HomeTwenty-four-seven
Gender: female Member Since: September 13, 2007 Last Signed In: November 13, 2008 Blog Views: 839 Send To A Friend Sign Guestbook Add as a Friend
You Can't Take It with You, So Why Not Give It Away...
Two Years Greater Fair-weather Friends Life Cycles Life's a Beach... Outbreak Out with the old, in with the new... Same Sh*!, Different Day... Life on the farm... Life or Death September 07 October 07 November 07 December 07 January 08 February 08 March 08 April 08 May 08 June 08 July 08 August 08 September 08 October 08 November 08 December 08 January 09 Here's where I'll rant and rave about motherhood; the ups and downs and ups again. There are always ups! 
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Life on the farm...
As I mentioned in my previous post, last year around this time, my brother passed away. His death was very shocking for two reasons: First of all, he didn’t look like a dying man. But also, because I had lost my mother at a young age, and then my stand-in mother (my maternal grandmother) when I was a young adult, I thought death would leave the rest of my small family (which consisted of my five siblings and I) alone until we were old enough to actually expect it. I guess this was an unrealistic expectation. I was kind of a dreamer that way, but when my brother died, I finally woke up. I don’t take it personally or anything. I realize that everything that happens is a culmination of hundreds of tiny details, some known and some unknown. But regardless of the details, the result is still the same. Irrevocable and binding. The weekend after my brother died, we had planned to make our annual visit to Bishop’s Pumpkin Farm. However, that quickly was forgotten in the midst of planning for his cremation, memorial and writing an obituary. The five remaining siblings gathered in my sister’s living room and collaborated on the words we felt best described our brother and we wrote them down on a piece of paper. It was so surreal, like I was watching us in a movie doing these things. We managed to make it through the week. However, my husband reminded me that we had promised our daughter that we were going to the pumpkin patch, which even though she talked about it every day, my mind couldn’t wrap itself around anything commonplace. My mind was enveloped in a world of tiny details that didn’t involve my own healthy, happy immediate family life. My husband also reminded me that some normalcy would be good. I absentmindedly agreed with him and we found ourselves at the pumpkin patch, going through the motions for our daughter’s happiness. I tried to find the beauty, but everything was washed over and drab. I smiled when my daughter smiled, but it was reactionary, not fully felt. At the end of the morning, I was glad to be home again and away from the squealing and screaming of hundreds of other peoples’ children that fill the pumpkin patch on the weekend before Halloween. 5 comments from 5 users
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posted by
creatress
on Oct 24, 2007 at 08:03 PM
posted by
blahblahblah
on Oct 25, 2007 at 01:33 PM
Another beautiful post. Thank you for sharing!
posted by
TwinkiesMom
on Oct 25, 2007 at 02:11 PM
Wow, I have tears in my eyes...beautiful thoughts! I lost my cousin (like a brother) on 9/11 and it's always tough around the anniversary (and sometimes at other times as well, even 6 years later!). I can totally relate to the surreal-ness you felt after your brother died, but it sounds like you are on the right track to healing this past year. We have our own "Pumpkin Farm"ish tradition...each year on 9/11 and 2/2 (his birthday) we go to 7-11 and get a slurpee. We used to do this all the time as kids (there was on the corner near our grandparent's house) and when he had is own kids, he used that as a special treat for his daughters. It's important to focus on the good memories of his life and not the sadness of his death. Good luck to you!
posted by
Melody
on Oct 25, 2007 at 02:41 PM
Thank you so much, girls, for your encouraging words! It's so important to keep those rituals that remind us of the ones that went before us. Slurpees, what a sweet and easy way to celebrate your cousin's life. My brother used to give gag gifts to his nieces and nephews. One year, he put $100 in empty cigarettes packages, wrapped them up as presents and handed one to each of the kids. You should have seen the look on the adults' faces. He was also known to give my son My Little Pony themed items. It might be time for a resurfacing of this one merely to embarrass my son in front of his older male cousin. I think my brother was ahead of his time ;)  posted by
ToscaSac
on Oct 27, 2007 at 11:49 PM
My dad passed away suddenly last year. So I can relate to the shock. Just pure shock like I can't believe this I know it happens to other people but this is my life.... Once the shock wore off as a family we moved quickly from there to acceptance so it was all bad. But it does have a way of interrupting life as usual even when you try to go one like nothing has happened. I remember I was on my way to church when I got the news and I went on anyway. I was a new member and I just didn't want to etch this news on the memory of the new people I was meeting so I kept the news to myself like a secret. While family surrounded us I just sort of let that take over which was more like an impromptu reunion with the distance between everyone.... I couldn't check email for 14 whole days with all the commotion in the house. When finally I did there was a lovely email from a local business inviting me with a group of other families to a local entertainment event I had actually been thinking about trying to check out. What a treat it was to help facilitate that adventure as a way of reentering our normal world of interaction. Celebrate every joy and don't take the everyday for granted.
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Aww, I love that. I also love what you just proved that time can help heal even the worst wounds. With an amazing and supportive family like yours behind you, you are really blessed.
The pics were great! I'm going to google that farm. It looks really fun.
How's your boy doing this week? Any better?