HomeFull Moons and Safety Glass
Full Moons and Safety Glass
Balancing money, time, self, and family
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Let Me Count the Ways
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Divide and Conquer
This weekend we had a divide and conquer weekend. Two kids. Two parents.
Friday night there was the going away barbeque for our friends Elyse and Josh. At the midtown park with their late twentysomething friends Paul and I overcompensated for our ages (43 and 35 respectively) by chasing after our kids. Ava in one direction, Carmen in another. And so…Amanda in one direction, Paul in another. Saturday morning, same story. I took Carmen to a play date and Paul took Ava grocery shopping. Saturday afternoon, all four of us headed to a karate birthday party. Of course, Carmen remained freaked out by the scary sensei teacher in all black and the wireless headset mic. Ava sat captivated the entire time. So, Paul comforted a terrified Carmen, clutching his neck and I sat on the mat with Ava--incredulously watching her focus and listen to every word the teacher said. (I say incredulously because I can’t get her to listen or focus to anything I say or do—oh how I wished for an all-black sensei outfit and a wireless headset mic). And so…Amanda in one direction, Paul in another. Sunday morning, same story. Paul took Ava fishing on the sailboat and I took Carmen on a five-mile walk on the bike path. When we all sat down for dinner tonight we talked about our weekend. Having only gotten the big picture overview before, I learned about the details of everything Paul and Ava had done. Then Carmen and I (heavy on the “I”) recounted our shared adventures. Paul asked if everyone had a good weekend and everyone agreed that they had. It occurred to me that on the surface it might seem like we had divided into camps for the weekend’s activities. Truth be told, at the moment the girls are easier to take one-on-one. If they aren’t together they can’t bicker, they can’t feed off of each other’s whining, and they don’t simultaneously need help with empty cups, poopy pants, or lost toys. Now, usually I would have felt something close to guilt about this arrangement. I normally would have felt like I needed to be consistently loving and enjoying each of my daughters equally. But instead, this weekend I didn’t feel guilty. In fact, this weekend I really enjoyed the girls. Here’s what happened…because the two girls spent periods of time apart they were (shockingly) delighted and delightful when spending time together. Saturday night when our friends came over with their 3-year-old son…I swear, we hardly saw the kids at all (they were off in some make-believe world of pirates for nearly 2 hours). Most importantly, though, Paul and I each got some quality time with each of the girls one-on-one. I had this weird sensory memory today at the park with Carmen what it was like when it was just Ava…I wasn’t trying to navigate through two simultaneous conversations and I wasn’t on my feet all day fetching and responding to a constant barrage of requests. I just played with my kid. Paul did the same thing, and it was really, really nice. And so now, with both kids asleep early (they totally wore themselves out), I am going to go and try and plan a little one-on-one with Paul. 4 comments from 4 users
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posted by
kellimwheeler
on Jun 8, 2008 at 10:58 PM
posted by
AmandaS
on Jun 9, 2008 at 07:07 AM
HA! That is EXACTLY what Paul and I said the "zone defense" thing. You probably are right about the gender thing. I never thought about it.
posted by
creatress
on Jun 9, 2008 at 09:17 AM
Sounds like one GREAT weekend! I think every new mom should get a wireless mic when you're at the hospital. What a great "welcome to motherhood" gift that would be. A real voice saver too. I bet this weekend made you happy to have a partner. posted by
hmoeckli
on Jun 9, 2008 at 09:25 AM
Sounds like a tiring but really fun weekend. I will remember this post when we think of having another child.And, hey, who's that cute little kid with Carmen? And who's wearing those crazy blue pants!? :)
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Isn't it funny, if you had a son and daughter it somehow would have seemed less guilt free to have split into boys and girls adventures. Well, no matter which way you sliced it, it sounded like a great weekend.
BTW, we only have two kids because Hubby and I decided we are much better at man-to-man coverage than zone defense.