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Okay today, on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the best) started out as a 10, then a 3, and now a 10 again!  Make a long story short, I have to face a milestone in my life tomorrow, and have had anxiety about it for approximately 2 weeks.   I've prayed about it, given it to God, gave myself positive reinforcement, forgot about it, laughed about it, cried about it, etc.   Nevertheless, it will still happen - tomorrow.   Up until about 20 minutes ago, I was actually feeling okay about it.  No details necessary, but it has to do with a function that my daughter is having, my ex-husband and my sweetheart (who I've been together with for 7 years).  They are going to "meet" tomorrow.  That's all I have to say about that.  Long, stupid, sordid situation (and not the one where I look bad). 

Well - I just talked to my sweetheart (you know - the one who asked me if I was frazzled?).  He has a very important appointment tomorrow.  Okay.  What to say to that?  Honey, you should cancel?  Honey, that's okay, not a problem?  Nope - I just held silent.  (I have learned over my not so wise years - that SILENCE is indeed GOLDEN.)    Needless to say - he'll be where I need him. 

Of course, my sweetheart felt the tension in my voice once I did speak, and now I feel like I should say something, anything, to make it (whatever it is) all better.  But - since I'm feeling "wise" - I will just be quiet and let everything unfold as God sees fit.  (God - if you hear me - please see fit in a good way!)  Peace be still.

So - back to sensitivity in children.  No part of my conversation was heard by my 9 year old.  However, about two minutes ago, she came to me, gave me a huge wonderful daughter hug, and said "Are you okay?"  I, being a mommy who will let hell freeze over before she lets her daughter think she has a weak link in her body said "I'm okay honey, mommy's always okay."  She just looked at me ...  yep, just looked at me.  Didn't say a thing.  (She kind of reminded me of my mother, now that I'm thinking about it.)  Then she just said, "Everything will be okay".  And went back into her room and continued to watch Full House.  (I love that show!)  

So now, I sit here, thinking - It's not about me, it's not about my sweetheart or my ex-husband.  It's about my daughter.  And I'm not going to let anything get me down tomorrow, because it will be HER big day and I won't let anyone ruin it for her.  (Especially two testosterone driven alpha males). 

Sometimes it helps to just write it out.   I love my daughter and today, God reminded me that he loves me too.