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   Looking for something to do with the kids for spring break? Well even though today winter is officially over, i took the kids to a snow park and we had a blast! We packed a lunch and headed up I-80. Then we were a little discouraged because the first place we stopped was Yuba Pass, and they didn't have a tubing lift (we don't have a sled or saucer).  It's $5 a car so if you have all the toys its a good spot and only 45 minutes from Citrus Heights. The next tubing place was Cisco exit and it was closed during the week! As was the next one, the Kingsvale exit. I said, "But it's spring break! Jus turn it on for us, c'moooon" ...no such luck. My kids were on the verve of tears and i said chill out babies, we'll find something! Last resort i was going to break down and buy some new gear at the one of the shops. But we presed on i figured we would check out Boreal then maybe head back to Yuba Pass. Just another couple miles up the road was Soda Springs.

   Jackpot! They were open for business, 10am to 3pm. We went to the Kids Planet and it was a little winter wonderland for my girls, 7 and 3 years. I had a blast, too! There was a little tube-go-round which my little one loved, a tubing hill with lots of kiddie sized tubes with ropes to pull them up the hill. They are smaller but i wasn't the only parent going down the hill on them too :)  My oldest and i even shared one. The weather was beautiful, warm and sunny. The best part was tons of  teeny tiny skis and snowboards for the munchkins, and a little conveyor belt to take them to the top of the hill. The hill was not steep, perfect for beginners. I took pictures of some of the stuff so you can click on the link below to check it out. I definitely got my work out running between the girls because they wanted to do different things at different times, natch. Luckily it was small enough to keep an eye on one when i was helping the other. I think the cost is $20 per person, but we got there towards the end of the day, at about 1:30, and i  was telling the guys story of the fiasco we went through to get there and they just said lets get these kids out on the snow. They were so nice! I tipped the dudes $25 and me and the girls helped pull in some tubes (since we were the last ones to leave!). Sometimes it is a blessing in disguise to not be a morning person and to have a tiny little family, my just my girls and me =)

 And the park closes early April, so go soon or you'll have to wait till next year!

www.skisodasprings.com/index.html

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  Over the past 4 years, my mom went through menopause, and had a mental breakdown. Severe manic depression ensued, as well as suicide attemps, and major emotional turmoil, not just within herself but the whole family. Everyone who knew her was affected. She was a wonderful person, and she changed not into someone bad but into someone who we didn't know. I tried to take care of her, we all did. Some family turned their backs, i was caught in the middle.  Now she is gone. Decenber 31st was the last time anyone has seen or heard from her. Her car was parked not far from where she lived, in Fort Bragg, next to a cliff infamous for people going over and not surviving. There was a huge storm that hit the pacific coast 5 days later, and she was such a petite woman, i fear the sea will forever hold the secret.

  I don't know what happened after she got out of her car. Was she kidnapped? Did she make the 5 minute hike to the cliffs edge, only to slip and fall? Did she jump in a temporary moment of dispair? I don't know the answers, and some days i dont know if i can go on without going crazy. Luckily, i have found a wonderful therapist to listens to me cry week after week, and helps me decide how to put one foot in front of the other. Some of my family and friends have been supportive, some have pulled away. My best friend has been there through thick and thin, and i cannot thank her or God enough for that. The one thing i do know is my children have been my anchor through the storm, my reason to get out of bed every day . They make me laugh every day, give me a reson to smile, and inpire me to keep living, even though my grief is so very immence i feel my heart and brain can explode at any moment.

   Although my mom couldn't be the mother or grandmother she wanted to be (her breakdown came when i was 5 months along with my second baby), i would give anything to have her back. I miss her tremendously, she was a wonderful person. Growing up, she taught me many things, like to always say please and thank you, to send thank you notes for gifts and to always lend a helping hand when you can. So many things i teach my children unconciously, because she showed me the way. Now at 26, i can't fathom never being able to see her again. She was my kids favorite grandma, of course. I never thought she would not be there to see my kids milestones over the years. Not long ago Jayden lost her first tooth, and even though my mom was dealing with her illness, severe manic depression, she sent her a card congratulating her and enclosed  a two dollar bill. She would always do things like that. Send or bring them little gifts or postcards, just to tell them she was thinking about them and that they were special.

   I've never written a blog, but i hope this will be threaputic for me and help the healing process, because at some point i need to feel like my life will go on, even with this gaping hole in my heart. I want people to understand how dangerous menopause and manic depression can be, and to try and have compassion for people who suffer with these debilitating afflictions. The last time i saw my mom was just before Christmas. I hugged her and told her i loved her.  I hope from where she is now she can see that her legacy will never die, and she was flawed, yes , as are we all, but beautiful and loved dearly nonetheless.