older kids.

~Corn Mazes

There are quite a few in our area. This year we explored the one at Dave’s Pumpkin Patch in West Sacramento. My son loved it, and it wasn’t so huge that I was uncomfortable letting him try to navigate it solo while we sipped cider on a hay bale nearby.

~Old Sacramento Cemetery

I’ve always loved this beautiful cemetery. It’s a great place to take the family for a weekend pic nic and see some living, errr, dead history. Many original settlers of California are buried right here. For Halloween they put on a night time lantern tour. Tickets are $25 per person and they usually sell out months in advance. That doesn’t mean you can’t take a visit for free and enjoy the spooky, yet lovely atmosphere!  

~Pumpkin Carving Contest

Show off your creative skills with a family pumpkin carving (or for littler ones, decorating) contest. This is actually how my husband and I met, and is still an annual family tradition. Get a small prize for the winner (and a little something for the attempt if you have more than 1 child.)

~Sacramento Governers Mansion Tour

Special Halloween tours are available. The prices are VERY reasonable. A great creepy mansion, perfect for some Halloween exploration. 
 

~Movie & Treat

For me, nothing can top a homemade treat and old time spooky movie. Involve the family in the treat part! Toss some cider in a big pot and warm it up with a cinnamon stick for each mug. Make some hot apple pie, caramel apples, or caramel corn to enjoy with the movie. Sure to make the most sullen teen grin, even if it is “Family Time.”

~Play a Creepy Game

There are many games out there on the market with a Halloween vibe. We love the card game Frog Juice, and the board game 13 Dead End Drive. This is also something they can do with friends, if mom and dad just aren’t “cool enough” anymore. (Personally, I just don’t offer it up like a choice and he’s smiling by the end of it.)

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My biggest fear is failure. What keeps me up awake at night isn’t the boogieman, or the threat of poverty, no… its thinking that I’ve let everyone down. The fear of letting myself down. Whenever I start to succeed at something and gain compliments, I freeze. If my husband starts to rave about how proud he is of me and how wonderful I’m doing in school, and in life, I honestly don’t know what to say. Part of me pulls back, almost as if just the words being spoken out loud will unleash some evil luck that will trip me up. Silly, I know.

Success scares me. “Having it all,” makes me sweat. Keeping all the balls in the air and not dropping one; school, family, work, teaching, writing, exercising, makes me afraid. I feel in order to be truly safe, I have to be a screw up. I also realize and acknowledge just how little this makes any sense.

I think part of the problem must be the well-established pattern in my youth of not having good things work out for me. Feeling so hopeful and optimistic, then having those hopes dashed. I think it must also partly be a defense mechanism. “Don’t get too excited cause you know you’ll screw it up in the end!” The major problem with that kind of negative self-talk is that you usually end up doing a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. Drop out of school, break up with that guy, blow your budget… you get the idea.

Actually taking control of my life, keeping my head high and thoughts positive and taking care of me feels nearly impossible. I’d much rather busy myself with my family and friends and what they need from me. I’m a better friend to others than I am to myself. I’m a better mother to man cub and wife to my husband than I am partner/nurturer to myself.

Every day I still wake up with that fear of “What will I screw up today? How will I fail?” But I’m working on it. Just by putting one foot in front of the other and taking it one day at a time will get me where I need to go. I just can’t look at the big picture and not freak out just yet. Maybe tomorrow?

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As I grow older (and a little wiser), I realize how vital it is to have your own sacred time and space. Giving yourself that space to just breathe, grow, collect your thoughts, reach out and do what you need to do mentally to re-balance yourself is crucial to your well being and mental health.

Some do it in groups; in a church, synagogue, or mosque. Others do it in private. Snatching a few moments to welcome with sun with some yoga or scribble some thoughts in a journal. Still others enjoy multi-tasking; taking a bath, walking your dogs (or the baby), breathing in the fresh scent of fall. It doesn’t matter how you do it, what’s crucial is that you do it!

Since coming home from my retreat the other weekend, I’ve been making the time to find my sacred space. Most days I wake up earlier than I used to, light some candles and write in my journal. Other mornings I’ll do a quick sketch or watercolor. Sometimes a brisk dog walk or sweaty workout at the gym fills the bill. It’s really whatever works for you.

I can’t remember the last time I thoughtfully took time for myself like this. Rather than focusing 100% on the needs of others (or my ever growing to-do list), I’ve managed to eek out some precious time for myself. I’m the better for it and so is my family.

What about you? What do you do to find your sacred space?

The image of this lovely necklace was taken from Etsy.com artist “Hint.” Click here to check out her other beautiful, spiritual items.

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The other week I visited some friends of mine and their newborn son. He was only two weeks old when I showed up bearing gifts for the family and it was so much fun to be around a baby that fresh and new once more. Of course, they looked like your typical new parents. Matching luggage under each eye, but that silly glow of love and adoration around them like sunshine, keeping them going on zero sleep.

The baby lay on their floor atop a hand-made blanket while both parents just hovered like a pair of eagles guarding an egg. Just sitting next to him, hunched over, staring; as if they still can’t believe that he’s their son. It was just too precious.

I joined Dad when Jr. made it known that it was time for a diaper change, and saw something that really impressed me. Lying on the changing table was a hairdryer, on its side, propped upon a stack of towels. Dad turned the hairdryer on low with medium heat and aimed it at Jr.’s fanny before taking off his diaper. When the diaper was off, nice warm air hit his tush, helping to keep him comfortable and dry. The “white noise” of the hairdryer also helped keep the baby calm.

“WOW!” I gushed. “What a brilliant idea! Do you mind if I share this on my blog?” “Not at all” was all the pooped Papa could get out. I will say, that was the first time I didn’t see a baby cry the whole time I was there (including the diaper change.) One great tip for new parents from one sleepy Daddy. I will always be impressed at the genus of parents to problem solve.

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I’ve made no secret of battling my weight ever since I’ve been a member of SacMomsClub. I’ve swung back and forth for as long as I can remember between loving myself, regardless of my size (don’t get me wrong, it’s a good thing) and being fed up with myself and all the weight.

I was watching Biggest Loser the other day and they actually had some advice that I liked. Everyone was out to eat and one of the trainers said, “Why do you want to lose weight?” The large woman replied, “Because I owe it to myself.” To my surprise the trainer said, “NO! You need to have an actual reason! If you go out to eat and really want to eat that dessert, or drink and all you have to hold onto is that you OWE it to yourself, you’re going to eat or drink that thing. If you have an actual, tangible temptation, then you need a tangible reason NOT to!” I really liked that. I liked it so much in fact, that I made my own “20 reasons why” list, then got my butt to the gym.

I don’t know how many of you read Free to Be You and Me growing up, but being a child of the 70’s, it was like mothers milk to me. In particular I’ve been remembering the story of Atalanta. What a great name. You can click here to read the story, but if you’re short on time, I’ll give you the nutshell. Strong, independent woman who loves to run. Father (king) wants her to marry. She sais she’ll marry whoever can win her in a footrace. A man she likes ends up tying her. In this version (as opposed to the classical Greek Mythological original), they part as friends. The point is, I remember listening to the record and reading the book and really feeling her joy for running. I’m trying to tap into that joy at the gym and be more like Atalanta.

Having my fresh vegetables delivered to my door once a week is also helpful. Yesterday I had so many of them, I really didn’t know what to do! I cleaned them all, chopped them, drizzled a little olive oil and tossed them in the oven to roast. Last night we had them over penne pasta and WOW! What a brilliant idea!

My husband and I are actually working on our weight together. Something that should make this trip much easier. He was very proud of me yesterday, but more importantly (and like Atalanta), I was proud of myself.

Here’s my 20 reason’s WHY, if you care to read them.

Why

(lose weight)

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I had the wonderful opportunity this past weekend to run away to Zepher Cover in Lake Tahoe for a women’s spiritual retreat. Let me tell you what a luscious, luxurious gift time is to a frazzled mom. No computers, no TV, no kids, no cooking, no “to-do” lists for two days. It was a precious gift.

I stayed in a cabin, literally hanging over the lake, with three other women who were complete strangers. There were only 17 women on the retreat and we alternated between having time to do anything we wanted with discussions and gathering together. I had five hours on Saturday to do anything I wanted in a breath-takingingly beautiful location. Can you imagine? I actually had the time to ask myself “What do I want to do?” Not “What do I HAVE to do?” Or “What do I NEED to do?” But “What do I WANT to do?” Wow.

I walked around the lovely grounds, enjoyed the nature, did art, wrote in my journal, got to know some of the other women and ate great food that I didn’t cook. I gazed at the stars, took pictures of whatever I felt like and even started a great book. Yes, I missed my husband and man cub (even my dogs by Sunday morning), but I absorbed every second of it. Driving home yesterday I thanked the stars that I had the strength to “cut loose” from my daily grind and was braved enough to trust other people and just do it.

The main thing I took away from this weekend is how precious time is and how to make more of it for myself. I am a big “doer” (like most moms I know) and hit the ground running all day, every day from the second I wake up. This morning however, after dropping man cub at school, I took my coffee out of the patio, put on my fuzziest slippers, grabbed my journal and just enjoyed an hour of the beautiful morning. I didn’t allow myself to get on-line till I had appreciated the day, wrote down some thoughts and felt ready. I can’t tell you what a difference that one little act made on my attitude, temperament and feelings heading into another busy week.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend too. Enjoy the beauty in the day today.

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When I read a recent article addressing the controversy surrounding the new Ralph Lauren ad, in which a model has been so over photo shopped that her head is bigger than her waist, I wasn’t shocked. Nor was I stunned to read the publishing editor of Shape magazine talk with ease (and no regret) on how published photos of her finishing a marathon were photo shopped to make her thighs look “thinner” as she thought they were unacceptably big. Nor was I stunned to learn that both Oil of Olay and L’Oreal have photo shopped already beautiful women into mannequin like plasticity. Oil of Olay airbrushed Twiggy to look wrinkle-free and L’Oreal “lightened” Beyonce’s skin. No, what shocks me about all these now very common acts of violating women’s images is that it’s deemed a “common practice.” I could go on for days with the list of magazine covers, advertisements and other media images that are so far removed from the “truth” of what the woman really looks like that it’s ridiculous. To save space, I’ll climb up on my soap box instead.

What kind of a world are we making for our daughters (and future daughter’s-in-law) where this is ok? Where you can pick up a Women’s Health and Fitness style magazine to see the woman on the cover looking nothing like any REAL woman could ever look thanks to technology? Open any women’s magazine and you will find a beauty product ad. Now look way down at the very bottom in size .01 font and you will see a lovely little disclaimer. Welcome to the world of un-attainable results and beauty.

So, I ask. What are we going to do about it? How will we protect our children from these unrealistic standards and expectations? Here’s what I plan to personally do… boycott. I refuse to play this game, to participate in any way in letting these companies know that I agree with their tactics. Any business that uses photo shopped women into an inch of their glossy skinned lives to push any product is a product I will no longer buy. So long Shape magazine, toodeloo Oil of Olay. Money talks and I want mine to support industries with honor. (Like Dove, click here to see a great, short video on the topic.)

What about you? What do you think personally about all of this?

Image taken from article here.

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A lot of people I know have a hard time getting rid of clothes. Letting go of old things. I think this is just part of human nature. We’re made to hunt, gather, horde, shore up, hunker down and plan. When we try to go against that nature by “de-cluttering, purging, clearing out, tossing out and giving away, we may hit some road blocks.

I have a system. As well as it works for me, It’s far from perfect. Every fall and late spring I go through my “tub.” It’s a big plastic tub above my closet full of “out of season items.” Today I tossed in my swim suits (except for my gym one), pool covers, sun dresses and other “summer items” (along with an unused dryer sheet to keep everything smelling nice.) I dug out of the tub my sweaters, hats, gloves, ear muffs and other winter items. This may seem a little premature for Sacramento weather, but I’m going up to Tahoe for the weekend and expect to freeze in my little cabin at night!

As I transition the summer for winter I make 4 piles. Keep (and wash), donate to SPCA (they recycle fabrics they can’t re-sell) and consignment. Those in good enough shape to take down to my local consignment store and (hopefully) make a little side-money. The fourth pile is where I start to have problems. The fourth pile are items I really love, can’t wear in public (stains, holes), but am not ready to part with. These go in my “lounge” drawer where they’re resigned to a life of hair dye, yard work and tub bleaching. This is where I have a hard time letting go of some old things.

As I finally caved in today and said “goodbye” to some old, ratty items (due to my drawer not being able to close) I eyed an avocado green and pumpkin orange floral shirt hanging on my husband’s side of the closet (that I’ve never even seen him wear.) I wonder if all men have a harder time letting go of clothes than women, or just my boys?

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Fall is my favorite time of year. Forgetting for a moment the abundance of comfort food that begs to be cooked, the crisp chill in the air, the lingering smell of smoke outside, I love it for all the crafts that beg to be made with your family! Who doesn’t look forward to carving out pumpkins, making Halloween (or fall) decorations or coming up with costumes for the kids (or yourself)? There may be some winter holiday scrooges around, but I have yet to meet a fall scrooge!

In an effort to honestly stick to the ol’ family budget (thank you again furloughs!) I’m swearing off any store-bought Halloween decorations. If you’ve been following my blog though the years, you’ll know that this is really nothing new with me. I always love coming up with some kind of activity for man cub and I to do together to get the house ready for Halloween. To also get you “in the spirit,” here’s a few suggestions…

- Gather beautiful fall leaves and foliage on a walk around your neighborhood. Cut out a big “O” from an old cereal box (or other cardboard you may have around the house.) Tie and glue your findings to make your own special fall wreath for the front door!

- Paint some spooky tombstones for the front yard by cutting up an old box, using craft of acrylic paint (50cents a color if you don’t already have some), sponge brushes from the dollar store, maybe even some dead leaves leftover from your wreath or old moss from your yard. I like to also get some wooden dowels (also from the dollar tree), tape them on the bottom with duck tape and plunk them into the front yard.

- Skip pumpkin carving with the little ones and let them paint away with any leftover acrylic paint (from the tombstone project?) Just spread out newspapers and let them go to town. Being allowed to paint on a bumpy round surface is also excellent for their fine motor skill development! (Who knew having fun was good for you?)

- Fold those big white trash bags up into a rectangle and cut it up (like you would a paper snowflake) to make a big spider web! I saw something similar at Target for $9. More fun to make your own AND cheaper!

- Use styrofoam shapes (from the dollar tree) to make your own giant bugs! You can use felt and glue, or acrylic paint. Even stickers will work (as long as mom pins them down when the kids are all done.)

Get creative and have fun.

Have any other ideas to share?

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That aromatic scent of fresh baked bread. There’s nothing quite like it. As soon as the weather turns crisp, it seems to be all I can think about. Bread straight from the oven.

Baking your own bread from scratch can actually be a money saver AND terribly therapeutic at the same time. There’s something wonderful and primal about digging your hands into gooey dough and kneading it on a flour board. Like knitting, I find baking bread to be a magical act that connects me to generations of women before like a thin silk ribbon running down my family tree.

Now don’t get me wrong, this is only something I do once or twice a year. Enjoy it or not, we all know just how busy the life of a woman is and it doesn’t often leave 4 hours free to make bread from scratch. The great thing about bread though is that the actual time spent on it is pretty little (as it needs to sit often), which leaves you time to do things WHILE you make it (something I love.)

I was fortunate enough to participate in an herb harvest at the UC Davis Good Life Garden last week, and the first thing that came to my mind to make with all these beautiful herbs was some rustic herb bread. I actually made 4 different flavors of loaves (all with the same base) and each one came out amazing. The recipe I’m sharing here was man cub's favorite.

For the record, I don’t own a bread maker (or a mixer for that matter), so if I can do this… you can too! Happy baking! Your great-grandmother would be so proud.

Basil – Pink Sea Salt Crust Bread

(makes 4  5X9 loaves)

Ingredients:

1 cup lukewarm water

1 cup buttermilk (room temp.)

¼ cup olive oil

5-6 cups bread flower (I like mixing ½ unbleached white, ½ whole wheat bread flour)

½ cup sugar

2 large eggs (beaten)

1 tbsp. white salt

3 tbsp. flake pink sea salt (or other gourmet salt)

1 bunch fresh basil

4 tsp. instant yeast

Need:

5X9 loaf pans (4 of them)

Cutting board (or pastry board)

Measuring cups & spoons

Plastic wrap

Bowel

Oven

1)      Mix together water, buttermilk and oil. Add 1 ½ cups of flour and mix with a wooden spoon till smooth.

2)      Add sugar and eggs, stir together till smooth.

3)      Mix in the white salt and yeast. Allow to sit uncovered for 15min.

4)      Add the flour ½ cup at a time, stirring slowly till the dough becomes hard to mix.

5)      Turn out on a floured board (or put in mixer with bread hook) and kneed for 10 more minutes, adding small amounts of flour if till the dough is no longer sticky.

6)      Pick the leaves off the basil and give a rough chop (or cut them with herb snips.)

7)      Kneed the basil into the dough.

8)      Place dough into a lightly oiled bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and let set in a warm spot for 1 hour.

9)      Pour dough out onto a lightly floured board and cut into 4 loaves. Shape dough into greased 5x9 loaf pans. Cover with plastic wrap and let rise for another 60min.

10)  Preheat oven to 375.

11)  Brush the tops of the loaves with olive oil and sprinkle evenly with pink sea salt.

12)  Bake at 375 for 30min (when you tap on the bottom of the pan it should sound hollow.)

13)  Remove from pans and let cool. Freeze any loafs you won’t be eating right away for later!

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I did something this week that I never thought I’d do. I started my son on a prescription of Paxil.

Yes, I too used to snub my nose at people who “medicated their children.” Who “took the easy way out.” It’s so easy to pass judgment when it’s not your own kid you see grappling with an issue bigger than them and losing every day.

My son has anxiety. Not the typical teenage induced distress; but the kind that sends you into a full-blown panic attack caused by a neuro-chemical imbalance. No amount of deep breathing, walking, yoga, therapy or positive self talk would make it go away or even get better. Quite the contrary, it was getting worse every day.

We went in to see our primary care doctor on Monday. She’s known man cub since he was six years old and he’s very comfortable talking with her. He talked to her alone for a bit, then I talked to her alone. She told us that she’s very comfortable prescribing him the lowest dose of Paxil to try. That it’s safer than anything else on the market and she thinks it will be a very helpful tool for man cub. She's had other teenage patients with Aspergers Syndrome and anxiety that its been very helpful for. She said that when teens with anxiety this severe get older, you need to start considering the dangers of “self medicating” and intervene. She told me that if he happened to be in a situation where he had an alcoholic drink and noticed that he felt “better” (and it may even help his stutter) then you have the recipe for disaster. I couldn’t agree more and it was that point right there that made up my mind.

His first dose was yesterday morning. I can honestly say I already see a difference (even though it should take up to a month to work.) His stuttering was a little better and he was MUCH more social and conversational. He had some things "go wrong" where normally he would freeze up, hit himself and shake. Instead he TOLD ME what it was and that he needed help! Wait... let me say that again... he didn't freak out AND he asked for help! WOW. He also woke up this morning all on his own, eager to tell us about a good dream he had (never happened before. Ever!) 1 day!

After reading a lot more about Serotonin dysregulation in Autism and Aspergers, I think we did the right thing. I didn't know that Serotonin also helps regulate Melatonin (needed for sleep. A supplement he's been taking since summer.) It's all really interesting. Of course I have my eyes and ears peeled for any side effects, but I feel really confident that we did the right thing. I really wrestled with this decision, so peace of mind is a wonderful gift to have right now.

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Something I struggle with (and I’m guessing I’m not alone here) is the quick change hat act that us mothers have to do on a sometimes minute to minute basis. Your kids need you! Get the mom hat on. Partner needs you… where’s the devoted wife (or partner) hat? Business? Find your work o’holic hat. House disgusting and company on the way? Martha Stewart hat. Sometimes all these quick hat changes leave me with a major headache. How about you? I don’t even know where I put my “me” hat. I think I last saw it around Mothers Day.

Well, I decided to give myself a few days off of this vaudevillian quick change act. In two weeks I’ll be spending the weekend in Tahoe on a women’s retreat. Locked away in a cabin in the woods for two glorious days, alone with my “me” hat. No wife hat, mother hat, employee hat, etc… Just me, myself and I. After wearing my “Dr. Mom” hat all last week, it can’t come soon enough!

This will be the second time I’ve been on a women’s retreat. The first time was about ten years ago. I found it to be a much needed break from life and in the end, made me a much better woman under all those hats.

How do you recharge? Find your own “me” hat? Or do you?

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I sent man cub off to school this morning with a strongly suspected sinus infection brought on by allergies. He told me Monday morning about eye pain he was having since Friday and I got him into our optometrist that same day. The Dr. told me it was severe allergies and that his sinuses are pressing on his ocular nerve. Poor kid! I got him on some decongestants and pain pills, rested him up and sent him on his way. But a little voice whispered in my ear, “What if the Dr. was wrong and it’s really swine flu? Lethargy, headache, runny nose…” Sure enough those are symptoms of H1N1.

Now I KNOW its allergies. I’m 100% sure that his sinuses have nothing to do with the H1N1 virus. He’s always had terrible allergies that flare up in the fall and spring. What annoys me most is that thanks to media paranoia, I’m second guessing my mothering instincts. The whole “What if I’m wrong” is a place even the best mothers hate to go.

To help keep some other mothers sane, I did a little research on the subject. Here’s to hoping ALL our children are safe and healthy.

-The second there’s a fever you should stay home for 24hours after the fever is gone (or keep said child home.)

-The CDC says warning signs in children that warrant immediate medical attention include fast breathing or trouble breathing; bluish or gray skin color; not drinking enough fluids; severe or persistent vomiting; not waking up or interacting; a child so irritable that he does not want to be held; and flulike symptoms that improve but then return with fever and a worse cough.

-Warning signs in adults include difficulty breathing or chest pain, purple or blue discoloration of the lips, vomiting and inability to keep liquids down, and signs of dehydration, such as feeling dizzy when standing or being unable to urinate.

-Make sure you read up on the vaccine before deciding if it’s right for you and your family. Be aware of side effects, or any past vaccine reactions. http://www.flu.gov/individu...

-People with Asthma should consider a vaccination. Those just recovering from a respiratory condition (like an infection), may want to pass.

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Ok, that’s not true. Exercise is good for everyone… yes, yes… that’s true enough. Then WHY do I hate it so much? Why would I rather sit on the couch and knit than get my butt to the gym and in the pool? Is it the draining sensation of being around other people? Fear of judgment? Or perhaps my utter hatred of heat and being hot?

Yes, I do feel better (much better actually) after I exercise. Yes, I understand its value and worth. Not just physically, but mentally too. I actually have ample time for once to get myself to gym and swim, take a class, or get on one of the machines. I would even go so far as to say I LIKE my gym… so what’s my problem!?

I’m not really sure, but I’d love to hear some feedback, tips, tricks, motivators and just what works for you in general when it comes to putting one foot in front of the other to exercise. I’ll be walking a 5K with friends to support Juvenile Diabetes Research and would love not to embarrass myself TOO bad.

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Did you know that 93% of all human communication is non-verbal? That means we read each other’s facial gestures, body language and scent. Just think of what that would mean if you lacked the ability to read non-verbal communication? Do you think that would affect your empathy level? Friendships? Relationships? Work? Now add in the factor that every time you speak, you have 50 pieces of gum in your mouth. Sometimes the gum is really hot, sometimes it’s so cold it burns you. Now you have a really great idea of what it’s like to be on the Autism Spectrum.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my son is amazing. Despite the fact that he stutters terribly when he speaks AND has high functioning Autism, he doesn’t let it get in his way. He struggles to communicate verbally with others and every social interaction is taxing and draining. He’s never let that stand in his way. Me? I think I would have given up and learned to use American Sign Language by now, just so I could make things easier for myself. Or perhaps a small computer that I could just type into and it would do all my talking for me. Not my son. He’s out there everyday, struggling to verbally communicate with the world around him.

When other people finish his sentences for him, he just smiles and nods (even though he told me it drives him crazy!) When friends call him and want to “hang out” and he says “no,” inside I know it’s just because he’s exhausted from participating in the world all day and he has no energy left for others. I know every time he opens his mouth to speak it’s like climbing a sheer mountain cliff with no ropes. Yet every minute of every day, he does it. He is the bravest person I know.

Do you ever have the feeling that you get more support from strangers than your own family? Nothing made this hunch ring true for me more than when I had my son. No one in my family had ever breast fed, in fact, my proud proclamation of my intent on doing so wasn’t exactly met with the whole hearted support I had anticipated. In fact, what I heard were words like, “But! You’ll RUIN your breasts!” “That’s SOOO old fashioned!” “Why would you WANT to do that?!” It wouldn’t be the first time I’d hit the “unsupportive family” roadblock where parenting was concerned.

Having your proclamations fall on deaf or unsupportive ears is one reason why “Parenting Groups” (such as this one), are so vital. Ever notice how you can join pretty much any kind of parenting group on any kind of topic in Sacramento? Raising a special needs child? There’s a group for every disorder and disease. Single lesbian parent? Yep, there’s a group for that. Grandparents raising grandchildren while the parents are in jail or rehab? Yup, gotcha covered. Personally I think this kind of “stranger support” is beyond amazing. Forming your own safe group of people who can listen to each other and help each other is a survival skill that we still need.

Thanks for being my “stranger support” and giving me back some confidence in people to do the right thing after my political rant. How have strangers supported you?

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Now, I’m not one to climb up on a soap box too often, but I heard something on NPR this morning that was so shocking, it caused me physical chest pain. The Sacramento Board of Supervisors is looking at cutting funding to our local Child Protection Services Agency by 85%. They want to lay off almost 200 workers. Let me repeat that, the agency in charge of investigating and protecting the children of Sacramento will be taking an 85% budget hit. Can you imagine the repercussions of such a decision?

Aghast, I ran home to investigate further. It turns out CPS isn’t the only agency under the budget axe. All local health and social services are being carved up. Here’s just the tip of the iceberg:

Among the cuts proposed:

• Closing the South City Health Center two days a week. The clinic is one of two county clinics operating fulltime.

• Eliminating 50 of the 100 beds at the Mental Health Treatment Center and shutting its crisis unit. The treatment center is the main county-run psychiatric hospital.

• Closing Gibson Ranch Regional Park to the public.

• Shedding hundreds of jobs, including almost 200 positions in the Child Protective Services Department, which works to protect abused and neglected children.

They are also talking about firing a massive number of city workers who are unionized only to hire most of them back on at part time. A way to avoid union retaliation AND cut hours.

How have we come to this? What kind of a world are we making for our children? A place where even their very safety is at risk? Their education has already been cut past the bone, now we’re willing to put them in physical harm as well? What I heard and read has made me sick. I don’t know where to turn, who to blame, what to write, who to scream at. I want to grab our capital building and shake those Hummer driving fat cats senseless. How could our beloved Sacramento come to this, and what can we do about it?

You can read the full article at http://www.sacbee.com/gover...

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Does this sound familiar at all? “That ALWAYS happens to me!?”  or “I just knew it wouldn’t work out right!” or even “I knew I couldn’t count on that person/share that secret/get my hopes up…” This kind of dialogue is what I like to call catastrophist thinking. It’s when you’re not surprised when the worst happens because you live your life expecting things to go wrong. Personally, I consider it much different from being a pessimist. A pessimist (to me) is someone who is resigned to the assumption that nothing good will ever happen, they will never get what they want, etc… They are defeated and don’t expect anything. A catastrophist usually hopes for the best, even wants it! But when the worst happens, they aren’t surprised by it. They expect the worst, but hope for the best. The problem comes when you start generalizing. “I knew the plumber would be late because repair people are never on time.” That’s a generalization. “I knew they’d be out of my size because clothes I like are impossible to find!” Another generalization.

Like pessimism, being a catastrophist is not only unpleasant, but it can affect every facit of your life. How would I know? Because I’m a catastrophist. I’ve lived hoping for the best, but bracing for the worst. And yes, it is a very draining way to go about your life. Not only do I brace for the worst, but I also brace for the fact that it will all be up to me in the end to make any situation right, so I’d better be prepared. See where the draining part comes in? If things I had left up to other people ever went according to plan, I was pleasantly surprised. Of course, the fact that my negative assumptions were constantly reinforced, didn’t exactly help change my way of thinking.

So, what did? Open communication. Yup, it’s as easy as that. Of course it also helps if the other person really listens. I also had to learn to slow down, and be a little more patient and understanding as well. Just because I would have corrected the problem in 5minutes doesn’t mean everyone would. I was assuming that just because it was important to me, it was important to everyone (and of course I thought that without ever TELLING anyone how important it was.) I learned that as soon as I started using words like “I need…” and “This is really important to me…” rather than just assuming they would know that, people listened and (better yet) responded.

Confused? I’ll give you a simple example. My husband spends time every Saturday and Sunday morning playing on the computer with his friends. I was starting to feel like he was spending a lot of time doing this (simply because I’d been getting up earlier and earlier.) I wanted some of that morning time alone with him. The second I started to have that internal dialog where I was saying things like “He ALWAYS plays with his friends and ignores me!” I knew I had to say something to him about it. I also knew this wasn’t the case. That I was generalizing and being a catastrophist. I talked to him about it as soon as it was a good time. He not only understood, but agreed and we hit a compromise. On Sunday he’d play less, then spend 1:1 time with me. Problem solved!

It’s not easy to change your way of thinking and even harder to change the way you react to things, but I’m noticing this is one change that’s worth the effort.

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What’s on my mind most today is what many people are remembering. The 8^th anniversary of the World Trade Towers catastrophe. Looking back on that day I remember it so well. I had dropped my son off at school when the news came on the radio of the first attack. I rushed home, turned on my TV and sat in horror for hours. My sister-in-law was the only other person I knew who would be home, so I called her right away. We talked very little and mostly just found comfort in knowing another person we cared for was right there on the phone as we watched. We both witnessed the second tower being hit, then both cascading to the ground in silent horror. I remember feeling so helpless. I lit candles for those who had died, counted my blessing and checked in with my son’s school to make sure they weren’t closing down before dashing off to donate blood.

What hit me the hardest was when the Sacramento Bee published a special issue a few days later with a head-shot style photograph of everyone who had passed. Like a tragic yearbook we poured over each picture. Seeing each face, one by one, really brought home the suddenness with which their lives were cut off. Then, we came to a picture of a father who had died. In the photo he not only looked so alive, but he was blowing bubbles from an old-fashioned bubble wand. My son, who had been looking over my shoulder at the pictures at the time, started to cry, and so did we.

Today is of course a time to remember those who died so needlessly and out of anger gone awry, but (on a lighter note), it’s also the second anniversary of my being on SacMomsClub. Perhaps I joined and started my blog to take my mind of what occurred on this day? Perhaps I knew I needed a distraction, or some grain of joviality to mark the date? Regardless, I do want to thank you for all your comments and support over the years. I honestly enjoy writing my blog every time I sit at the computer and feel a real connection to you here through cyberspace.

Thanks for having me and for continuing to read my rants/tips/comments/reviews and blatherings. Do something nice for yourself today and those you love.

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Did you know that the #1 topic couples fight about is money? Anyone in a relationship most likely isn’t very shocked by that little statistic. Over the last 17 years, my husband and I have had more than our share of arguments caused by money. The thing I find most interesting is that no matter how much you have, you’ll still fight about it! Maybe less often, but the topic will still raise its ugly head once and awhile.

Can’t you just picture a rich couple going at it? “Was that private jet really necessary for your girl’s night out in Paris? Why couldn’t you all just fly first class like the rest of us? What!? Is first class not good enough for you anymore?” “Honey, I told you before… It was cheaper for us all to hire a private jet rather than us all booking first class tickets! Once you add in the cost to check our purchases on the trip home, we saved a bundle! You’re just being cheap, as always!” Hahaha.

Most of the time we’ll fight over “fun money” (I think he spends too much of it) and the budget, (he thinks I can’t stick to one.) Sound familiar? I must confess that I always also get a little defensive when talking about money with my man as I don’t make nearly as much as he does (like 99% less.)

Through the years we’ve both grown and learned some very important tips to keeping harmony in the house, especially when it comes to money. I hope they can help you ward off some blow-ups of your own.

~Go over any and all budgets TOGETHER. You both need to know what’s going out and what’s coming in (a big mistake couples make is putting 1 person in charge of this part.)

~Talk about your future financial plans together. I’m not just talking about college. Agree on what to spend for holidays, and add in money to save for special trips together. Make a list of these and keep it where you can see it. I like to break it up into “Now,” “Soon” and “Future.” This will help you both save money on impulse spending and know what your financial priorities are.

~If you’re upset about something he said/did/spent, don’t “let it go.” It will just raise its ugly head in the future and have grown. Address it then and there, but do it in a way that doesn’t put him on his automatic guard.

~Be respectful. Listen to each other. Compromise. If he wants to spend $120 renting a pay-per-view fight and you really want to get your hair dyed at the salon, but can’t afford both, maybe you can work it out? Could he go in with some friends on the fight and each pay 1/4 th of the fee? Could you go to a beauty college for the dye job instead of an expensive salon? There’s always a solution to every problem. Communication is the key.

~Don’t talk about money in the bedroom. Seriously! Keep it in a neutral area. Keep the bedroom as a stress-free sanctuary for you both where no “discussions” take place that could take a turn or cause tension.

~Bring the family into the discussion. We’ve gone over our “family budget” with our son since he was about 10 years old. This is the part of the budget we decide on as a family. This will not only help teach your children about budgeting and finances early, but will give them a feeling of control and power in the decision making. Would they rather go see the new movie that just came out, or go out to dinner? Congratulations! You just taught your child to prioritize financially!

(Check out mancubquotes on Twitter.com)

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Everyone I’ve met thinks that their kid is the funniest, smartest kid with the quickest wit on the planet. I’m no exception to that rule (of course.) So much so that I finally caved and started a Twitter Feed. It’s all about (drum roll please…) man cub quotes. In fact, that’s the name. See, my son does crack me up every day, but he really can go on (and on… and on…) I’m having fun reducing his moments down to their core and tweeting them a few times a day. I think he’s pretty dang clever, but then again, I AM his mom.

Follow Man Cub Quotes on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mancubqu...

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Everyone has been affected by furloughs and the weak economy. From our homes not being worth what we paid for them to the high price of gas, it seems everyone I know is struggling to make ends meet (myself included.) Here are some ways that I recently re-assessed our spending and squeezed more “blood out of a stone” as the old saying goes! I thought it might be helpful to share.

~ I buy my gas as often as possible at discount places like Costco.

~When shopping at Costco I know what’s a good deal and what isn’t. I pretty much avoid the frozen food isle, except for butter and eggs.

~ I’m using coupons from the Sunday Bee (just saved $4 on my razor refills at Target yesterday alone!)

~ We all pack our lunches. No “hot lunch” at school and my husband comes home for lunch.

~ We cancelled our cable TV.

~ We have a budget and a financial plan every month.

~ We prioritize financially.

~ I cut out “extras” like the lavender laundry soap I used to love and use just on sheets and towels. Now everything gets Tide from Costco.

~ I’m getting my hair colored at Fredrico’s Beauty Institute rather than an expensive salon. All services for the month of September are ½ off their already low price.

~ I quit getting my nails done and am doing them myself.

~ I found some great bargains at our local SPCA thrift shop, and was lucky enough to be there on ½ off day!

~ I bring my own canvas shopping bags with me to the store. Although it doesn’t sound like much at the time, it can add up to about $300 per year (if you use 4 bags a week.)

~ Take another look at all your bills, are you getting the best deals? (Insurance, phone, cable, etc…) Yes, it’s a hassle… but you’ll most likely have your efforts rewarded with big savings!

~ Raise your deductible on your auto insurance. If you’re a good driver, raising your deductable from $500 to $1000 per incident can save you big bucks over time. Just make sure you have enough in the savings to cover it in case you ever do need it.

~ Make it yourself! Plan your meals ahead to eat out less. Making a French Bread Pizza for dinner will be healthier, not take much time and cost much less than getting takeout.

~ Re-negotiate your contracts. Health clubs are hurting right now. It’s a great time to re-negotiate your contract. Many will give you a huge discount if you pay for a block of time up-front.

My motto isn’t deprivation, its prioritization and planning. Gone are the days of “impulse” purchasing. Now I ask myself if it’s REALLY a good deal (aka: the best I can find), how bad I need it, can it wait till later and make sure I have a financial plan. I also make sure I don’t feel “cheated” because that’s where the trouble can start in. If I start to feel deprived, I’ll just get moody AND not stick to my plan. Like any good diet, you have to know your limits and give yourself some slack.