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How do you deal with bullies?
Question of the day - How do you deal with bullies and how do you discuss it with your kids? My daughter is in kindergarten this year and it is fabulous. We love her teachers, her school, and her class. My husband and I and Natalie are very happy with our luck! But, there is a little girl in the other afternoon kindergarten class (there is two) who is not a very nice girl. She actually used to live on our street and my daughter played with her when they were very little. Unfortunately the mean little girl, we'll just call her the Bully, was a little too grown up for our tastes at that age and we stopped letting our daughter play with her. The bully said bad words, really bad words. She also talked about inappropriate and private things. She also made threats like "if you don't do what I say I will hate you forever and not be your friend" But the worst part is that she always encouraged our daughter to break the rules and do naughty things on purpose! So we have avoided the Bully for the most of the past two years... and it has helped that they have since moved out of our neighborhood. But now they Bully is on the playground at school at the same time as my daughter. My daughter was so excited to see her again ... but the Bully is already causing problems. My daughter has come home from school upset becuse the Bully is telling and encouraging her to be mean to other kids and exclude them from games etc. and when my daughter says no the Bully yells at her and threatens her to hate her and not be her friend ... even better today she told my daughter that "everyone does what I say and if you don't no one will like you." We sat our daughter down and discussed with her our policies - that we are nice and we include everyone because it is no fun to have hurt feelings. We told her to stop playing with the Bully if she is being mean or naughty and that when she tells you to do something just say no thank you. We tried this today for the first time and the Bully yelled and stomped around and threatened - but it actually seemed to make her powerless and to diffuse her reign a bit. So, on that note ... How do you recommend dealing with Bullies? 3 comments from 3 users
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posted by
hmoeckli
on Sep 26, 2008 at 07:41 PM
posted by
teacheroftwos
on Sep 28, 2008 at 04:27 PM
I agree with hmoeckli! I also depending on your daighters age would ask her questions, such as what do you think you could do about this situation? Hand the problem back to her, you are not always going to be there to bail her out of a bully situation, so teaching her how to problem solve for herself will be the most powerful tool! Good luck and I hope this helps!
posted by
theurbanmom
on Oct 3, 2008 at 04:40 AM
Relate your feelings to the mom you reported about on May 5 who was upset about how your daughter spoke to her daughter. Now you are the mom of an affected child. Kids hurt each other with words and worse. There needs to be some real problem solving skills taught to kids and in addition to that accountability for the bully - real consequences.
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1. Heavy guidance with your daughter (as it sounds like you are doing.) I highly recommend role-playing: What would you say if she did this...., etc.
2. Keep the teacher's apprised of the situation: a simple email, phone call would be great. So often we have no idea what's going on.
3. Do not be afraid to get persistent with the administrator. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. If this problem continues, be on campus as much as you can.
I think it is great to teach kids strategies for dealing with unpleasant and mean people. You are doing a great job. :)