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Sharing tme and emotions
This isn't a blurb about first time mom, just divorced, having to share my child's time, don't know what to do, blah, blah , blah. I have been divorced for 8 years. My son is now 10 1/2 years old and has done 50/50 parenting schedule ever since he was 2 1/2 years old. He is a wonderful little boy who is mature for his age, very sharp, and a fun person to be around. But he is now dealing with his mom finally making a decision for herself and her life(including him) to be happy. His mom finally meeting someone who fit the bill of what she had been searching for, since she divorced. She found a potential life partner, a positive role model, a positive alternative father/husband figure etc... and she finally moved to live with him to go to the next step. I created all the roads for us to move, granted only 100 miles away from our current living situation, but school was set up, work was set up, everything was golden-then it happened. My son chose to stay. Stay with the person who has never really stepped up to the plate for school, or future planning , or the father figure role model he should be. I know his father loves him, but he doesn't have the tools to be what he should be, a providing, teaching , and guiding father. So here we are, with me at a new location wanting my son to be with me, and my son, now living with his father, and seeing me only on the weekends and all holidays and breaks-giving his dad a taste of what it is to be a "paying attention" father. No fears of my son being in danger, just in fear of being without me. Should I have dragged him with me against his will to only have him resent me? Should I have told the mediator she lost her marbles somewhere along her court system career, in that she never took into consideration all of the issues that made sense as to why he should come with me-instead of her one liner "your taking him away from family"? I am his family and the one who made all the decisions in school, sports, home and fun choices. So I want to know.... who else out there is dealing with the same kind of challenges. Being , according to counselors, teachers, family and doctors-the best mom ever, but dealing with having to let nature take it'scourse and watch to see how the tables will eventually turn? In a world of divorces being the mainstream and majority, how many others out there are dealing with a similar situation?
2 comments from 2 users
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posted by
teammomfromhell
on Oct 14, 2007 at 09:33 PM
posted by
ToscaSac
on Oct 28, 2007 at 11:15 PM
Well I am a single mother who was never married but I can hear the pain of what you have written. And I have my own struggles. My daughters father ran off for the first 5 years of her life. And only reappeared when the state finally got a hold of him... He miss handled trying to get to know the daughter he abandoned that within I want to say a year could have been 2 might have been more like 18 months anyway she was not only refusing to see him but even take his calls or listen to his voice on our answering machine. Anyway the stalemate was broken when he told me he wanted to tell her he was getting engaged and having a baby. And with that not only were they speaking again but they both acted like nothing had happened. Weeks later he had moved in with this woman and her four other kids so of course wanted his own daughter to come visit him for the weekends. There were many days I just wanted to scream. Because that is just what they did. A couple of visits and now my daughter is calling this new strange woman mom. Not that I mind. I am secure in who I am as a mom and the relationship I built from birth with my daughter. I just knew there were problems LOOMING underneath the surface so it was hard to stand all but idly by and just let them go through it. It does make sense to me that a boy especially one on his way through puberty would choose his father. As well as the intuative nature of a child trying to connect with a parent who hasn't quite managed to get it together yet. No telling how much the move or new person in your life factored in but I agree make sure your son knows the door is always open between you. I try to just focus on the positives, do what I can and release the rest. I have full custody legal and physical but it doesn't make these issues of the heart any easier and the sad part really is that the other parent is still struggling after all these years. Hope you are enjoying your new love and location even if your heart is a bit heavy. No telling what the next few months and years will bring.
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I am the aunt of 3 going through a divorce: ages 2, 10, 13, and the mom of a 9 year old boy> What I have discovered is that at different ages & stages, one parent becomes more influential than another. While the adults see the "I made all of the decisions", and "He never stepped up", the kids instinctually feel a need to connect to one or another. I think you should accept this time to build a relationship with your potential mate, but also making sure your son knows there is ALWAYS room for him with you. Kids are pretty smart at figuring out the big picture in the end. Good luck to you. BTW, I think I know you from RCA?
A'lyce