SacMomsClub.com

This is the second of a 4-part look at your child’s personality.

This week we’re looking at the second piece of your child's personality – whether he's more of a dreamer or a realist.  This aspect determines how your child takes in information, which ultimately causes him to see the world in one of two very different ways.

Your child is either a Sensor (S) or an Intuitive (N), but these words are a little misleading.  A Sensor is a child who lives in the here and now, and focuses on immediate sensory input.  An Intuitive is more of a big picture person – the one who sees the proverbial “forest” – who is more interested in how things could be rather than how things are.  

This can be one of the harder personality traits to determine, in others or yourself, but here are some clues to look for:

- Does your child pay attention to, and remember, specific facts and details from experiences (S)?  For example, if a child takes a walk and returns with vivid descriptions of everything she heard, smelled, saw and touched, she’s likely an S.  If she was more lost in her thoughts, and somewhat oblivious to her surroundings, she’s likely an N.

- Does your child get easily bored with too much repetition in activities or routines (N) or does he find repetition and regular routines to be a comfort (S)?

- An S child loves having collections, objects and possessions, while an N child loves the meaning of each object (who gave it to her, where she found it, and the associated memories).

- For an S child, rules are meant to be followed, by him and by everyone else.  Rules to an N child are more of a guideline or starting point, and he doesn’t mind changing them as needed.

If your child is a Sensor:

·         Give her lots of specifics about activities.  She’ll feel best if she knows exactly what to expect.  Tell her where you’re taking her, who you’ll be meeting, how long you’ll be there.

·         Provide lots of opportunities for tactile play.  Sand, water, finger paints and clay are all mediums this child will enjoy.

·         If he asks you what time it is, tell him an exact time.  An S doesn’t like knowing that it’s about 3:00; he wants to know that it’s 2:57.

·         Recognize (especially if you’re more of an N) that change is hard on an S.  An S likes things to stay the way they are, and is less interested in the future than in what’s happening right now.

·         It can be a challenge to teach an S new things; she’ll learn best if you can compare a new concept or experience to something with which she’s already familiar.

If your child is an Intuitive:

·         He’s always looking ahead; this can make him seem ungrateful for what he has, because he’s more focused on what’s next.

·         Give her lots of opportunities for imaginative play – dress-up clothes, puppets, open-ended tasks.  She likes to invent new games and enjoys variety in her play.

·         He needs you to share his enthusiasm about his ideas, even if they aren’t at all practical.  If you’re more of an S, this could be a challenge for you, but your child’s imagination and ideas will flourish if you can be supportive.

·         This imaginative streak can also lead to your child fabricating elaborate stories; she isn’t necessarily trying to lie to you when she shares her fantasy world, she may just be completely engrossed in her own story.

Your assignment:  Try to determine whether your child is more of a Sensor or an Intuitive.  Once you’ve figured this out, think about how you can best support and work with this trait – especially if your own tendency is different.

Ready to take the assignment?  Want to talk about this?  Share your ideas and thoughts at the M.O.M. Balance Forum.

This is the first of a 4-part look at your child’s personality.

Personality is a complicated matter.  The better you understand your child’s, however, the better you’ll know how he sees the world, what’s most important to him, and how to respond to him.  There are four basic components to personality; the first is whether your child is an introvert or an extrovert.

When you think of introverts and extroverts, you probably think of whether or not someone is outgoing and at ease around lots of people.  This trait goes beyond being talkative or shy, however, and actually stems from where a person gets their energy.  An extroverted child not only enjoys being around other children, but will often get a second wind when at playdates, even if it’s almost naptime or bedtime.

Here are some ways to determine whether your child is an extrovert (E) or introvert (I):

When your child spends time around lots of people, does he come away energized (E) or drained and in need of down time (I)?

Does your child react immediately to new information (E) or need to let it sink in for a while before responding (I)?

Does your child enjoy long periods of playing alone (I)?

Does your child tend to think out loud (E)?

Well, ok, we probably do – but getting the help we need may not be pleasant.  Few things create battle lines between youngsters and parents more quickly than this particular topic, which I’ll get to shortly.

First, welcome to the new weekly format!  I’m a blogging newbie, but I’ve written for this site for over a year, so this blog is really a change in venue rather than a change in content.  There will still be new topics and new assignments each week, but now columns will be easier to find, and archives easier to browse.  My articles from 2008 through May, 2009 can be found here.

So back to the chore, I mean task, at hand.  Getting most children to do chores, at any age, is a challenge.  When kids are little, parents have to do everything – this works well for the child, who would prefer that this arrangement never end.  Around the age of 2 or 3, however, a child is old enough to start participating in household upkeep himself, and the sooner you involve a child in chores, the less resistance you’re likely to get.

Here are some things to ponder as you decide the who, what and when of chores:

What can your children realistically do?

For very young children, chores are more about “helping” you and being involved than about the chores themselves, but you can still find simple tasks for little ones to do.  Many 2-year-olds can manage a small broom and dustpan, for example, or help you take clothes from the dryer and match socks.  About.com has a good listing of age-appropriate chores.

What does everyone like to do?

If you have more than one child, try to divide up duties so everyone has a chance to do something they enjoy.  Brushing or feeding pets is usually a desirable job, or maybe you have a child who loves dusting.  If everyone gets at least one chore they like, you’ll hear less complaining.

How reasonable are your standards?

It can be easy to forget that “simple” (to us) tasks aren’t so easy when you’re little.  Try not to correct constantly, but rather to offer occasional guidance and go back later, if you must, to re-do it yourself.  If a child feels that her best attempt can’t make you happy, she’ll lose interest in helping at all.

How structured do you want to be?

Some parents monitor chores daily, some weekly, and some only when a particular task needs to be done.  Many children enjoy some kind of chart, either to remind them what needs to be done or to be decorated with a sticker or star when chores are completed.  There are many free downloadable charts online; click here for one site with several to choose from for varied ages and needs.

How much help do you really need?

If your children are in grade school (or above), and/or you’re working, help with chores may be a necessity.  Look for areas where you especially need some extra hands, and start delegating.

To pay or not to pay?

That is a big question.  You could argue that paying a child directly for chores takes away the intrinsic enjoyment and makes the tasks only about money, while others will tell you that paying a child reflects a good work ethic, teaching that one gets paid based on what one does.  A chore chart can be a happy medium, offering an occasional reward for several days of completed chores, or a daily allotment of M&M’s if you’d prefer.

Is your husband on board?

Teaching kids about chores will be tremendously easier if you and your partner are on the same page with expectations and enforcement.  This is one area where the kids need to see a united front, or everyone will end up unhappy.

Are you setting the right example?

If you want your kids to make their beds every day, be sure yours is made too.  They’ll see chores as more of a regular and expected part of life when they see you regularly modeling whatever tasks you’re asking of them.

Your assignment:  Look at your own chore situation.  If you could use a bit more help, or if it’s just time to give your kids a little more to do, consider how you could add a new task or two into their routine.

Ready to take the assignment?  Want to talk about this?  Share your ideas and thoughts at the M.O.M. Balance Forum.