SacMomsClub.com

Well - first and foremost - I "got away" for four days a week ago.  This was a work trip, but away nonetheless...   I had to go to Cleveland.  I call it CLEVE  LAND, with emphasis on the LAND...   (Anyone remember Howard the Duck?)...  Anyway - I missed my daughter terribly and that's a whole different story - but I have learned that I can be very very patient.  Well - maybe patience isn't exactly the word - but I believe that I've learned to "not sweat the small stuff"...  that is until stinky cheese and fish came into the picture..... 

I digress.

I do not like to fly.  Those of you who have no idea how this feels, I won't try to explain it to you - because you just don't get it.  Those of you who feel the same way - I feel your heart racing as you read this too...

The trip TO Cleveland was a very long trip, but uneventful.  I remembered my mother's old stand-by when we use to take road trips and I remembered to find some Dramamine at the airport.  They were orange flavored chewables - great.   By the way THEY WORK!   I wasn't sleepy - but I just didn't give a darn.   The only notable thing about the trip TO was that I was actually able to break a record of getting all of my stuff packed into one small suitcase for 4 days worth of clothes!  Whoo Hoo...  I was very proud of this.  (I even went and bought a bunch of the little toiletries bottles to put my "shower stuff" in.  It worked too!)

So... the trip back home.   ...  uggh...  I hate even remembering this.   I was extremely exhausted having gone through 3 days of a conference where every minute was scheduled, day and night.  I was at the airport in plenty of time.  Even chewed another dose of Dramamine at the exact half hour mark before I'd be boarding the plane.  Then the fun began...  Flight was late coming in.  (small stuff - don't sweat it)   My plane from CleveLAND to Chicago didn't leave CleveLAND until five minutes before my Chicago to Sacramento flight was supposed to LEAVE!   (Glass half full - at least the airline waited for us.)  You can only imagine how happy THOSE passengers were to see us...   (small stuff - don't sweat it)

So - finally board the plane in Cleveland to Chicago...  turbulence all the way.  I just happened to be flying during the stormiest season EVER for the mid west...  (just a little turbulence - don't sweat it)   THEN we get to Chicago.  Our flight from there to Sac is literally waiting for us. They've been waiting for about 40 minutes - for us...   There's 12 of us I believe.  We arrive in gate 24, have to get to gate 2...  in 30 seconds...   No pee, no food, just run.  Looked like something out of a Home Alone movie...  (don't sweat that either - at least they're waiting and you don't have to spend the night in the airport - you can eat peanuts and pee on the plane.)

Get on the plane.  Everyone's clearly pissed at us - perfect strangers - mad at me...  IT WAS NOT MY FAULT PEOPLE!   I sit in the middle of two angry women.  The one on the right is clearly pregnant and angry.  The one on the left - well - she was just angry.   (strangers - small stuff - don't sweat it)

Flight takes off - gets up - levels out...  Okay, I can breath a little easier, try to smile at my neighbors - nothing - still angry.   I "recline" my seat to close my eyes and act like I can sleep and there it was....    the worst smell you have ever smelled on a plane.... wafts to my already sensitive nose...  smells like throw up... OHMYGOD... can't be - we just got up here!   My neighbors are looking at me like - "was that you?"...  I'm looking at them like - "That smell did not come out of me!..."  Then I see it - to the left and back behind  -  just between my seat and my neighbor's who has not yet reclined - I see a big chunk of hard cheese and a hand with a small plastic knife cutting into this cheese...   ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME???   I quickly slam my seat back to it's UP RIGHT position and look at my neighbors who are both facing AWAY from me with their hands over their noses...  whatever... I give up.  (take your small stuff and bite me)

I close my eyes and start the butt slide because I can't hold onto the arm rests because my "neighbors" have already called dibs...   and I'm too short to gain any leverage from the floor...

I'm trying to just get home.  I just want to be home folks...  about another hour into pure hell - and another smell.. yes - another awful freaking smell... This time I made an outward sound and a "I'm gonna puke" face... and my neighbor to the left of me whips her head to me so quick I swear I heard it snap!  I'm shaking my head like no no no... that was NOT  Me!!!   I frantically start pointing to the woman back to the left like it was her! it was her!...  My neighbor gives me the same I'm gonna puke face and I finally lean in and whisper - "First it was stinky cheese - I can't even figure out what THAT smell is!"...  She says.."FISH!"  

OHMYGOD...  I actually said this out loud - but by this time I believe everyone's ears were plugged up our plugged in and no one actually looked at me...  I am in odor hell people... 

THEN I look to the right of me... pregnant woman trying not to hurl folks!  RED ALERT RED ALERT!!!   I immediately ring the "flight attendant" - for all the flipping help she was!  and ask her to quickly bring my new found friend some ice water.  The "flight attendant" said  - "I'm not to your row yet"... 

Okay sister - ready aim fire...  I point at my pregnant neighbor and actually said "She's gonna blow"...  

Okay - NOW we're getting somewhere.   The "flight attendant" brings her some ice water and kind of throws it on her tray - thanks a LOT.

We get through the rest of the flight with lots of heavy sighs and angry "ewws" from the "smell" of the woman back and to the left...  (Why is everyone looking at me?!?!?  Please stop!)

That was the worst flying experience I have ever had... and I haven't had many! 

Would you believe, when we landed in Sacramento, I didn't even remember to give this woman a dirty look??    UGGHH...    I was just in too much of a hurry to get OFF the plane!

Please please please... can we add to the list of "things not allowed on the plane" along with nail clippers and hair spray -  ...  like stinky cheese and fish!  You might not be able to use them as a weapon - but you sure can get yourself killed!